Things you need to give up to start a family

Xstatic3333 · September 2015

Since it's been so active around here (yay!) I wanted to see if anyone is going through something similar to what I am so we can commiserate. This definitely falls into the category of a "first world problem," but it is always on my mind when making our TTC plans. I've mentioned in a few threads that in addition to my full time job, I have a part time job teaching scuba diving. I've done this since college (8 years now) and it is so important to me. The underwater world is amazing, even here in New England, and I love sharing it with people. It's an expensive hobby, but teaching has allowed me to come close to breaking even most years and stay involved.

Diving is not considered safe even in early pregnancy, since being underwater can have unknown effects on the growing fetus. I'm planning to sort of treat it like "drink till it's pink" and test before diving in my TWW since charting is going pretty well for me. However, I want to start TTC in December and my boss makes the next year's teaching schedule starting in October. I don't know how I am going to handle it when she wants to make the schedule. She has been really good to me, and even helped partially subsidize my instructor course, which I wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise. Yesterday she was talking about scheduling a course I really have wanted to take, a Handicapped Scuba certification that would allow me to teach diving to combat veterans, who often find it very helpful with PTSD to spend time underwater. She said they wanted to make sure I could make the course when they scheduled it, and I felt like crap inside knowing that I may not be able to use the rating for a while if I got it. Though H is committed to helping with childcare so I can go back in some capacity once we have a baby, part of me is also afraid that even though the type of diving I do is very safe and low-risk, I'll be too nervous to do it much once my mom instincts kick in and I start worry-spiraling about leaving my baby alone if I had an accident.

I don't want to live like I'm pregnant until I am, and I know it can take up to a year or more, but the upcoming posting of next year's schedule is stressing me out. Taking a year off from diving bums me out in general, although I know it will be worth it. It's just a really big part of my life that will be simply gone for a while, and as excited as I am to TTC it makes me a bit sad.

Anyway, that was my vent. Anyone else have to give up a big part of their life to start a family? How are you planning to deal with it? I'm telling myself I'll have extra time for other hobbies, like making an amazing garden, decorating our home, and hiking.

lotsofsunshine · September 2015

Bless your soul. I can tell you are very passionate about what you do. It sounds amazing. This baby will be number 3 for me so I'm not really having to alter my life much. However, it sounds like you have an awesome boss. Maybe sitting down with her and telling her everything you just told us will help ease your mind. I'm sure she'll be understanding and supportive. Best of luck!

Lysta85 · September 2015

I was thinking of getting my driver license for motorcycle (I'm stuck at traffic every day and motorcycles can continue to ride), but now we wanna start trying in december my bf said that ain't gonna happen. he's working in shifts so I also have to be able to bring our future LO to daycare or pick it up, so we have to keep two cars making a motorcycle needless.

I was also thinking of getting a teacher degree in chemistry since I'm working as a laboratory attendant and I would like to really teach the students instead of just showing up during practical assignments. But then I have to be a full day away from home every week for the next 4 years. And it costs a lot of money. Maybe when our future kids are older, but for now I don't wan't to work for a couple a days a week and getting that degree.

I currently play trumpet in a marching band (but instead marching we're mostly making music in pubs) for fun. Every tuesday night we ave rehearsal and throughout the year performance. My bf told me I have to quit that when the baby is here, because it is pretty time consuming.

What we really have to give up is spontaneous deciding to go to the movies or so. We're goona have to plan a bit more ahead

Hopefully my bf decides to quit smoking. He's already cutting back, but since pretty much everybody in his family and friends are smoking it's not that high on his priority list. But he has never been allowed to smoke inside the house, so that's already covered.

@Xstatic3333 Sounds like your boss is pretty nice, since she subsidized your course and want to make sure you can take the handicapped course. I think she understands it when you talk to her and maybe can help you figure it all out.

jenfarm3 · September 2015

The only thing I can think of (aside from sleep... omg, I love my sleep...) that we will have to give up is, like PP said, spontaneously going to the movies or out for dinner like we do. A lot. It'll just take more planning and coordinating with DH's mom/sister or a babysitter if we want to make it a solo night out. But all that's pretty normal.

bmo88 · September 2015

The only thing I can think of is we will have to figure out and coordinate our schedules better. We both work long hours (7:30am-7:00pm for me; 7:15-6:30pm for DH) and that is not conducive to child care hours. So unless my parents move here, which they are considering, we will have to adjust somehow.

DH plays recreational baseball on the weekend and I occasionally take classes (art, sewing, cooking, DIY projects), but we will probably continue those as they are good stress relievers.

JenandJosh1310 · September 2015

The main things we will need to, and already are, cutting back on are just our hobby purchases. I love vintage clothes and fashion and i am ashamed to say i let my obsession get me a little upside on my finances. You know the whole "ill charge it and pay it off next check"...next check rolled around i didnt sorta deal. Ugh i used to be super frugal so im definitely getting back to that. No "new" vintage since may! Haha its a start. My hubby is a big comic/batman fan so anything related to that he just "has" to buy. We werent considering a child for much of our relationship so now we really have a fire lit to get us stuff in order a bit more. But otherwise we arent extravagant people so just watching our chipotle intake lol and groceries will be the major points.

Xstatic3333 · September 2015

Thank you all, I guess most of us have some hobbies or lifestyle changes we need to focus on! You're right, my boss is super nice, and I should probably just tell her and see whether she'd rather have me available to sub until I'm pregnant, or schedule me and cross that bridge when we get there. She's a mom herself so I think she'll get it. I do hope to get back to it at least somewhat once I'm not pregnant anymore!

@Lysta85 maybe I read you wrong and it's a joint decision, but I don't think your SO should tell you to quit your band! If you want to have the family time instead of course that's valid, but one night a week seems reasonable to me. It sounds like a really fun group!

Lysta85 · September 2015

Xstatic3333 said:
Thank you all, I guess most of us have some hobbies or lifestyle changes we need to focus on! You're right, my boss is super nice, and I should probably just tell her and see whether she'd rather have me available to sub until I'm pregnant, or schedule me and cross that bridge when we get there. She's a mom herself so I think she'll get it. I do hope to get back to it at least somewhat once I'm not pregnant anymore!

@Lysta85 maybe I read you wrong and it's a joint decision, but I don't think your SO should tell you to quit your band! If you want to have the family time instead of course that's valid, but one night a week seems reasonable to me. It sounds like a really fun group!

Edit: Why doesn't the app work properly.
It's not completely his decision alone although I've been thinking of maybe going less often. In december till may i'm performing pretty much at least once a weekend and i also spend a lot of time rewriting music. And hardly ever a thank you. Also some think we should act more like professionals instead of just having fun. And that often gets me frustrated. Thats his main reason why he wants me to quit when we get our LO

Xstatic3333 · September 2015

Lysta85 said:

Xstatic3333 said:
Thank you all, I guess most of us have some hobbies or lifestyle changes we need to focus on! You're right, my boss is super nice, and I should probably just tell her and see whether she'd rather have me available to sub until I'm pregnant, or schedule me and cross that bridge when we get there. She's a mom herself so I think she'll get it. I do hope to get back to it at least somewhat once I'm not pregnant anymore!

@Lysta85 maybe I read you wrong and it's a joint decision, but I don't think your SO should tell you to quit your band! If you want to have the family time instead of course that's valid, but one night a week seems reasonable to me. It sounds like a really fun group!
It's not completely his decision alone although I've been thinking of maybe going

Gotcha. I guess we'll all have to see how these things pan out once the LOs arrive!

HookEmNelson · September 2015

I'm going to be giving up my boobs. It's just a reality I will face. Back to my trusty Medela PISA and being obsessed with my stash.

Joannak91 · September 2015

I'm going to be giving up my precious sleep lol (I love my sleep) DH and I for the most part are home buddies so we don't go out much as is, I think the one thing I'm most stressed/worried about is my work. I'm a full time nanny and my hours are usually (5AM-9PM and DH works 8AM-5PM) the family I nanny for won't mind me bringing the baby but I'm just worried about the sleep schedule for the baby, and to add to that I Work for a dual Military couple and the dad is about to deploy for quite a while. So when duty calls for them duty calls for me.

little_bren · September 2015

Sleep, juggling plans, being able to go places whenever. We have to plan around nap, bedtime.

Xstatic3333 · September 2015

Joannak91 said:
I'm going to be giving up my precious sleep lol (I love my sleep) DH and I for the most part are home buddies so we don't go out much as is, I think the one thing I'm most stressed/worried about is my work. I'm a full time nanny and my hours are usually (5AM-9PM and DH works 8AM-5PM) the family I nanny for won't mind me bringing the baby but I'm just worried about the sleep schedule for the baby, and to add to that I Work for a dual Military couple and the dad is about to deploy for quite a while. So when duty calls for them duty calls for me.

Wow, that does sound rough. Nice that you can bring the baby though!

Hulabalu · September 2015

HookEmNelson said:

I'm going to be giving up my boobs. It's just a reality I will face. Back to my trusty Medela PISA and being obsessed with my stash.

Hahaha, that is so true! I actually think my husband will find it harder than me to give up my boobs. He is used to having them all to himself, and that man loooves the boobies... Might not be as appealing to squeeze them if I'm breastfeeding a LO.

Joannak91 · September 2015

Yes, I'm a bit nervous, thankfully the family is very sweet and I couldn't ask for a better one that's for sure. It will be interesting though because the little guy is 7 years old and has ADD and ADHD as well as some other things.

Although I do feel like it's just a look into my future for what's to come because my DH is ADD and ADHD Lol!

Joannak91 · September 2015

jenfarm3 · September 2015

Just thought of this last night... while enjoying my, pretty much, nightly glass of wine. (It helps me fall asleep like a log.) ... I'll have to temporarily give that up.

Awww...

Xstatic3333 · September 2015

jenfarm3 said:
Just thought of this last night... while enjoying my, pretty much, nightly glass of wine. (It helps me fall asleep like a log.) ... I'll have to temporarily give that up. Awww...

Haha yup, that's a big one! I know small amounts are fine with most docs, but I think for me just stopping will be easier. Maybe a sip of H's beer here and there...

misshopeful1 · September 2015

I was wanting to try roller derby but have put it off since TTC. My friend reminded me life goes on.

MrsRo731 · September 2015

HookEmNelson said:

I'm going to be giving up my boobs. It's just a reality I will face. Back to my trusty Medela PISA and being obsessed with my stash.

Yep! Bye bye boobs, hello sexy pumping bra

). To be honest, mine never really bounced back (see what I did there?) after DD.

Want a personalized experience?

Things you need to give up to start a family

Re: Things you need to give up to start a family

Choose Another Board

Search Boards