- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
October 2015 Moms
Srhbgr
member
Über Feminist Sister Rant...sorry it's long
Srhbgr
member
Ok, this is purely a hormonally charged rant, which I'm sure I'll look back on and find humor in, but tonight I just need to blow off some steam.
So my sister and I both went to an all girls college. I loved it and came out just fine, and my sister came out the other side as a bra burning feminist. Now don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not a traditionalist but I don't like to label myself as part of the feminist movement because I truly think some of them feel women are actually better than men, not equal too (please no flame on this, it's not the point of the rant). Anyway, I tell my sister that DH and I are expecting using the language, "We're pregnant!" My sister corrects me several times on several different occasions that in fact I'm the one who's pregnant not both of us until finally I said, "No, this isn't like I got pregnant during a one night stand or something. WE planned this baby together, WE want this baby, and mine is not the only life that will be affected by it. So I'm going to say we're pregnant, and that's just going to be ok!" So finally she let up on that one.
Well then we find out it's a boy. The first time she sees me after I told her, she leans down and says to my belly, "It's ok, I forgive you."
:-O On top of that she keeps sending me all these pictures of onsies she wants to get me (which will not happen because she's a broke 20 something and thankfully is financially savvy enough to know she can't afford stupid crap like that). All these say things like "Future Feminist!" or "Gender to be decided". That was just annoying.Well the final straw was yesterday at my baby shower. I told everyone that our colors were green with and animal theme, so we got a bunch of neutral gender stuff anyway, but the family now knows we're having a boy so we did get a couple of things with cars on them and we got an adorable pack of ninja turtles stuff from my cousin because they were his favorite when he was little. (Some history for this next part: I was supposed to be a boy. Like when the doctor pulls me out and says it's a girl my parents asked him if he was sure like three times. My dad used to introduce me as his son followed by my obviously female name, which everyone though was cute. He was adamant that he didn't care if I wasn't a boy I would still be the biggest baseball fan in the world, so one set of my baby pictures was taken with me in a tiny baseball cap and a onsie that says "Slugger" on it. No worries, I don't have a complex after being called his son and baseball is the thing that dad and I share together.) Ok so my parents and DH parents both get baby onsies that say "Little Slugger". I think it's adorable because my family is Cardinals fans and DH's family are Cubs fans and we have rival onsies now. Everyone at the shower laughs and Sister is making a big show of rolling her eyes. I ask her later why she was doing that. She tells me that the "Little Slugger" thing is just such a disgusting stereotype and she hopes I won't actually dress him in those. I remind her that I have baby pictures in pretty much the same thing so it's neutral gendered. She actually told me with a straight face that my pictures were neutral gendered because I was a girl, but If I do it with my son it will be a stereotype because he's a boy.
@-) I really just don't even have a reply. The thing is, I have no problem with whatever my son wants to be or do when he gets old enough to make those decisions. I will fully support him. But do I really have to treat my child like an it until he decides for himself or risk offending everyone? Come on! OK, Rant over. Anybody else got funny relatives to lighten my mood?
Re: Über Feminist Sister Rant...sorry it's long
Sorry about your sister, that would drive me nuts... Family just thinks they can say/do whatever... but they are just so darn over the top sometimes!
As a proclaimed feminist, even I find your sister's behavior annoying. It sounds like she has some growing up to do. Her version of feminism seems immature and naïve.
The rest of the stuff I would find annoying and probably tell her to shut her pie hole.
- your sister doesn't sound like a feminist, she sounds like a misandryst (one who hates men) Telling your unborn son, "it's ok I forgive you" (I'm assuming for the fact he's going to be born with a penis, as if that's a crime) is just weird
- whether you call yourself a "feminist" or not, you can still raise your children to value gender equality
- there's no reason a GIRL can't be a huge baseball fan and still be a girl . . . It's weird that your father insisted on calling you his "son"
- the colors you decorate your nursery with and what you dress your son in will not ultimately determine who he turns out to be, especially if your approach is "they're just clothes; he gets to determine his identity" sure cars abs dinosaurs and sports are stereotypical "boy" things, but lots of boys actually grow up liking those things on their own.
- I'm on team "I'm pregnant/we are expecting" not "we're pregnant" but I'm not here to argue semantics - you're having a baby together this is true
- my middle sister was "supposed to be" a boy, too. My mom was so convinced she was a boy that she asked the doctor to check again when she was born! This was back in the 80s before finding out the sex was pretty standard, so pretty much everyone was default team green. But still . . .
As for your sister no she is not a feminist, feminism is fighting for equality. Not supremacy, i hate when people call themselves feminists then talk as if they are superior to men.
The little slugger thing seems more of a reference to you than the fact the baby is a boy.
I would straight out tell her to get over herself and that her attitude won't be allowed around your son because he won't be made to feel less than anything. The only thing she will teach him is to not respect HER if she continues the behavior.
I do like the idea of sending her articles like a PP said.
I go back and forth and the "we're pregnant" thing. I kind of find it enduring when my husband says it because he's excited. And he feels part of the pregnancy when he says it. I think that's a personal choice for the woman/couple.
It is impossible to raise a child - boy or girl - without thrusting some of our biases and expectations on them. You have to pick a paint color and clothes and not everything is going to be neutral. You will graciously accept gifts and use them. You sound like you are pretty self aware and will keep your expectations in check as they affect your son. Good luck and stay strong.
Good luck.