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October 2015 Moms
Taraw473
member
How do you cope with the last few weeks when your mother has Anxiety Disorder?
Taraw473
member
I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my first baby and to be honest I don't know where else to turn for advice.Ive been so lucky and have had a fantastic pregnancy,no sickness,worked up until my leave date and have felt really good all the way through,but the dominating factor of this entire pregnancy has been my mother.She suffers from depression,panic attacks and an anxiety disorder,from once my husband and I told her we were expecting a baby her condition has steadily worsened,peaking on August 4th when she had a breakdown and believed she was going insane,as my due date approaches she is becoming increasingly worse,panic attacks,nausea,diarrhea,headaches,insomnia,loss of appetite.Her condition is so bad she has refused to leave the house to go and see a doctor so I have to get them to come to her.Yesterday she told me her fear now is that she'll be dead before the baby is born.Im a very strong person but at this stage I have nothing left to give,she's on antidepressants and takes Valium every day,I've had her at counselling,but i don't know what else to do,she told me she wished i hadn't told her I was pregnant and just arrive with a baby one day,which would be impossible as she needs daily care after suffering 2 heart attacks 2 years ago and also she has COPD and emphysema and is on oxygen at home at night.My fear is not for me,whenever I go into labour il get on with it,my fear is that she'll find out im in labour and have another breakdown and also my biggest fear is for my unborn baby who must be feeling the physical and mental demands this whole situation is placing on my body for the last 8 months or so.Has anyone out there any experience with this sort of situation?Thanks x
Best Answers
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Imangan member
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this at such a special time in your life. You sound like an amazingly strong lady and im sure your baby will be too.
My experience is different but I do have a parent who suffered something similar and quite frankly nearly ruined my life by constantly having them as the focus and all the stress and negativity that anxiety brings. I really do not say this lightly because every person , family and situation is different but in the end I had to distant myself from my mother, her negativity and allocation of guilt and blame on me got me to a point where I couldn't look after myself never mind her, I literally had nothing else to give. I'm not suggesting you give up on your mum - I'm only sharing my own experience but possibly distants yourself a little, is there anyone else that could help out to give you a break? Any family that could step in ? Could you reduce the number of visits to her? Is there a social worker/ midwife that could talk to her to try and calm her fears (what is it that she is afraid of about "your pregnancy"??)
Anxiety and depression is a terrible illness but can also make people very self obsessed- this is a very special time for you and It's important that you can take a breath and focus on the positive that's coming your way rather than all the anxiety that's most likely being projected on to you.
I'm not sure if this helps at all, I wish you the very best of luck , your mum is incredibly lucky to have you in her life. - Loading the player...
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CCasey2015 member
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kirsty100 member
This is sort of similar to my dad long story short he did Lot of drugs back in the day, now he is accusing his gf well ex gf of sleeping with all these other men to the point he's stalking her, he calls me about whinging how she's going to sex parties where they have sex with each other blah blah blah, when I tell him this is ridiculous he gets angry and then try's to justify himself more by sending photos of evidence he has, which really isn't it's just weird I've had enough he's called me 3 times tonight telling me names of all the dudes she's having sex with, I try and change the subject and tell him at least he's not with her anymore and he can move forward, mind you he's been doing this for about a 6 months but it's hit its worst now. I've told him he has a problem and he needs to talk to someone but he thinks it's everyone else and it's not even worth fighting about. I honestly feel the same as you im at my wits end and have no idea on how to deal with him anymore. I can't just cut him off he has no family ect but I can be his support person because I know what he's saying isn't true. I know it's all in his head but how do you tell someone that when you have done that already and they still don't see that there the problem??? -
shantyrae member
I'm glad I'm not alone. My mom refuses councelling or meds and instead just doesn't leave her home. We live in the same city and she's been to my house one time when someone brought her, about three years ago. Everything we do (baby showers, for example) requires insane planning and detail for her to consider going - she has to know exits, has to know everyone that will be there, has drinks beforehand and has to have a select person drive her and go a certain route and even then she is a sweaty nervous wreck that keeps everyone else from enoying themselves because she requires so much attention. In short, everything revolves around her. She has zero interest in watching the baby once shes here.... not that she could handle an emergency if one occurred anyway.
I love my mom and all but this pregnancy has made me realize that I just can't let everything revolve around her little bubble anymore. I've noticed myself growing distant slightly lately because I just know our relationship will never be normal and she'll never be able to mentally handle having the baby around or having a normal relationship on ship with her grandaughter! If she won't help herself then I can't help her either anymore.
Sometimes distance is best even though it seems harsh. We can be parents to our parents when we are about to have our own little ones to take care of! -
soverbo75 member
I have a similar situation with my mom. She suffers from anxiety, but refuses to acknowledge it or get help. At my recent baby shower, she got upset with me for how I was doling out leftovers for my sisters & stormed out. My wonderful husband helped her carry her leftovers to the car & she treated him horribly, just saying, "see you later," and zooming off. She normally hugs all of us before she leaves.
Unfortunately she has become someone I don't recognize as my mom. She would never let little things get to her, she was a tough cookie, raising us girls mostly on her own. But her anxiety has gotten awful lately. Since I've become pregnant (I'm currently 33 weeks) I've carefully been distancing myself from her. I cannot deal with her ridiculous little tantrums about how the waiter looked at us while taking our order, then ruining the rest of the meal by not being able to stop talking about it.
My dad passed away when I was 20 y.o. & I went to counseling to help my grieving. The counselor told me something very interesting & important. **You cannot choose your family, however you can choose how they affect your life as an adult. It is okay to distance yourself from a toxic person, even if it is your mom, for your own mental health & the mental health of your unborn baby. It doesn't mean you love then any less or you're giving up on them. There just comes a time when you need to concentrate on yourself...and that is perfectly okay.**
I'm sorry to all of those out there who have similar stories, but take heart. It is perfectly okay & normal to distance yourself from aN unhealthy situation. Look towards the future & the excitement of your brand new baby! Don't let ANYONE take that excitement from you, even if it is your mom acting up.
Re: How do you cope with the last few weeks when your mother has Anxiety Disorder?
Like others have discussed here, distancing myself was the only way to cope with daily life. Your mom might do better once the baby's here, like mine did, but due to the mental health issues she won't be the normal grandma/mom that you wish to have. I work every day to accept my mother's behavior and it's so hard. I truly feel for you.