PGAL check in 8/21

jem8407 · August 2015

Hi ladies, I hope this message finds you well. I am curious about how all of you are feeling since it has been nearly one month from the last check in.
I am 19w6d currently. We found out we have a healthy little girl growing and could not be more happy! I have had a few struggles with loss related anxiety but have been blessed with support from my husband, friends, and many of you.
I do freak out a little when I read about scary diagnoses such as incompetent cervix but am trying to realize that these scenarios, although I have plenty of discharge and watery discharge, are unlikely.
I look forward to your updates!

UptownPearl · August 2015

I'm doing better overall since the anatomy scan and finding out LO is perfect. I keep waking up at night with anxiety and then remind myself that nothing is wrong, I don't know why that keeps happening. I have an anterior placenta so the lack of kicking is frustrating, especially when I see so many posts reminding me about it. But I have finally overcome my fear of buying baby things! I got a baby carrier and a crib so those are huge steps! I'm also so happy that we haven't had any loss threads in quite a while now. Seems like everyone is doing pretty well! That's very encouraging

laxdixdar · August 2015

Hi ladies! I'm doing good as well. 20.2 and things have calmed down for me. I will admit the braxton hicks ans cramping sometimes freaks me out, but I've contained my fears pretty well. It helps a lot that I see the baby so much.

We purchased our crib a few weeks ago too. I was so panicked, but that seems to be the barrier I needed to break. Now I'm so excited about big and small purchases and the excitement that comes with it. Hope to hear from more ladies soon!

Update on baby girl: She passed her echocardiogram with flying colors and her anatomy scan showed no sign of spina bifida. Growth scans start in a few weeks, but really the ultrasounds have gotten easier now that the panic associated with them has subsided.

ccoleeman · August 2015

Had a bit of a scare on Tues with some gushing fluid. Apart from a brief episode of spotting at 10 weeks, it was the first big scare this pregnancy. Mostly because my OB office was full that day so they recommended I go to OB triage at the local hospital. The whole experience took me back to my MC and shook me up, but everything turned out ok, and it was nice to realize that not every trip to the ER has to end with bad news!

18w 2d FTM and felt my first strong, non-flutter kicks tonight

I expected to wait a little longer and I know they prob won't be this strong constantly for another few weeks, but it was so exciting!!! The highlight at the end of a down week.

I'm loving all these positive updates from you guys and glad to have another PGAL check in!

MrsB915 · August 2015

I'm glad everyone is doing well!

@laxdixdar I'm so glad that your little girl is doing so well! That must be such a weight lifted off of your shoulders

@ccoleeman I'm sorry to hear that you had a scare but I'm so glad that it turned out well!

I've been doing well since our anatomy scan last week but we're coming up on what would have been my due date this week, 8/28. We are planning to plant a climbing rose bush on a trellis outside the nursery. I think it will be a nice way to commemorate a bittersweet day and I'll always think of my angel when I see or smell the roses.

jem8407 · August 2015

@UptownPearl I can feel you on the lack of kicks. I feel something but nothing distinct and doctor says it may be another week or two!
@laxdixdar I am so happy to hear the recent scans came back positive! Yay LO heart!
@ccoleeman I am glad the gush was nothing! Did they tell you it was just discharge or possibly urine?
@MrsB915 I hear you on the date. Our previous due date was yesterday. We both remained calm and dedicated some time to thought. You are so thoughtful to plant a bush!

ccoleeman · August 2015

@jem8407 they ruled it as discharge, but because of how it was coming out and was super watery, they wanted to make sure it wasn't amniotic fluid, or an infection caused by the antibiotics I recently took for a UTI. In hindsight it kind of sounds like I was being silly for going in but I'm glad I did

juneandboo · August 2015

We had a serious scare/anxiety with our Tay Sachs tests both coming back inconclusive the other week. Our odds are higher than average because of our ancestry (I'm part French Canadian, he's 1/2 Armenian), but odds are still super low at 1 in ~125,000. Took a break from nursery planning this week to sort of regroup after the whole thing. Feeling calmer and relatively back to normal now, and enjoying how surreal it feels to be almost halfway thru this pregnancy!

MrsTeacher25 · August 2015

I'm so glad to read all you ladies are doing so well and starting to get excited! I *think* I am finally letting myself feel excited too. We found out yesterday that we are expecting a healthy baby girl!!! We are thrilled and DS is excited to stay the "baby boy." I was so nervous going into the anatomy scan but she looks great! Feeling her move around has been really reassuring as well. Since I have had a preterm birth before I also go every 2 weeks for cervical length checks and every 4 weeks for baby growth scans. I get injections of Makena to help prevent preterm labor. All those preventions are helping a bit too. I have been nervous over this watery discharge I have been having but my high risk doctor reassured me that it's normal discharge. We went today and picked out colors we like for her nursery and got her a pair of tiny pink sneakers

I'm a bit anxious to go back to work this week (teacher) because I won't be able to take it as easy as I've been. I just want to keep feeling this positive and keep repeating "Today you are pregnant." I hope you all stay positive too and these little babes get here healthy as can be!

jencook25 · August 2015

Glad to hear everyone is going well! I havent posted very often but gave been encouraged by checking in still.
Im 19w6d today, we decided to leave gender a suprise. Bub is due on my mothers birthday, who died when I was 16, so it feels a bit like the silver lining for me. Im starting to enjoy myself, relax and worry less slowly. Bub is often active on and off all day, which is great as its very reassuring. Except some days where its not as active my imagination and anxiety goes into overdrive. Anatomy scan went well, but bub only being in 28th percentile worried me a bit with the family history of IUGR.
Looking forward to a trip south to catch up with family, show off the bump and do some baby shopping!

Lemonpig1 · August 2015

So nice to hear that everything seems to be going well for the group!

I'm 20 wks today, and my posterior placenta means I've felt nice movements for a while now, which as everyone says is very reassuring. All of our ultrasounds have been great, but they're still so stressful even when you end up with a good report - I'm always looking at the tech's face for clues and trying to parse every pause. We have one more hurdle to get past: an echo at the children's hospital on Sept. 11th. I lost my daughter partly due to severe heart abnormalities, so we were told that we'd have an echo with our next pregnancy no matter what. They haven't found anything wrong at this baby's ultrasounds, so sometimes the echo just feels like a super stressful thing that is making us go back to where we found out our girl wasn't going to make it

But I also know that if I declined it wouldn't lower my anxiety! I just have to get past this one last thing and then I think I might finally feel really safe.

On the positive side, I'm really happy to be halfway through with no real scares. I wish time would go faster! My first time around I was super into being pregnant; this time I'm like yeah this is cool but I've been pregnant for basically 11 out of the past 13 months can I just have my child now kthnx! Adding stuff to my registry and reading a ton of articles is helping me pass the time and stay excited.

designer303 · August 2015

I'm here 18+ 1 and on strict bed rest as of Monday of this week. I had three contractions In an hour and my OB decided that was close enough to the danger zone and better safe than sorry so I'm in bed full time. I'm anxiously awaiting our anatomy scan which is on the 31st.

So glad to hear everyone is doing so well!!! @Lemonpig1 all best for the appointment on September 11.

Lemonpig1 · August 2015

@designer303 I'm so glad you checked in! I've been sending you good thoughts

Bed rest sounds so hard and I think you're a really strong woman - and obviously a great mom!

designer303 · August 2015

Thanks @Lemonpig1 !!!!

AmeliaKris · August 2015

Hi ladies. Almost 19 weeks. Anatomy scan on the 4th but we had early testing and are excited for our baby boy. I've bought a few things but am still hesitant. I also have an anterior placenta so its frustrating since I didn't last time. I still feel him kick...mostly when I lay on my left side. Glad to hear the good updates. My c section is set for Jan 15th. Counting the days.

fragglemom · August 2015

Hey ladies! Checking in on you all! I'm worried that the sad news on the board today might be bringing us down to the dark place. Anyone need to talk? Anyone want to share some good news?
I'm 21w1d and finally started feeling movement over the last week. It's really comforting to feel the little guy poking around. I'm also really excited to be going to see some of my family for a festival in my mom's hometown this weekend. It'll be nice to have an actual bump to show off since I seem to have transitioned from lump to bump.

Lemonpig1 · August 2015

It's very thoughtful of you to reach out to everyone here. We're hearing of losses less frequently now but every time there's a new one I'm more shocked and sad than before - losses this far along are their own kind of devastating.

My issue lately is that while I've been more and more comfortable, my husband is having a hard time not being scared (I don't tell him anything about what I read on this board). We did an annual lake trip a couple weekends ago and some other guy friends of his were being really sweet with him about our pregnancy - rather than treat it like something we shouldn't talk about because something might go wrong, they were very open and talky and did things like call our son by his name after we'd disclosed it (all the things that non-PGAL friends and family might not even think twice about). My husband confessed to me that he thought it was very loving and supportive but it also made him super anxious - he's the kind of person who can't help thinking that if we act too happy or safe, then we'll be punished somehow.

Sorry that that's not good news! :-S How are others' partners dealing with pregnancy fears? Sometimes I feel like I have to fight to keep my optimism in the face of his anxiety, and when I hear of new losses here it's hard to keep an even keel...

Right now everything I said above is secondary to my empathy for the mother who lost her baby though. I really always do try to turn some of my personal fear around and focus myself on sending out good wishes to anyone who reports a loss.

fragglemom · August 2015

I would say that my husband is in the same boat as yours. I think he's much more anxious than I am. I don't think either of us will be "okay" until we hold him in our arms. First you just want to get through your original loss date. Then you just want to make it to the anatomy scan and feeling the baby move. Now we're waiting for that magic viability mark of 30 weeks. Then I'm sure we'll be counting kicks and freaking out.
You're absolutely right, @Lemonpig1 , nothing supercedes Allison's current loss. Some of us may be triggered to take us down a bit too low. Triggers can happen for me at any time and tend to mess with my head for days. Sometimes talking about it curbs it a little bit.

Lemonpig1 · August 2015

Agreed @jessfragione and I really do think you had the right idea to prompt a check-in - just had to make my disclaimer! If I've learned nothing else from my experiences, it's that I can hold a million different emotions in seemingly infinite amounts all at the same time. I can fully empathize with someone else's loss while also feeling scared for myself.

I think it must be hard for non-pregnant partners (I was about to write "men" but really any man or woman who's the partner of a pregnant person but isn't carrying the baby themselves would be similarly cut off from the more physical parts of the experience!) at this stage now that many of us can feel our babies throughout the day, and they're more disconnected. Like, right now I know for a fact that my child is alive, but my husband has to just take it on faith throughout the day. Every stage has a new thing to freak out about, for sure!

KaraEpp16 · August 2015

Thank you for resurrecting this thread. It slipped me by the first time. I'm happy to read everyone's updates. I'm also very proud of all the ladies who are letting the excitement fuel more positive thinking.

cjd&k · August 2015

I must have missed this thread completely. It's so sweet seeing how caring and thoughtful everyone is of someone who has been in a similar situation. Both of my losses were early on so reading about Allison's story has broke my heart. It's scary realizing these things happen so far along. It's nice to know that everyone has been grasping on to their healthy baby's and taking positivity out of it.

jem8407 · August 2015

@jessfragione , I was thinking that it might be a good idea to check in given the heartache out here today. I feel so sad for her and her partner. And of course, I am a nervous Nellie again.
I miss our board and think about how everyone is doing often. I am fortunate bc my husband is far less anxious than I am and so can provide me with objective comfort during these times. I hope that we all continue to chat and post updates for one another to support.

MissMheMhe · August 2015

Hello ladies! Currently 20w4d. We found out monday we are expecting a boy! Now the name discussions have begun! Looking forward to a busy weekend! My sisters wedding day is 8/29 and I am so looking forward to spending some quality time with family!
As far as this pregnancy goes, symptoms have been minimal. Aches and pains here and there and a bout of heartburn now and then. So very thankful for the uneventful weeks that have passed.

I hope everyone else is doing well!

MrsB915 · August 2015

@jessfragione thank you for bringing up the check in and reaching out to everyone. While reading Allison's post I was thinking of all of you ladies. I had an early loss and cannot imagine the kind of pain that comes with a late loss such as hers. I don't often tell my husband about bump stuff but last night I told him about Allison's loss. I'm fortune that he is so much less nervous than I am and is able to be more rational when I'm scared. I could see that he was saddened by what I was telling him and probably thinking of our own loss. He held me and started to talk about how strong our baby is. And baby promptly kicked him!

Today is a tough day for me, it's my due date. I've picked out the rose bush, it's outside waiting to be planted on Sunday. I'm going to try to stay busy today celebrating the good things I have been given while still mourning my loss. I'm taking DS out to breakfast then it's off to the zoo! DH and I may go out to eat to tonight at one of our favorite places while DS is at my parents for his first ever sleepover! (That's going to be a tough one for me!)

I have an anterior placenta but I'm still feeling a lot of movement, mostly on the side of my belly. I love all of the reassuring kicks and rolls! I hope everyone has a great weekend, sounds like some of you have some exciting plans!

Lemonpig1 · August 2015

Hugs to you @MrsB915 on your due date - it's such a difficult milestone and it sounds like you have an absolutely lovely day planned. Getting that mix of remembrance/grieving with excitement and hope such a healthy thing.

UptownPearl · August 2015

These midterm losses are so tragic and heartbreaking. It is hard to hear about them and not freak out, but I just focus on sympathizing with them and not equating them to my own pregnancy. I keep reminding myself that my pregnancy isn't really as fragile as I feel like it is. I fell down the steps last week and of course my first thought was if the baby was ok, but when I called my midwives they didn't even have me come in. They said there's no reason to think the baby would be hurt and probably didn't even feel it. I listened to his heartbeat at home and have felt his little kicks, so I know he's ok. I'm focusing a lot right now on being thankful and trying to enjoy preparing for a baby.

Lemonpig1 · September 2015

Hi ladies! Just wanted to check in with some good news. I just got back from my echo where we were told that everything looks perfect

It was really, really stressful to be back at the hospital where our only experience had been learning the bad news about our daughter, but the relief at the end of this visit was worth it. The doctors also asked me to consider being part of a control group (moms and babies without any detectable defects) for a study they're doing on fetal heart problems, which seems like an amazing opportunity. I'd get cool MRI pictures, further monitoring for this pregnancy at a world class facility, and my son and I would get to help the effort to develop treatments that could potentially help babies like my daughter in the future. Thanks to everyone who sent me good wishes!

fragglemom · September 2015

Awesome news! Delighted for you! Thanks for the update

jem8407 · September 2015

Yay @Lemonpig1 ! That is wonderful news.
At our AS a few weeks ago, baby girl was smaller than average with further developed brains. I will be 23 weeks tomorrow and still haven't felt definitive movement. I really want that but am feeling lucky that she was doing well.
How is everyone doing?

designer303 · September 2015

@lemonpig, so glad to see this update. I have been thinking about you all the time!

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