Boy mommy fears?!

mrsm224 · September 2015

We had our anatomy scan the other day and found out we are having a baby boy! I cried tears of joy when we found out but soon after, I kind of started to panic. I felt in my heart the entire time it was going to be a boy, but a small part of me was always hoping I was wrong. PLEASE, don't get me wrong, I am not disappointed at all, and feel extremely blessed, but I am scared.

There are a lot of fears I have as a FTM, but having a boy just amplifies them now. I feel like I am better suited to be a "girl mommy" if that makes any sense. Boys are so rare in my family; I know nothing about raising boys, or about anything they are typically interested in. I'm afraid I'm going to be a bad mom because I'm completely clueless. Does that make sense? I know it's irrational and mostly just the hormones, but I really am scared because I want to be the best mom possible for my son, and I'm afraid that I'm completely unprepared.

Am I being crazy or has anyone else ever felt this way?

DianaL92 · September 2015

I definitely know how you're feeling. Since I can ever remember, I wanted my first born to be a boy. So, I was sooo excited when I found out at our 3D ultrasound that we are having a little boy. I actually surprised myself when I started to freak out a little later. I started to think how would I relate to him? How could I do "boy" things he might enjoy in the future. However, I got over it once I realized that I have my fiance here to guide me and I am capable of fully supporting his activities that I may not be interested in. And who knows, he might like shopping and theater as much as I do

MrsB915 · September 2015

I completely understand your trepidation. I'm a girly girl and have always related better to little girls than boys. I can paint tiny nails with the best of them but playing with trucks and getting dirty? That had always been my downfall. I couldn't make vehicle sounds to save my life!

There is hope though! I am the extremely proud Mom of an 18 month old little boy who love all of the typical "boy" things. Trucks, trains, you name it if it has an engine he loves it. He is also very sweet with our cats and points out all of the flowers he sees on our walks. I've learned to go with the flow and pay attention to the things that interstate him and because they bring such a smile to his face, they are now interesting to me too! I think I've turned out to be a very good boy mom and wouldn't trade him for all the pink and ribbons in the world! I'm sure it will be the same for you, too.

Oh and I'm getting pretty good at truck sounds! The secret is to loosen your lips and not be afraid of a little spit that might come out!!!

DaphneMoon1 · September 2015

It's normal to have anxiety about being the best mom possible.

I have an almost 3 yo DS and this LO is also a boy. I really can't imagine it any other way. My son is so rough and tumble, but also a momma's boy. When he falls and scrapes his knee, no ones loves on him better than mom. When he's sleepy he wants to cuddle with only his mommy. He always wants to sit on my lap and be held by me.

Dad is for the rough play. Shooting basketball, riding his bike and playing cars. Mom is for the cuddles, love, and sweet time.

That's not to say I don't play all the boy things too, but there is something special about the bond between mother and son. You will love being the one he shows his most sensitive side to. Don't worry.

MrsRoser · September 2015

I totally get it too! I'm a girly girl. I think like a little girl when I try to play with kids. I don't if that makes sense but I don't know how to relate to boys and I'm having a boy too! I'm so excited and I already love him so much and I sit and think about what he will look like and how I will dress him and his nursery etc. But then my mind totally gets lost in, him watching to jump out of trees, and play with bugs, and turning 16 and him driving and bringing his first love home, and then I even get all tore up thinking about him getting married and leaving me! Haha. I'm insane! But I always imagined a girl being like me and my mom and being my best friend and being near by when I got older. I'm excited for my boy, but he better be a mommas boy bc im probably going to be a helicopter mom and he better hope he has a sister later on!

Mommyduclos · September 2015

I felt the same way you do with my first who is now 3. You will do fabulously. Remember he will start out as a newborn you will grow and learn boy things with him and the bond will be amazing! My son isn't super boy like trucks and stuff so much- he's like his daddy- very outdoorsy and like my daddy- very smart and academic but he has a very tender heart and an emotional side and I am here to help him learn to navigate that. Not to stuff/hide his feelings but to manage them appropriately. And we read a lot and spend lots of time exploring. It's not scary- like I says you will learn and grow and figure everything out together and his daddy will be there to help show him how to be a man

ultln9562 · September 2015

I totally appreciate your post because I felt the same way...Except the opposite lol. We just KNEW we were having a boy until my gender reveal party ended with pink balloons! I'm not a girly girl at all. I'm not close to a fashionista and my female friends are few. I feel like I would relate more to a male child because I was such a tomboy growing up and I'm so down to Earth. However, just like you said, I love my daughter to death regardless but I am Sooo scared to bring her into a world full of predators, manipulation, and future heartbreak... and boys!! Lol I just hope I can get my girly-ness together before she arrives.

mrsm224 · September 2015

Thank you for all the support, you ladies are fabulous!! I was so afraid to create this post because I thought there would be some people who took it the wrong way. All of you being supportive is so helpful though

laxdixdar · September 2015

I felt this way 8 years ago... and ironically all these years later I'm now freaking because it's a girl and I'm such a boy mom!

Truth be told... you will be a great mother no matter what. You will learn to like cars, trains, and all thing boys. It will come so naturally.

kmo8986 · September 2015

You will do great! I am freaking out over being a girl mom. I have an 18 month old boy and now I am like "what the heck do I do with a girl!?"

ashin121 · September 2015

I feel the same! There's three generations of all girls in my family. Anyone who knows our family jokes about how we only produce girls. We say our uterus is a no boys club lol!

My mom and dad had two daughters then triplets (again all girls) and my sisters are producing only daughters. (My mom only had sisters so my grandparents adopted a son - in the old school Asian times when only sons were highly valued). I'm the first to have a son and I have no idea how to raise one either. I've only played/took care of nieces. The biggest thing I'm nervous about is changing diapers -- having the baby's pee squirt out from his penis lol!

We will get through this and have to learn lol

I'm sure you'll be great!

Blueyedsky · September 2015

I feel a little uncertain since I've always thought of myself as a boy mom and we are having a girl. But I'm also super excited. You already don't know much about what you're doing as a new parent, so this will just be one more adventure

boys are SO FUN. He will teach you what he likes.

linds514 · September 2015

Op, you took the words right out of my mouth! I've always been super girly and have a 4 year old girl who loves princesses and pink. I even made a business of making all things girly... Bows, dresses, tutus, etc. Husband and I found out two days ago we are having a boy and are super happy and excited! I'm struggling with the same worries though of being a good boy mom since I've been so used to girl stuff my whole life. My husband is a guys guy though so I'm sure he will big a major help. And I'm looking forward to all the sweet mother/son cuddle moments moms of boys talk about.

danasphillips · September 2015

I knew nothing about boys and now have an almost 4-year-old boy who is perfect. You'll be fine.

dc072175 · September 2015

I LOVE this post! I'm also a girly girl and hubs and I wanted a girl soooo bad. I saved my cradles, my dolls - EVERYTHING! My SD (14 yo) played with it all for a bit when she was little, but was never much of a "toys" girl. We are having a healthy boy and I was feeling completely inadequate. I couldn't relate to playing cars with my brother when he was little or his fort building - NOTHING!! This post gives me hope that I'll be a good boy mommy!

jessiedonnie · September 2015

Same here. I wasn't really particular in the end before finding out, I iust wanted to know. My fiancé is SO excited to have a boy, I know he will show me the way. Besides, everyone tells me boys love their moms the best. I come from a family with 3 sisters, so I understand the trepidation. But I'm guessing I would feel that way either way. Being a FTM is terrifying, and giving the baby an identity (the sex) makes it all the more real. Don't worry, you'll be great!

GAgirlinSDakota · September 2015

I have 2 boys and 2 girls. Really, for the first couple of years, it's pretty much the same either way. After that, as they grow, your baby will tell/show you what they like and want. It's different for every child. My oldest boy had no real interest in traditional "boy" toys...or "girl" toys for that matter. But he could hook up and turn on the computer by age 2 and loves reading. My 11yr old dd is sooo picky about clothes and her hair that you'd think she was girly, but she's not. She's the first to climb that tree, roll in the dirt, or tackle your butt in backyard football. My 6yr old dd is a zombie nut...but her My Little Pony stuffies are her zombie apocalypse team.

They are all different, but it doesn't happen at once. Every day will show you something else your child likes (and his/her mind will change ALL.THE.TIME) as he/she grows, and you will grow with them. That's all it is.

MssyMmmy · September 2015

I felt this way too...until I went to toys r us with my husband. Watching his face light up over all the Star Wars stuff, Legos and trains made my heart so happy. I realized one of my greatest joys in being a boy mom is watching my husband connect. We have all nieces and he plays tea parties and barbies with them no problem. But seeing him enjoy the toys himself was highly entertaining.

bella2210 · September 2015

My partner was wanting a girl and I was indifferent. Now we know we are having a boy and I felt the same terror that OP described. I've been encouraged by a lot of other moms of boys and it just so happens that three of my friends are pregnant at the same time, all with boys as well! I grew up with girls but I am looking forward to having my little son. I am just hoping I don't get peed in the face while I'm changing his diaper!

xomeredith · September 2015

I feel you. All my cousins are girls. I'm an only child. One of my uncles and his wife has 5 girls and the other uncle has one girl. So when I found out we were having a boy I panicked a little. I know nothing about boys. I love my little boy so much already, but I have a lot to learn! Thankfully my SIL had a little boy in June and I've been learning a little from him. But I'm still scared.

I think about when he gets older and we're in public and he has to use the restroom. If my husbands at work, what age is appropriate for him to go by himself? Yikes!

gelor0979 · September 2015

Same feelings here. We are three sisters and I often get worried about how I'll support him with no boy experience.

sabbott16 · September 2015

Boys will be new to my family to we have not had a boy baby in 30 something years I am scared to death thinking about restrooms boy things just everything haha

cl2337 · September 2015

I didn't find out until I gave birth when my husband told me it was a boy, I literally said "really??" I thought it was a girl and just knew that would be 'easier' for me.
I was a little disappointed, and that is totally OK. I love my son more than words and wouldn't change a thing about him!! And by the way, it is so much easier than I thought to raise a boy so far! And I honestly think I get more cuddles with him than I would a girl

ondabianca · September 2015

I sort of feel the same way. This is my first and I really could see benefits to both a boy and a girl so I had no true preferences (other than healthy and happy). When we went for the anatomy ultrasound I was elated...at first. I am still quite excited to be having a boy and I still see the *MANY* benefits but I am a bit nervous because I do tend to relate better with girls. I am an elementary school teacher and I have worked hard over the past few years to work on relating to boys but it's more natural for me to relate to girls (hair, nails, clothes, "girly" stuff. I am sure I will learn as I go and I will have lots of help from my very manly significant other but it is still a fear in the back of my mind.

MollyA1011 · September 2015

I think that's totally normal. I feel the same way, except about raising a girl. I think it comes from fear because I NEVER got along with my mother and we never had a good relationship. It's much better now, but it's still not a typical mother daughter relationship. So I'm so nervous if I have a girl it will be the same way and that terrifies me. I'm hoping my experiences will help me become a better mom to a daughter than what I had. I always envisioned having a boy. I don't know what I'm having but the thought of raising a baby girl does make me extremely nervous. I would be overjoyed with a happy healthy baby no matter what the sex may be. But I think it's a legitimate fear.

WriterMama924 · September 2015

Boys are so wonderful, I think you'll do be pleasantly surprised. If you just raise your boy to be the type of man you'd want to see in the world, you'll do fine. And lord those boys love their mamas! I'm sure girls are wonderful too but based on my experiences with nieces, boys are much more low key, less drama. I wasn't sure what to do with one when my first was born but you just figure it out. Now I'm having my second boy and I couldn't be happier.

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