What should we do TW on?

blackgirlmagic · September 2015

On the grad check in we are now talking about TW's and what we shouldn't need to have one. I wanted to see what the rest of you ladies have to say about it as well.

IB113 · September 2015

I don't think we need trigger warnings about non-traumatic things. Someone else's child or children are not traumatic. Maybe MC? I don't know because I haven't experienced one. I'm not sure about CP. Seems like they should be treated like MC

AL_TwinCities · September 2015

I don't think children need TWs but I would appreciate birth story and pregnancy details TWs as well as MC, CP and any other loss. There was a post a while back that was controversial that described a friend's birth and didn't initially have a TW - I agreed with the poster who had asked for a TW. I assume TTGP to be free of birth stories or otherwise more private and/or graphic elements of pregnancy and birth, so when I see any of that here it can be a tough day for me as a reminder that not only did I not go through any of that after my loss, I am 16 months into TTC and there seems to be no BFP in sight. If there are TWs for anything loss or birth related I can avoid those threads if I need to.

skilouise · September 2015

Can we start adding NSFW warnings to thread titles where things evolve into detailed sex talk? I clicked on that one thread a few days ago that was just titled something like "have you had this talk with DH?" or something like that. I didn't realize that it was all about masturbation, BJs, etc. That talk doesn't bother me, but I didn't realize until after I clicked that I had forgotten to turn off wifi, so I ended up accessing the thread through my work network. Now I'm really hoping it didn't get flagged by IT.

For what it's worth, I don't think every thread where someone casually mentions sex needs an NSFW warning. But where the entire thread is nothing but sex talk, it would help to get a warning!

hunnybunny17 · September 2015

AL_TwinCities said:

I don't think children need TWs but I would appreciate birth story and pregnancy details TWs as well as MC, CP and any other loss. There was a post a while back that was controversial that described a friend's birth and didn't initially have a TW - I agreed with the poster who had asked for a TW. I assume TTGP to be free of birth stories or otherwise more private and/or graphic elements of pregnancy and birth, so when I see any of that here it can be a tough day for me as a reminder that not only did I not go through any of that after my loss, I am 16 months into TTC and there seems to be no BFP in sight. If there are TWs for anything loss or birth related I can avoid those threads if I need to.

This. Loss and graphic/detailed pregnancy elements TW.

hboaz · September 2015

Previous*

I'm here imagining little pervy "pervious" children :-O

skilouise · September 2015

AL_TwinCities said:
I don't think children need TWs but I would appreciate birth story and pregnancy details TWs as well as MC, CP and any other loss. There was a post a while back that was controversial that described a friend's birth and didn't initially have a TW - I agreed with the poster who had asked for a TW. I assume TTGP to be free of birth stories or otherwise more private and/or graphic elements of pregnancy and birth, so when I see any of that here it can be a tough day for me as a reminder that not only did I not go through any of that after my loss, I am 16 months into TTC and there seems to be no BFP in sight. If there are TWs for anything loss or birth related I can avoid those threads if I need to.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I think having TWs for the detailed pregnancy/ birth stories is reasonable. I can see a difference between those types of discussions and someone just casually referencing something like "it took me X months to get pregnant with DS."

AL_TwinCities · September 2015

Totally agree @AshVA. Similarly, when people mention that they just learned a friend is PG, or are talking about seeing baby bumps or pics on FB, I don't see the need for a TW.

lalalorelai · September 2015

I agree with everyone @AL_TwinCities has said.

Also, it's not on your poll, but I appreciate TWs for BFPs, such as in the TWW threads. 90% of the time I love seeing women on here get their BFPs but there are some days where it's just too much for me, and I like having the option to skip over those posts if I'm having a rough day (plus it makes the BFPs easier to find if I'm lurking

, but that has nothing to do with the actual TW).

ETA: tag

hunnybunny17 · September 2015

lalalorelai said:

I agree with everyone @AL_TwinCities has said.

Also, it's not on your poll, but I appreciate TWs for BFPs, such as in the TWW threads. 90% of the time I love seeing women on here get their BFPs but there are some days where it's just too much for me, and I like having the option to skip over those posts if I'm having a rough day (plus it makes the BFPs easier to find if I'm lurking , but that has nothing to do with the actual TW).

ETA: tag

I do this too. On the days I'm feeling down and don't want to read TWW I command+f "BFP." I still want to congratulate and am happy for them, even when I'm down.

MandyBeeSLP · September 2015

lalalorelai said:

I agree with everyone @AL_TwinCities has said.

Also, it's not on your poll, but I appreciate TWs for BFPs, such as in the TWW threads. 90% of the time I love seeing women on here get their BFPs but there are some days where it's just too much for me, and I like having the option to skip over those posts if I'm having a rough day (plus it makes the BFPs easier to find if I'm lurking , but that has nothing to do with the actual TW).

ETA: tag

I can absolutely agree with this, so long as we don't make the culture of this board one where ladies who have been active, regular posters don't feel that they can share their BFP even in the TWW thread. I think it is very sad that some ladies have had that impression.

wellinaustin · September 2015

I've suffered loss and while it brings me to tears reading about one (in full description/detail) the term MC or CP I can handle. So I think it's just about how detailed you're going to be, then maybe a TW is neccesary. At least for me!

LizM61409 · September 2015

AshVA said:

Can we start adding NSFW warnings to thread titles where things evolve into detailed sex talk? I clicked on that one thread a few days ago that was just titled something like "have you had this talk with DH?" or something like that. I didn't realize that it was all about masturbation, BJs, etc. That talk doesn't bother me, but I didn't realize until after I clicked that I had forgotten to turn off wifi, so I ended up accessing the thread through my work network. Now I'm really hoping it didn't get flagged by IT. For what it's worth, I don't think every thread where someone casually mentions sex needs an NSFW warning. But where the entire thread is nothing but sex talk, it would help to get a warning!

I assume anything I do on my work computer or work wifi can be seen by my higher-ups if they so desire. So I don't go to thebump AT ALL (or facebook, etc). If I need to take a quick break I use my phone's 3G/4G

lalalorelai · September 2015

MandyBeeSLP said:

lalalorelai said:

I agree with everyone @AL_TwinCities has said.

Also, it's not on your poll, but I appreciate TWs for BFPs, such as in the TWW threads. 90% of the time I love seeing women on here get their BFPs but there are some days where it's just too much for me, and I like having the option to skip over those posts if I'm having a rough day (plus it makes the BFPs easier to find if I'm lurking , but that has nothing to do with the actual TW).

ETA: tag

I can absolutely agree with this, so long as we don't make the culture of this board one where ladies who have been active, regular posters don't feel that they can share their BFP even in the TWW thread. I think it is very sad that some ladies have had that impression.

I 100% agree. I've noticed a few posters have disappeared and never announced their BFP and that's not right-- we should be able to share the good as well as the bad. I just think a TW (as pretty much everyone I've seen here use in the TWW threads) is common courtesy.

skilouise · September 2015

LizM61409 said:

AshVA said:

Can we start adding NSFW warnings to thread titles where things evolve into detailed sex talk? I clicked on that one thread a few days ago that was just titled something like "have you had this talk with DH?" or something like that. I didn't realize that it was all about masturbation, BJs, etc. That talk doesn't bother me, but I didn't realize until after I clicked that I had forgotten to turn off wifi, so I ended up accessing the thread through my work network. Now I'm really hoping it didn't get flagged by IT.

For what it's worth, I don't think every thread where someone casually mentions sex needs an NSFW warning. But where the entire thread is nothing but sex talk, it would help to get a warning!

I assume anything I do on my work computer or work wifi can be seen by my higher-ups if they so desire. So I don't go to thebump AT ALL (or facebook, etc). If I need to take a quick break I use my phone's 3G/4G

Qbf

I do too, and generally use my phone at work. But sometimes I forget to turn off wifi. I'm not concerned about accessing most bump threads because they're normally fairly innocuous. But a thread with repeated mentions of words like masturbate, porn, etc, is more problematic. An NSFW warning would help me remember to either not click on the link, or to verify that wifi isn't on!

Edit: qbf

blackgirlmagic · September 2015

I also agree with the TW for BFP. But it's good to know that people with pervious children won't haven't to mention that in a TW. But I want to see more comments about this before we make a decision as a group.

Lulucooks · September 2015

lalalorelai said:

MandyBeeSLP said:

lalalorelai said:

I agree with everyone @AL_TwinCities has said.

Also, it's not on your poll, but I appreciate TWs for BFPs, such as in the TWW threads. 90% of the time I love seeing women on here get their BFPs but there are some days where it's just too much for me, and I like having the option to skip over those posts if I'm having a rough day (plus it makes the BFPs easier to find if I'm lurking , but that has nothing to do with the actual TW).

ETA: tag

I can absolutely agree with this, so long as we don't make the culture of this board one where ladies who have been active, regular posters don't feel that they can share their BFP even in the TWW thread. I think it is very sad that some ladies have had that impression.

I 100% agree. I've noticed a few posters have disappeared and never announced their BFP and that's not right-- we should be able to share the good as well as the bad. I just think a TW (as pretty much everyone I've seen here use in the TWW threads) is common courtesy.
---qbf---

It's possible that while they may have been a regular poster they just didn't want to share their BFP here just yet. Loss happens and I'm completely OK with people quietly leaving if that is what they choose to do. Some people don't like the attention of a big to do thread about their BFP. I want to chime in and say, just in case it's not clear, that no one is *required* to share their BFP here if they don't want to or would rather wait a while.

lalalorelai · September 2015

@lulucooks, of course. But as someone posted on the TTGP grad thread, there have been women who get their BFPs and don't feel comfortable posting because they don't want to flaunt it in anyone's face. So it works both ways-- no one is required to post any information about their TTC successes, but we should create an environment where people feel comfortable to if they so choose.

Lulucooks · September 2015

lalalorelai said:
@lulucooks, of course. But as someone posted on the TTGP grad thread, there have been women who get their BFPs and don't feel comfortable posting because they don't want to flaunt it in anyone's face. So it works both ways-- no one is required to post any information about their TTC successes, but we should create an environment where people feel comfortable to if they so choose.

Just wanted to make sure the wording was clear. I don't want anyone to feel they can't or that they have to. We've also had people do it after only being here a week, so I'm not sure what would be considered regular and not. It can start to become fuzzy.

lalalorelai · September 2015

Lulucooks said:

@lulucooks, of course. But as someone posted on the TTGP grad thread, there have been women who get their BFPs and don't feel comfortable posting because they don't want to flaunt it in anyone's face. So it works both ways-- no one is required to post any information about their TTC successes, but we should create an environment where people feel comfortable to if they so choose.
Just wanted to make sure the wording was clear. I don't want anyone to feel they can't or that they have to. We've also had people do it after only being here a week, so I'm not sure what would be considered regular and not. It can start to become fuzzy.

I, at least, was referring to posts in the TWW. I haven't noticed any people who only post once or twice then showing up in the TWW randomly posting a BFP, but I've only been on here a couple months.

Lulucooks · September 2015

lalalorelai said:

Lulucooks said:

lalalorelai said:
@lulucooks, of course. But as someone posted on the TTGP grad thread, there have been women who get their BFPs and don't feel comfortable posting because they don't want to flaunt it in anyone's face. So it works both ways-- no one is required to post any information about their TTC successes, but we should create an environment where people feel comfortable to if they so choose.
Just wanted to make sure the wording was clear. I don't want anyone to feel they can't or that they have to. We've also had people do it after only being here a week, so I'm not sure what would be considered regular and not. It can start to become fuzzy.

I, at least, was referring to posts in the TWW. I haven't noticed any people who only post once or twice then showing up in the TWW randomly posting a BFP, but I've only been on here a couple months.

It's been a few months for sure.

WinniethePoohsPants · September 2015

Lulucooks said:

Lulucooks said:

@lulucooks, of course. But as someone posted on the TTGP grad thread, there have been women who get their BFPs and don't feel comfortable posting because they don't want to flaunt it in anyone's face. So it works both ways-- no one is required to post any information about their TTC successes, but we should create an environment where people feel comfortable to if they so choose.
Just wanted to make sure the wording was clear. I don't want anyone to feel they can't or that they have to. We've also had people do it after only being here a week, so I'm not sure what would be considered regular and not. It can start to become fuzzy.

I, at least, was referring to posts in the TWW. I haven't noticed any people who only post once or twice then showing up in the TWW randomly posting a BFP, but I've only been on here a couple months.
It's been a few months for sure.

@Lulucooks I just want you to know that the more you post, the more I like you.

MamaBish · September 2015

AL_TwinCities said:
I don't think children need TWs but I would appreciate birth story and pregnancy details TWs as well as MC, CP and any other loss. There was a post a while back that was controversial that described a friend's birth and didn't initially have a TW - I agreed with the poster who had asked for a TW. I assume TTGP to be free of birth stories or otherwise more private and/or graphic elements of pregnancy and birth, so when I see any of that here it can be a tough day for me as a reminder that not only did I not go through any of that after my loss, I am 16 months into TTC and there seems to be no BFP in sight. If there are TWs for anything loss or birth related I can avoid those threads if I need to.

This

Lulucooks · September 2015

WinniethePoohsPants said:

@Lulucooks I just want you to know that the more you post, the more I like you.

Dawwww, shucks

Jadore6132 · September 2015

So I know I don't post a lot, and therefore it may not be my place to say anything here, but, what is the point of a TW that is labeled with what kind of trigger it is? Like when it says "loss mentioned" or "BFP warning".
Honestly, I'm not personally upset by these things at this point in our journey. But if I had experienced or if I do ever experience difficultly, seeing "loss mentioned" or "BFP warning" would hurt just as much as reading a lengthy post full of details. I guess I just feel if we are going to have TWs (which I feel is a good idea), to me, it seems labling them is counterproductive. Now, that said, I can see that some might be triggered or upset by certain things and not others so I don't know that there is a solution to this.
Anyway, that's my two cents from an infrequent poster but avid lurker.

ETA: spelling

hunnybunny17 · September 2015

Jadore6132 said:

So I know I don't post a lot, and therefore it may not be my place to say anything here, but, what is the point of a TW that is labeled with what kind of trigger it is? Like when it says "loss mentioned" or "BFP warning". Honestly, I'm not personally upset by these things at this point in our journey. But if I had experienced or if I do ever experience difficultly, seeing "loss mentioned" or "BFP warning" would hurt just as much as reading a lengthy post full of details. I guess I just feel if we are going to have TWs (which I feel is a good idea), to me, it seems labling them is counterproductive. Now, that said, I can see that some might be triggered or upset by certain things and not others so I don't know that there is a solution to this. Anyway, that's my two cents from an infrequent poster but avid lurker. ETA: spelling

Having the TW before the post/thread is read gives others a heads up to either prepare themselves for what they're about to read or the courtesy to skip the post without reading something that could be traumatic.

blackgirlmagic · September 2015

So I don't mean to zombie this thread. I just wanted to make sure that everyone gets enough time to take the poll and give their comments if they had any. But do we all agree that we should have a TW for MC and CP (all losses in general),detailed pregnancy/birth stories and of course, BFP's?

adiaz132003 · September 2015

raesmith9 said:
So I don't mean to zombie this thread. I just wanted to make sure that everyone gets enough time to take the poll and give their comments if they had any. But do we all agree that we should have a TW for MC and CP (all losses in general),detailed pregnancy/birth stories and of course, BFP's?

I agree 100%

noelietrex · September 2015

adiaz132003 said:

raesmith9 said:
So I don't mean to zombie this thread. I just wanted to make sure that everyone gets enough time to take the poll and give their comments if they had any. But do we all agree that we should have a TW for MC and CP (all losses in general),detailed pregnancy/birth stories and of course, BFP's?
I agree 100%

Thanks for zombie-ing the post. I was glad to get input. Also agree about the TWs.

AL_TwinCities · September 2015

Maybe this is something that @hunnybunny17 could add a little section on TWs to the Ultimate Guide to TTGP at the top? Is that the appropriate place?

newbabymakes4 · September 2015

Sorry, apparently I suck at quote boxes. It looks like from the poll, people think TWs should be reserved for posts referencing losses by an overwhelming majority. I'm all for being sensitive, but if all but 5-6 people don't want that many TWs, shouldn't we go with the majority?

raesmith9 said:

So I don't mean to zombie this thread. I just wanted to make sure that everyone gets enough time to take the poll and give their comments if they had any. But do we all agree that we should have a TW for MC and CP (all losses in general),detailed pregnancy/birth stories and of course, BFP's?

MamaBish · September 2015

newbabymakes4 said:
Sorry, apparently I suck at quote boxes. It looks like from the poll, people think TWs should be reserved for posts referencing losses by an overwhelming majority. I'm all for being sensitive, but if all but 5-6 people don't want that many TWs, shouldn't we go with the majority?

raesmith9 said:

So I don't mean to zombie this thread. I just wanted to make sure that everyone gets enough time to take the poll and give their comments if they had any. But do we all agree that we should have a TW for MC and CP (all losses in general),detailed pregnancy/birth stories and of course, BFP's?

I think reasmith said this because there was no option on the poll about birth stories. I, for one, would like a tw for birth stories. Some days I can't handle it. It takes me back to a very bad place mentally sometimes.

I do not need one for passing mentions of previous children.

hunnybunny17 · September 2015

AL_TwinCities said:

Maybe this is something that @hunnybunny17 could add a little section on TWs to the Ultimate Guide to TTGP at the top? Is that the appropriate place?

I would love to. Alas, I can no longer edit the thread

(

newbabymakes4 · September 2015

MamaBish said:

Sorry, apparently I suck at quote boxes. It looks like from the poll, people think TWs should be reserved for posts referencing losses by an overwhelming majority. I'm all for being sensitive, but if all but 5-6 people don't want that many TWs, shouldn't we go with the majority?

raesmith9 said:

So I don't mean to zombie this thread. I just wanted to make sure that everyone gets enough time to take the poll and give their comments if they had any. But do we all agree that we should have a TW for MC and CP (all losses in general),detailed pregnancy/birth stories and of course, BFP's?

I think reasmith said this because there was no option on the poll about birth stories. I, for one, would like a tw for birth stories. Some days I can't handle it. It takes me back to a very bad place mentally sometimes. I do not need one for passing mentions of previous children.

I must have misread, for some reason I thought the OP was saying to put them just on mentions. I can see the reasoning behind putting TWs on birth stories.

blackgirlmagic · September 2015

MamaBish said:

Sorry, apparently I suck at quote boxes. It looks like from the poll, people think TWs should be reserved for posts referencing losses by an overwhelming majority. I'm all for being sensitive, but if all but 5-6 people don't want that many TWs, shouldn't we go with the majority?

raesmith9 said:

So I don't mean to zombie this thread. I just wanted to make sure that everyone gets enough time to take the poll and give their comments if they had any. But do we all agree that we should have a TW for MC and CP (all losses in general),detailed pregnancy/birth stories and of course, BFP's?

I think reasmith said this because there was no option on the poll about birth stories. I, for one, would like a tw for birth stories. Some days I can't handle it. It takes me back to a very bad place mentally sometimes. I do not need one for passing mentions of previous children.

I took into consideration what people were saying in the comments. In the comments some women said that they wanted a TW for pregnancy details, which makes since because this is a TTGP board. And of course the majority of the ladies here want a TW for losses mentioned. So even though we might not all 100% agree, I think that majority should rule. I started the poll on a Saturday and I know that everyone is not as active on TB on the weekends. So I just wanted to make sure that more people saw this to give their opinion.

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