First Time Moms - Worries? Fears? Anything Unexpected You Want to Share?

FireInWonderland · September 2015

One of the big things I wasn't prepared for after all the reading I did was the fatigue. And also other moms instantly recognizing my symptoms. My friend gave me a knowing look the other day, but we aren't announcing so I was surprised, and when she asked me what the burping and frequent pee-trips were all about, I said I'd had a lot of coffee and my acid reflux was acting up. She just smiled and told me she would be around when I decided to pick her brain.

But my big worry is that I haven't experienced implantation bleeding - and I still could. I think it would really freak me out! I'm terrified to MC but also tying not to think of it. I just keep looking at the chart dutchlucylu posted and reminding myself we will be okay. But though technically this was our second cycle TTC we didn't really try all that hard last month. It feels like a trap, like it was too easy. Doing our best to just stay positive and focused, though!!!

What about you ladies?

yogahh · September 2015

I think everyone knows my fears; that I might not really be pg even though I have 6 bfps. That's my biggest nagging fear right now, but I know I am being ridic. Once I have my first dr appt I'm sure I will find something else to worry about, as is my nature.

FireInWonderland · September 2015

I hear you. I just got my confirmation yesterday that my betas were rising and everything looked good, which is why I switched from 'am I really preggo?!' To 'I hope I don't MC!!!' FX for your first dr appt to go well!

yogahh · September 2015

FireInWonderland said:
I hear you. I just got my confirmation yesterday that my betas were rising and everything looked good, which is why I switched from 'am I really preggo?!' To 'I hope I don't MC!!!' FX for your first dr appt to go well!

That's great news

FireInWonderland · September 2015

yogahh said:

That's great news

Thank you!

penelope4612 · September 2015

I'm right there with you! I had some brown spotting yesterday and even though I know many to consider that normal, I googled it and am now convinced I have a really high likelihood of miscarriage. Our first ultrasound is in 2 weeks for dating the pregnancy and I'm scared I won't make it that far. I also keep trying to avoid things that will make me cramp (for some reason sleeping on my stomach seems to make me cramp) as if that could somehow prevent me from miscarrying. And I'm hypersensitive to every little abdominal pain. This is the worst.

vinerie · September 2015

I'm scared of being pregnant. I know that sounds weird, but I am. I'm scared of the nausea getting worse, I'm scared of what's going to happen to my body. Mostly, though, I'm scared of what being pregnant will mean for my career. Like a lot of us, I've been really tired and I am also really behind at work. I can't seem to put in the time I need to get back on track. This is overwhelming and makes me stressed which makes the whole process scary, hence my first sentence in this post.

Spylon · September 2015

FireInWonderland said:

One of the big things I wasn't prepared for after all the reading I did was the fatigue. And also other moms instantly recognizing my symptoms. My friend gave me a knowing look the other day, but we aren't announcing so I was surprised, and when she asked me what the burping and frequent pee-trips were all about, I said I'd had a lot of coffee and my acid reflux was acting up. She just smiled and told me she would be around when I decided to pick her brain. But my big worry is that I haven't experienced implantation bleeding - and I still could. I think it would really freak me out! I'm terrified to MC but also tying not to think of it. I just keep looking at the chart dutchlucylu posted and reminding myself we will be okay. But though technically this was our second cycle TTC we didn't really try all that hard last month. It feels like a trap, like it was too easy. Doing our best to just stay positive and focused, though!!! What about you ladies?

YES. I have felt that way since I found out. It was only our second month trying and it seemed like our timing wasn't that great. It seems too good to be true, and I keep feeling every twinge in my abdomen and am convinced I'm going to MC. I really want to fast forward to week 12 so I can rest easier.

dsmith211 · September 2015

vinerie said:
I'm scared of being pregnant. I know that sounds weird, but I am. I'm scared of the nausea getting worse, I'm scared of what's going to happen to my body. Mostly, though, I'm scared of what being pregnant will mean for my career. Like a lot of us, I've been really tired and I am also really behind at work. I can't seem to put in the time I need to get back on track. This is overwhelming and makes me stressed which makes the whole process scary, hence my first sentence in this post.

This. I'm more worried about what this means for my job than actually having the baby itself. I love my job and the people I work with and I worked really hard to get my position. I'd be devastated if anything happened with my situation. It also really doesn't help that I work in a predominantly male type profession heavy on hours/overtime. I am not looking forward to the reactions I'm going to get down the line.

Jparke2 · September 2015

Totally feel the same way about it being "too easy." I fully anticipated this whole process taking months and months (I was afraid I would be infertile) and when it happened our second month trying, I felt like it was too good to be true. That and I felt guilty, knowing so many other people have trouble. So now I'm just waiting for the catch. It's scary!

penelope4612 · September 2015

I agree that I feel like this was too easy (we weren't even sure we were going to try this cycle and then when I got a positive OPK we went for it). So I definitely also have that magical thinking that we didn't try hard enough so there has to be a catch to make things harder.

And I'm also with you all on the career stuff too. I just started my job in July and will go on leave in May. I'm working on a big project that will affect my career down the line (but really no one else's) and being out for 3 months does mean I run the risk of it not being completed on time. Also, I'm worried that everyone who hired me (I work in several different locations) will think I pulled one over on then by getting pregnant right away, or not take me seriously for doing that. But I'm getting too old to wait - we want more than one eventually and I'm already in my 30s.

saladflambe · September 2015

Shockingly, I'm actually quite relaxed about the whole thing. I've spent my whole life terrified of this...now, it feels like a normal thing. Of course, I would be heartbroken if something happened. But, I believe that, if something does happen, it wouldn't be my fault nor would it be anything I could've done anything about. I'm far more scared of actually being a parent. Worried I will not be a good mom. I guess I do have some worries about 3rd trimester and a lot of the illnesses you can get around then (pre-e, HELLP, etc. etc.).

mariaalene · September 2015

So this is actually my 2nd baby. But my first was born at 28 weeks and was 2 lbs so everything's gonna be new this time. At least everything after 28 weeks is new.

I'm gonna be a LARGE pregnant woman this time. I'm gonna have a full size baby. I'm gonna have to take a newborn baby home and figure it out by myself. (The NICU trained my first baby for 3months.) I'm sure it's much easier delivering a 2 lb baby than a 7 lb baby. I'm gonna go through REAL labor this time. ... Well... If all goes right.

Or maybe it's all the same as the first. I just feel ripped off. Like I missed something

mrslampert · September 2015

I had an M/C in December and medical complications in March. Due to the complications this was the first cycle we were told to try. All that keeps running through my head is, "Why don't I have hardly any symptoms? How can I make this little bugger "sticky"? Why do I have to wait until 8 wks to go to the dr? Is this normal? Will another test convince me? Can everyone read my mind and know that I want to tell everyone? How can husband be so calm about all this? Am I really pregnant?"

amber94michelle · September 2015

@vinerie I am totally with you on being scared of being pregnant. I have one class left until I have my nursing license and this exhaustion is killing me lately. I have to nap at least once a day sometimes more. And I'm praying that I don't get nausea and morning sickness because in about a month I'm going to have too much on my plate to be sick.

KyllieThomson · September 2015

I am in total agreement about this being too easy. I got KU first try. Not second cycle. One round of sexy time and it happened.

That is WAY to easy. I keep thinking to myself "people try for years! There must be some kind of catch".

Now I have barely any morning sickness. My only symptoms are a little fatigue, sore boobs and lack of appetite. Which frankly I can live with.

So far this is way to easy and I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out. (So to speak...)

FireInWonderland · September 2015

amber94michelle said:
@vinerie I am totally with you on being scared of being pregnant. I have one class left until I have my nursing license and this exhaustion is killing me lately. I have to nap at least once a day sometimes more. And I'm praying that I don't get nausea and morning sickness because in about a month I'm going to have too much on my plate to be sick.

I was set to start nursing school in the spring but I'm worried my rotations will be difficult with a giant tummy! Wishing you luck!

skiingstark · September 2015

I worry about having mc, right now my timing is perfect and everyone told me you could not time it, so just waiting for it to suck. I am also started to worry about money... babies are soo expensive. Will we be able to afford daycare? I am also worried about having to deal with my symptoms at work too, I am soo worried I will throw up in front of my students.

Nadori90 · September 2015

I am a full time college student, I'm afraid i wont be able to support my baby while i finish school. I am afraid that i'll miscarry, or that the baby wont be healthy. I for the longest time didn't think i could get pregnant. I had been with my boyfriend for a little over a month and out of nowhere a positive pregnancy test. I will need to change my plans about colleges though and probably transfer to a college closer to my hometown so i could take my baby to the best daycare people i know and worked with. I guess my real fear is that the struggle will be too hard. I have an older sister who started school at the same time i did and dropped out because it was too much stress for her with her then 2 kids she has since added a 3rd baby to the mix and doesn't see herself going back to school she has her husband to bring in most of the financial stuff and she also has a job working alongside our mother and maternal aunt. My boyfriend is in school to be a trucker and plans to do local or regional so he could be closer to home when i give birth. I also have an amazing supportive family but i'm still afraid.

wsgjmw1 · September 2015

yogahh said:

I think everyone knows my fears; that I might not really be pg even though I have 6 bfps. That's my biggest nagging fear right now, but I know I am being ridic. Once I have my first dr appt I'm sure I will find something else to worry about, as is my nature.

I am right there with you. I have taken over a dozen pregnancy test with BFPs and I still am super nervous. I don't think the nerves will subside until my first appointment.

Roro214 · September 2015

I am scared of so many things. We weren't even trying. It was a one night slip up where we got a little too high on love at a wedding. I just started my first year of teaching too. I'm worried how my co-workers and students' parents will react. The timing is fantastic because I can have the whole summer too. We're just telling ourselves it was clearly meant to be...it has to be. I'm so worried about MC. I'm constantly second guessing my body. Almost praying for nausea and sore boobs. I'm a bit fatigued but like I said I started school last week. It's been a bit overwheleming to say the least.

rinaroo11 · September 2015

Me and my fiancee were taking ovulation tests for three months but were only together the first day of ovulation in june and july. Technically our first month being able to try was in August, we were together the whole time i was ovulating and we conceived. Its still hard for me to grasp that we basically got it on our first try!

dicegrl84 · September 2015

I feel the same way you ladies do! This is my first pregnancy and we weren't trying (I was on the pill

alaurore17 · September 2015

Reading this has made me feel so much better! I was starting to wonder if I'm alone in feeling scared about these things or if I'm just being dramatic. My poor husband. I keep asking him to reassure me that our baby is ok. I'm nervous about all of it (school, work, life), but especially of having an MC. Just trying to think positively and be patient as we wait for the dating ultrasound in 2 weeks

jjroxtx · September 2015

I am 5 weeks along after our second IUI. Seems too easy and I keep waiting for the bad news. I was totally prepared for 6-8 cycles. Also having work concerns, there is a vague potential for a promotion for me. I am worried about how my pregnancy will impact those chances but then feel quilty about worrying about that. Arg... conflicted feeling!

KKMalinowski · September 2015

jjroxtx said:
I am 5 weeks along after our second IUI. Seems too easy and I keep waiting for the bad news. I was totally prepared for 6-8 cycles. Also having work concerns, there is a vague potential for a promotion for me. I am worried about how my pregnancy will impact those chances but then feel quilty about worrying about that. Arg... conflicted feeling!

Same here with promotion like issues!!!

KKMalinowski · September 2015

I'm worried about timing! We weren't trying but weren't preventing either...

We moved in May so I'll be at my job almost exactly 1 year on my EDD...

We are building a house that should be done late March early April...

My brother graduates highs choose at the end of may (5 hour car ride)

My last semester of grad school is next summer so I really won't get maternity leave especially if I get the promotion I'm hoping on that allows me to do school and work at the same time for clinical rotations.

Also everybody and their dog in my family has a birthday in May...

Here's hoping to a happy baby that wants to arrive a week or two (no more than that) early as opposed to late!!

yogahh · September 2015

Now that I am over worrying if it's real, I've moved on to bigger and better things. Namely MC (which I try not to think about but it's always there) and mostly money. DH and I have good jobs and are well paid, but it's never enough. Daycare in our area starts at $1000 a month. Where are we going to get this money?? Neither one of us are the best at saving, so we need to reign this in. Also our apartment is too small, and we want to buy a house, but don't have enough saved for a down payment . Buying would require moving out of the city. It would be about a hour and a half trip to work for me in each direction. Do I really want to do that everyday and loose family time???! Yeah, there is a lot on my mind.

seabe · September 2015

It's very reassuring to know that these fears/worries are shared! Hugs to all!

I'm worried about MC. Our timing was....weird, and my hcg levels aren't that high, so I don't know if that's an indication of anything. The most likely time we conceived, we used a condom (but were a bit, erm, sloppy) and it should have been a day or so too soon. Assuming something got through, and I ovulated a bit early, that's how it happened. The other option is that I ovulated way late (like almost a week late) because at that point we moved into "whatever happens, happens" mode and ditched the condoms. It just makes me worry that this isn't an actual viable pregnancy.

But given that we weren't really trying, it shouldn't be such a big deal if this doesn't end up being real. Except suddenly this IS a big deal.

I'm also worried about work if I do end up carrying to term. I wasn't expecting this for another 6 months or so, and so the timing doesn't work well with my work schedule. I've got a major project review next week, and this past week I've been super unproductive because I've been super distracted. I'm also in process of interviewing for an intensive 18 month training program through my work, that has required travel every other month or so. There's one session in Vancouver in the middle of May (I live in Florida) that I obviously would't be able to make if I carry to term. I'm going along with it for now as if I'd be able to make all the sessions, but I feel so guilty because there's this chance that I won't be able to participate....

I'm sure everything will work out just fine, it's just this feeling of being in limbo that's killing me!

nerdymama15 · September 2015

Having already had one MC earlier this year, my biggest fear/worry is MC. Especially after being told that my progesterone levels were too low and being put on progesterone to help sustain my current pregnancy. It's like troubles and complications looming right out of the bfp gate. I'm also worried about the diabetes portion of the program. I've read too many things on this website while lurking on other boards about other ladies having a very hard time keeping their sugar levels where they are supposed to be.

Back to the progesterone, what if when I go off of it at the end of the first trimester that the placenta doesn't take over like it is supposed to and I lose that one also? I worry about that and then if that happened then there would be a longer recovery time than last time. And my husband and I are not getting any younger!

Also, as of today, I worry about not being able to find plus sized maternity clothes. Apparently in all the stores I have been in (still have to check out Target as they were rumored to carry them) plus sized maternity clothes don't exist. Frankly, a lot of stores I went into today don't even carry maternity clothes in their store, but online only! I"m like online only! WTF how the F am I supposed to try stuff on to see if it fits. You know since stores for some reason can't have a standard size in clothes across the board. My size clothes depend on which store it is!!!!!!!!!!

It's like agggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

gigirodrig142 · September 2015

Coming online doesn't usually help the fears we all have. As I scroll through all the posts I read about so many that have not had their little bugger stick. I know they post because they are seeking support but for mommies that have not gone through a MC it can be super scary. We just need to attempt our best to stay positive.

Don't get me wrong I am beyond scared. I had blood work drawn and my HCG level is low (@4wks1day). Got results on Friday and go back on Monday for a repeat. First thing I was asked was if I started bleeding. I assume the nurse expects me to MC. So far no bleeding. Mild cramps but I have been having them from before my BFP. Now I am on progesterone too!!

FireInWonderland · September 2015

Things have shifted a little for me and I'm worried the stress of fighting with DH a lot over the past few days is going to cause a MC. I thought we agreed on mostly everything and now I'm finding out otherwise and it's scary. We are going to sit down and talk it out today. But also, I'm scared the pregnancy won't be viable. I keep reminding myself it's a very small percentage that aren't and even if I don't know that statistic for sure I am using that thought to get me through. Last night I had a nightmare that the baby was fine but social workers took it away when I delivered because DH and I were fighting too much. How horrifying! I am at 81.1% today for chances of NOT miscarrying and now I'm worried that the baby will feel my stress this early and come out as neurotic as I currently feel. I need to relax!!! But it's so hard these days.

AliK7151 · September 2015

It's so nice to hear that everyone has similar worries and fears! I'm Due May 1, had a successful first ultrasound, and am still terrified we won't hear a heartbeat in a few weeks when we go to the doctor in October. There is no reason to think I'm going to MC but I have that fear just sitting in my brain at all times.

I also am more exhausted then I ever thought possible. I cried to my DH because I just feel horrible all day every day and the only time I feel better is when I'm laying in bed. It's discouraging! Working 8-5 is near impossible for me right now and I'm worried it won't get easier. No one at work knows so I'm suffering through my misery alone. My hope is that things start looking up in the 2nd tri....gotta say 5 weeks sounds REALLY far away at this point

saladflambe · September 2015

I guess I will share one thing. I shared this with some other people last week and found I wasn't alone. But, one of the things I wasn't expecting is that I do not feel attached to this pregnancy or this baby right now. I am actually kind of depressed and wonder all the time what I've gotten myself into and if I can really handle this. My husband and I are pregnant intentionally and we were in love with this baby before it was even created but now that I'm actually pregnant I'm having a really hard time. Part of this is probably because I had to come off of depression medication when we started trying to get pregnant and while I am in therapy quite often it really isn't helping with this particular issue at all.

I'm hoping that once I hear a heartbeat or feel kicking that maybe I'll feel more attached, but right now I'm actually not enjoying this much at all, and sometimes even wish I wasn't pregnant. Not at all what I expected to be feeling.

JMGenge · September 2015

Hi! My husband just started TTC this month for our first child, and BAM, it happened our first try, so we're in a similar boat! For me, too, it seems like it happened so easily. I'm so thankful since many couples TTC for what seems like forever, but now that I've passed the getting pregnant hurdle, I'm worried about the chance of MC, too. I'm 4 weeks 4 days, and I didn't experience any implantation bleeding, either.. Since I got a positive test at 3 weeks 2 days, I'm thinking I'm just one of those women who didn't experience any implantation bleeding. A week later, I've been cramping quite a bit, every single day, throughout the day, and even at night. I had some intense cramping last night, and I almost started crying because it felt like my period was coming.. I'm getting used to the cramping, and now I'm trying to associate it with being a good thing, instead of trying to think negatively. I realized that what's meant to happen will happen, and I need to have an open mind going through this. It's scary thinking about MC, so I understand completely.

Apahapill · September 2015

Hi Ladies, I agree with the many of you who said fatigue...I am a Grade 1 teacher and I am finding I am absolutely exhausted by the mid-late afternoon and really have zero energy once I get home after school to do anything! All I want to do it go to bed lol...

The other fear I have is miscarrying because my beta started out lower 18, 29, 82, 708.8....The nurse tells me since my last two betas have more than doubled, it's looking like everything will be good, but it's still very scary and I am still nervous...This was our first ever BFP via our first IVF FET cycle and we have no embies left to transfer after this, so I am SO hopeful that we've got a sticky bean

I had some very light, light pink spotting recently, but my nurse assured me this was normal and to only worry if I had bad cramping and bright red period flow, which I didn't....Luckily, I got my beta done again after having that little bit of spotting and it came back at the 708.8 number, but I just find I am always worrying that something is going to go wrong....

We have our first 7 week ultrasound on October 1, so I am anxiously awaiting that appt and crossing my fingers things continue to progress well up to and including then

Knottie47724404 · September 2015

Im worried that I have twins. I don't know why. Grandpa was a twin, and it skipped TWO generations. I have a prenatal exam in October where I would be 9 weeks (4w4d currently), I was stupid and didnt ask about Ultrasounds or anything. I have to wait until October 20th to find out when I get an ultrasound. I'm so very anxious that it hasnt been booked. When did you ladies yet your first ultrasound?

yogahh · September 2015

saladflambe said:

I guess I will share one thing. I shared this with some other people last week and found I wasn't alone. But, one of the things I wasn't expecting is that I do not feel attached to this pregnancy or this baby right now. I am actually kind of depressed and wonder all the time what I've gotten myself into and if I can really handle this. My husband and I are pregnant intentionally and we were in love with this baby before it was even created but now that I'm actually pregnant I'm having a really hard time. Part of this is probably because I had to come off of depression medication when we started trying to get pregnant and while I am in therapy quite often it really isn't helping with this particular issue at all. I'm hoping that once I hear a heartbeat or feel kicking that maybe I'll feel more attached, but right now I'm actually not enjoying this much at all, and sometimes even wish I wasn't pregnant. Not at all what I expected to be feeling.

Did you have your 1st appointment or US yet? I haven't, and can say that until then I am not feeling super attached. Of course I want this baby SO much and would be devistaed if something happened. But right now its such an abstract thing for me. I think seeing my 1st US will make it all the more real, then I can allow myself to start to bond and have that feeling. I don't think you are alone in this thinking though.

saladflambe · September 2015

yogahh said:

saladflambe said:

I guess I will share one thing. I shared this with some other people last week and found I wasn't alone. But, one of the things I wasn't expecting is that I do not feel attached to this pregnancy or this baby right now. I am actually kind of depressed and wonder all the time what I've gotten myself into and if I can really handle this. My husband and I are pregnant intentionally and we were in love with this baby before it was even created but now that I'm actually pregnant I'm having a really hard time. Part of this is probably because I had to come off of depression medication when we started trying to get pregnant and while I am in therapy quite often it really isn't helping with this particular issue at all. I'm hoping that once I hear a heartbeat or feel kicking that maybe I'll feel more attached, but right now I'm actually not enjoying this much at all, and sometimes even wish I wasn't pregnant. Not at all what I expected to be feeling.

Did you have your 1st appointment or US yet? I haven't, and can say that until then I am not feeling super attached. Of course I want this baby SO much and would be devistaed if something happened. But right now its such an abstract thing for me. I think seeing my 1st US will make it all the more real, then I can allow myself to start to bond and have that feeling. I don't think you are alone in this thinking though.

I haven't, but it's not that it doesn't seem real...it seems real. I just don't feel positive things about the baby. I actually did in the beginning, but those feelings have diminished over the last couple of weeks and left behind a lot of depression and, dare I say, resentment. I'm not happy. It's not at all how I'd expected to feel.

amross92014 · September 2015

I am the same way. I am exhausted all the time, feel nauseous all day with 2bfps. Still will feel better after I go to the dr. My husband is giddy, he's so excited and I feel bad because I'm not there yet. Still feels a bit unreal to me. We've been trying and I am happy, but not like how I thought.

Knottie50225459 · September 2015

I'm also exhausted all the time and it's especially hard since my doctor told me not to have more than one small coffe a day. By 3pm I need a nap and no one at work knows. I'm not sure how I will be able to keep it a secret much longer especially since my office often has drinks at 5pm. I have come up with excuses and even gone to the bathroom to pour my glass on wine out but not sure how much longer I can go without anyone knowing. Especially since I work in a very small office. What I'm most scared of tho is that my office is closing in January and I need to find a new job. I'm worried no one is going to want to hire someone who is 4 months pregnant. The timing of my office closing is terrible and even tho i have time to find something the longer it takes, the more noticeable it will be that I'm preggers. I'm sure everything will work out but I'm just worried and my husband is a complete optimist so he's not worried at all. Eek!

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