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Blended Families
katieon95
member
BM interfering, feeling overwhelmed help!!!
katieon95
member
I've just found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend of 5 months. Since I met him I knew we would be together for a long time we just clicked straight away and fell in love. He has 2 kids for someone else and that has never been a problem for me. He is currently trying to get some custody of the kids as she does not let him see them (he is up in court this week) she has no problem taking money off him and gets on with him when she wants to. She has just found out I am pregnant and of course was not happy. It is really really bothering me that she can stick her nose in whenever she wants and give her opinion about my relationship with bf I know they have to have contact but I think it should be just about the kids and kids only its really getting to me and she is not letting me enjoy this exiting experience at all I am also nervouse for when I do meet the children (7 &4 ) they will not like me because of what there mother is saying. I have just gotten a taste of what the rest of my life could be like . Everything is going really fast and I am feeling really overwhelmed anyone any advice on what to do and not let it bother me ??
Best Answers
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blended10 member
Hi there- first of all congratulations!! What an exciting time of life!
I met my step-kids at 5 & 8, they are now 18 & 21- time flies! We have 2 kids of our own- 1 is 4, the second due in December. Just a little background on me & my family.
Here's my advice: ignore her, don't ever ever ever speak poorly of her in front of the kids, develop a relationship with the littles not as a parent but as another adult they can trust in their world. Do fun things, get messy, say yes as much as you can. Kids are smart, even if their mother is trashing you but they see you as fun, exciting & loving they will love you anyway. Treat those kids how you would hope someone would treat yours.
Let your bf know you need him to set clear boundaries with the bio-mom. But let him do it. Don't get involved. It's drama you don't need or want.
The light at the end of the tunnel is this: your step kids love you, you love them, your bf respects you & knows how lucky he is. This will get better/easier/enjoyable as the years go on & you show everyone with you actions what a grown-up looks like.
Best of luck!! - Loading the player...
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saratee99 member
OK wow. Well, you are in this for the long hall now. Here is my two cents. First of all, you and your bf are a family now, but his kids and their BM are also a family. In my experience, having a step-daughter of my own, it has been tremendously helpful to try and consider her BM as my own family. You see, my SD is my family and I lover her with my whole heart. But her mom is her family too. You can't pick your family and you sure don't always like them, but they are there forever. You are going to have to coordinate Christmas and Easters with this woman for the rest of your life (seriously). So you'd better start getting along. My recommendation is to kill her with kindness. My SD's mom sure didn't like me at first but I really tried my best to communicate with her, apologize when an apology was due and always, always, compromise. Anyway, that is my advice. It has worked for me, we went through a toxic custody/visitation/child support battle years ago and have been working toward mending our relationship ever since so that we can function as a team of parents for my SD.