Feeling elderly

carrieandr · July 2015

There is a thread on TTGP that has a GTKY question "What was your favorite book as a child?" One of the girls said her mother read her Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (2003) and others said Harry Potter (1997).

My mom read to me in the 80's.

Also, I got married in November and my cousin's son just got engaged.

I had to wait so long to find my husband, and then for him to propose, and now to get (and stay) pregnant. I can't believe I'm almost a generation apart from people who are at the same life stage as I am. It freaks me out and makes me want to run backwards in time and somehow make all of this happen sooner. I figured the women on this board would understand.

Sidenote: Today is O day and DH's response was that he was tired and "today's not a great day for that." He's got that backwards. Today is not a great day for him to be tired.

lyssaroony · July 2015

I feel your frustration Carrie! I'm on CD11 with no +BPK which I started taking. On CD7 or 8. No BD since Monday and DH started getting sick yesterday. If I O soon I'm screwed. Or rather, I'm NOT screwed!!! Lol

lyssaroony · July 2015

Hang in there!!!

thistle8677 · July 2015

@CarrieandRoy xoxoxo

dolphin012 · July 2015

I am with you @CarrieandRoy. Although on one hand i am wishing this could have all happened earlier, on the other hand i have hard time thinking about not having accomplished/experienced/met all the people etc on the path i have taken to get where i am. I do get frustrated by a couple of medical blips (nothing to serious and all solved in due time), but that delayed our ttc to later than i wanted. I also hope that my children (if we ever get there!) grow up in a society that better supports balancing families, education, and careers.

Hang in there! Sorry about your DH -- very frustrating (not a good excuse!)

btw -- i grew up reading lots of Judy Blume, Beverly Cleary, and Nancy Drew

Tomerine · July 2015

This so hits home. Facebook reminds me that people from my high school class have teenagers. I tell my husband that it's neither his fault, nor mine, that we met when we were 33 and 34 and I try to remind myself that those "youngsters" who are TTC may have more energy than I do, but I have experience that will serve my kiddo well. I'm way more balanced than I was when I was in my 20s. Still, it's incredibly disheartening at times. It's so hard not to compare.

Hope your husband gets his priorities straight (BD over sleep) and things go well today

carrieandr · July 2015

Thanks ladies! You are right, there are benefits to being older. Meeting DH when we were 32 gives us a better chance at a successful relationship, we're more established financially, and I've had a great deal of life experience since my 20's. I wish I could turn the clock back a couple of years, but alas, it can't be done. I just hope there is time for us to have two kids. We're 37 and still working on our first. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a Judy Blume book for this? "Are You There God, Why Don't I Have Kids Already" or maybe "Tales From a 37 Year Old Uterus."

And @Tomerine, DH didn't actually choose sleep over BD -- that's what's really frustrating! He got up at 5am and worked out before work. (His daily routine.) He had the energy for that, but not enough energy for sex. Maybe parts of his body were more awake than others??

Tomerine · July 2015

Oh, that would so frustrate me. Besides, isn't sex supposed to be a good workout? But you're on to something- the male brain (and therefore what it's neurologically connected to) requires some wake up time. Hope things go well later on.

dolphin012 · July 2015

love the book titles!!!!

thistle8677 · July 2015

@CarrieandRoy you always manage to find the humor in anything. Love that.
Please write that book.

rspalding001 · July 2015

@CarrieandRoy I totally get it! For the record my favorite books as a kid included Island of the Blue Dolphins and Where the Red Fern Grows

I wish we all had more time, but I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today without all those experiences I had in my 20's when other people were having kids.

Also booo to your DH being tired. Its like What? WE never give in and have sex when we don't feel like it? Come on Hubby, get with the program

Goldsgirl9 · July 2015

@CarrieandRoy OMG, Tales from a 37 yr old uterus!!!! I think I just fell in love with you. There is nothing in my house a BJ and some lingerie can't fix especially an "energy" dilemma.

thistle8677 · July 2015

There has got to be some psychology around men not wanting to have sex when it's PEAK TIME! I'm serious. There's gotta be a book or a blog out somewhere....so odd!!!

thistle8677 · July 2015

Do you think they are afraid that if they do it a bunch and we DON'T get pg that somehow we will blame them?
I'm so serious here...wtf?!

Goldsgirl9 · July 2015

Yes @thistle8677 mine feel using OPK's are hindering us from having a successful pregnancy, could you imagine if I was temping?

thistle8677 · July 2015

@Goldsgirl9 what is their logic???
Insanity!
Have you considered temping this cycle?
I feel like maybe you (I think) mentioned trying it...?

Goldsgirl9 · July 2015

@thistle8677 I think if I temp I'll drive myself insane because I am too neurotic. I also feel when I ovulate which is right in line with OPK's. I will try it down the road if I things haven't progressed.

thistle8677 · July 2015

@Goldsgirl9 Totally understandable.
And you're absolutely right.
Temping does bring out the neurosis in me... 8-}

jennOK · July 2015

I know how you feel. People I went to school with have kids in high school now. I have a 2 year old. There are times I feel way behind, but I also feel prepared for a family now. When I think back to my 20s, I wasn't mature enough to have a kid. I was still growing up myself.

My favorite books were Anne of Green Gables and The Babysitters Club.

emsmama15 · July 2015

@CarrieandRoy - just think how much better a mom you will be for being more mature. I know for a fact I would not be nearly the mother I am now if I'd had my baby girl 10 or 20 years earlier. I was 38 when she was born and I thank god for the patience and common sense that I have now that I never would have had in my 20s or even early 30s.

jilligan14 · July 2015

Ahhh....I LOVE Judy Blume!! My dream when I was a kid was to be the next Judy Blume. Maybe I'll write that book for you @CarrieandRoy!!!

I also loved the Sweet Valley Twins. Anyone read that series?

I just found out that my friend's younger brother is having a baby with his girlfriend. He's still in his 20's and seems like a kid. that made me feel really old. But what are you supposed to do when you meet your partner late in life? And yes, we are all going to be better parents because most of the studies out there say that older parents ARE better parents. It's a proven fact.

Designermomma · July 2015

We got married early @ 21 & 23 but weren't ready for kids until my clock started ticking when I turned 30. I do wish I had more energy but we are definitely better off for waiting. We have more patience and are much more financially secure. I look at my younger cousins who had babies in their 20s and they are struggling financially which puts stress on heir relationships. One is separated and the other divorcing.

And yes I remember Sweet Valley High, Baby Sitters Club anyone?

dolphin012 · July 2015

Elizabeth and Jessica.

carrieandr · July 2015

I loved Babysitter's Club, Sweet Valley High and Where the Red Fern Grows. And you guys are awesome.

DH and I did manage to BD last night, thank goodness. But to add to my frustration, my temp went up but not high enough, so it looks like TODAY is O day. I added 3 fake high temps and FF marked today as the day. I think I'll have to be satisfied with -6, -5, -4, -2, -1. I'm not sure if the -6, -5, -4 will do anything, but -2, -1 is decent. They say it's better when the sperm gets there before the egg anyway. Next month (yeah, I'm already thinking of next month) I'm thinking of just BD'ing on high or peak days so DH doesn't get worn out. Last month I went straight to peak, but this month I did FRER's along with the Clearblue opks and I think I know what high days look like on those now.

KLake42 · July 2015

I saw a study that older mamas tend to have more resources (financially, emotionally, etc), which help with child raising. I know I'm in a much, much better place now than I was when I was younger.

thistle8677 · July 2015

Sweet Valley High all the way.
V.C.Andrews anyone?

@CarrieandRoy good work!!!!

****children mentioned ****,

And to chime in on the young mom versus older, if I may...
I had my first at 19 and I've worked very hard to make my children a priority basically since childhood. I am almost 38 and due to 18 years of never being my own top priority, I can tell you that it's been a lot of work.

I'm still working on a degree, because life happens and two marriages happened (because when you're young and pg you sometimes think you can make something work that was NEVER going to work.)

Being an older mom affords a woman a lot more self development and a yes, hopefully more financial stability. It's true for me, mostly.
The one thing I have to say, and honestly I do not personally take offense to anyone's opinion, I swear, is that I wouldn't equate being older with being a better mother, just that there are many perks to being older.

Even though I may have faced more hardships, (maybe it was age, maybe my lack of support and really rough childhood), I don't think I could say my age today would make me better as a parent.

carrieandr · July 2015

Agreed, @thistle8677 -- I'm sure if I got pregnant at 19, I still would have been a good mother. It would have matured me much faster and given me life experience much faster. We are picturing our young selves versus now, and that doesn't take into account how motherhood would have altered us. But if we are trying to find the bright side of having to TTC at this age, there are some advantages to our "advanced maternal age." There's a bit of comfort in that.

thistle8677 · July 2015

Absolutely agree!

lyssaroony · July 2015

I had my children at 23, 28 and 38. It was so different with each child. I agree that older moms aren't necessarily better moms. I personally do feel like I'm more patient with my 3 yr old. But I'm also in a better marriage whereas I was a single mom with my 18yo and seperated/divorced when my 13yo was very young. My family dynamics are different now and as every other mother probably feels, I wouldn't change a thing!!

HisPromisIsTrue · July 2015

I can relate on both accounts

KLake42 · July 2015

I know everyone's experience is different, but for me...

In my late teens and early twenties, I was in an abusive relationship. It would have been bad news to be get pregnant then.

When I got out, I was left with a lot of debt. It took some years to pay it. During that time, I got settled in a career, which will hopefully (as I move forward) provide a secure job with good benefits and flexible hours, with the possibility of starting my own business when I feel I'm ready. I may even be able to create a decent part time job out of it, if needed.

I also sowed a lot of wild oats. I mean a lot. And I mean *wild*. I'm glad for my experiences, which wouldn't have been possible if I were a mom. And I'm not going to be wondering "what if," if I never do those things again.

I also healed from the abusive situation, learned a lot about myself, and learned relationship skills that have helped me develop a solid relationship with my wife. I know that if I had somehow become a parent in my younger years, I'd have figured out how to be a decent parent. But I don't think I'd have been able to do this relationship so well if I hadn't learned the lessons that I learned. With my wife, we know that our paths probably crossed a dozen times throughout the years before we finally met, but we also know that we would have been a mess if we'd fallen for each other at 23.

So for *me*, waiting until now to TTC really has done a lot to help me offer the sort of stability that I couldn't have done if I'd been a younger mom. But that's because of my path, and my own stumbling into a bad situation when I was young.

But I agree, it doesn't mean I'll be a better a mom. Heck, I know women who became mothers in their teen years, and despite the challenges, they were great moms! I'm just thinking that it will be *easier* for me now, than it would if I'd become a mom when I was younger. I have more tools in my tool belt.

(And yes, I'm sure, since I'm not yet a parent, that there are some things I can't imagine, and I will someday think it's ridiculous that I ever used the word "easy" to refer to being a mom!)

carrieandr · July 2015

@KLake42, my husband and I have talked about the fact that if we met in our early 20's, it never would have lasted. (Not because of a generalization that relationships that start young never last, but based on how we each were back then.) We both improved with age.

emsmama15 · July 2015

Oh, just to clarify - I also know some amazing moms who had their kids young. I'm just saying that I am a better person and mother now than I would have been at 20.

SaltyStar09 · August 2015

This might be my favorite thread ever. Right there with you, ladies. Sometimes I am alarmed when I realize that some of my employees could be my children (and that if they had kids young, I could be a grandparent!!).

Whenever I get down and think "what if we had started earlier," I just remind myself that we are here today and that's all I need to deal with. There are advantages and disadvantages to having children at any age. I'm bummed about the disadvantages but hopeful about the things that make being an "older" mom a good thing.

Oh and my favorite books as a kid were the Laura Ingalls/Little House on the Prairie set. So I'm throwing it way old school! (also loved Judy Blume, Anne of Green Gables, Nancy Drew, Trixie Beldon - my mom was really into me reading the classics and I hope to pass the same onto my kids).

carrieandr · August 2015

I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder. : )

Knottie16743552 · August 2015

Yes! For Little House on the Prairie!

prettysmile40 · September 2015

can I ask how old you are CarrieandRoy?

carrieandr · September 2015

37

carrieandr · September 2015

...Why?

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