16 weeks and going through divorce

sherbear09 · September 2015

hey guys ...so i left my abusive husband a year and a half ago i am now 16 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend:) ..i filed for divorce and half of the joint bank account when we first seperated..anyways he wouldnt take the papers and its taken this long to serve him..he agrees to divorce part but is disputing the money part..now i have court with him on Nov 2 ...i dont have a laywer..this whole thing is SO stressful if i had known it would have dragged out i woulda just filed for divorce and let him have everything:(....im so stresssed and i dont talk to my boyfriend abot it because i feel like it tarnishs us:( now instead of being excited and baby crazy all i can think about is the impending court date

i feel like giving up

notasycophant · September 2015

Firstly, congratulations on your baby ! I'm sorry you're going through such a stressful period in your life but leaving your abusive marriage is the best thing you could have done. I would encourage you to lean on your bf for support. I understand that you may feel it tarnishes your new family unit bringing up and dealing with the past, but I think working through these issues will make the both of you stronger. Two heads are better than one, and your bf might have some great input. Wishing you luck on your upcoming court date. Stay strong.

wineaddict · September 2015

Sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are in a good relationship now and that will help get you through

You'll be happier about baby when things seem more real. It's hard at first. Hang in there.

sherbear09 · September 2015

Thanks ladies ...im excited for baby but this is really stressful

Fullerj21 · September 2015

Hi there! I work in family law and I know these things are very stressful. I'm not sure what state you are in, but in Southern CA most family courts have self help offices with attorneys and paralegals who can help you for free. They may be able to take a look at your case and just make sure you are prepared and have all of the right documents filed before your hearing. Knowing that you are prepared may ease your stress. Hope this helps!

moomee · September 2015

I'm in the same boat. *hugs*

NCmama1203 · September 2015

Not in an abusive relationship but my marriage is crumbling so I understand the stress. It's hard to focus on baby. My OB referred me to talk to a therapist on my own. Maybe this could help you too. Hugs to you.

sherbear09 · September 2015

sorry To hear about you ladies with similiar issues

.....i just had a doc app and she said im not gaining any weight...dont really know why i feel like i eat enough..

jaimeruns · September 2015

I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time. When I divorced my ex husband I went through a similar situation. He refused to sign papers and it took several extra months (on top of the 6 month waiting period in CA). Thankfully since he didn't sign, everything went to me (although I gave him back a lot not stuff anyway). But my problem with him was that he tried to come after me for money, because I'm in the military and there is a law for us that we have to support our dependents. He tried calling my first sergeant, who just laughed at him when he found out he was living with his mom and refusing to work. He tried to go to Air Force legal too, and file a case against me. He was unsuccessful, but it was really stressful to go through it.

I know what you mean about not talking with your SO about it- I was dating my current husband toward the end of my divorce waiting period, and it was hard for me to talk about with him. But when I did open up, he was really supportive. I know it's hard, but maybe try sharing your frustrations with your SO, I have a feeling he will be supportive of you and make you feel safe and secure. Just try to remain positive and think about how much better life is with this person on his way out of it, and a beautiful new little one on their way in. Hugs!

krissyandfrank · September 2015

My husband left me today . We have a 2 year old daughter and a son on the way and it's super stressful especially since I can't work since I'm high risk and have no idea how I'll pay my bills but just breathe the worst they can say is no To the money and court really isn't that bad if your honest. I wish you the best of luck! And congrats on the little one

aolinn1 · September 2015

I just finally got out of my abusive marriage with my ex husband. I didn't have an attorney either and we came to an agreement of shared parenting for my four year old daughter. I waited months before even getting a court date. And now, my boyfriend and I are expecting a baby girl in February and had to make sure he didn't find out so that everything we agreed upon stayed the same. It has been the most stressful couple of month I've ever imagined, but as long as you keep pushing forward and not give up you will make it to where you want to be. And the feeling of officially being divorced is so freeing! So from my experience I would have to just say that no matter how bad it seems you have to keep up your faith that it will all work out in the end! Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! I'm extremely excited for my second baby girl to arrive! Best of luck to you on this journey!

jaimeruns · September 2015

@krissyandfrank I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be, especially pregnant. Prayers for you!

sherbear09 · September 2015

Thanks everyone! Looks like im not alone:) wishing you all the best as well

notasycophant · September 2015

@krissyandfrank , is there any hope for reconciliation at this point? Keeping you both in my thoughts. Stay strong for your little ones.

geojam224 · September 2015

No advice or experience but i wanted to aay I'm so sorry to hear about all of you having relationship problems. Stay strong for your little ones and kudos for getting out of an unhealthy relationship. Demand respect and shoe your LO what real love is.

g8trkim · September 2015

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this but you should be proud of yourself for leaving an abusive relationship. It's very brave! Let your bf support you. You need it. One day this will all be a distant memory and you will have a beautiful baby to love. Best wishes!

sherbear09 · September 2015

Thanks alot! Im just gonna push it aside till the court date comes, cant change it so why let it affect me

OctoberStars · September 2015

My husband and I started dating while he was trying to finalize his divorce. He tried to shield me from it, but honestly it made us feel closer to have him lean on me for support. Helping him get through that part of his life made our future that much closer to reality. If he's uncomfortable hearing about it I would find legal counsel as pp have suggested. However if he's fine with it, then it may be beneficial to your relationship to lean on him.

LEAA14 · September 2015

I second the PP who suggested looking into what your state offers for legal services (full disclosure: I'm also a lawyer, just not family law), or if you think you can afford one looking into getting one. This is clearly causing you a lot of stress and it might be helpful to have someone who is familiar with the system helping you out and carrying some of the stress for you. Lawyering up is not a cure-all, but having someone else to talk to about this an help you through it is helpful to a lot of people.

DaisyTortilla · September 2015

I'm sorry that you're going through that. It's a very tough and stressful situation. I was in your exact situation, I was scared! I was not allowed to be pregnant during the divorce process, I managed to hide my belly on court day. Hope your situation gets better.

sherbear09 · September 2015

Yeah, unfortunately cannot afford a laywer and in canada you cant get legal aid for divorce if theres no children involved.it sucks but i think ill be ok just gotta stay strong and not stress for my little one

DrillSergeantCat · September 2015

sherbear09 said:

Yeah, unfortunately cannot afford a laywer and in canada you cant get legal aid for divorce if theres no children involved.it sucks but i think ill be ok just gotta stay strong and not stress for my little one

Do they not consider it with a child involved since you're pregnant? There will be custody issues.

inomniaparatus · September 2015

DrillSergeantCat said:

sherbear09 said:

Yeah, unfortunately cannot afford a laywer and in canada you cant get legal aid for divorce if theres no children involved.it sucks but i think ill be ok just gotta stay strong and not stress for my little one

Do they not consider it with a child involved since you're pregnant? There will be custody issues.

I think she has the child is with her new boyfriend, not her ex

DrillSergeantCat · September 2015

inomniaparatus said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

sherbear09 said:

Yeah, unfortunately cannot afford a laywer and in canada you cant get legal aid for divorce if theres no children involved.it sucks but i think ill be ok just gotta stay strong and not stress for my little one

Do they not consider it with a child involved since you're pregnant? There will be custody issues.

I think she has the child is with her new boyfriend, not her ex

Yup. You're right. I forgot that part.

lubaTO · September 2015

I am also from Canada - Toronto

I went through a divorce that was just finalized so if I can offer any help let me know. We did our own separation agreement and had it notarized by a lawyer. No kids and we had property together. I left him the house and didn't really fight a lot on money issues, because I just wanted it to be over.

Don't despair. This will pass and it will feel like a distant dream. Confide in your BF and seek his help. Men like helping usually

Life is Exciting · September 2015

What a crappy time to have to deal with this. Glad you got away from the abusive relationship!

brushesnbrunch · September 2015

DaisyTortilla said:

I'm sorry that you're going through that. It's a very tough and stressful situation. I was in your exact situation, I was scared! I was not allowed to be pregnant during the divorce process, I managed to hide my belly on court day. Hope your situation gets better.

Why can't you be pregnant during a divorce process?

notasycophant · September 2015

@brushesnbrunch , archaic infidelity laws I suppose? They're pretty prevalent in most countries that adopted the british system of law. I have no clue when it comes to the American legal system, but I'm guessing it's something similar perhaps?

Edit: english is hard.

brushesnbrunch · September 2015

notasycophant said:
@brushesnbrunch , archaic infidelity laws I suppose? They're pretty prevalent in most countries that adopted the british system of law. I have no clue when it comes to the American legal system, but I'm guessing it's something similar perhaps?

Edit: english is hard.

That's bananas! It's 2015 for chrissakes!

DrillSergeantCat · September 2015

notasycophant said:

@brushesnbrunch , archaic infidelity laws I suppose? They're pretty prevalent in most countries that adopted the british system of law. I have no clue when it comes to the American legal system, but I'm guessing it's something similar perhaps? Edit: english is hard.

My state has them but they're rarely enforced, if ever. A friend of mine has told her husband that if he ever cheats on him she'll charge him with it. I believe our military system has adultery laws also.

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