Intro - new and overwhelmed

villacis811 · September 2015

Hi ladies,

My DH and I have only been TTC for a few months. Due to me being paranoid due to family history of Infertility I decided to go get checked out. Turned out I have a blocked tube and my DH has low sperm count, low motility and morphology issues. Our RE told us IUI wouldn't help us and we would qualify for IVF. My husband was put on clomid but we weren’t given much hope that the numbers would improve enough. We have decided to begin the IVF process after my next cycle. I also will have to have my tube removed. All these decisions are so overwhelming. I do feel lucky bc my insurance will cover most of the process but I’m worried about telling my job about all the inconvenience it will have on my schedule. I am a teacher that recently returned after having two months off. Unfortunately we didn't get all the information soon enough to have started over the summer. I try to be strong but sometimes I can't help it and I breakdown. I know I have to remain positive and take it one day at a time. I have learned so much through all of your experiences. Does anyone have any suggestions what I should tell my male supervisor? Should I be honest? It will definitely be a very awkward conversation I am not looking forward to. Thank you for your advice.

AdorkablePixie · September 2015

@villacis811 Maybe just tell him that you are going through some medical things and may need to take some time off to have procedures and testing done. I am sorry you have to go through this, none of us should have to. I hope that everything goes smoothly and once you do IVF you get your BFP right away. You're right, you can just take this a day at a time and do what you can. I try to not think about it very much, I know if I do it bums me out a lot.

rachlee2010 · September 2015

It's a tough situation..all of it but working makes it harder. I am also a teacher so I know what the scheduling can be like. I started with treatments (IUI's) over the summer but didn't get a BFP so I warned my principal that I would probably have some days where I need to come in late or take off. I am hoping most of my monitoring appointments won't affect work as I can get the first appointment of the day and still get to work on time if they take me right away at the RE's office. My principal knows we are going through fertility treatments but doesn't know the extent or details. My feeling is my life and having a child is way more important to me than my job (not that I don't care about my job or take it seriously) but my priority is having a baby so I will do what I have to and if she sin't happy, oh well.

villacis811 · September 2015

Thank you ladies! I agree I know my job will just have to understand. Unfortunately even if I can the first appointment I would not make it to work on time. I will probably be having surgery next week to remove my tube so the doctor says I may need a week off for recovery. Nothing about this whole process is easy!

vssbrm · September 2015

Good luck with everything!! I have found that when I provided even a tid-bit of information of what we are going through most people are VERY understanding!
Good luck!!!

HBamama2B · September 2015

It's definitely not easy! My suggestion for when you speak with your boss, however you decide to lay it out either as IVF or a general medical issue (either is ok! Whatever you and your DH are comfortable with!), is to parse it as a temporary issue. It's rare to do back to back Full IVF cycles. So the intense time frame is really a period of three weeks with monitoring every few days and possibly a couple days off for ER and ET depending on your preference and RE recommendations.

Boiling it down: You have a series of procedures with monitoring occurring over a two-three month timeframe. You will need some amount of time off and some amount of either early or late days during that period.

Often giving an end date to the work disruption can help put it in perspective for both you and your boss--you are a permanent employee with a temporary problem. Hopefully this will also help any guilt you may feel at making these necessary demands when at the same time, you truly want to be the best possible employee.

I wish you the best of luck and FX your boss is super supportive and you get your BFP!

Knottie1428107339 · September 2015

This is my first as well. When I started last month I didn't realize how involved it would be. I was going in late and taking off days. I was nervous because I have only been at this job for 3 months. But when I scheduled my time I always put in for medical. And would normally say.. I have follow ups or more blood work needed. Until my supervisor asked me one day if I was okay. That's when I told him. He seemed fine but to be honest I didn't care what he was going to say. I was going to continue regardless. Best wishes on your baby journey!

villacis811 · September 2015

Thank you so much ladies! Tomorrow will be the day I have to tell my job since next week should be my surgery as long as AF comes on time. I have been feeling so lost through this process and it's so great to get so much support from other people.

ErikaMG · September 2015

I would suggest explaining to your supervisor that you are having a medical procedure, and will need a week off for recovery. You don't have to tell them more than that. If they press, you can say it's not life-threatening, and should not be too intrusive beyond the initial procedure, but you will likely have several followup appointments in the coming weeks. It's really none of anyone's business what kind of medical procedure you are having, or whether or not it's voluntary. That said, if you give them too much information, presumptions could be made and it could become very difficult for you down the line. Since you are going to need that medical insurance, I'd strongly suggest erring on the side of caution. You have nothing to lose by being vague.

FX for you, I hope it all goes smoothly and you get your BFP soon!

EllahtheBeaglemom · September 2015

Hello! I work for our local School District (Florida) in the benefits department and we handle the Family Medical Leave Act process. It provides job protection for a serious health condition - having surgery constitutes a serious health condition. If your principal gives you a hard time, contact your benefits/HR to see if they'll put you on Intermittent FMLA (means you take time off on a periodic basis).

Here's the link for the Department of Labor: https://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/

Feel free to ask me any questions on how we administer it for our staff.

riveridgional · September 2015

And, to add to @EllahtheBeaglemom, infertility is considered a disability under the FMLA, so you are entitled to reasonable accommodations. Your employer must know of you disability to accommodate you, however.

villacis811 · September 2015

Thank you for the advice! Hopefully i will only need 1-2 days off from work but my RE said everyone recovers differently. Surgery is on a friday so hopefully I will be able to return to work by Tuesday.

AdorkablePixie · September 2015

GL with your surgery on Friday! I hope all goes well.

villacis811 · September 2015

Thank you @adorakablepixie

AdorkablePixie · September 2015

Let us know how it goes!

pmakrillos · September 2015

@villacis811 Best success! As I noted too in an earlier discussion, this too is something I worry about as I prepare to start my first IVF. ..I think it best in my case not to share my condition w my supervisor as I just started this contract job and feel it would look negative. Yet another challenge trying to hide this, if I pull this off I deserve a Oscar! Trying to fight the fatigue I feel too...so suckey!

villacis811 · September 2015

@pmarkrillos Good luck to you too! Thank you for the advice. @AdorkablePixie I talked to my supervisor, it went a lot easier than expected. I didn't give him any details at all not did he ask. I told him about my surgery to remove my blocked tube next week without telling him what my surgery was for.. I also told him about being late a few mornings next month. He said not to worry about anything and that he would find coverage for me. Thats one less thing to worry about. Now I can concentrate on the actual IVF. I will most likely be starting BCP this weekend.

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