I'm ready, he's not!!??

shadesofjuly · September 2015

I'm 26 he is 30... Yes we only have been together for a year but it was love at first sight. Much has changed in a year, all which proved to me we could make it through anything. But with how much uphill battle we have had in the last 6 months the news ant baby isn't digesting well with my man. He had a glimmer today but then it went out after talking about stuff. How do I stay strong and stay dedicated to pregnancy if the man I love doesn't seem to be on the same page? Why can't men feel like women do.

SisterMaryNapalm · September 2015

Both you and your partner will go through different stages processing the news. I'm not sure but I'm guessing this was an unplanned pregnancy? If it was, he's probably not sure what to think. Try to talk about his feelings without judgement (easier said than done I understand!). He might be worried about finances, his freedom, being a good dad, his social life, the changes your body will be going through. This might seem selfish but they're all valid concerns he will have to work through.

Do you have people in your support network who can help you stay strong? They may be helpful. So could a counsellor or someone in a church or social group you have access to? There are also some great blogs and articles out there.

Good luck!

ashleymarie1027 · September 2015

One thing that I can offer, is my DH didn't really get "into" it until my belly started to show (which for me 20 weeks). I didn't have any other symptoms, so to him nothing had changed other than he'd lost his wine drinking buddy. He was also really nervous, because not being in control scares him, and kids mean not being in control.

When my belly popped, he went into nesting mode, got into decorating the nursery, re did our pantry, and got semi into researching baby stuff.

He had always been the guy who said "I'm going to stay in the back" during labor (he didn't want to "see" anything); but when push came to shove (ha), he was right in there helping me and coaching me.

Give him some time to process, men don't get to grow the baby, so they need a little time to catch up.

hime0021 · September 2015

I'm in a similar situation. We're 11 months apart in age, with me being the older one. He has a 4 year old from a previous marriage, and we've only been seeing each other since April. This baby came as quite the surprise to both of us. And he's just not handling it well. He was really upset at first and told me he didn't want anymore kids. I gave him his space and within a half hour he was texting me willing to talk more about it. Then he was fine for a few weeks then out of nowhere tried breaking up with me one night and said he was very angry and upset with me for getting pregnant. Two days later, he came around again and told me we were fine, that he was just mad and overwhelmed. And now it's just like walking on eggshells with him. I've been giving him more space lately and not seeing him as much as I used to. I'm also careful to not talk about the baby all the time. I keep telling myself he'll fall in love with the baby once it's born, but I'm honestly not even sure he'll stick around that long. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

cmerribury · September 2015

Men don't bond with the baby as quickly as we do. I had a terrible experience when I got pregnant with my first. Even though we were actively trying! He was really freaked out. Took until about week 20 for him to chill and really until our son got here for him to be what I'd call "happy." Give him some time, and hang in there. Best of luck.

jaciwilson · September 2015

Yeah my hubby and I have been married just over a year and have been kind of trying for the past few months. So when I got a positive test a week and a half ago (I'm 6 weeks) he was not exactly what I'd call excited. But the first time I thought I was pregnant and wasn't he actually said he was disappointed, and I know he wants this baby, he's just super nervous about it, keeps saying he's not ready to be a dad lol. But like it was his idea to tell his dad on the same day we told my parents, so he's into it, just super nervous and stuff. I'm curious to see when he starts getting really into it lol

shadesofjuly · September 2015

Feel like it's common then to see them go through their episodes... I figure I don't cry and complain what I'm feeling, why should he, then he lets go unexpectedly... Guess it scared me and I dunno how to react any more. I don't even have control over my emotions so what am I saying ha everyday will be a new challenge from here on out ladies. Welcome. Lol