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December 2015 Moms
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Hosting Thanksgiving

Peanut1128Peanut1128 member
in December 2015 Moms
So my due date is November 28th, and Thanksgiving falls on November 26th. Since we can't travel this year, my in laws decided it would be best for us to host and they would come here. At this point, they have already begun inviting more extended family and we are at like 20 people.
I'm feeling very stressed out about hosting while that pregnant and/or bringing home a newborn to a house full of people. I should add that I'm kind of neurotic about cleaning and keeping my house in order so I don't love hosting large groups unless I can really plan for it and know they are all leaving right after.
Anyone else finding themselves in this situation? I'm almost hoping I go into labor early so I can say no we are able to have anyone here. (I can't guarantee that they won't still show up).
Any ideas or tips on how to handle this? My in laws will not stay in a hotel.
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Re: Hosting Thanksgiving

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  • mac-n-cheesymac-n-cheesy member
    Let them know now that given your EDD is just that--an estimate--you don't feel comfortable committing to hosting anything or even partaking in Thanksgiving this year (if this is how you feel). Inviting others to your house for a holiday without running it by you beforehand is incredibly rude and that's only amplified by the fact that you are due two days after Thanksgiving!
    Even if you don't have your LO until a few weeks later why even stress yourself out with any of this?!? It's only early September and everyone involved has plenty of time to make different plans that do not involve your house.
    I'm due 11/30 if I go by conception or 12/3 by LMP and I've already told DH's family and my own that we will not be participating in Thanksgiving and likely not Christmas either. We will send gifts of course in our absence but I've already put my foot down that if I'm still pregnant come Thanksgiving I'll be too far along to be comfortable doing anything with family and I'm most definitely NOT bringing a newborn baby around a bunch of people at Christmas. I'm a FTM and probably won't even have things figured enough out by then to feel confident enough visiting multiple households that day as usual.
    I told everyone that about a month ago and no one complained because I didn't give an option; I just said what our plans (lack thereof) were going to be and that was that.
    What your in laws are planning is INSANE. Maybe don't word it that way but let them know ASAP that you hosting isn't going to work!
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  • taysuntaysun member
    edited September 2015
    I would politely decline to be involved in thanksgiving while there's still enough time to change plans. You may hurt some feelings but you need to put your foot down if you aren't comfortable. Your family might be hurt but they'll get over it. Maybe you can offer to host a Christmas celebration instead if you're comfortable with that when you might be more up for guests and excitement.
    ETA you could end up in labor on thanksgiving for all you know as well. A due date is just an estimate!
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  • Daphneh28Daphneh28 member
    edited September 2015
    Yep. Politely decline. Or have your hubby do it for you, it's kind of a lot for them to invite people and put a burden like this on you. And I feel you, thanksgiving for 10 people is stressful enough let alone 20 and being 38/39 weeks pregnant. Maybe say something like you understand they all want to be there for you but maybe next year will be more feasible? I'm due 12/7 so thanksgiving which is always at my aunt's house will go on normal for me with the exception that the day before I start my maternity leave (YAS!!!!).
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  • kristen2bkristen2b member
    MrsBwIVF said:

    I'm with the PPs saying to just say "no way, plan something else without us being a factor".

    image

    I love you for your Liz Lemon gif.
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  • violetigerlilyvioletigerlily member
    edited September 2015
    My LO is also due on Nov 28th!

    We're in a similar boat in terms of not traveling.  DH's aunt usually hosts and lives a two hour drive away which isn't so bad, but in order to avoid going into labor 3 hours away from my OB, we'll be staying home as well. Nobody has been so bold as to invite themselves over to our house for thanksgiving, but I'm toying with inviting DH's parents (and only his parents +/- his single brother).  They're super helpful and would I'm sure do everything to prep the dinner for us in our kitchen--that way we can still have thanksgiving dinner with the family but I can relax and not travel or cook.   Cleaning the house is a whole different story, but as both sets of parents are going to make the 4 hour drive up here when my water breaks and stay at our house in between visits to us at the hospital, we'll either need to have the house clean or accept that they'll see it dirty anyway sooner or later. 

    If you're uncomfortable giving them a flat out "no," (which is as PP said, a completely reasonable thing to say), could you ask that you only have your in laws present and not the extended family this year for a small Thanksgiving that they'll be in charge of planning?  At the very least I would make sure your MIL understands that a last minute cancellation could occur and ruin everyone's plans as you will not be able to host anyone with a very new newborn. 
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    I'd tell them no, that I am unavailable to travel to them and that I am unavailable to host them, as I intend on delivering a healthy newborn. Maybe not in those exact words, but you get the gist. It's rude, insensitive and just inconsiderate for them to pitch such an idea and then run with. It is NEVER okay for someone to invite 201813681 people to someone else's home without their permission, family or not. That also puts you in a messy and awkward situation to have to turn people away. But before I continue on a tangent, I agree with PP's, especially @MrsBwIVF with the whole: No way, plan something else and don't factor us in. I hope it all works out for you. 
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  • redfallonredfallon member
    Melissadmag
    How the hell can your in-laws think this is in any way a good idea and then invite themselves and other people over to your house??? What does your husband say about this? He needs to put a stop to it ASAP.

    https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12619391/dhs-family-in-town-for-the-holidays-stress/p1

    Jamie


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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    navyblueladybug said:
    If they're the type of people who are jerks and would try to make you feel bad about saying no, you could always spin it and make it seem like you are thinking about them... "With the holiday being so close to my due date, I would just be so upset if I ended up delivering around Thanksgiving and was still in the hospital when you were set to arrive! I mean, what would you guys do... You wouldn't have time to plan anything else!" That makes it seem like you're thinking about them when I reality you're shutting that whole s**tshow down and getting what you want ;)
    @Navyblueladybug is good and nice. My rude self would have straight up said no and that they were being rude, inconsiderate and completely inappropriate if they tried to flip it on me. Your in-laws are really trying it.
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  • stickybun14stickybun14 member
    @Jenwatson6 firstly, so sorry you have to deal with this crap!! It is totally out of order. We don't have thanksgiving here so I am imagining it to be like a large Christmas sized event minus the presents.

    What does your DH say? Is he happy to have them all over? Just like in the hospital, he needs to support you and back you up this close to your due date. Are he and his parents happy to be doing all the cleaning, preparation, cooking and entertaining? You shouldn't be lifting a damn finger other than to move food from the plate to your mouth.

    And if his parents are staying will they want to stay a few days? With the possibility that they will be there when baby could arrive? Which should be the crucial bonding (and alone) time between yourself, DH and your newborn.

    And one last tidbit and perhaps piece of ammo - what is your plan with immunization? No one will be coming near my newborn if they have not been vaccinated for whooping cough at the least. Just in case bubs arrives early and your still doing this thanksgiving at yours, will the in laws AND extended family be happy to have their immunization up to date if that is what you want?

    Best of luck to you! Keep us posted
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  • susiaustinsusiaustin member
    I feel your pain, and completely think you need to speak up. Tell them your OK with them coming (if you are) but with the rest of the extended family maybe tell them you'd be afraid that last minute you'll go into labor and everything will be put on hold and you'd rather not stress about that, or having too many people around in the first few days when you trying to adjust to life with an infant. Even if you already have kids adding another one is a big deal (I've asked my grandma who has 7 how she did it, she has always stated every baby different it not like she had a manual with anyone or could apply the same principles).


    I totally understand how you feeling because my family is out of state all of them, I've already invited my mom and dad because I want to have my mom here anyway because with the preeclampsia risk, gestational diabetes and everything else me being due because of measurements not dates November 28th, I knew I wouldn't be up to traveling. My sister invited herself and my brother cautiously asked. My brother and his wife I care less about because she's a medical assistant and has already insisted they get all their shots and make sure that they are healthy (they have a doctors visit planned 3 days before for physicals with the understanding that they will be around a newborn and if anything and I mean ANYTHING is wrong they stay home). Hell I told my sister in law if she here I'm dragging her into the delivery room over anyone but SO. However my sister has 2 small children, and didn't exactly ask. My niece will be almost 4 and my nephew will be like 20 months. The two of them can be sick a lot, but with my nephew having been preemie, I think I'm ok that she wouldn't risk getting Evie sick. I'm more concerned about the in laws who live closer. They expect us to bring the baby around immediately especially his sister who has 2 small children in the home, 1 of which just started kindergarten which is germ city. My issue is how do I exclude them when my family understands even if his doesn't. I feel your pain and sometimes you just have to be prepared to say "no". My SO's family try to hijack everything and don't understand. I told his mom I failed my glucose test and she like had no idea what that meant, trying to get her, and hell sometimes even getting him to understand my GD diet, and the high blood pressure diet is a full time job in itself. Sorry I can not have a huge piece of strawberry short cake I can't have the sugar... But thanks for waving one of my favorite deserts under my nose. Sometimes families don't think. You have to point it out to them.
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  • Peanut1128Peanut1128 member
    Thanks everyone, my husband never says no to his family and he doesn't understand why I would feel stressed about this. So I'm glad to see that everyone else would feel the same way as me. The idea of bringing a newborn home to a house full of people is just too much for me.
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  • mltarriomltarrio member
    @Jenwatson6, I completely feel your pain. The same thing is happening to me. I am due on Christmas day, and when I said oh well, we won't be able to travel this year, my folks and my in-laws hatched a plan to all come to my house! It will only be 8 people, but we live in a two bedroom city apartment. I know they mean well, and they just want to be here with us, but it is totally stressing me out. The one thing I have been able to do to reclaim a little sanity is to say that no one can stay with us, everyone has to stay in a hotel. I felt bad, but people understood and were willing to give us that much space anyway. But I am so stressed out about the details. What if we are in the hospital and we "ruin" Christmas for them? What if the baby doesn't come for another week and everyone has to go home and come back? Where will I get enough dishes and chairs? 

    The only part of this that I am excited about is that my Dad has promised to bring a big standing rib roast for us to make for dinner. He and I both love to cook, so it will be fun to make dinner together. Also, I have been promised by my husband that I can get a full sized Christmas tree this year :)
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  • Peanut1128Peanut1128 member
    @mltarrio yes, sounds just like my DH'd family. I think you handled that perfectly. I wish I could convince them to get a hotel. They are super close and don't really wait for invitations so they wouldn't even think that someone would feel uncomfortable with the idea of hosting all those people. I told my husband that it was making me uneasy and that I posed to question to my moms group and everyone agreed and he said I should talk to his mom. I actually prefer me handling it to him, because he never says no to anything when asked by friends or family. On a positive note, I am really excited to have a baby for the holidays. So crazy to think he will be here for Christmas this year!!
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