Sex drive

lacietarver · September 2015

this is my first pregnancy and I have noticed that I do not have a sex drive what-so-ever! My husband is getting so frustrated with me because I never want to do anything with him. Has anyone else experienced this? And, what are good ways to overcome this bum sex drive and be able to be intimate with my husband? I feel like he thinks it's him but it's not. Ever since I've been prego I have just had no urge at all!

cmar1006 · September 2015

That's how I am. Zero sex drive. It's our second so I think my husband knows what to expect. Although you may not want to, sometimes it might be nice to at least try. You never know.. just trying could get things going for you.

Good luck.

loveinak · September 2015

You're not alone. I couldn't stand any touch a few weeks ago but I've finally hit the point where I can at least give my poor husband a hug.

kaitlyn592 · September 2015

I've been in a similar situation lately. It's hard to feel into any intimacy when I feel tired, nauseous, and just plain crappy all of the time. My best advice is to try and plan for some alone time when you feel your best. For isntance, I feel great on the weekends when I can sleep in and wake up rested

chantzies · September 2015

Pregnancy symptoms don't make one feel very sexy. However pregnancy sex feels so amazing and so maybe that can make it more motivating for you?

momofmanyinthemitten · September 2015

With all of my other (4) pregnancies, I was totally revolted by DH the whole first tri. I didn't even like sleeping next to him. It always goes away by the second tri. Also, when nursing (which I've been for pretty much the last 4.5 yrs), sex drive can be low too.

sarahufl · September 2015

Yeah, the first tri has been rough for me. Not only do I not have the drive, I also feel so sick after that it doesn't seem worth it. I've been feeling much better the past few days, but H is out of town. Hopefully when he comes back on Friday, I will be more up to it.

lawright · September 2015

Two things. First, sex drive is a system of accelerators and decelerators. Some things, like LH pushes your accelerators and get your desire goinh. Some things, like stress or nausea/being uncomfortable, exhaustion, and feeling like you've got a million things to do are decelerators and inhibit desire. The trick to a healthy sex life is learning to maximize your accelerators and manage your decelerators, and realize that pregnancy can increase a lot of one and decrease some of the other.

Second, there's such a thing as spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Spontaneous desire is when your DH walks in the room and you're ready to jump him. Responsive desire is when you're not hot when sex is initiated, but you don't have any decelerators going on right now, and if DH is willing to put a half hour into foreplay, then you're good to go. Most people feel a mix of the two with more women typically feeling responsive desire a little more frequently and most men feeling spontaneous desire a little more frequently.

For more information about these two concepts and the extremely wide range of normal and how to maximize what you're working with, check out Dr. Emily Nagoski's book Come As You Are, or her blog, the dirty normal. It's extremely well written and scientifically based.

jkffx7 · September 2015

Um perhaps tmi but it's like the Sahara down there... While some days when I'm feeling pretty good and I think we could do the dance... We need some help which I haven't gone out to buy just yet... But most days I'm feeling like you- not motivated at all because I'm too exhausted or sickly to do much of anything

redselig · September 2015

Same as most, not feeling amorous whatsoever. But if DH initiates, I might just try and see if I like it!

akb1125 · September 2015

Eh we haven't had sex since we conceived. Between my husbands busy work schedule right now plus the fact that I feel nauseous 24/7 it's just not happening. Hopefully everything will go back to normal after first trimester ends.

pinottoparenthood · September 2015

Normal! It may come back around second tri. Then it will likely disappear again at the end. It's hard to get in the mood when you have sore boobs, nausea, exhaustion, mood swings, etc. etc.

BobbieRenee93 · September 2015

Initially, I didn't want to cause a miscarriage. But then for a week or two I just did not want to.

Then yesterday, it was overwhelming and I NEEDED to do it. Maybe if you just ride it out, it will hit you like that?

I'm also back to not wanting to do it. Its probably just a hormone thing.

mrstrax · September 2015

Mine was gone for pretty much all of my first pregnancy. It was better for a few months in 2nd tri, but still not to the same extent. For me it came down to "fake it til you make it". Not faking orgasms, just faking interest (to myself and DH) until I was warmed up enough to actually BE interested. He is and was very kind and patient when I'm feeling sick, so that was really just when I didn't have any real reason and just wasn't in the mood. It took a while to find our new compromise since his desire only went up, but hey, that's marriage.

On the other hand, the lowered libido can be good practice for the 6/8 weeks of dr recommended abstinence post delivery.

cjbwifey2010 · September 2015

I have a different twist to it. I DO want to have sex with my husband, but by the time he gets home at night, my all day sickness takes a turn for the worst, and i'm sure it makes me the least sexy wife ever. This is our second so he knows what to expect, and he hasn't been bothering me for any, but I am impatiently waiting for the MS to go away so that I can be able to enjoy my husband again.

AmadorRose · September 2015

I'm exactly the opposite...pretty much always ready to go, other than the three or four REALLY bad days I've had, but DH basically has to be bribed into touching me other than to cuddle. He says he's worried about another m/c and I understand that, but I definitely shed some tears last weekend. Then I got some so it was worth it

megncook · September 2015

Agreed! I just don't have it. And the peeing all the time and the vaginal dryness.. Yuck! I hope it comes back soon

LadyDuby · September 2015

Mine was MIA until week nine. Its back but I just need more foreplay (sorry if tmi) but hubby is happy because he thought it was him but I explained so many times that its baby

sdashergreen · September 2015

I've been feeling less of a sex drive lately. I've even turned down my husband a few times. We've been having sex once a week which isn't the norm for us. I of course don't want to neglect my husband so sometimes I just give in. It takes me longer but what I've found helpful is porn and a lot of foreplay. It helps get me in the mood now.

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