Worried about friend who is pregnant...what would you do?

dragonfly87-2 · September 2015

I know every relationship is private and it's impossible to know what it's really like from the outside, but I am worried about a friend's situation with pregnancy and marriage.

My best friend recently became pregnant. I am super excited for her, but she isn't very excited. Of course pregnancy is tiring and physically taxing, but I think it stems from other issues.

For more context:

She has shared with me that her husband does not help with any cleaning, cooking, laundry or household tasks. Just two weeks before she found out she was pregnant, she was telling me that she told her husband she wouldn't have a child with him if he didn't step up and help more.
She has admitted that she felt she was too young to get married 2 years ago and doesn't know what she thinking (she was 28).
She is physically disgusted when she sees small children or baby items, like a gagging reflex
She has said she would be fine never having children, but her husband really wants to have them, so she is doing it for him.
She isn't very excited now that she is pregnant and seems more burdened with preparing for a child
Her husband chooses to work about 60-70 hours a week because he "volunteers" to help with lots of projects to gain experience, but isn't compensated extra. He doesn't intend to cut back on work hours any time soon.

My friend keeps sharing all these negatives with me and I am honestly getting depressed and worried hearing it! She has struggled with depression before as well. I just say, "oh things will get better" or "when the baby arrives, you will be excited," but it doesn't really change much of her affect and honestly I feel really disingenuous saying it. Honestly, I don't think having this child is a very good idea, but 1) I don't think it's my place to say and 2) she is already pregnant. Before she got pregnant, I used to suggest "waiting" until she felt ready, but she was really concerned with having a child after 30.

Ugh, I feel like a really bad friend because I am not being honest with her (which I always have been on non-marital issues), but I also don't think it's best to say anything at all. What would you do in this situation?

Pupatella · September 2015

Because of her history with depression, I would talk to your friend about going to counseling.

It sounds like you already do this, but listen to her and support her - that can go such a long way. I would be honest with your friend and tell her that you are concerned about her and the pregnancy. She is most likely also concerned that she is not more excited, which is why she has said something to you about it.

*hugs*

gabpepsi · September 2015

Agree with PP that listening and a gentle nudge toward counseling can go a long way. Hope to hear better news about this soon:/ .

HookEmNelson · September 2015

^^All of that. I agree. I know it must be hard to find the courage to help lead the way, but it definitely sounds like your friend needs some outside guidance. I hope all goes well when the time comes that you talk to her. Sometimes it is really hard to hear the truth, but it has to be faced.

Lysta85 · September 2015

pretty much what the others had said. If your friend acts like that when she sees little children and imagined herself childless then being pregnant now is understandable challenging, despite the issues with her husband. This could most likely continue when the baby is born.

All you can do is listen to her, but she needs more professional help. They can do and say things that friends often are afraid off, since they aren't your friends.

But there are definitely issues between her and her husband too. Maybe that's the main reason why she's feeling like this and making it feel like it's the pregnancy.

Did she had help with her previous depression? That might make it easier for you to bring it up.

Xstatic3333 · September 2015

I definitely agree with encouraging her to seek counseling. Many women need to during or after pregnancy and there is no shame at all! Hopefully she'll be receptive.

vampbride99 · September 2015

I agree, I think encouraging her to seek counseling would be a very good thing for her. I think it would really help her sort her feelings out, and seeing as how she has a history with depression, this could be really beneficial.

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