Not spending enough time with husband since baby

snowduey · September 2015

I'm a FTM to a 2 month old baby girl. I was at my moms for the first month after baby arrived. And now though at home I see my husband twice or thrice a week( He's a resident in the hospital which is quite far away) . I complain that he doesn't come home as often as he should , but he is like I don't spend quality time with him even when he does. I try to find time for a date sometimes, but I feel the baby needs me 24 X 7 and I feel guilty leaving her behind, even though it is with her grandmother.
Also I'm getting depressed about the fact that I'll be away from baby for long stretches at a time once my maternity leave gets over. In fact I have even considered leaving my residency to be a SAHM. I know it'll be a foolish decision because I've paid my medical school fees and I won't be getting it back. But I just feel too over whelmed about my baby being away from me. My husband feels I'm going overboard.

What should I do?

enigmaticjj · September 2015

I don't agree that you and your DH not spending time together should be a reason/excuse for him not coming home as often as he could. That's just counter productive and a bit of a pouty move on his part. There's still time with LO he could be having anyway. But I can see that as his way of telling you he wants one on one quality time with you (although that's not a healthy way to address that want/need).

When DH is home with you and LO, if you're not already doing this, try your best to make sure he's included with what you and LO are doing (all three of you play together, have him sit next to you as feed him if you nurse, etc). At least that way there's some closeness.

As far as one on one time, maybe first just go out to lunch/dinner or a movie. That way you know it will just be a couple hours. And try to build from there overtime. Then you can get into a place where you two can start scheduling date nights/days once or twice a month ongoing.

These are things I'm currently doing (doing things with the three of us) and will try to do (date nights/days). But I know it's easier said than done. Regardless of what you end up doing though, definitely get DH to discuss this with you so you both are on the same page.

MaliKaela · September 2015

This may be totally off base, but I get the feeling that your struggles with separating from baby might be a little extreme (extreme isn't the right word, I just mean a little more intense than normal). You may consider talking to someone because you may be experiencing some post partum depression/anxiety. Forgive me if this is completely inaccurate. It just seems to me that if you can't enjoy time with your husband because you feel you have to be with your baby 24/7, and you are considering giving up what you formerly wanted for your career (which is kind of an identity thing), you may need a little help through this hump. Just my two cents. Hope it all works out. : )

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