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August 2015 Moms
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Issue with partner & night time routine

leannef88leannef88 member
in August 2015 Moms
I would love some insight ladies. My partner and i sleep in different rooms due to him snoring and i agreed that baby would sleep in my room at night. 5 weeks in my bf has taken him 3 times (i have had to ask) i am finding it really difficult that he sees how sleep deprived I am yet still does not offer. This is despite me telling him how I feel and that I need a break too! Yea he works during the week but his day comes to an end, mine doesn't. Feeling really hurt and somehow guilty I should even ask him. Any advice ladies? Xxx
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Re: Issue with partner & night time routine

  • sandrabrookesandrabrooke member
    Right now I sleep in my own bedroom during the week with the baby and my husband sleeps on the couch.  (baby primarily goes in her bassinet next to me)  On weekends, my husband will come back to our bedroom and do diaper changes and bring her back to me to feed. During the week, I am the only one waking up because its important that my husband can perform well at work.

    I think its important that your boyfriend can sleep...however, I think you have alternatives.  Perhaps he could let you nap in the evenings when he gets home.  Or maybe he could take more of the burden during weekends.

    I think the big thing is expressing how you feel and working on something to make you feel better.  For me, even an hour of walking on my own or going out to eat can do wonders and make me feel more human.  :) 
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  • Kelsie07UlmerKelsie07Ulmer member
    I do not feel guilty asking for help at night at all. I don't ask for it often and I wouldn't ask for it if he had important meetings in the morning or if he had a particularly stressful day at work. While I am the mother of my children and the main caretaker, he's also the father. If he can help make them then he can help raise them. It's easier for me since we sleep in the same room. On the weekends he does night time duty at least one night (he offered this). I would suggest talking with your partner to let him know that you could really use some more help during the night and go from there.
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  • bpwife&mamabpwife&mama member
    Kelsie07Ulmer said:

    I do not feel guilty asking for help at night at all. I don't ask for it often and I wouldn't ask for it if he had important meetings in the morning or if he had a particularly stressful day at work. While I am the mother of my children and the main caretaker, he's also the father. If he can help make them then he can help raise them. It's easier for me since we sleep in the same room. On the weekends he does night time duty at least one night (he offered this). I would suggest talking with your partner to let him know that you could really use some more help during the night and go from there.

    I agree 100%. He's half responsible.

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  • cosplaymomcosplaymom member
    hazeldagarr said:

    One thing that works well for us is that I'll go to bed at 8-9 and my husband stays up until her next feeding around midnight or one. This way I get at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. He brings her to me in our bed asleep and then goes down to sleep on the couch. That means I'm sleeping from like 9-3 and he is sleeping from midnight to seven usually. He needs less sleep and is a night owl so he doesn't mind this weekday schedule.

    This.

    If I need sleep I pump before bed and give hubby the bottle. He stays up and gives the bottle at the next feeding while I sleep. I don't need him the rest of the night unless the baby is awake at 5 am and gassy at which point I wake him up to hold the baby after I feed her. At most he's up for an hour.
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  • kettlekittenkettlekitten member
    hazeldagarr said:

    One thing that works well for us is that I'll go to bed at 8-9 and my husband stays up until her next feeding around midnight or one. This way I get at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. He brings her to me in our bed asleep and then goes down to sleep on the couch. That means I'm sleeping from like 9-3 and he is sleeping from midnight to seven usually. He needs less sleep and is a night owl so he doesn't mind this weekday schedule.

    Same here, I go to bed after DD falls asleep and DH stays up til about 11 for DS's bottle then puts him to bed. I get up and pump and do the rest of the night (usually) - I can get through anything if I get a couple of hours sleep at the start of the night. DH does most of the work attending to DD if she needs someone in the night.

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  • ElleMF728ElleMF728 member
    I do the majority of nighttime wake ups during the week.  Occasionally I'll ask DH to do a diaper change while I pump or to take on one of the boys if our toddler wakes for some reason but I do about 95% of the work. He works at a refinery and if he isn't at least somewhat clearheaded and paying attention it can be really dangerous.  

    However, on the weekends I expect him to help out. I have to wake up early too with my toddler so its not like I get to sleep in when DS2 has a rough night.  It might help to remind him that your milk supply requires at least some rest but men are strange and somewhat oblivious.  It would be nice if your SO offered but some men need to be asked or in this case told what you expect from them.  


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  • SaratiffSaratiff member
    I do all the night time feeds. My husband works 1.5 hours away so he gets up at 430 every morning and then when he gets home he goes to our new house to work and then comes back to his parents ( where we are staying) for dinner and bed. I can't ask much more of him. We sleep in separate bedrooms. But I get help from his parents during the day for naps. When the house is done I will expect him to help out more on the weekends or on the days when he works from home. Like PP said he helped make he can help raise her.
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  • jesselayne8jesselayne8 member
    I have done 100% of the night time feedings and diaper changes for all my Babies. There isn't much he can do when I am EBFing. However he is in charge of my 2yr old DS who doesn't STTN. He takes him potty at night and puts him back to bed. He also bathes the older 2 kids most nights.


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  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    During the week I do everything. DH will take care of DSD IF she wakes up. Shes 6, so its rare she does, but did one night while I was feeding and told her to go get DH to help her unless she just needed tucked back in. On weekends DH gets up to change her and then bring her to me as we are EBF. I have to wake him and ask him to go get her each time bc he doesnt wake up to her really. (Monitor is on my side right next to me and we have fan on, so could be the issue) Anyways, during the week he keeps the house up and cooks for us. I dont have to ask these things of him. You need to sit down and say this is what I need from you to keep my sanity.
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  • LSquared3960LSquared3960 member
    hazeldagarr said:

    One thing that works well for us is that I'll go to bed at 8-9 and my husband stays up until her next feeding around midnight or one. This way I get at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. He brings her to me in our bed asleep and then goes down to sleep on the couch. That means I'm sleeping from like 9-3 and he is sleeping from midnight to seven usually. He needs less sleep and is a night owl so he doesn't mind this weekday schedule.

    This is what we do as well. DH is a night person, and doesn't need much sleep to function, so I go to bed around 9 and he stays up for the first feeding. Then on the weekends we alternate who gets to sleep in. I do give DH a break if he's got a lot of work to do or has had a rough day. I also go back to work full time in a month, so we'll really be splitting everything 50/50.
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  • tarheelgirl8tarheelgirl8 member
    jesselayne8 said:

    I have done 100% of the night time feedings and diaper changes for all my Babies. There isn't much he can do when I am EBFing. However he is in charge of my 2yr old DS who doesn't STTN. He takes him potty at night and puts him back to bed. He also bathes the older 2 kids most nights.

    I always thought that we'd split nighttime duties 50/50 once I was back to work. Now that she's here and I understand the logistics a little better, it just doesn't really make sense to me. We tested a bottle the other night which she took no problems. But it still seems to make more sense for me to breastfeed at night. Otherwise I have to get up to pump anyways and then we're both missing sleep. In the beginning DH was doing the diaper changes each time she woke up. But honestly that takes like 1 minute and isn't really worth another person waking up. Luckily DD is a great nighttime sleeper. After she eats she goes right back to bed. If she didn't I would wake DH to soothe her back to sleep after I nursed. But for now, I think it just makes more sense for me to do all the nighttime work. I'll find other ways for DH to make up for it!
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  • KateDerekKateDerek member
    I do all of the nighttime feedings. Well who am I kidding; I do all of the feedings since I'm nursing. We alternated with the first baby but the last two I did it myself since he works and I am off for three months. Plus the last two babies honestly preferred me. He gets up with the older two now and will let me sleep with the baby whenever I want so I am fine with our arrangement. I'm used to less sleep since she's my third! Haha and I also LOVE naps and always have. I sleep with a kid whenever I get the chance!
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