Crying

Ambermom043 · September 2015

Hey moms,
My baby is 1 month now, and has been SO cranky lately! Even after I've tried everything.. diaper, feeding, temp, soothing methods... My question is, what do you guys do when your baby is extremely fussy/inconsolable and won't sleep or let my husband and I sleep for that matter? Of course I try to calm her, and love on her as much as I can.. But it's just not realistic to carry her around all day when I have things I need to get done. I'm not one to really let her cry, but I'm home alone with her ALL day, and I don't know anyone down here yet who could help out. In your opinion, is it alright to put her down in a safe place and just let her cry after I've tried everything? I mean I just can't cuddle her all day long to keep her from crying... As much as I'd love to, it's just impractical. What do you all do?? Advice please!

SashaDenn25 · September 2015

Im guilty of just cuddling all day when shes fussy for a day!! But I do the 5s's (suck has to be on boob bc she wont take a paci from me) but then usually she will fall asleep from getting worn out from the workup and I get to lay her down eventually bc of this. Sometimes it for 4 hours, sometimes an hour. I just get what I can done while shes down.

Miz_Liz · September 2015

Do you have a bathroom with a noisy exhaust fan? If so, turn it on and rock her in there. This has calmed both of my kids and often knocks them out.

Ambermom043 · September 2015

No, I don't @Miz_Liz but we always have pretty noisy fans on in the house to circulate the AC... It just seems like she'll sleep for 5-10 minutes, just long enough for me to start something, and then I have to come back and tend to her crying, which isn't always ideal.. (Cooking, talking on the phone/important calls, etc..)

I've been burning my food, and my husband wants me to let her cry it out if I've tried everything.. He knows I'm beyond exhausted. Just wanted to know your thoughts on that.

carleym93 · September 2015

My kid likes the tub. I turn on the fan thanks to @Miz_Liz and plop her in the water and she is happy as a clam. Then after she is calm enough to nurse her to sleep.

Ambermom043 · September 2015

carleyec93 said:
My kid likes the tub. I turn on the fan thanks to @Miz_Liz and plop her in the water and she is happy as a clam. Then after she is calm enough to nurse her to sleep.

Lol, mine will only "tolerate" the bath for a few minutes. When she starts getting fussy, I take her out and it's screaming from there, through getting dressed, until she's on the boob again..

Lalala2326 · September 2015

I don't agree with leaving a baby to cry at this age unless you mentally need to take a break for just a few minutes. To do a load of laundry though or dishes I definitely wouldn't. Have you tried wearing your baby in some sort of carrier so you can still be getting stuff done while holding your baby close (even if she does still cry)? My oldest was a lot like that for several months. The only thing that calmed her was bouncing on an exercise ball gently while holding her. I had great abs and a really dirty house by the end of those months

Baby2HG · September 2015

You can try a warm bath, 5s, I sometimes let ds cry but not to long. Like 3 min max, enough to wipe or move the food from the heat.

Miz_Liz · September 2015

I agree with PP's that they are too young for CIO, but that is just my opinion and I never really did CIO even when DS was older. At this age though they can't always self soothe and they need the connection more.

melanier26 · September 2015

My son rarely lets me put him down through the day so we spend a lot of time cuddling. It is frustrating bc I sit there and think of what I wish I could be doing and he falls asleep on me but wakes up moments after I lay him down. I can't handle letting him cry it out though, so I just try to enjoy the time we spend together and think about how someday when he's a teenager and wants nothing to do with me I will miss these days when I am all he wants

CarelessDiva89 · September 2015

I have never done the cio method. Sometimes it takes awhile to figure out what LO needs to soothe him/or her. My LO loves bathing or showering with me. She immediately stops crying and sometimes falls asleep lol. She hates getting out of the water. She also loves being on my chest. So basically I just do what I can when she is sleeping or calm. Hope it gets easier for you mama! Hang in their.

usernameneededallaretaken · September 2015

As impractical as it is, I just hold him and let him suckle. We did that from 8 AM- 1 PM today and he finally settled down and slept peacefully (he had a sore belly/straining most of the morning). Then, when DH gets home from work the baby is his while I power through dishes, sweeping, litter boxes, feeding cats/dog, swapping laundry, getting bottles/diapers ready for the night. DH says I look like I have somewhere to be because I run from one task to the next trying to get what I can accomplished in the short free time.

BabyBean815 · September 2015

It's definitely frustrating! When I'm not sure how long DS is going to nap, I use the mantra "close enough". If ideally I'd like to throw in a load of laundry, I'll first gather the clothes that need to be washed and put them next to the washing machine. In that time, DS might get fussy and that's all I'll accomplish until my next 10 break in the action. But each " step" in the process gets me closer to my goal. Even if it's a super fussy day and the closest I get to washing clothes is putting the laundry basket next to the washing machine, it's "close enough" to my ideal goal and I'll just hope to finish the task the next day or when DH gets home.

mlindon · September 2015

I wear LO most of the day and at night do the 5S. It's the outage thing that will calm her. I swaddle her and use the Boppy pillow on my lap and position her on her side. I give her a soothie type pacifier, play white notice on my cell phone a apt her bottom till she falls asleep

Miz_Liz · September 2015

Wouldn't it be awesome if someone would put in as much energy into trying to soothe us and make us happy as we do for our LO's??? Just saying...

deviduke412 · September 2015

I know I'm the minority here, but we do CIO at that point. If you've checked and taken care of all basic needs, there's no harm in it and I whole heartedly believe it's beneficial for them. I'm a BabyWise mom and it works!

KateDerek · September 2015

At this young age I do cuddle them and don't let them cry. When they are bigger I am more comfortable but in my mind, a newborn baby cries because it needs something. Even if it's just cuddles. My one month old has suddenly gotten fussy like that as well. I notice she fights sleep and has a short fuse when she is hungry, tired, or has a dirty diaper. I just do the best I can to stop the crying. And yes there are lots of times when I don't get to accomplish much. But I also wear her in the moby if I absolutely have to get something done.

Ambermom043 · September 2015

deviduke412 said:
I know I'm the minority here, but we do CIO at that point. If you've checked and taken care of all basic needs, there's no harm in it and I whole heartedly believe it's beneficial for them. I'm a BabyWise mom and it works!

See, at this point, I think it's best for my own sanity sake.. I friggin locked myself in the bathroom and cried hysterically for 20 minutes last night when my husband got home. I find myself angry (usually at him) all the time bc I'm mentally and physically exhausted. The advice here is great, the only problem is, my husband gets home at 11 pm and leaves at 6am, leaving me alone all day, with no time to accomplish anything when he gets home. If ANYTHING is to get done in my home, I would have to let her cry sometimes... And I can always soothe her, that's not really the problem, it's getting her to STAY soothed. She fusses once I put her down... I'm just really trying to avoid a breakdown.

bpwife&mama · September 2015

I used the CIO method on my oldest son, but he was much older. I feel at this point, they do cry because they need something. When I used the CIO method with my oldest, it's because I knew he was ok and just playing a game with me.

jlsweets · September 2015

I agree that sometimes it takes awhile to find out what really soothes them. When I feel mentally and physically drained like that I take him out for a walk. The fresh air knocks him right out, I know he is getting some much needed sleep and I am able to de-stress and regroup

deviduke412 · September 2015

Ambermom043 said:

deviduke412 said:
I know I'm the minority here, but we do CIO at that point. If you've checked and taken care of all basic needs, there's no harm in it and I whole heartedly believe it's beneficial for them. I'm a BabyWise mom and it works!
See, at this point, I think it's best for my own sanity sake.. I friggin locked myself in the bathroom and cried hysterically for 20 minutes last night when my husband got home. I find myself angry (usually at him) all the time bc I'm mentally and physically exhausted. The advice here is great, the only problem is, my husband gets home at 11 pm and leaves at 6am, leaving me alone all day, with no time to accomplish anything when he gets home. If ANYTHING is to get done in my home, I would have to let her cry sometimes... And I can always soothe her, that's not really the problem, it's getting her to STAY soothed. She fusses once I put her down... I'm just really trying to avoid a breakdown.

Yes, you need to take care of yourself also. I am a firm believer in that no baby ever was hurt from crying. As long as you have taken care of the basics like changing a dirty diaper, feeding if the baby is hungry, making sure they are not too hot or too cold, seeing if they need to burp, etc. then you have done what you could do at that point. It is impossible to hold the baby all day every single time that they cry. Sometimes they just need to cry it out and fall asleep on their own. The baby will be fine while you take some time to yourself to rest or get yourself together mentally. You cannot help the baby if you are not in the right frame of mind.
Does the baby take a pacifier? Will she be content in a swing? Have you tried a white noise machine to block out the noise that could be coming in from outside of her room? Do you swaddle her really tight with her arms in? My son did not like his arms in but once I started swaddling them in anyways he napped every single nap. They could startle themselves awake when they have those little jerks that they do and if their arms are out that can wake them up. Just some additional thoughts.

kelseyrayay · September 2015

My son has started crying bad when he turned 4 weeks too. All day long for hours and hours it's screaming. It drives me nuts to hear him cry and me not be able to fix it. Thank God my DH gets off at 4 instead of 5 like it used to be. Or I would lose my mind. White noise helps Tanner calm down. Or taking him outside. Or laying him on his tummy.

emmacake08 · September 2015

OP I've been where you are with my twins. The first month was great and then right when they turned 1 month, the wheels came off. They were awake all the time, crying, and had reflux. I was so desperate I cut out all potential food allergies which for my LOs specifically helped.

What I can tell you is that it's a phase. Mine stopped being crazy around 3 months. It was really really hard. I personally am not a fan of intentional CIO. I get waiting if they're settling in and grunting but once they're full on crying and screaming, I go to them. I've had to put them down and walk away for my sanity for 5 minutes but never an intentional CIO. At this age they don't have coping skills and really aren't capable of a learned behavior. When they fall asleep after CIO, it isn't because they learned they need to, it's because their little bodies didn't have the energy to keep calling for you. I try to remember too that they can cry for a number of reasons that I can't always interpret. They could be lonely, have growing pains, be cold, or overstimulated and tired.

I don't want this to sound like I want you to suffer crying spells forever because I've been there. I believe that at this age CIO is a sleep training designed for adults, not LOs. Have you tried a ring sling to wear? I have a moby, ring sling, and ergo and my sling is my favorite while they're tiny to baby wear and comfort them. If LO is really wound up, I do a tight swaddle and then put them in. The movement of walking and doing chores actually helps to soothe too. My LOs are comforted by the vacuum too. I also had to resign myself that for few months, chores wouldn't get done. This was really hard because I was at home all day staring at the chores that weren't being done. It will pass, it's just a really hard time. Some of us get sparklers. This baby is very mellow and just wired differently and makes me realize the twins just had different and more demanding needs. I didn't do anything to make LO #3 mellow, she just is, just like I didn't do anything to make the twins demanding.

gmd88 · September 2015

So I remember you posted on my post about getting thru the day and I just want to let you know I completely feel for you mama. It is so so so hard when you continuously are on your own with a fussy baby especially when you are exhausted. It's like the end of the world. I was also getting very angry and I had anxiety and chest pain. I was starting to completely break down. Please feel free to PM me if you need a friend

so for us we tried everything to sooth LO but I knew in my heart that something wasn't right.. why was he acting this way? He wasn't colicky but he was clearly unhappy and required CONSTANT attention to keep him from a complete melt down.. wouldn't nap, had no happy awake time. He also had signs of tummy troubles. He was checked for a milk protein intolerance and didn't have it (no blood in the stool) but we switched to soy anyway. Things improved briefly then it got bad again. Just Tuesday we switched to Nutramegin by docs recommendation. Omg we have a new baby. It's unreal. He's so much improved. I didn't even know what "cooing" was until recently. So my point is.. is it possible that there is something that is the source of your LO's unhappiness such as the formula that you could fix? Also maybe seek out a support group for new moms. Also be on alert for PPD and PP anxiety.. I was heading down a bad path with my LO being so fussy and I still am hesitant to believe things might be better. Good luck mama.

gmd88 · September 2015

Also wanted to mention that my doc said 4-6 weeks tends to be the peak of fussiness so hang in there! Don't feel guilty about stepping away if you need a minute. Your feelings are justified and normal and you are not a bad mom!

Bickey11 · September 2015

How does she do in the car/car seat? If I need my son to go down I can plunk him in the stroller or car for a few, bring him in in the seat and leave him there. I just had to wake him after 4 hours after we took a stroller walk.

BlindSheep · September 2015

Baby wearing is the best thing ever for a happy baby when you need your hands free. I loved using my Moby wrap with my first, but this time around I'm using a K'tan, which is much easier.

Ambermom043 · September 2015

Thanks for all of the advice and encouragement. It really helps to know I'm not alone. For all of you asking, yes, I wrap her tightly with her arms down when I swaddle her. I do pretty much everything suggested here, and they all work great! It's just that a few minutes after I put her down, she's crying again. Of course it breaks my heart to hear her little cry, but it also creates anxiety and frustration. I don't think my husband really understands. The most he does is hold her for a few minutes at night, and as soon as she starts fussing, he puts her in her bouncy seat to cry. There have been a few times where he took her in to another room so that I could get an extra hr of sleep (on weekends) which I'm thankful for, but he'll just put her down and let her cry if she's fussy for him.. Like he can't put in a little effort to keep her from crying. So I hate even leaving her with him, and end up not sleeping anyway. Basically, I wanted to know that I'm not a terrible mother if I have to let her cry occasionally, as much as I hate it.. I just can't keep trying to keep her happy 24/7. I swear it's like she never sleeps! I just hope this phase ends SOON! Thanks moms!

Miz_Liz · September 2015

Another thing you could check out, I am not sure what kind of carseat you have, but my neighbor had lent me a swing when I had DS that was designed for the carseat, you snapped it right onto it (obviously strap them in like you are going in the car first). Maybe you could look into something like this? I know many babies calm when they are in the carseat and you swing it with your hands - so you could do that first then snap it on the swing and it mimics the same movement. Just a thought. Also look at where you are setting her down - maybe if you get a small portable swing or something that you could move with you so she is propped up some and can see you? I love the Rock'N'Play.

Ambermom043 · September 2015

@Miz_Liz Yes! Our next step is probably going to be some kind of automatic rocker/bouncer! She loves to be rocked or bounced, I just can't sit there and do it all day. Lol thanks for reminding me. I think that would be a lifesaver.

candicejeff2013 · September 2015

My LO has become insatiable and not happy between meals these past 3 days. I have no clue either (she's 3w 5days) and the only quiet time I get is when she's on the boob. I'm trying ANYTHING but if it works it lasts maybe 5-10 min then crying again. She WILL NOT sleep either @-)

It's like 45 min from beginning of one meal to beginning of next. She'll spend 20 min on me till she gets sleepy, then falls off. Is quiet for a few minutes then starts rooting again! I have no time for anything. Hoping it's just a phase.

BabyBean815 · September 2015

candicejeff2013 said:
My LO has become insatiable and not happy between meals these past 3 days. I have no clue either (she's 3w 5days) and the only quiet time I get is when she's on the boob. I'm trying ANYTHING but if it works it lasts maybe 5-10 min then crying again. She WILL NOT sleep either @-)

It's like 45 min from beginning of one meal to beginning of next. She'll spend 20 min on me till she gets sleepy, then falls off. Is quiet for a few minutes then starts rooting again! I have no time for anything. Hoping it's just a phase.

I think we're all hoping it's a phase! Every day I have a panic attack thinking that I'll have a colicky baby for 8 months or something. I would just love to know there's an end in sight to the fussiness!

marieva · September 2015

Ugh. Just read your post. Yesterday and last night were brutal. And it doesn't help that hubby is gone (he's in the military out on exercise). It took everything for me not to run out of the front door screaming like a maniac. Baby boy just would not go to sleep!!! @-). He is sleeping now in his swing but we will see for how long. It's getting late anyways and he is due for his close to 10 PM feeding (close to because he eats every 3-4 hours...his call). All I can say is just hang in there. And the advice I got from my sister yesterday who is soooo against CIO is that "if you have to leave him in his crib for 5-10 minutes so you can take a breather then do it. Get back in the right frame of mind and then get back in there and take care of your baby. You got this."

So I had to do it. I took TWO five minute breaks and just left him in his crib. I felt horrible doing it but I figured it's better to regain my composure and try to tackle to see what is wrong with him then for both of us to completely lose our minds...and I can't lose my mind because I'm the one caring for him lol.

I've had experience with babies and I know for a fact it gets better the older they get. I love having him as a newborn but I can't help longing for him to grow out of this phase

. Hang in there!

gmd88 · September 2015

Since you mentioned it... my LO wants nothing to do with the swing but is really enjoying his ingenuity automatic bouncer

only $45 on amazon

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