Hey I am currently undecided whether or not to bring up about having a baby shower as this is my 2nd child and I had 1 for my 1st child. I need people's opinions ? Soo confused and not really sure how people will react!
Hey I am currently undecided whether or not to bring up about having a baby shower as this is my 2nd child and I had 1 for my 1st child. I need people's opinions ? Soo confused and not really sure how people will react!
Well since you are asking here, it doesn't seem like it's something too common in your social circle. Otherwise you would know how people would react. Chances are, it's not likely something that would be well received though.
Showers are for first time moms, to welcome you to motherhood.
All that said, you shouldn't be the one to bring up having a shower, regardless of what number baby. If someone wants to host one, they will offer.
This is so incredibly not something that YOU bring up to anyone. First baby or 10th. A shower is always a gift to you and it's something that others offer to you. You don't ask about it.
Then of course the issue is whether it's common in your circle for people to throw showers for subsequent kids. As the PP said, MANY people see showers as "welcoming a new mom to motherhood". You aren't a new mom, you don't need to be welcomed. If it's not common in your circle (and you shoudl know this already), then you probably won't be offered a shower.
Agree w/PP. You shouldn't bring up having a shower to anyone. If someone offers to throw you one, it is your choice to accept or decline. As PP pointed out, the purpose of a shower is to welcome a woman to motherhood and "shower" her with gifts (so yes, showers ARE about gifts). 2nd showers for subsequent children are typically frowned upon since you are no longer a first time mother. Lots of people have them anyway for one reason or another but I personally would decline a second shower, even if someone offered. It's considered bad form to have subsequent showers.
If you really want to "celebrate the baby", have a tea or brunch, or luncheon after the baby is born. Do not mention gifts. It's a nice way to celebrate and have your friends & family meet the baby w/o obligating them to bring a gift, like a shower would. Many will bring gifts anyway, but should not be expected to. This is really the only "socially acceptable" way to fete a second baby and you actually can host this yourself rather than have someone else take on the burden of throwing you a party.
Even if this was your first baby you shouldn't be bringing the shower up to anyone. A shower is a gift, not an entitlement. As pps pointed out, it is bad etiquette to have a shower for a second baby because the point of a shower is to welcome you to motherhood. If you want to have a party, have a party, just don't call it a shower.
My partner actually suggested to chuck me a baby shower this time around as I don't have friends with kids and they don't really know much about it and as for my 1st I organised that with my sister In law and thoroughly enjoyed it! I just wanted to chuck it there as I don't believe that the baby shower is about gifts so much anyway but celebrating new life
My partner actually suggested to chuck me a baby shower this time around as I don't have friends with kids and they don't really know much about it and as for my 1st I organised that with my sister In law and thoroughly enjoyed it! I just wanted to chuck it there as I don't believe that the baby shower is about gifts so much anyway but celebrating new life
By definition a baby shower is about showering the mtb with gifts.
My partner actually suggested to chuck me a baby shower this time around as I don't have friends with kids and they don't really know much about it and as for my 1st I organised that with my sister In law and thoroughly enjoyed it! I just wanted to chuck it there as I don't believe that the baby shower is about gifts so much anyway but celebrating new life
It seems as if a lot of people think baby showers are about celebrating new life but by definition, that's not the case. Showers are meant to be gift giving events so if you have one, people will automatically assume they have to bring a gift. So if you are wanting to have a celebration-type party, just have a regular party and leave the baby stuff out.
And I just wanted to touch upon your comment about organizing your 1st baby shower. The MTB should really be involved in as little as possible with their showers so I would refrain from doing so in the future. I'd also refrain from bringing up a shower to anyone, as they are gifts and it would be rude to do so.
My partner actually suggested to chuck me a baby shower this time around as I don't have friends with kids and they don't really know much about it and as for my 1st I organised that with my sister In law and thoroughly enjoyed it! I just wanted to chuck it there as I don't believe that the baby shower is about gifts so much anyway but celebrating new life
See, what you believe doesn't really matter here, we are telling you what is well established in regard to showers, from a socially correct standpoint. Showers are meant to welcome a new parent to parenthood and to "shower" them with gifts. That's it, that's what they are. These types of things are not subject to opinion. If they were, etiquette rules (aka, guidelines on how to act in accordance with polite society) would be pointless.
That said, I've already provided a good example of how to "celebrate the baby" or "celebrate new life", etc. you host a party after LO is born, do not mention gifts, everyone comes over, has some punch (or champagne), squees over LO. It's not difficult.
If you want to have a shower, or ask someone to throw you one, or throw your own, you will not be encouraged to do so here. Literally the ONLY reason one wouldn't do as I suggested and throw a lunch/brunch/tea/whatever and would continue to plow forward with insisting on having a "shower" would be b/c that person just wants ALL THE PRESENTS. And, well, that's just gross.
My partner actually suggested to chuck me a baby shower this time around as I don't have friends with kids and they don't really know much about it and as for my 1st I organised that with my sister In law and thoroughly enjoyed it! I just wanted to chuck it there as I don't believe that the baby shower is about gifts so much anyway but celebrating new life
Wait, I'm confused. If a baby shower isn't about gifts to you then I assume you won't include a registry or maybe will specify that gifts are not required?? Or perhaps just have it after baby is here so that you can truly celebrate the 'new life'? Because otherwise, you guys are essentially throwing a party in your own honour with the expectation that your guests bring gifts. Would you do that for your birthday too? Eurgh.
We didn't even ask for gifts for our 1st as we made it optional as it was not essential to us as we already had everything we needed! As for the celebrating of the life of our new soon to be baby, yes we wanna share that with close friends and family and have a party to welcome our newborn child and for the family and friends to meet the baby. So as all you very judgemental people keep clearly stating a baby shower obviously may not be the way to do that and as I was not fully aware of " the technical term of a baby shower" according to yourselfs I refrain my question and will seek advice on anything else from another source!!
We didn't even ask for gifts for our 1st as we made it optional as it was not essential to us as we already had everything we needed! As for the celebrating of the life of our new soon to be baby, yes we wanna share that with close friends and family and have a party to welcome our newborn child and for the family and friends to meet the baby. So as all you very judgemental people keep clearly stating a baby shower obviously may not be the way to do that and as I was not fully aware of " the technical term of a baby shower" according to yourselfs I refrain my question and will seek advice on anything else from another source!!
You don't ask for gifts. Most people know that a shower is a gift giving event. It's common knowledge and they would know to bring a gift.
We didn't even ask for gifts for our 1st as we made it optional as it was not essential to us as we already had everything we needed! As for the celebrating of the life of our new soon to be baby, yes we wanna share that with close friends and family and have a party to welcome our newborn child and for the family and friends to meet the baby. So as all you very judgemental people keep clearly stating a baby shower obviously may not be the way to do that and as I was not fully aware of " the technical term of a baby shower" according to yourselfs I refrain my question and will seek advice on anything else from another source!!
"You didn't give me the responses I wanted so you're all judgmental!"
I'm not a judgmental person by nature but you'd better believe if someone invited me to a second shower that was being thrown by their partner I would side eye the hell out of it! I hope you get only the kind of advice you want to hear wherever you next choose to source it out. Good luck.
I personally wouldn't feel the need to have a second shower for baby #2. I'm not really looking forward to baby #1's shower because I'm a terrible gift receiver and feel so awkward having people buy me things. I really only wanted a cookout/gathering with the people I love to celebrate finally getting pregnant. SO's grandmother and my cousin wouldn't have any part of that and made me register and include it on the invites. I'm very grateful for someone throwing a shower for me and for anything gifted to me, however if I have another we will probably have a little party a couple months after the birth to celebrate the baby's life. I wouldn't expect or want gifts, though. We are able providers and the only gift we really desire from people is their time.
We didn't even ask for gifts for our 1st as we made it optional as it was not essential to us as we already had everything we needed! As for the celebrating of the life of our new soon to be baby, yes we wanna share that with close friends and family and have a party to welcome our newborn child and for the family and friends to meet the baby. So as all you very judgemental people keep clearly stating a baby shower obviously may not be the way to do that and as I was not fully aware of " the technical term of a baby shower" according to yourselfs I refrain my question and will seek advice on anything else from another source!!
Darlin. Providing information (that you asked for!) =/= being judgemental.
You calling posters judgemental who answered what you asked but apparently didn't want to hear DOES = being petulant & immature. Let's establish that right now.
I wasn't judging you at all by giving my advice. I thought it was great that you came here and asked a question about shower etiquette that you didn't know the answer to. No one knows all of this stuff, which is why it's great to have these boards. But when you're given solid, appropriate advice and you come back with "you are all judgemental people" and "I'm going somewhere else!", that's when the judgement starts creeping.
That's great that you learned that showers are meant to be gift giving events, whether you ask for them (which you shouldn't) or not. Hopefully you learned from reading the rest of the responses that you are totally w/in social bounds to have a party for your baby w/o calling it a shower or soliciting gifts. Try not to get so defensive, re-read the advice knowing that it comes from a well-intentioned place, and just think about it. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy & enjoy your baby party, not shower!
If your mind is already made up that you're having a second shower, why did you ask for opinions here? You asked for advice and people gave it. Don't get pissy that it's not what you wanted to hear...
I detect from your language that you're not from the US. Is that correct? In the US, it is very frowned upon to have showers for any other than your first child with a few exceptions. In other countries, I believe the UK is one, showers are a very new concept and cultural norms regarding them haven't been set yet. In all cases, though, your partner should not be throwing a shower for you because (s)he benefits from those gifts like you do. If you don't have someone outside of your home to throw you a shower, then unfortunately, you should not have a shower. If you don't need anything, do like some of the other ladies have mentioned and throw a party after the baby has arrived.
It depends on your social circle and culture. Everyone isn't from the Martha Stewart tribe. Many cultures have showers for each baby . Do what you feel is best. Have fun.
It depends on your social circle and culture. Everyone isn't from the Martha Stewart tribe. Many cultures have showers for each baby . Do what you feel is best. Have fun.
It depends on your social circle and culture. Everyone isn't from the Martha Stewart tribe. Many cultures have showers for each baby . Do what you feel is best. Have fun.
The Martha Stewart tribe?
I'm just guessing here but: Marta Stewart Tribe = Polite Society/People with manners/People who aren't comfortable asking for gifts.
I'm also guessing that our tribal markings may include a sweater tied around our shoulders, crisp white Polo shirts, and Lily Pulitzer printed pants. Just going out on a limb.
It depends on your social circle and culture. Everyone isn't from the Martha Stewart tribe. Many cultures have showers for each baby . Do what you feel is best. Have fun.
The Martha Stewart tribe?
I'm just guessing here but: Marta Stewart Tribe = Polite Society/People with manners/People who aren't comfortable asking for gifts.
I'm also guessing that our tribal markings may include a sweater tied around our shoulders, crisp white Polo shirts, and Lily Pulitzer printed pants. Just going out on a limb.
Aaah ok so people with manners, got it.
Darn those pesky, considerate people. Always thinking of others instead of themselves, how dare they!
Martha Stewart tribe those that act like there is a golden etiquette book everyone must follow. Other cultures celebrate each baby and every social circle is different . Some cultures celebrate with a shower for each. If your culture or social circle doesn't then that's ok. But there are others who do, in some cultures it's perfectly acceptable and expected.
Martha Stewart tribe those that act like there is a golden etiquette book everyone must follow. Other cultures celebrate each baby and every social circle is different . Some cultures celebrate with a shower for each. If your culture or social circle doesn't then that's ok. But there are others who do, in some cultures it's perfectly acceptable and expected.
And I'm fully aware of that and accept that reasoning.
However, even people within social circles have varying views on etiquette and unless you personally know that each and every person attending this event is okay with it, you still run the risk of coming across as rude to someone. And for the majority of people, I'm sure they don't run around taking a poll of their guests' feelings on the matter so to me, it's just better to err on the side of caution.
It's just not worth it to me to hurt someone I care about over a few presents.
Martha Stewart tribe those that act like there is a golden etiquette book everyone must follow. Other cultures celebrate each baby and every social circle is different . Some cultures celebrate with a shower for each. If your culture or social circle doesn't then that's ok. But there are others who do, in some cultures it's perfectly acceptable and expected.
If someone is from a culture where baby showers happen for every baby, they probably aren't on here asking for advice on baby showers for 2nd or more children.
Martha Stewart tribe those that act like there is a golden etiquette book everyone must follow. Other cultures celebrate each baby and every social circle is different . Some cultures celebrate with a shower for each. If your culture or social circle doesn't then that's ok. But there are others who do, in some cultures it's perfectly acceptable and expected.
I find that people who speak about etiquette in a derogatory or negative way are usually doing it less so out of cultural disagreement and more so out of trying to justify doing something rude, self-serving, or inappropriate. It is perfectly plausible to adhere to cultural standards and norms while still observing proper etiquette, which is actually just another word for "good manners". Etiquette is not a bad word, and those of us who tend to give it some weight should not be considered elitist or snobbish, which is implied by the "Martha Stewart Tribe" dig.
ETA that Martha Stewart doesn't even make sense here. I can't bake a pan of muffins let alone a multi-level cake adorned with fondant butterflies or craft my way out of a paper bag - yet I do enjoy trying my best to adhere to etiquette standards. I love me some Martha Stewart but she's not exactly the first person who comes to mind when I think about an etiquette authority. Going to prison for insider trading =/= good manners...
In my area it's pretty normal to have a shower for the second baby, especially if it's a different sex than the first ("Oh, she's having a girl this time! We need to buy her a ton of pink crap!")
However, it is never ok to ask for a shower. Just wait and see if it's offered. If no one offers, there's your answer.
It depends on your social circle and culture. Everyone isn't from the Martha Stewart tribe. Many cultures have showers for each baby . Do what you feel is best. Have fun.
Re: baby shower for baby #2
Showers are for first time moms, to welcome you to motherhood.
All that said, you shouldn't be the one to bring up having a shower, regardless of what number baby. If someone wants to host one, they will offer.
Then of course the issue is whether it's common in your circle for people to throw showers for subsequent kids. As the PP said, MANY people see showers as "welcoming a new mom to motherhood". You aren't a new mom, you don't need to be welcomed. If it's not common in your circle (and you shoudl know this already), then you probably won't be offered a shower.
If you really want to "celebrate the baby", have a tea or brunch, or luncheon after the baby is born. Do not mention gifts. It's a nice way to celebrate and have your friends & family meet the baby w/o obligating them to bring a gift, like a shower would. Many will bring gifts anyway, but should not be expected to. This is really the only "socially acceptable" way to fete a second baby and you actually can host this yourself rather than have someone else take on the burden of throwing you a party.
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That said, I've already provided a good example of how to "celebrate the baby" or "celebrate new life", etc. you host a party after LO is born, do not mention gifts, everyone comes over, has some punch (or champagne), squees over LO. It's not difficult.
If you want to have a shower, or ask someone to throw you one, or throw your own, you will not be encouraged to do so here. Literally the ONLY reason one wouldn't do as I suggested and throw a lunch/brunch/tea/whatever and would continue to plow forward with insisting on having a "shower" would be b/c that person just wants ALL THE PRESENTS. And, well, that's just gross.
ETA champagne. B/c, well, champagne.
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Because otherwise, you guys are essentially throwing a party in your own honour with the expectation that your guests bring gifts. Would you do that for your birthday too? Eurgh.
EditEd for clarity
I'm not a judgmental person by nature but you'd better believe if someone invited me to a second shower that was being thrown by their partner I would side eye the hell out of it! I hope you get only the kind of advice you want to hear wherever you next choose to source it out. Good luck.
Edited for spelling
You calling posters judgemental who answered what you asked but apparently didn't want to hear DOES = being petulant & immature. Let's establish that right now.
I wasn't judging you at all by giving my advice. I thought it was great that you came here and asked a question about shower etiquette that you didn't know the answer to. No one knows all of this stuff, which is why it's great to have these boards. But when you're given solid, appropriate advice and you come back with "you are all judgemental people" and "I'm going somewhere else!", that's when the judgement starts creeping.
That's great that you learned that showers are meant to be gift giving events, whether you ask for them (which you shouldn't) or not. Hopefully you learned from reading the rest of the responses that you are totally w/in social bounds to have a party for your baby w/o calling it a shower or soliciting gifts. Try not to get so defensive, re-read the advice knowing that it comes from a well-intentioned place, and just think about it. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy & enjoy your baby party, not shower!
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OP "Lol, is it rude to have a baby shower for a second baby? "
Everyone "yes."
OP "lol, I just want to celebrate baby!"
Everyone "perhaps try one of these ideas/events that celebrate the baby instead of you"
OP "you're all mean and judgmental !!!"
Everyone *eyeroll*
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However, it is never ok to ask for a shower. Just wait and see if it's offered. If no one offers, there's your answer.