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August 2015 Moms
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FTM's one and done

netters625netters625 member
in August 2015 Moms
Any other FTM's seriously considering having just the one child. I'm an only child so the idea isn't odd to me. I love my DS but really have a hard time picturing doing any of this for a second time. Maybe a few years will erase some of the trama and stress, but for now I am not so sure that we will be having another. Anyone else feel the same?
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Re: FTM's one and done

  • prpl11butterflyprpl11butterfly member
    DH feels that way since we are counting on having our neice forever (her mom has made very little progress getting on track for the 4.5 years she been with us....) But, I have always wanted 2 of my own and having her cannot erase that need. I love her, but she's not mine and that cannot be changed.
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  • candicejeff2013candicejeff2013 member
    I second that. I can't imagine juggling this with a toddler....being a momma is tough for sure. #:-S
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  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    1 gives us 2 bc of having DSD so we are pretty much done. I kind of would like to have another, but dont really want 3 kids and we discussed and would want to have the other in about 2 years. However, our 3 bedroom house doesnt make room for a 3rd. (The only child in me doesnt want any of my kids sharing rooms.) Anyways, we dont plan on being able to get a new house in that time frame, so game over.
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  • countryrhodes90countryrhodes90 member
    I want to have two children but right now the idea terrifies me. After my rough labor I so don't want to go through it again. But I grew up with an older sister and I really want my little Man to have a sibling... I'm just going to have to wait for the memories of labor to fade. :)
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  • bpwife&mamabpwife&mama member
    I waited 3 years to have another. By then all of this (plus labor, it's true!) will be a distant memory.
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  • raelynch87raelynch87 member
    I'm an only so I first hand experienced the benefits. I was left without parents as a very young adult so I know the downfalls too. I hate thinking about my sweet girl without any family but we would be able to travel more and give her more opportunities if it was just her. If we have a second we'd start trying around LO's first birthday so they'd be 2 years apart so we have some time to think about it.
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  • sandrabrookesandrabrooke member
    I think we'll definitely have two, but right now the idea is SO daunting.  I'm guessing we'll wait two years to try again so we can soak up all the time with our first!  

    I have two major reasons I want more than one: 1) I don't want her to carry the burden alone when we die.  and 2) Everyone I've ever met that has kids (who are now adults) wish they had more.  They just were so exhausted/tired at the time they didn't want to start over.  
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  • gulimzgulimz member
    J&D2007 said:

    We are one and done, but not by choice. It took us 7 years and $100,000 to get this little guy. I am going to treasure every moment, even though some are very rough because this won't happen for me again. We would have loved another and adoption isn't completely out of the picture..


    Ivf??? I ask because mine roughly cost on the upwards of 75k.
    I'm thinking about 1 and done but I have 6 more frozen embryos...... decisions decisions .....
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  • JSmith42514JSmith42514 member
    I agree with PP with saying I can't imagine having a toddler right now plus the newborn. However I am an only child and I do suffer from only child syndrome (it's a thing, google it) and I don't want my LO to turn out like me. On the other hand my baby weighed 11lbs7oz when she was born and the 3rd trimester was absolute hell for me, do I really want to do that again? I guess time will tell.

    Me: 25 DH: 27

    Married: April 25th, 2014

    DD #1: August 20th, 2015
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  • bhargrave88bhargrave88 member
    I was a one and done when our daughter was diagnosed with autism, shortly after I had my whole cervical cancer ordeal. We wanted to focus on getting DD the best therapy possible and couldn't afford it if we had another. And I couldn't imagine myself as a "mother of 2". DD1 was a rough baby to begin with, and after her autism diagnosis, I knew I was done but I didn't hunk I could have anymore after my cancer anyway

    Imagine my surprise when I sat 11 months after having my LEEP, with a positive test in my hand all because I had a "feeling" like I should test.

    It's tough. Dd1 is turning 3 next month. But I couldn't imagine life any different. And if something happens to me or their daddy, they have each other
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    Yes! My DH wants more but he doesn't do jack squat to help me. I can't imagine this again. But I'm sure we will. As PP said I don't want her to have to take care of us all by herself and have to deal with things alone when we're gone.
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  • nakoppelnakoppel member
    We are deff one and done. I have a step daughter so we basically have two but I really have 0 desire to do this again. My DH is suppose to be getting fixed too.
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  • mlindonmlindon member
    J&D2007 said:

    We are one and done, but not by choice. It took us 7 years and $100,000 to get this little guy. I am going to treasure every moment, even though some are very rough because this won't happen for me again. We would have loved another and adoption isn't completely out of the picture..

    It took us 4 years and about 50k to have our princess. We have two frozen embies. DH and I are older and we both feel like if we want more we need to do it as soon as we can. I can't imagine having another baby or two so soon and I want to give our little girl all the attention she deserves but I also feel our frozen embies deserve a chance at life. If the FET isn't successful I don't plan to try anymore.
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  • BosloveBoslove member
    As pp said it's easier to say your one n done now, but after you forget labor pain and sleepless nights it's easy to get baby fever. That's what happened with me at least.



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  • julesventurajulesventura member
    After I had my oldest I thought the same. I'm one and done! But 4 years later, surprise! We used protection and were being really careful but we still wound up with #2. I hate being pregnant and I had to have another csection but once our little man was in our lives I couldn't imagine life without him. I was happy with 2 kids for 6 years. Then one day I started thinking the kids are getting older and I grew up with 2 brothers. Everyone I knew had 3 kids too. Then my BIL and his wife had their 3rd baby. Omg when I held their baby it kind of sealed the deal for me. Hubs is one of 4 so he was always on board with having just one more. Now we have our precious 4 week old baby and although it was literally starting from scratch I wouldn't change a thing! Pregnancy still sucked for me and I'm still recovering from a 3rd csection...but I love my baby and her brother and sister love her to pieces!

    Sorry it's so long, I guess I'm just saying you could always change your mind later on down the road! :)
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  • cseley321cseley321 member
    I'm in the same IVF boat. I have 3 more embryos and I'm going to go try again as soon as I get cleared and hopefully end up with a boy so we can have a boy and a girl. However this all depends on whether our insurance is still the same when it comes time to try again. My husband works in the oil and gas industry so things can change quickly concerning layoffs. If we can't get coverage, we are not planning to have more unless it happens naturally.
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  • jlsweetsjlsweets member
    You could eSik
    mlindon said:

    J&D2007 said:

    We are one and done, but not by choice. It took us 7 years and $100,000 to get this little guy. I am going to treasure every moment, even though some are very rough because this won't happen for me again. We would have loved another and adoption isn't completely out of the picture..

    It took us 4 years and about 50k to have our princess. We have two frozen embies. DH and I are older and we both feel like if we want more we need to do it as soon as we can. I can't imagine having another baby or two so soon and I want to give our little girl all the attention she deserves but I also feel our frozen embies deserve a chance at life. If the FET isn't successful I don't plan to try anymore.
    You can always donate! My sister is currently going through embryo adoption. She got pregnant after the first transfer in July but unfortunately miscarried. They are now in their second attempt at embroy transfer. They are so thankful to the couple who decided to donate their embroys, as this is their only way of being able to get pregnant. Obviously I can imagine that is an incredibly hard decision made by the parents, but an option!
    Congrats to all the IVF mamas! :)

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  • emmacake08emmacake08 member
    Yes, congrats to all the IVF mamas. I never had to go to IVF because my IUI was successful but I can only imagine the strength needed to go through multiple cycles. @J&D2007 that's so amazing and unusual to conceive naturally after all that! Wow!

    Just so you know I was told by my RE that it was highly unlikely I would ever naturally conceive. We never used protection after the twins and I got pregnant after my first cycle 11 months PP with this LO. You just never know... I was shocked
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  • jesselayne8jesselayne8 member
    emmacake08 said:

    Yes, congrats to all the IVF mamas. I never had to go to IVF because my IUI was successful but I can only imagine the strength needed to go through multiple cycles. @J&D2007 that's so amazing and unusual to conceive naturally after all that! Wow!

    Just so you know I was told by my RE that it was highly unlikely I would ever naturally conceive. We never used protection after the twins and I got pregnant after my first cycle 11 months PP with this LO. You just never know... I was shocked

    We were told we had a 1% chance of conceiving naturally. Our first child was conceived during our 5th medicated cycle which was our 3rd IUI. We have conceived 2 kids spontaneously since then. There are surprise BFPs on the SAIF board all the time!


    TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!!  Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui) 
    #1 born December 2011
    TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
    #2 born May 2013
    TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
    #3 born August 2015 
    #4!!!!!!! due June 2017 
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  • usernameneededallaretakenusernameneededallaretaken member
    I never intended on having children. My husband always hunkered the idea. It took me a while to accept the fact that I was pregnant when we found out (after years of being on BC with no changes, no antibiotics or illnesses, no clear reason for it to have failed). I was miserable throughout pregnancy and had a rough delivery. Even before DS was born I said no more. DH is an only child and fine with having only one.

    I love my son, but I haven't managed to say he is the best thing ever, that I've never been more in love, or that he has made our family complete. I will never let him know that, but DH and I finally admitted to one another a few days ago that if someone came to our door today and said, "just kidding. We'll take him now" we wouldn't look back. We weren't expecting to be parents and I don't think we were emotionally prepared. Like I said, DS is loved and well-cared for, but we know he is the one and only. So much so, that DH and I are now terrified of sex due to the chance of pregnancy even with BC. One or both of us will be "fixed" as soon as we can afford it.
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  • kettlekittenkettlekitten member
    I wouldn't even bother thinking about it now. There's no point unless you want two babies really close together. It does get so so much easier after a while, which is the only reason I ended up having a second. If you asked me when my DD was 4 weeks old if I would have another kid, I would have told you I would rather die. So I totally understand where you are at @usernameneededallaretaken!! Yet here I am with two kids, and strangely, it is easier at this stage with the two of them than it was with one DD! I don't know how that works but I'm happy about it.

    Nothing wrong with having only one kid. Just tell people to bugger off if they hassle you about it ;) I'm definitely two and done - I think it helps to know I never have to go through any of these stages ever again :)
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  • countryrhodes90countryrhodes90 member
    Miz_Liz said:

    The horrors do fade...and as your baby becomes more independent it gets easier. Having a 2nd does change your world ( just like 1 does), but like anything else with being a mom - you just figure it out. For me I think about when DH and I are gone, I would never want DS to be alone. I also grew up with a big family and I want that for my kids and their kids (if they were an only child and marry an only child, their babies wouldn't have any aunts/uncles/cousins!). My advise: don't make the decision now. Don't even think about it if it freaks you out. Wait a year then revisit the idea.

    Once again miz liz has great advice! :-)
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  • mlindonmlindon member
    Crystal321 said:

    I'm in the same IVF boat. I have 3 more embryos and I'm going to go try again as soon as I get cleared and hopefully end up with a boy so we can have a boy and a girl. However this all depends on whether our insurance is still the same when it comes time to try again. My husband works in the oil and gas industry so things can change quickly concerning layoffs. If we can't get coverage, we are not planning to have more unless it happens naturally.

    You may already know this but FET is significantly easier and less expensive than IVF fresh cycle. You may be able to afford it even without insurance.
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  • shaunnar053shaunnar053 member
    My parents had my brother and I 8 years apart. We're really close and because my brother was so much older than me he helped my mom out A LOT with taking care of me, and we never fought (I'm guessing because I was so much younger than him). If we do ever have another child, we'll do what my parents did and have them further apart. However, we're planning on no more children. My fiance and I both really wanted a son, and we got our perfect little boy with this pregnancy, so right now neither of us feel the need to have another child. We're so blessed already.
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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    I was *one and done* after my son. Yea.....shit changes.

    So, never say never.
        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • cseley321cseley321 member
    mlindon said:

    Crystal321 said:

    I'm in the same IVF boat. I have 3 more embryos and I'm going to go try again as soon as I get cleared and hopefully end up with a boy so we can have a boy and a girl. However this all depends on whether our insurance is still the same when it comes time to try again. My husband works in the oil and gas industry so things can change quickly concerning layoffs. If we can't get coverage, we are not planning to have more unless it happens naturally.

    You may already know this but FET is significantly easier and less expensive than IVF fresh cycle. You may be able to afford it even without insurance.
    Yeah I meant no fresh cycle :) We plan to use the ones we have left. We were successful on the first try with IVF after 6 failed IUI treatments. Our insurance thankfully covers IVF but requires the 6 IUI cycles before they approve for IVF. We were truly blessed to get covered to have our daughter, but I would not pay out of pocket to do it all over again for a second child if we were doing a frsh cycle from scratch.
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  • JNOVA2015JNOVA2015 member
    We definitely aren't one and done. We are thinking of trying for #2 when #1 is a year. We put off kids for a while so I could get my career established, and so now we are looking at having them close together so that we can have 3 before 35 if we decide we want 3. We'll see how 2 goes though....
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  • diesel115diesel115 member
    gmd88 said:

    I'm so one and done. I kind of thought that before having a pregnancy that I really didn't enjoy and the stress of a newborn. Everyone tries to make you feel guilty and insists you'll chance your mind I've found but I'm not caving. They're not the ones growing and raising the child. I'm at peace with it. We'll just tell him he was so perfect we didn't need another ;) and he can bring a friend when we do things and go places

    This! DH and I knew from day one that we only wanted one child. Everyone who hears us say that insists we will change our minds like having only one is some sort of shortcoming that reflects badly on us as people or parents. Big families aren't for everyone and we are happy with our decision!
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  • Jenni329Jenni329 member
    I can't wait until I can have another and felt that way within a couple of days of having dd despite the tearing and pain after the birth. Her birth itself was so quick that it passed in a blur of gas and air fuzziness so I was really lucky. the last month of pregnancy was definitely a big struggle and labour was a bit of a shock but I couldn't imagine her being on her own. Dh was an only child and really hated it whereas I had my sister and wouldn't be without her. We'll wait until next summer or the one after so I don't have to go through another summer heavily pregnant but im looking forward to it. I can't wait to hear the sound of my babies playing and giggling together even if they are being naughty together. :)
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  • mlindonmlindon member
    Crystal321 said:

    mlindon said:

    Crystal321 said:

    I'm in the same IVF boat. I have 3 more embryos and I'm going to go try again as soon as I get cleared and hopefully end up with a boy so we can have a boy and a girl. However this all depends on whether our insurance is still the same when it comes time to try again. My husband works in the oil and gas industry so things can change quickly concerning layoffs. If we can't get coverage, we are not planning to have more unless it happens naturally.

    You may already know this but FET is significantly easier and less expensive than IVF fresh cycle. You may be able to afford it even without insurance.
    Yeah I meant no fresh cycle :) We plan to use the ones we have left. We were successful on the first try with IVF after 6 failed IUI treatments. Our insurance thankfully covers IVF but requires the 6 IUI cycles before they approve for IVF. We were truly blessed to get covered to have our daughter, but I would not pay out of pocket to do it all over again for a second child if we were doing a frsh cycle from scratch.
    My insurance would cover if the issue was with me but wouldn't cover for male factor. I would have had to do 6 IUI cycles with donor (12 if I was under 35) before they would cover ivf. What kind if policy is that.
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  • gmd88gmd88 member
    Amen, @diesel115
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  • emshredderemshredder member
    I was unsure about having another but after having this one I can't imagine never being pregnant or having a sibling for my baby. I loved being pregnant and would be a surrogate if the emotional attachment wouldn't be so hard on me.
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  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    emilyshredder said:

    I was unsure about having another but after having this one I can't imagine never being pregnant or having a sibling for my baby. I loved being pregnant and would be a surrogate if the emotional attachment wouldn't be so hard on me.

    If anyone could guarantee me pregnancy and delivery would be just as easy as it was this time I would be a surrogate in a heartbeat.
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  • prpl11butterflyprpl11butterfly member
    SashaDenn25 said:

    emilyshredder said:

    I was unsure about having another but after having this one I can't imagine never being pregnant or having a sibling for my baby. I loved being pregnant and would be a surrogate if the emotional attachment wouldn't be so hard on me.

    If anyone could guarantee me pregnancy and delivery would be just as easy as it was this time I would be a surrogate in a heartbeat.
    Same for me. But agree the emotional attachment would be to difficult to overcome.
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