SO reactions?

yogahh · September 2015

How is everyone's SO dealing? Mine seems a bit detached but I keep reading that is normal. I know he is excited and cares but he doesn't talk about it all the time like I want to, and it makes me think he isn't interested (hormones anyone?). I think after our first appt, when we get to see the sonogram, he will get more in to it. We both wanted this. I think he just needs it to be a bit more tangible to know it's real.

Pls don't think DH is an asshat. He really is very loving and caring. Just not bouncing off the walls like I would hope

lest12 · September 2015

I don't think your DH sounds like an asshat.

With both pregnancies now, it has taken DH a few weeks longer for it to sink in than it did for me.

I did get frustrated last week because he hadn't talked about it at all, he hadn't really asked how I was feeling, he wasn't biting when I tried to talk about converting the guest room into a kid's bedroom. Like, hello! Pay attention to me!

However, yesterday we went for an US and when we were lying in bed last night, he started talking about "2.0" (current nickname for baby) and asking if I had any feelings whether it was a boy or girl.

TBH, with DS, it took him much longer to get excited about it (I think the second time around is a little different for him because he already has a tangible 'outcome' to think about).

Give him some time but talk to him about your frustration in the meantime. He might not realize he's doing it or it might take him a little more time. Either way, I think he sounds pretty normal.

krzyriver · September 2015

Mine didn't take it the way I wanted him to either. I called him while he was on his way to work and we could barely hear each other. He ended up getting frustrated with me and snapping at me.

We've had a miscarriage and two chemical pregnancies, so he was purposely trying to stay detached. It wasn't until my crazy hormonal self broke down and cried that he realized we couldn't sit around and wait for something bad to happen. That's when he finally let himself get excited. Now he says hi to the baby when he comes home and kisses it goodnight. Lol.

vinerie · September 2015

yogahh said:

Mine seems a bit detached but I keep reading that is normal.

Mine also. He doesn't often bring up baby talk, although he'll get into it if I start the convo. I'm guessing since they are not feeling all the feels it's easier to kind of forget that it's happening. And I don't mean intentionally or negatively forget. I think it's more that immediate and tangible things take priority in their everyday thinking.

countrygrl5533 · September 2015

Mine was like that with our DD. That first week he was a bit numb while I was excited. It just took him some time.

This go 'round, we are just the opposite. He's been excited since day 1 and I'm just starting to come around...kinda. lol

(Not that I don't want this baby, please don't think that. It's just a bit terrifying for me to think about having two children when some days one is a handful.)

Bluejay3030 · September 2015

My H was definitely the same way with DD! He was kind of detached at first, and it bothered me sometimes. But as I got bigger and bigger, and as we went to ultrasounds, I think it started to sink in more. He got really excited about ordering nursery furniture and buying all these gigantic, obnoxious, stuffed safari animals.

I'm sure your H is like most guys in that respect. Just give it some time

. But since he's not the one carrying the baby, I think it's normal for him to not think about baby constantly like a lot of mamas do.

nsouplynn · September 2015

My DH was like that with our first. He just needed a little time to grasp it (since we weren't actively trying at all) but soon after that, he was excited. With this baby #2, he is over the moon and beyond excited. Give it time.

yogahh · September 2015

Glad to know its normal.

One thing that has really been peeving me off is that anytime I mention I am nauseous or my back hurts, he goes into how HE feels. I don't think that he gets that I am nauseas because I am pregnant, not because I have an empty stomach feeling like he does in the morning. Kinda different there buddy.

lest12 · September 2015

yogahh said:

Glad to know its normal.
One thing that has really been peeving me off is that anytime I mention I am nauseous or my back hurts, he goes into how HE feels. I don't think that he gets that I am nauseas because I am pregnant, not because I have an empty stomach feeling like he does in the morning. Kinda different there buddy.

OMG. DH was doing this literally when I was 8-9 months pregnant last time. "My back hurts." "MINE TOO." "I can't sleep at all." "Oh my god, neither can I."

I wanted to murder him.

nsouplynn · September 2015

yogahh said:

Glad to know its normal.
One thing that has really been peeving me off is that anytime I mention I am nauseous or my back hurts, he goes into how HE feels. I don't think that he gets that I am nauseas because I am pregnant, not because I have an empty stomach feeling like he does in the morning. Kinda different there buddy.

Totally different!

yogahh · September 2015

lest12 said:

yogahh said:

Glad to know its normal.
One thing that has really been peeving me off is that anytime I mention I am nauseous or my back hurts, he goes into how HE feels. I don't think that he gets that I am nauseas because I am pregnant, not because I have an empty stomach feeling like he does in the morning. Kinda different there buddy.

OMG. DH was doing this literally when I was 8-9 months pregnant last time. "My back hurts." "MINE TOO." "I can't sleep at all." "Oh my god, neither can I."
I wanted to murder him.

I would have murdered him. You showed such great restraint

twinmom3221 · September 2015

A woman becomes a mother the minute she finds out she is pregnant, a man becomes a father when he holds his baby for the first time.... This is so true! You will be amazed how much your husband loves his children.

mightylady · September 2015

I feel like last time it really became real when we heard the heart beat. I'd contest that was the day we both felt "this is it. We are going to be parents".

Dudes handle emotions different than ladies I think. I think they are just taught to. His silence might be feeling overwhelmed, happy, anxious, or anything. I would try talking to him casually (not doing a sit down confrontation type talk) like when you're driving somewhere or something. And just say "Hey, I'm having some pretty big feelings here. I think you are too. It would help me to know what you're thinking and feeling. You don't have to get gushy, but just a 'Today I'm feeling pretty excited, overwhelmed, unequal to the task, totally prepared or whatever would help'."

Sometimes if you phrase it "It would help me if you..." can get a point across better that "Why don't you do..." Dudes like to help. Also you aren't confronting him with something he's doing wrong, you're giving him the opportunity to do something for you.

Bookhousegirl · September 2015

lest12 said:

yogahh said:

Glad to know its normal.
One thing that has really been peeving me off is that anytime I mention I am nauseous or my back hurts, he goes into how HE feels. I don't think that he gets that I am nauseas because I am pregnant, not because I have an empty stomach feeling like he does in the morning. Kinda different there buddy.

OMG. DH was doing this literally when I was 8-9 months pregnant last time. "My back hurts." "MINE TOO." "I can't sleep at all." "Oh my god, neither can I."

I wanted to murder him.

Haha this was exactly how my DH was last time! It actually became a joke in my family.

It definitely is taking longer for it to sink in for both of us this time, but regardless of how long it takes him he never wants to talk about it as much as me. DH is just not a planner like I am so while I can spend all day talking about what we have to buy and how we're going to organize things, it totally overwhelms him.

saladflambe · September 2015

My husband is more excited and ready for this than I am.

MrsPrice519 · September 2015

My husband was excited when I told him

But he doesn't talk about it much which makes me feel crazy because I want to talk about it all.day.long. I thought I could be more reserved since this is our second, but everything just feels so new and exciting again and I just love it.

Hormones are obviously not affecting me at all

cortney626 · September 2015

My husband was shocked when we found out b/c it happened so quick. But he was excited and wanted to tell his family right away. We don't talk about it much. If DD and I bring up a baby name, he kind of wrinkles his nose. He'll talk about the baby occasionally but I definitely think it has to be more tangible (after an u/s, growing belly, etc). I saw my husband's friend/business partner this weekend and he was asking me all about my appt coming up on the 28th and "You'll be around 8-9 weeks, right?" He knew more than I thought so my husband must talk to him about this stuff. Surprised me!

Pepper6 · September 2015

My husband had sort of the same reaction I did. Like "Wow, I'm excited, but now I'm also nervous as heck to have 2u2." I think it'll be a little more real for both of us once we finally tell people, which will be as soon as DD's "big sister" t-shirt comes in the mail.

JackieH102 · September 2015

I got pregnant very quickly after we decided to try for #2. So when the test was positive I yelled from the bathroom "OMG I'm pregnant"...he thought I was seeing lines that wern't really there.

Don't get me wrong he's excited because we both wanted a second and final child, but some days when our daughter acts up we both think "omg what are we doing to do with 2!" I asked him last night "are you excited" The answer was "of course I am, but 2 will be a challenge for sure" and I get that. Once I start showing and everything is 100% healthy he will be really giddy

gooberdoofus95 · September 2015

My DH was completly breathtaking by the announcement! He has been giving LO a kiss whenever he can. Last night he came running into the room with a book to read LO. Before everyone reads this and goes that's crazy (because I thought the same thing) he will be deploying in December and won't be back till July! So he will miss all the kicks, movements, and birth. He said he wanted to get a head start since it won't be long until he can't do it! I started to cry! Stupid hormones!

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