Pregnant & alone .. Confused .

carlamaria1432 · September 2015

I'm 23 years old and I'm 9 weeks & 6 days pregnant. The baby's father is my ex boyfriend who is in jail for a couple of months; then he's getting out . We still talk on the phone ( he calls me) and we are friends .. Possible going to work out our relationship when he gets out of jail. The problem is, Before I got pregnant I was an addict ; but I'm now clean and since I'm going to be a mother I plan on staying clean forever because I want to be an amazing mother & give my child an amazing life . I live at home with my mom, dad, and brother and my dad supports me having the baby.. BUT my mom is totally against it because she thinks in her mind I'm going to pawn the baby off to her .. Which I would NEVER do.. Ever . My parents haven't seen me responsible yet therefore I do see where they are coming from. But these past few weeks I've been taking care of my responsibilities .. I've been working saving my paychecks. I was torn between keeping the baby or getting a abortion.. I've already had 5 abortions and didn't wanna put my body through another one . Plus I'm 23 I'm old enough to make my own decision ,. I just HOPE AND PRAY keeping. My baby is the right choice . What does everything think? Thank you for reading. Xoxo

SisterMaryNapalm · September 2015

What specifically did you want to know our opinion on?

fantasticmrsfox · September 2015

Not sure what all you want our opinion on but for what it's worth:
I'd think long and hard about getting back with your ex, especially if he was a drug addict along with you. You have a wonderful opportunity right now to change your life since you're clean (good job!). Get new friends that will be encouraging and not lead you back into that lifestyle! If you believe you can stay clean you can be a great mother! I am 23 too...

So glad you have your dad to support you, and you can prove your mom wrong! Maybe let her know you are determined to change your life and while you may need her advice, you plan on caring for your baby.

Hope everything works out!

lizok22 · September 2015

Staying out of this one

Snoflakes4eva · September 2015

I am not sure what you are looking for here.

But I agree with your mom's hesitation. Being responsible for a few weeks doesn't prove much at all.

And I would strongly urge you to talk with your OB for birth control options have you deliver.

Snoflakes4eva · September 2015

carlamaria1432 said:

I'm 23 years old and I'm 9 weeks & 6 days pregnant. The baby's father is my ex boyfriend who is in jail for a couple of months; then he's getting out . We still talk on the phone ( he calls me) and we are friends .. Possible going to work out our relationship when he gets out of jail. The problem is, Before I got pregnant I was an addict ; but I'm now clean and since I'm going to be a mother I plan on staying clean forever because I want to be an amazing mother & give my child an amazing life . I live at home with my mom, dad, and brother and my dad supports me having the baby.. BUT my mom is totally against it because she thinks in her mind I'm going to pawn the baby off to her .. Which I would NEVER do.. Ever . My parents haven't seen me responsible yet therefore I do see where they are coming from. But these past few weeks I've been taking care of my responsibilities .. I've been working saving my paychecks. I was torn between keeping the baby or getting a abortion.. I've already had 5 abortions and didn't wanna put my body through another one . Plus I'm 23 I'm old enough to make my own decision ,. I just HOPE AND PRAY keeping. My baby is the right choice . What does everything think? Thank you for reading. Xoxo

JIC

sarahufl · September 2015

Whatever you decide, once you make your decision, you should investigate better forms of birth control that don't involve repeated abortions.

spatter1 · September 2015

All I can say is I wish you the best! I can't imagine not having a strong support system during this time so it must be very difficult for you. I hope you are able to stay clean and as PPs have said try to take this opportunity to change your life, make responsibility a habit and find a new social circle. Best of luck!

carlamaria1432 · September 2015

Thank you everyone ! The father is not an addict he's actually against me using and we broke up over it . I've been 100% sober . I just wanted help on how to deal with my mom not supporting me and her stressing me out .. Also just peoples thoughts about me keeping the baby

jonesl12 · September 2015

I can't tell you to keep the baby or not but for the love of God 5 abortions! There are so many people that pray and try for years and years and can't have a baby so think about that. I was adopted as a infant because my biological mother had enough sense to not flush my life down the toilet by means of an abortion or keeping me and making my life a living hell. Check out your options and don't keep the baby just to prove a point to your mom, do it because YOU want it. Please please please find a form of birth control that works for you. I'm pro choice but you gotta figure something out .

Snoflakes4eva · September 2015

carlamaria1432 said:

Thank you everyone ! The father is not an addict he's actually against me using and we broke up over it . I've been 100% sober . I just wanted help on how to deal with my mom not supporting me and her stressing me out .. Also just peoples thoughts about me keeping the baby

No one here can tell you whether or not you should keep your baby. But I would take this time to do some serious soul searching. Are you 100% committed and ready to give this baby the substance -free life that it deserves?

I think you need to talk to your mom. Hear her concerns. Have you thought about adoption?

EllenRann · September 2015

First, I've got to say what many already have, sweet Jesus find some birth control whether you choose to keep the baby or not. And if you do choose that you do not want the baby, please please give it up for adoption. There is just no excuse to have that many abortions when you can get free or very cheap birth control at a clinic.

Second, if you are committed to staying clean and being a good mother, you absolutely can. Don't let anyone tell you you can't. I became pregnant with my first child at 17 and I too was an addict. My parents tried to push me into abortion but I made the decision the second I knew about my baby that I would never touch cocaine or anything else ever again and I didn't. That baby is now my 10 year old, brilliant, beautiful daughter. I've had a son since then and I'm expecting my third baby now.
If you really want to turn your life around, DO IT. No one can stop you but you. Forget what your mom says, or anyone else for that matter, and make the changes you need to make to give that child a decent life. Go to school, it will keep you busy so you don't use and it will give you and your baby a better shot at a good life.

I wish you the best of luck no matter what you choose to do.

kcbarbo78 · September 2015

Hi there. I've been vehemently pro-choice my entire adult life and intend to remain that way. In fact, being pregnant has convinced me more than anything else that no one should be forced to become a mother against her will or until she's ready. I've also, however, suffered through infertility and have undergone years of treatments before finally conceiving through IVF. So, when I first saw the words "five abortions," my eyes nearly crossed. I felt a visceral sense of revulsion, anger and resentment. With that said, however, exiting this app and putting down my iPhone for a few hours helped bring me back to my senses. Frankly, neither my nor anyone else's issues conceiving or our desperation for a child is in any way your problem. However, one major step toward proving that you're capable of being a responsible adult is finding a method of birth control that is healthy and safe. Repeated abortions take a heavy toll emotionally and possibly physically. If, on the other hand, one of your primary reasons for continuing this pregnancy is that you're concerned about the impact of a 6th abortion on your body, I urge you to reconsider. That's not a good enough reason to have a child. You can always consider adoption, which is something my husband and I looked into and which can be a great gift to a stable couple who are capable of giving your child a loving home and a future. I know you want to give your child an "amazing" life, but if your track record is only a few weeks of not being a mess, I can understand your mother's concerns. I hope you're able to make the necessary changes in your life and know that it is possible to emerge from addiction and become a better person and a good parent. Good luck to you. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy.

metz0421 · September 2015

Oh honey. You're in my prayers. :-S
I think it's wonderful you are clean but in order to stay clean you must want it for yourself, not a baby.
I work in the drug/alcohol recovery field and I've worked with many,many addicts and I'm not saying it's not possible but your sobriety starts with you!
I think your mother has some legitimate concerns but give her some time. She'll come around. You need a good support system right now and that starts with dad which is great! If I were you, I would seek some counseling, therapy and group support! It's very beneficial. my only questions are,
were you using up until you found out you were pregnant? If so, have you seen a doctor for an ultrasound yet? And were you a heavy user? Experiencing any withdraw and if so how are you handling it?

GOODLUCK and please consider adoption over abortion this time... There are so many wonderful families out there that would die to have a baby and just aren't able to. If parenthood isn't for you there is someone else out there more than willing to help you! God bless.

carlamaria1432 · September 2015

Thank you everyone ! The father is not an addict he's actually against me using and we broke up over it . I've been 100% sober . I just wanted help on how to deal with my mom not supporting me and her stressing me out .. Also just peoples thoughts about me keeping the baby

carlamaria1432 · September 2015

Deep down I know I want to have the baby .. & be a mother . I don't want to get an abortion ; I have THOUGHT about adoption .. Not sure if I wanna do that though I'm still thinking about it as an option. I just think my problem is I always want to make everyone els happy around me ; and I don't think of myself and what I want .. And that's not right or okay. So this time around when I found out I was pregnant I put my foot down and told my mom I was keeping it which was hard but I know she will eventually come around. The reason why I posted this was because I was confused and just didn't know if I was making the right choice that's all. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice .

Snoflakes4eva · September 2015

carlamaria1432 said:

Thank you everyone ! The father is not an addict he's actually against me using and we broke up over it . I've been 100% sober . I just wanted help on how to deal with my mom not supporting me and her stressing me out .. Also just peoples thoughts about me keeping the baby

You have said this exact thing twice now.

How long have you been sober? What efforts are you taking to ensure you stay sober?

And it doesn't matter what we think about you keeping your baby or not. We aren't the ones who are going to raise it or financially support it. Only you know if you are truly compatible of that or not.

And I think its very interesting that you are not addressing the issue of birth control.

sdashergreen · September 2015

Everyone is stuck on the 5 abortions, and I get that it's more than most of us have heard of but she did say she was an addict. Who knows, perhaps in the past it was for the best. Those babies might have been born addicted with unforeseen problems.
However, I am glad you are growing up and taking responsibility for your lifestyle. Think about your baby first though, since you've been clean your chances of having a healthy baby are high. Just my opinion but think about the bigger situation. You are living with your parents, depending probably financially on them for most of your needs, the father is in jail, no stable relationship with him, newly sober, and not being entirely mature in most of your decision making in the recent past. Perhaps looking into options like open adoption with families that will be supportive and open with you could be a choice. Their are people out there that try for years and could readily supply a happy well adjusted family for a baby. Since you are clean I don't think their is reason for yet another abortion but look into adoption this time around. Your baby deserves the best chance. Just my opinion, but this is your life story. Make the best decisions from here on.

vtmomin12 · September 2015

As others have said, no one can tell you what the right decision is. However, here's my opinion. While yes, you should do what's best for you - not others, when you become a mom it's about doing what's best for your child. Your child did not ask to be conceived - that was a decision you made. Now your responsibility is doing what is best for your child. If you choose to keep the baby that means staying sober, and providing a stable and loving home. Raising a child is hard. It's stressful. Yes, it's rewarding and the best thing that's ever happened to me, but sometimes you're just going to want to throw your towel in! You have to have a strong support system. I imagine that it's even more imperative that you have a support system that helps you remain sober. If you aren't at the point in your life where you know you can provide the life your child deserves, then I also urge you to consider adoption. I can't imagine how hard it is to make that decision. However, it's part of the responsibility you now have -- to figure out the best life you can provide for your child, whether that be with you or a family that can provide what you can't right now. I wish you the best in making these hard choices, and commend you for putting yourself out there in hopes of making the best choice.

JaiHaines · September 2015

Aww I love your story , Everyone goes through hard times, congrats on your baby and mostly on you being clean , You have a job and that shows some type of responsibility , You should try praying and don't worry too much , Do the best that YOU can do as a mother , I kno you look forward to working things out with the dad but if you can't that will be okay , Have faith in how strong YOU can be, Prove your mom wrong and show them you are capable of being the best mom ever , Write down some goals that you want to happen before the baby comes and some that you want to happen once the baby is here , that'll keep you focused on what real

Flirtatious86 · September 2015

I know how it feels to be alone and pregnant. I 9 weeks and 3 days ima gonna be a single feeling like no one cares with only my mom's support. I pray everything works out for you. The baby father and I are not together I rather be a single mom then to be treated like crap.

Ruth620 · September 2015

Stay positive. In many ways our children are our own blessings. I believe God's plan is simply that. This is your chance to change your life for the better and take care of yourself now that you are taking care of someome inside of you. Parents will be parents no matter what, allow her to trust you by showing her you are capable of being a great mother. Good luck!