Asked to be a bridesmaid... Will be 8 months Prego

hansonec · September 2015

One of my dearest friends is getting married. I don't use the words best friend because she is my longest friend, but we don't talk every day type of a relationship. I'm so busy with nursing school and she's busy with her life. We see each other a couple times a month (because nursing school owns me lol) but I love her to death! She was in my wedding.

She is getting married New Year's Eve (I'm due Jan 31st) and asked me to be a bridesmaid. Would you do it at 8 months pregnant? Is this a no brainier or am I being dramatic? I am going to be huge! I just know it. I started off overweight this pregnancy so that sucked because I'm not where I'd like to be health wise and of course just getting bigger. I don't want to look terrible and like ruin her pictures or have her guests focusing on how large I am. Or maybe these are all just thoughts of someone who has a crazy complex.

I might be over reacting! So please be kind lol. I just need some other prego's opinions!!

Thank you!!

millereliz13 · September 2015

I'm going to be honest, I'm 8 months pregnant now and the thought of having to stand up for pictures and a ceremony sounds terrible. Some pregnant women do better than others but I definitely wouldn't do it myself.

thegingeravenger · September 2015

I'd ask questions about your friend's plan. Two immediately come to mind: a) how long will the actual ceremony be and b)does she expect you to wear heels?

I'm 30 weeks now and I also think it sounds miserable already. Doable, but miserable. I think I'm your shoes I would be cautious and politely decline for health reasons.

christina4436 · September 2015

Not being dramatic. I originally said yes knowing we were trying so told her straight up if I did get preggo that month might have to reassess. Bc it was far out she was totally fine with that answer and said she totally understood. Well I ended up getting pregnant so told her right away prob not a good idea bc I would be 36 weeks. I would prob be fine but the main reasons I backed out were due to my mom having me at 34 weeks and the dress situation at that point wouldn't have been predictable. I didn't want to go into early labor and mess up her day really. I did tell her
I still wanted to be included and around for everything like maybe an attendant or something. So that's what I'm gonna do as long as I'm good, it's in 3 weeks. I'll Wear my own dress, but still get ready with them and go to rehearsal, ride in limo and stuff. I will line the girls up for the aisle, give tips as needed and take any gifts home since they are all staying at hotels and I'll go home a little early. You could always offer up something like that if you want to but def not mandatory. I would be too nervous about the dress situation and not want to waddle down aisle with everyone looking at me!

MW5280 · September 2015

I was in a wedding at 30 weeks, and after the whole week was over, I stayed in bed for the entire next day. It was a small wedding and a low-key bride who had no ideas/plans/expectations of what the dresses would be like or special events or whatever leading up to her wedding. We chose bridesmaid dresses that worked for me being preggo (long, empire waist, stretchy fabric, I ordered 2 sizes up), I wore sparkly flip flops, and we sat for the majority of the ceremony. Bride's only requirement of me was that I not have the baby early or be on bed rest :-)

I say, talk to her to see what she is thinking and go from there. If you're friend really wants you there, she'll be good with you sitting, wearing flats, and will only care that you are there for her. No one is going to notice you on the bride's day - trust me :-)

hansonec · September 2015

Thank you all for such honest, kind responses! I appreciate the feedback very much

hansonec · September 2015

She actually suggested something along the lines of just helping where I can, taking the limo with everyone, hanging for pictures, etc. I think that would be great! I'm just afraid I'll regret not being an actual bridesmaid which seems so silly!!! But I know I won't be comfortable standing so much in a giant dress the size of a parachute in front of people haha. But it's not about me at all!! And like MW said no one will be looking at me!

seelwood · September 2015

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding next month when I will be 36 weeks and I simply explained that I was more comfortable with a maternity dress and flats.
I have also decided to sit out of the bachelorette party.
In your situation I would get more details, as previous posts have mentioned, a New Year's Eve wedding could go pretty late.
I would just take all events surrounding the wedding into consideration as well and hope your friend is understanding.

lalena · September 2015

I was my sister's matron of honor when I was pregnant with my first. She got married Sept 18 and I was due Nov 20. Though my feet hurt, I just bought comfy shoes. Didn't stay for the entire night for the reception.

delujm0 · September 2015

I was my sister's MOH at 38.5 weeks. It was fine. I just wore flats and sat down whenever I didn't absolutely need to be standing. The ceremony was only 20 minutes, so it was fine. I had a 10 hour drive to get there but labor didn't look eminent so I took the chance. Being in the car for 20 hours in a 48 hour window was 100 times worse than being in the actual wedding.

I ordered a dress several sizes large since the order went in when I was 14 weeks and not showing yet, so massive alterations were necessary as I didn't gain too much (29lbs) and it was all in my belly. I'd see if your friend would be ok with you wearing a slightly different dress...I did same designer/fabric as everyone else but in an empire waist style with straps that allowed me to wear a normal bra rather than strapless. And definitely wear flats.

hansonec · September 2015

Thanks everyone! My girlfriend and I talked yesterday and she said she's 100% okay with me wearing a different/same color/similar style dress and flats! She was so sweet about this whole thing. Thank you all for the help and advice!!

MrsN092714 · September 2015

I am 8 months right now and would totally do it. The fact is your not going to ruin her photos, she wants you there because your her friend (and to be honest, the photos of you aren't going to the ones hanging on the wall years from now) I would request flats and a maternity dress, keep yourself hydrated and sit down when your not in the photos. I think if the day rolls around and your feeling really good you'll regret not being in there. If your not feeling great, you will probably do a great job of sucking it up for the bride. You don't have to stay super late and as PP said, you can opt out of the bachelorette party.

wedding crazed · September 2015

I am 29 weeks with my 4th baby and I could do it at 30 weeks. I am the type that continues on my life as normal while pregno and am still exercising and stuff though. My good friend was full-term at my wedding and decided to not be in it and I totally understood. No hard feelings at all, she even read a poem at the wedding instead. So, I say do what you are comfortable with. Go over expectations first as you will need to rest throughout a very busy day.

mkeip · September 2015

Id say hellllllll no. I didn't have the energy at 8 months and swelling gets bad at that point when you are on your feet for too long. Plus no way in the world to predict your size. You could put on 10lbs of water in a matter of days and fit nothing.

dearp · September 2015

My DH and I were officially married last year and planned our wedding for this July not knowing I'd be pregnant. I was about 24 weeks when we had our wedding and it definitely wasn't easy.

Now that you know you'll be attending, my advice is to sit down as much as possible. I didn't want to miss anything so I was constantly milling around and standing only to turn into an evil monster by the end of the night because my feet and legs hurt so badly. Seems like your friend will completely understand if you take a time out every once and a while.

If you are still looking for a dress, I highly recommend BHLDN. I ordered one of their bridesmaids dresses as a wedding dress and it was amazing. It came with built in pieces of fabric I could use to make straps if I needed them. Plenty of room to breathe and in no way restricting. Just had the tailor bring up the mid-line a bit and it was perfect. Nobody even noticed that I was wearing flat sandals.

SaltyMcNulty · September 2015

As long as the wedding is local, I would be okay being a bridesmaid at 36w. However, if you have to travel a distance by car or fly, I'd be out.

cmjn94 · September 2015

A little late but I was in my friend's wedding at 32 weeks. It really wasn't too bad. I was able to choose my dress and shoes and everything and her ceremony was really short. My feet hurt so much at the end of the day but that was really it. You could do it if you want to but I wouldn't feel had if you just arent up to it.

dchiapella · September 2015

I think it really depends on the pregnancy. I personally would. If she's someone you want to continue to have involved in the big stuff in your life... like a baby... I think it's a pretty fair sacrifice and despite the exhaustion it's not a week long event, it's a day. I've had a difficult pregnancy but there's no reason to think I will go early so I personally would. I wasn't IN a wedding yesterday but I helped a lot with set up and my husband was in it so I was still doing a lot of the wedding party things and yes, it was tiring, but if it's someone you hold dear it will be worth it. Weddings go by SO quickly. And it's not like she won't know that you're VERY pregnant. I'm sure she won't be offended if you sit more often than the other bridesmaids. My friends got married last summer and the matron of honor was about 36, 37 weeks pregnant and they made sure they made accommodations for her since they were just appreciative of her being there for them on such a special and once in a life time occasion! And at least from my perspective, I feel like I've been run over by a truck just sitting through a movie in the theater... NOTHING is comfortable or easy so I'd rather do something that matters than something that doesn't since it's gonna take everything in me anyways. That's my thought process, at least.

hansonec · September 2015

Thanks everyone! I have decided to be in the wedding. The bride is so chill and just happy to have me there. She is super important to me and she was there as a bridesmaid on my day so I will suck it up and be there for her haha. She was is so sweet about everything, she even tried to find me a different dress so I wouldn't need hundreds of dollars in alterations. She said I could wear flats and sit as much as I need to! I'm of course a tiny bit worried about it just because the end of pregnancy is painful and exhausting most of the time haha but it's just one day and I will survive! Lol. Plus I'd never want to look back and regret my decision. I know I won't!

talielove · September 2015

I was supposed to be in my cousin's wedding and when I say cousin I mean like best friend /grew up together but I will be like 36 weeks by then so I backed out, I felt bad doing it but she was totally fine about it. I just know by then I don't think I'll have that kinda energy!

sdtchica13 · September 2015

Lurking out of sheer boredom (sorry ladies), but I can say it's totally doable. I was my sister's MOH at 35 weeks with my son two years ago, and other than dress issues early on, everything went fine. I ended up getting a different dress than the rest of her bridesmaids (no biggie since I was MOH anyway), and bought it several sizes bigger than my normal size. I was up about 29lbs by the time I went in for the fitting and they basically built a new underlayer for the dress to accommodate the bump.

I felt great and ended up wearing heels all night at the wedding, and even managed to fly to FL for the bachelorette party at 27 weeks. As long as you are having a healthy pregnancy, you can totally rock this wedding.

As a funny aside, everyone was worried about me going into labor because I went into labor at 30 weeks with my first child, so they were watching me like I was a ticking time bomb...in the end, I was totally fine and it ended up being a groomsman who passed out DURING the ceremony! During the reception, my cousin (a doctor) came over to chat and I was like, "And you guys were worried about ME?", lol!

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