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August 2015 Moms
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You're hogging MY baby...

tylerytylery member
in August 2015 Moms
I don't like to complain, but this has been my BIGGEST pet peeve: people always hogging the time with my daughter.
My husband and I are raising our daughter in our in-laws home (since we're unable to afford a home of our own right now :( ). Anyways, my in-laws tend to hog my baby... They tell me and my husband that we should be appreciative of their "help" by taking the baby off our hands. However, they aren't helping us with anything other than literally just holding our baby for hours on end. It gets on my nerves because it means my husband and I don't get to bond with our daughter while she's calm and asleep... Instead we are only able to have her back when she's fussy and nobody wants to deal with her crying. Plus, I think this is really getting on my nerves because essentially she is MINE and MY HUBBY's daughter. And with my maternity leave coming to an end, I really want to spend every moment with her, the good and bad moments LOL.
In addition to feeling like everyone keeps stealing my baby away from my husband and I, I absolutely CANNOT stand when people want to keep touching her and don't even wash their hands. Absolutely kills me!! I don't like my younger siblings or my hubby's younger siblings (our siblings are in middle school and elementary school) trying to touch or carry our daughter... I think my in-laws get mad at me that I hate letting the younger siblings get too close to the baby, but kids are so easily prone to germs and need to constantly be reminded to be clean...

Do any other mommas feel the same as I do in either of these situations? It might make me come across like a b---- but I can't help it! That's just the way I feel... [-(
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Re: You're hogging MY baby...

  • missmarissa711missmarissa711 member
    I know how you feel. There are STILL people coming to see the baby and he is going to be 2 months old this Friday. I get the same thing with the whole "well we are helping you, let me take him from you" but the truth is, I don't need a break from him lol. I WANT to hold my screaming child. I understand that they are coming from a good place but sometimes as a new mother I think emotions run high. Maybe some moms like to hand their children off to others and have some alone time but I love spending every moment I can with him. :) maybe I'm a b*tch too? lol.
    Always hold on to hope ❤
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  • Kwest1007Kwest1007 member
    I totally understand where you are coming from! My mother was living with us since we bought our home last year but we respectfully asked her to find her own place when we found out I was pregnant because we were worried about the same thing! She now lives 5mins away and always wants to come over but thankfully understands we need our time w her. I was upset yesterday w her though because she ran out with me to do errands.. My first time away from baby (about 2hrs n she was w hubby) and I couldn't wait to get home to her!! As soon as we got back to the house, she ran in (without helping w groceries) and took the baby! I pretty much had to fight my mother for her! :-/ thankfully I had to BF so I quickly got her back!
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  • mlindonmlindon member
    Take her to your room and hibernate. I didn't hardly come out of our room for the first few weeks. If people asked to take her say no she is fine where she is.
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  • tylerytylery member
    Lol yes! I always say it's time to breastfeed her then hide away in our room. I'll purposely hide her baby bottles so nobody tries to warm any milk and keep her away from me :p
    But sometimes hiding in my room isn't enough! My mother in law will invite herself in... That's another issue itself!
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  • KristinaD217KristinaD217 member
    My mil was like that, she us now back in Boston. It frustrated me, but I let it go because she was leaving. She would get frustrated with me when I wouldn't let my nephew near lo, and when I had complaints about my bil and sil holding her while they were sick. (They got my baby sick)

    So, I say, since you are living with them, stand your ground. Don't let them push you around, if you want your baby. Take it.
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  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    I hate having visitors bc I want my time with my baby. Lol Ive had only family over and 1 friend who basically invited themself and wouldnt take no for answer so she was here for all of 10 mins and I made her give me Arya back to feed her and asked her to leave. I think people are getting the hint and I dont care if im a bitch about it. This is more than likely my only baby and I want to relish every moment while she is so small.
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  • tylerytylery member
    Seriously!! My husband is getting upset with me for saying I want to spend every waking moment with my daughter before I return to work next week... He thinks I'm being a total jerk.
    I don't know why people think I'm being so rude by saying I want to spend all the time I have left with her. This is my first child, so regardless of my parents and in-laws are first time grandparents, they still need to lay off and wait their turn. It's very frustrating living with in-laws and feeling like I'm the outsider and still trying to have jurisdiction over my daughter.
    But unless someone is waking up in the middle of the night to actually help me out, then I'm VERY reluctant to hand my daughter over to someone...
    Besides, once I go back to work, I already know my in-laws are gonna be hogging her until I get back home. And even at that, I doubt they will give my daughter to me once I get home. I'll have to ask to hold my own daughter, how ridiculous is that?...
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  • taylorharber1108taylorharber1108 member
    I am in the same situation! My husband and I live with my grandma and she's always wanting the baby!!!! I know she's trying to help but it's so annoying! I can handle it, if I need your help I'll ask. I isolate myself to my room so I don't have to deal with her. I'm starting to stand my ground more though. Good luck mama it isn't easy!
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  • sarahmu7sarahmu7 member
    We live with my MIL as well. She's always saying she'll "help" by holding the baby, but that's not the kind of help I need. I need someone to go to the grocery store, put gas in my car, do laundry, make dinner, etc. I the 3 wks since baby has been home, she's done nothing of that. She bought us hoagies for dinner once, but then since we didn't have them that night, she ate one of the two! When my husband is at work, I'll hide upstairs and only come down for food while baby is napping. It infuriates me. I could go on and on, but you get the point. You need to do what's right for you. Hog your baby. :)
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  • SaratiffSaratiff member
    I am also living with my inlaws and between my MIL, FIl and BIL I can go all day without holding her. Then add in the constant flow of visitors and I could go a whole day without the baby. Then I had a nipple infection so I couldn't Breast feed only pump and she wouldn't take a bottle from me. It broke my heart.

    I like it in the morning I pump in the morning and then I get to sleep for another two hours uninterrupted.

    So while I get frustrated that I have to share her with eveyone. My MiL does cook, clean, grocery shop, does our laundry and when she does have the baby I can nap or shower. So I feel guilty complaining.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • rcsudsrcsuds member
    I had a month straight of visitors, then we visited said visitors for almost a week, and we got a week off before someone comes to visit for a couple days... after that first string, I was ready to be alone, because I felt like a vending machine and nothing else! That was the only time I got to hold her for a lot of the visiting
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  • tylerytylery member
    Just another update to my vent, but now my MIL is questioning why am I even breastfeeding her? Which translates to "don't breastfeed her cause I want to hold her still." :-w seriously....?
    My mom is the total opposite when it comes to feeding my daughter. She might be in the process of warming a bottle (thinking I'm asleep and can't feed baby) but my mom will immediately tell me to breastfeed if she sees I'm awake and able.
    My MIL is killing me. She even is asking who's going to babysit (which will either be me,hubby, or my mom) as if she should be the sole babysitter...
    Again, I live with my in-laws and this is just starting to get on my nerves. I'm praying my hubby and I can get our own place before our daughter turns 1! Ughhh
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  • mlindonmlindon member
    I tell everyone in my house that if the baby wakes up and I am asleep to wake me so I can breastfeed her even if there is pumped milk in the fridge. I tell them it is so I don't get engorged and that my body regulates how much milk to make by how much LO eats. I also site nipple confusion as a reason to limit bottle feeding. I also am the one who stays up with LO all night because she doesn't sleep well. It gives us some good alone time and comforts her. I let others help out in the morning and that's when I sleep.
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  • Jenni329Jenni329 member
    Woe, I don't know how you haven't flipped your lid, you've more patience than me. You are well within your right to take your baby back from them and not feel bad. You grew her and birthed her, they didn't. The only thing I've found annoying is my dad and step mum forcing me to hand my daughter over to step mums mother who I really don't like. The woman is a walking germ bag with disgusting long dirty nails. Plus she's not a very nice woman and openly bad mouthed my 7 year old nephew to my sister. She said he was a very bad boy who throws tantrums whenever he doesn't get his own way, and tuts whenever he speaks. He's so polite and well mannered and was actually playing a game with my dad at the time so was being encouraged to be cheeky so he could get tickles. Sounds petty compared to having to live with someone who is being over the top but I've found my instincts over people have got a bit sharper and I'm listening to them.
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  • LittleFox2015LittleFox2015 member
    We had a meet the baby dinner with hubs family on saturday. Mil kept taking the baby from people who had never met lo. His aunt or great grandma. She got mad i made her use hand sanitizer each time she received him again. She also has a habit of acting like he is her kid. Showing people his nursery or twlling him stories about how he sleeps and how much he weighs. I cant stand the woman. My husband has once a month weekend drill and she has already informed us that l.o. will be coming to stay the weekend at her house all weekend so i can get "me" time. Haha crazy woman. She lives two hours away and complains about not seeing lo enough. I dont know how you have kept nice for so long. Between hormones and mama bear id have snapped. Good luck
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  • tylerytylery member
    @LittleFox2015 I have no shame in rhetorically stating "did you wash your hands?!" to anyone who wants to touch my daughter. She's only a month and a half old so I HATE when anybody tries to touch her...
    And ugh, I've also experienced that where my MIL would call my daughter HER baby and brag about her. I used to get bothered because she announced my baby to everyone and she got congratulated as a grandma, but it's like where's the credit for me and my husband actually creating this cute baby!? Lol....
    MILs can be so overbearing sometimes.
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  • tylerytylery member
    @Starynightsky24 I have to try that! Lol. Usually my husband doesn't want me snatching my daughter back from his parents when she gets fussy. (Not like his parents will even hand her back to me, which gets on my nerves!!)
    But I will definitely make a point to take her for myself and console her when she gets fussy. I think the only reason why it's hard for me is because I'm considered a "young" mom at 22, meaning I "can't handle a baby". All I know is I'm so over my in laws hogging my daughter when we live in their house. I want space!
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  • MouseMama817MouseMama817 member
    SashaDenn25 said:

    Starynightsky24 said:

    tylery said:

    @Starynightsky24 I have to try that! Lol. Usually my husband doesn't want me snatching my daughter back from his parents when she gets fussy. (Not like his parents will even hand her back to me, which gets on my nerves!!)
    But I will definitely make a point to take her for myself and console her when she gets fussy. I think the only reason why it's hard for me is because I'm considered a "young" mom at 22, meaning I "can't handle a baby". All I know is I'm so over my in laws hogging my daughter when we live in their house. I want space!

    If my DH said that he had better run. Lol.

    I explained it to DH as he was crying because he needed something. And (to me) it's selfish to keep a crying baby for your own happiness. A baby is a person too. Except babies can't express their needs other than by crying. Almost always he calmed right down when I took him back. Babies are people. Not new toys to pass around... And not animals at a zoo that can be visited by all at all hours of the day.

    I was 23 when DS was born :). You're still mommy, regardless of your age. Imagine what they'll do at Christmas, or birthdays... I'd put my foot down now and tell them who is boss. Lol. That's just more my personality though I guess.

    Good Luck!
    This!! My daughter isnt to be passed around and around. My dad visited the other day and knew she was fussy so he just sat and talked to her while I held her. She stayed happy since she was with me and interacted with him well (as much as a 4 week old interacts) because of this. He was so understanding that I didnt want to let her go and it made my visit with him (that I was dreading bc she had been fussy) so much better than I thought it would be.
    My dad actually gets annoyed when people come over and want to hold baby girl. My mom was over the other day and called him for something and at the end of the phone conversation he said "by the way don't let everyone pass Lexie around. She's too young for that she's going to get sick. Her insides haven't settled yet." Whatever that means! Lol
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  • tylerytylery member
    @Starynightsky24 you said exactly how I feel! Babies are not toys or animals. It irritates me how people pass her around like a new shiny toy, and all I can think is OMG GERMS, SHES GONNA GET SICK OR NAUSEOUS OR FUSSY.
    But my husband actually talked with me today, and he said if his family or my family or anybody does something with our baby that we don't like then I better say something cause I'm ultimately her mom and no one can say otherwise. I think my hubby is finally starting to see what I'm talking about lol
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  • tylerytylery member
    @LittleFox2015 now I've just about had it with my MIL, because she took baby into her room and closed the door. This is why I cannot stand living here. MIL treats my daughter as if she belongs to her. I'm a ticking time bomb about this woman.
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  • tylerytylery member
    @Jenni329 LOL I'm ready to flip. Each day I'm dreading living with my in laws because that means I'm "obligated" to share my daughter with them whenever they're home. And honestly, I don't think my in-laws are entitled to see her for every hour that they get home from work.
    I regret having a good conscience that tells me I should be sharing my daughter with my in laws. Bad choice because I never get her back until it's time to feed her or once everyone in the house goes to sleep. It's so frustrating!!
    I seriously just want to move out and take my daughter and hubby with me and let my in laws actually be grandparents and not try to be another set of parents. Because in reality they are only creating a hostile environment for me and making me feel like I'm supposed to compete to hold my daughter in MY arms.
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  • MouseMama817MouseMama817 member
    I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. The few times my in laws have visited I felt that same obligation to let them hold her the whole time and it killed me to watch her get passed around and have cell phone cameras flashing in her face. My MIL does the same thing with acting like another mother when she's here...changes her outfit, gives us incessant advice and questions our decisions, etc. It gives me that same feeling that I need to "compete" to take care of my baby.

    My advice? Move the hell out ASAP.
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  • tylerytylery member
    edited September 2015
    @messymolly08 LOL, love the advice! Just wish I could move out immediately. It's so hard because financially, my husband and I wouldn't be able to rent or purchase a home with our newborn right this instant :( And it doesn't help that living in Hawaii really has a consequence of paying to live in paradise...
    I don't know why my in-laws have to act this way, especially my MIL. I understand she's excited to have her first granddaughter but give us space. Whether my husband and I live with them, they still need to act like grandparents and give us enough space to be parents! I'm dreading to see what's going to happen as my daughter gets older...
    I have certain things in mind that I'd like to put into place with my daughter and the last thing I need to put up with is my in-laws trying to "out parent" me.
    And the funny thing is, my parents don't do this to me and my husband. We sleepover at my parents house every weekend so they can feel included and see my daughter. But unlike my in laws, my parents catch the hint or will automatically know not to cross boundaries.
    I'm anxiously praying and waiting for the moment I can afford to move out!!! :)>-
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  • gulimzgulimz member
    As I write this, my MIL is over holding my baby. She's here everyday. Holds her but never checks diapers or anything and tells me to check every once in a while.... my mom is surprisingly not here today because my brother came back from Las Vegas with a cold so she's afraid to bring the baby germs. This is my daily life. My mil and my mom holding my baby and nothing else . They think they're helping me but I don't need help. My hubby won't talk to his mom so I feel like why should I tell mine to go away? I totally feel your pain. And at night my stupid FIL comes by with my MIL and wakes her up and cradles her to sleep so when they finally go away, I have a screaming inconsolable infant on my hands and my hubby wants to sleep because he has to go to work. Needless to say.l, I also don't sleep much because of all these people =(
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  • tylerytylery member
    @gulimz ugh that sounds so frustrating!!! I just talked to my hubby last night and told him from now on I want my 6 week old daughter to be left alone by 8 or 9pm. (Seeing that we live with our in-laws, I imagine they will be irritated by that. But even if we didn't live with them, I would still want my daughter to get her rest and not be bothered.)
    I also told my husband that from now on, If our daughter is already asleep, I don't want his parents and siblings to take her out of her crib or napper and interrupt her sleep. It's so annoying to see them wake her up and pass her around...
    And I totally feel you about MIL saying she's "helping" by carrying baby. I don't want help either. If I did, I would ask.
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  • AshK1027AshK1027 member
    The next time my grandma calls Jackson her baby, I'm going to flip. I have the scar to prove this baby came from ME. Her version of "helping" anytime Peanut cries is taking him away from my husband or I. I get so darn frustrated. I've got to learn how to do this myself!!!

    Needless to say, feel your pain!!
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  • julesventurajulesventura member
    I can't imagine how annoying your situation would be. Thankfully, my in-laws couldn't care less about my baby. They have seen her twice for a total of 30 minutes since she was born 3 weeks ago. To top it off, my 10 year old daughter is the one enforcing the hand washing and hand sanitizer to everyone who comes in contact with her baby sister. Lol she watches over the baby like a hawk! My brother is scared of holding the baby so no problems there and my mom and dad (while full of weird old world type of annoying advice) really respect the fact that baby is MINE! I would just tell them straight up that this is MY baby and I need bonding time because they're only this little for a short while. You don't have to be mean spirited about it but just let them know that you are momma not them.
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  • tylerytylery member
    @julesventura LOL that is so adorably funny that your daughter is protective of the baby! That must be nice to not have overbearing in-laws, lol lets switch!!
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  • mlindonmlindon member
    tylery said:

    @gulimz ugh that sounds so frustrating!!! I just talked to my hubby last night and told him from now on I want my 6 week old daughter to be left alone by 8 or 9pm. (Seeing that we live with our in-laws, I imagine they will be irritated by that. But even if we didn't live with them, I would still want my daughter to get her rest and not be bothered.)
    I also told my husband that from now on, If our daughter is already asleep, I don't want his parents and siblings to take her out of her crib or napper and interrupt her sleep. It's so annoying to see them wake her up and pass her around...
    And I totally feel you about MIL saying she's "helping" by carrying baby. I don't want help either. If I did, I would ask.

    I just can't imagine anyone thinking it would be ok to pick up a baby that is already asleep. It is really a very selfish act to pick up a sleeping baby for your own enjoyment and risk waking them do no reason.
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  • julesventurajulesventura member
    tylery said:

    @julesventura LOL that is so adorably funny that your daughter is protective of the baby! That must be nice to not have overbearing in-laws, lol lets switch!!

    It's nice to be able to bond with LO. Quite frankly, it's not like I'm loosing sleep over the fact that the in-laws haven't tried to be more grandparenty lol
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  • april42007april42007 member
    Im so sorry you're dealing with infuriating, boundary stomping ILs. You need to move. I realize it's easier said than done, but it's going to be hard to take control back at this point without getting out of their house. Start being blunt with them. It's your baby. You can't worry about being rude. Channel your inner mama bear. If they try to take her from you, tell them you have it covered and don't let them. Physically take your child back from them. Can you keep her only in your room when she's sleeping? Oh and does your bedroom door lock? If it doesn't, get one and use it!

    My baby is six weeks old and we're finding that if she's held by too many people or passed around too much we're left with a screaming baby at night that can't calm down. So I've basically stopped letting people hold her in the evenings. She only wants me anyway. I do not feel bad about this AT ALL. Other people's wants do not trump baby's needs.
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  • cseley321cseley321 member
    Yep, I would save every penny, ask the husband to get a second job, sell stuff on ebay, whatever it takes to get money to get a down payment if you're saving for a house. I know it's difficult especially with a baby, but if you're under their roof you will never get the privacy you want.

    If none of that will help, I would start looking into the prospect of moving in with your parents maybe if possible. This will probably piss off your in laws though.
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  • tylerytylery member
    @april42007 you said exactly what I feel. Living with my in laws doesn't give me and my husband any privacy whatsoever! It seriously makes me feel like just because I live with them, that they expect to see the baby the whole time they are home from work or whatever. But I'm trying to treat the situation as if we don't live with them, so they know the limited accessibility they would actually have when my hubby and I actually move out! I tend to hide out in our room to keep baby away from the excessive carrying and being passed around.
    But you're so right about baby getting fussy after too much carrying by other people. I HATE when she's passed around and overstimulated by all the voices and touching and everything and everyone.
    Cause at the end of the day I AM THE ONE dealing with a fussy baby (not that it bothers me). But my husband sleeps through her crying and I can only imagine how hard it's gonna be once I go back go work next week and have to keep with the late night routine of tending to baby. I'm pretty scared about that :(
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  • tylerytylery member
    @Crystal321 lol yes I'm selling whatever extra stuff I've been hoarding for the years. I even told my hubby he needs to try for a better job that can actually support a family. I make more money than him, but it's not enough to make a living here in Hawaii :( living in Hawaii is a challenge of its own!
    My in laws try to make the impression of expanding the house but I'm just thinking HELL NO will I continue to live here even if they made another room. It's not the same as being completely detached and having my own home one day.
    But I get away from my in laws by staying at my parents (taking baby of course) on the weekends. It makes in laws mad that baby is gone for the weekend but too bad!
    Lol I'm just hoping and praying that my hubby and I can get out of here before baby turns 1!
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  • mbranch1729mbranch1729 member
    Stand your ground! I didn't when it came to going down to my MIL and now my two weeks old baby has a stuffy nose and is wheezing. You're not being a b at all, you're doing the right thing for your child. And if you want your baby back, then take her back! Explain that your leave is about to end and its really important to bond as much as you can before you head back to work. Good luck, momma! You got this.
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