Moms and In Laws — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

Moms and In Laws

Lots of us had mom/MIL drama during our pregnancies.... How's it going now that most of us have had our babies? Worse? Better?


Personally, my mom is now calling my baby "her baby" and that drives me crazy! All she does when she's visiting is hold her and take a million pictures with her phone. Luckily we got her to stop coming over for a few days. Also, I'm dreading Christmas.
lap018emmacake08hcook321SashaDenn25toccoaparkerGirlOnTheBeachtyleryMouseMama817Ntolanipiscesmommy222Boslovehstevens84

Re: Moms and In Laws

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  • My MIL has never been my favorite person but since DD has been born things have gotten way worse..... SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY! She comes to visit way too often and all she says for the entire visit is "She is so BUUUUTTTTiful" about 37 million times. Kills me! I am praying that as DD gets older she will chill out and also that I get better at handling it.

    Also the fact that she facebooks drunk every night and comments on any post/photo we put on FB at least 3 times because she was drunk and forgot she already commented makes me never want to go on FB anymore.
    TTC #1 since July 2013
    1/7/14 - BFP!  MC 2/15/14
    12/22/14 - BFP!  EDD 8/16/15 TEAM GREEN
    DD Born 7/28/15 - Induced at 37 weeks due to cholestasis
    TTC #2 since 01/17
    7/2/17 - BFP!  MC confirmed 7/31/17
    9/8/17 - BFP!  MC confirmed 9/22/17
    12/4/17 - BFP!  MC at 15W5D on 3/3/18 - D&E 3/6/18
    4/17/18 - BFP!  MC/Chemical on 4/21/18


    toccoaparkerGirlOnTheBeach
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  • No baby yet, but the last week my mom has called me more times to see if I'm in labor yet (Nope!) than collectively in the last year. I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, and I'm hoping for that elusive relationship improvement post baby arrival. 
    DS1 - 8-10-2015 LO2 - EDD 4-30-2017
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Pregnancy Ticker

    hcook321kahlya88MouseMama817piscesmommy222
  • My MIL is a pretty miserable person. She lives a few hours away and doesn't drive so she is very jealous that my family and friends have met the baby before her but every option we give her to meet the baby is no good according to her. We gave her 6 weekends to choose from and she said nobody can drive her any of those weekends, she won't come during the week when she can get a ride, she won't take a train, etc. but keeps texting my husband to stop letting people meet our baby.
    hcook321MouseMama817piscesmommy222
  • No drama here, yet anyway. But only because MIL has not even called to say congrats, how's it going, kiss my a$$, nothing. Apparently her phone only works when it wants to so even though we have tried to contact her we can't get ahold of her. Whatever!


    Robin910MouseMama817piscesmommy222Boslove
  • My family has actually been awesome. We were rocky the entire pregnancy but they got here Saturday and have honestly been the biggest help. Last night they brought us food and my mom cleaned the kitchen. Tonight my mom made us dinner while I napped and cleaned the kitchen AGAIN. I'm so thankful.
    SashaDenn25MouseMama817
  • My mom and in laws have been great. I'm super thankful, especially for my mom. I just wish I had a milk supply built up so I could get good, uninterrupted sleep

    nakoppel
  • My in laws are rude and I hope I don't see them anytime soon!

    They tried to ruin the birth and are selfish
    neludelutfdotgovpiscesmommy222
  • My MIL can be a little overwhelming at times. She is constantly trying to tell me what to do and how to raise DS. DS was only 5lbs when he was born so she thinks he should live inside a bubble. He is now 3 weeks old and 6lbs 8oz and gaining weight perfectly with no health concerns and she still thinks we should wait for things like immunizations because of his size. It definitely gets annoying but I know she is coming from a good place.
    piscesmommy222
  • It's funny because my mom wasn't very happy about my pregnancy; she wanted me to pursue more in my life before getting pregnant. But she's definitely in love with my daughter and always offers a helping hand so my husband and I can catch up on some sleep. I wasn't expecting that from her at all.
    On the other hand, I live with in laws and my MIL still drives me a little crazy now as she did during my pregnancy. She still calls my daughter HER baby. When my husband and I are actually bonding with her in our room, my MIL will come in and invade that time... She doesn't have any filter or self restrictions to give me and my husband our personal time. I feel like there's gonna be some conflict as my daughter gets older...
    pabeybabyMouseMama817
  • My MIL whilst is helpful for staying here for the past 5 days while DH went back to work but the first thing she said when she met DD " I am your Oma and I am going to make you a feminist" last time I checked my DD will grow up to be who she wants to be! I am all for woman's rights etc but that comment really upset me but anything my MiL says upsets me !
    mkeiptfdotgov
  • My MIL wanted to come be here for the birth and stay with us. She's the type of person who will totally take over the baby because she sees our son as a mini version of DH. Fortunately DH asked her to wait two weeks to come. Then she couldn't get off work. Now she's informed us that she plans to come stay for THREE WEEKS in February. She said she plans to get here and pick him up and not let go of him the whole time.

    Also, she informed us she's planning on babysitting DS while I'm at work (instead of my mom) during that time. I'm totally not comfortable leaving DS with her because she'll be having him eating all kinds of fried foods and juice (yeah, at 6 months old) because she's grandma and she wants to spoil him. No. He's going to be breastfeeding and not eating any of that stuff. I know that's her plan though because she already does that with our dog when I leave for work and he has all kinds of food allergies and shouldn't be eating random foods like that. When we talk to her about the dog she just smiles and says she loves him and he loves her and what we don't know won't hurt us basically. I can only imagine what she'd try to give DS. Not happening. My mom said she can come with DS to her house and hang out for the couple hours a day we need child care.

    She also regularly calls to ask DH if I'm remembering to give the baby water every day. No. He's breastfed. Breast milk is 88% water. He's fine. She posts on facebook how sad she is to not see a picture of HER baby if I don't post one every single day. Oh yeah, she also added on there that she just had a son. No. I had a son. You got a grandson.

    That's just my MIL. SIL is even worse and she's coming for a week or two in November.

    More power to you but I would not be ok with her staying for 3 weeks. If you are not you need to tell DH and set boundaries
    SashaDenn25MouseMama817J0C0TXGirlOnTheBeach
  • lets see, so I logged off of social media for a while after my mil called me a bad wife. That was when I was pregnant. The problems carried over though, and she left early, (good for my emotions, bad for getting used to having a newborn.) But what can you do?
  • My mom stayed with us for almost the whole first month after LO was born. She lives 6 hours away and she was a Godsend......cooking, cleaning, helping with LO, making sure I had eaten/slept/showered /whatever. I'm dreading this coming weekend. His parents are coming and he's working ALLLLLLLL weekend long. Fml....I'm left to entertain/cater to them by myself. They never used to stay with us. His sister lives 20 minutes away and they have always stayed with her. Well what do you know, now that DS is here they've suddenly decided they want to stay here. :(
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  • I didn't have many problems while pregnant but now that DS is here I'm super annoyed by my boyfriends family. They call my son their baby (pet peeve #1) they want to hold him the entire time they are visiting and make it very difficult for me to be able to breastfeed him. I'm not going to just do it in front of them and I'm way too nice to take my son from them so he ends up getting a bottle. If I could I would shut myself my kids and my boyfriend away for at least a month.
    pabeybaby
  • We've only seen our in laws 3 times since having the baby 2 weeks ago, thankfully. Phone calls and texts are another story of course. I told my husband that I was worried his mom would be overbearing and too opinionated about our parenting choices and lo and behold, I was right! His words, not mine  <:-P

    Every conversation he has with her is filled with her either giving unsolicited advice or questioning our decisions. For example, the fact that we feed baby girl every 3 hours. I have overheard multiple conversations where she keeps trying to tell my husband that we don't need to have her on any sort of feeding schedule. The first time she mentioned it was when we were at the hospital for my mastitis and MIL was taking care of our daughter. She called to question why DD needed to be fed the way we had instructed her before leaving and DH immediately set her straight that it was what we as parents had decided and to make sure she adhered to it. I thought that would be the end of it....she's like a dog with a freakin bone. I don't know what else she nags him about but his side of the conversation is basically "Yes, Mom. I know, Mom. We know that too, Mom." Non stop. Poor guy. At least it's not me!

    Other than that the only issue I had with them is coming over (once) and keeping the baby up way past her bedtime. They texted they were on their way but didn't show up until 3 hours later (they only live 15-20 minutes away) at 9:15pm. Then didn't leave until 12:15am, meaning DD didn't sleep until then because MIL wouldn't stop flashing in her face with her cell phone camera (another huge annoyance of mine). Since then my MIL has texted me asking me to take a quick picture of the baby but I've had to give her a firm "No, her bedtime was an hour ago so she's sound asleep. I'll send one in the morning." I'm hoping she gets the message that my schedule is not to be messed with.






    pabeybabymkeip
  • It's currently a smoothie making assembly line in my kitchen.... And I'm being told my 2 wk
    Old needs cereal in his bottle @-)

    For details see above -___-
    tarheelgirl8hcook321GirlOnTheBeach
  • It's currently a smoothie making assembly line in my kitchen.... And I'm being told my 2 wk
    Old needs cereal in his bottle @-)

    For details see above -___-

    Oh good lord. I was told my LO needed cereal at 4 days. Nope nope nope
    hcook321GirlOnTheBeach
  • what are with this MIL's saying you need to give your kid cereal so soon?! And secondly, i've actually been seeing many articles stating that the cereal and rice mixes are just like giving your kid a large dose of sugar so it should really be skipped. Im just relaying what i have read, not judging. I haven't had my lil boy yet (was due 8/31 still waiting ) but I just think these things should be left up to the parents. im glad my husband and i are on the same page about our families otherwise i would lose my mind lol. But yes, totally feel you on this. In laws are annoying, 
  • When step MIL was in town she would talk to LO about how she couldn't believe her mommy hasn't read to her yet or about how mean mommy is to wake her up to eat. She and FIL would cook every day but not clean anything (including the kitchen). I tried to vacuum one day and she scolded me so I asked her to but she didn't. She also kept scolding my dog for sniffing baby but didn't say anything to her dog. I would have to ask her 3-5 times to give me baby back so I could BF. I felt like a jerk when they left since they purchased groceries and they cooked but I was so happy. Now DHs bio mom is in town and she's great.
    hcook321
  • tfdotgov said:

    I am just too lazy to type out the stories of my in laws so far being just 1 week into motherhood. I just honestly hate them. Being a grandparent is a privilege,  not a right.

    This x 100. It is most certainly a privilege, and I think some people forget that. At least me and DH are now on the same page as far as setting limits with his family, who was doing some serious boundary stomping in the beginning
    piscesmommy222
  • @ChanelLovesB can you send her this way for smoothies? That was my daily breakfast pre pregnancy and I am finally wanting them again. I hate having to make them though.

    MIL has not been too bad. DH talked to her about her boyfriend not getting a title and she was accepting of it. I don't get their relationship and think she deserves better but she won't break up with him. Her call, but my son won't be calling someone who may or may not be around in a year Papa. She has made a few comments about DS "hating" her because he's always sleeping when she's around (this continues from when I was pregnant because he wouldn't move when she felt my belly...) And I think she is irritated that my mom sees him more but my mom is home most of the day and my neice plays with my cousin on the weekends. She works and I don't really care for being at her house because it smells like a farm, I don't like her boyfriend, and its messy with no where to sit. She told DH she would quit her job and watch DS for $200 a week but I don't like how my neice behaves after spending time there so no way my son will spend that much time there. DH got a little pissed with me today for my opinion on that but he already agreed with me a few weeks ago.
  • I am just too lazy to type out the stories of my in laws so far being just 1 week into motherhood. I just honestly hate them. Being a grandparent is a privilege,  not a right.
    This x 100. It is most certainly a privilege, and I think some people forget that. At least me and DH are now on the same page as far as setting limits with his family, who was doing some serious boundary stomping in the beginning






    Both of these!

  • edited September 2015

    My MIL wanted to come be here for the birth and stay with us. She's the type of person who will totally take over the baby because she sees our son as a mini version of DH. Fortunately DH asked her to wait two weeks to come. Then she couldn't get off work. Now she's informed us that she plans to come stay for THREE WEEKS in February. She said she plans to get here and pick him up and not let go of him the whole time.

    Also, she informed us she's planning on babysitting DS while I'm at work (instead of my mom) during that time. I'm totally not comfortable leaving DS with her because she'll be having him eating all kinds of fried foods and juice (yeah, at 6 months old) because she's grandma and she wants to spoil him. No. He's going to be breastfeeding and not eating any of that stuff. I know that's her plan though because she already does that with our dog when I leave for work and he has all kinds of food allergies and shouldn't be eating random foods like that. When we talk to her about the dog she just smiles and says she loves him and he loves her and what we don't know won't hurt us basically. I can only imagine what she'd try to give DS. Not happening. My mom said she can come with DS to her house and hang out for the couple hours a day we need child care.

    She also regularly calls to ask DH if I'm remembering to give the baby water every day. No. He's breastfed. Breast milk is 88% water. He's fine. She posts on facebook how sad she is to not see a picture of HER baby if I don't post one every single day. Oh yeah, she also added on there that she just had a son. No. I had a son. You got a grandson.

    That's just my MIL. SIL is even worse and she's coming for a week or two in November.

    More power to you but I would not be ok with her staying for 3 weeks. If you are not you need to tell DH and set boundaries
    I've started putting that idea into DH's head so we'll see how that goes. But whenever she gets here, she's going to be surprised to find that she won't be left alone with DS at anytime. She's nice and all, but I'm not letting her break rules or routines we have set. She got to raise her kids her way, now it's our turn.
    pabeybaby
  • Ha.  Im so ready for people to leave already lol.  OK so I was told to appreciate the help that I am getting with my son--which trust me I do appreciate the help tons.  But I am trying to instill some habits with him early on, such as at night keeping ALL of the lights off especially in the vicinity of his room so he associates lights out with night night time to go to bed.  Well sometimes my in law volunteers to get him at his 2am feeding, I happen to open an eye and what do I see?  LIGHTS!! LIGHTS EVERYWHERE!!! It may seem petty but he has been doing very good with this approach before their visit.  Also, I know they plan on visiting a lot more.  We are going to where they live in a few weeks from now but they want to visit again next month and the month after next, and the month after that.  I'm like Chill out!!! Basically I would love it to be just me, hubby and baby for a little bit.  And its not just his family I have an issue with it's my family too, they want to be here every waking minute as well.  

    I hope I am not that bad when my son grows up and has a family of his own -_-.  Need to remember to give him space so he can grow his family and learn on his own.  
    pabeybabyhcook321
  • We've only seen our in laws 3 times since having the baby 2 weeks ago, thankfully. Phone calls and texts are another story of course. I told my husband that I was worried his mom would be overbearing and too opinionated about our parenting choices and lo and behold, I was right! His words, not mine  

    Every conversation he has with her is filled with her either giving unsolicited advice or questioning our decisions. For example, the fact that we feed baby girl every 3 hours. I have overheard multiple conversations where she keeps trying to tell my husband that we don't need to have her on any sort of feeding schedule. The first time she mentioned it was when we were at the hospital for my mastitis and MIL was taking care of our daughter. She called to question why DD needed to be fed the way we had instructed her before leaving and DH immediately set her straight that it was what we as parents had decided and to make sure she adhered to it. I thought that would be the end of it....she's like a dog with a freakin bone. I don't know what else she nags him about but his side of the conversation is basically "Yes, Mom. I know, Mom. We know that too, Mom." Non stop. Poor guy. At least it's not me!

    Other than that the only issue I had with them is coming over (once) and keeping the baby up way past her bedtime. They texted they were on their way but didn't show up until 3 hours later (they only live 15-20 minutes away) at 9:15pm. Then didn't leave until 12:15am, meaning DD didn't sleep until then because MIL wouldn't stop flashing in her face with her cell phone camera (another huge annoyance of mine). Since then my MIL has texted me asking me to take a quick picture of the baby but I've had to give her a firm "No, her bedtime was an hour ago so she's sound asleep. I'll send one in the morning." I'm hoping she gets the message that my schedule is not to be messed with.


    ---
    My mom is the same way.  She got mad when we said we had our baby on a schedule.  And it's not even a schedule we came up with--it's centered around him!! He also tends to wake up at the 3-4 hour mark in between sleep and we feed him, change him, etc.  Well sometimes, very rarely he will wake up maybe about an hour or 2 and it's not because he is hungry (I know what his hunger cries sound like trust me).  It's because he either pooped and he wants to be changed, or he spit his pacifier out of his mouth, or he came out of his swaddle.  But she thinks every time he cries he needs a bottle or a nipple in his mouth.  8-| Um no.  Now I will admit there are times when he did get hungry it seems like almost every hour to two hours but he hasn't done that in a while.  The pediatrician even recommended we stick to our feeding schedule as he will spit up everything (not kidding) if he is overfed.  

    Just letting you know you are not alone 
    MouseMama817
  • marieva said:

    Ha.  Im so ready for people to leave already lol.  OK so I was told to appreciate the help that I am getting with my son--which trust me I do appreciate the help tons.  But I am trying to instill some habits with him early on, such as at night keeping ALL of the lights off especially in the vicinity of his room so he associates lights out with night night time to go to bed.  Well sometimes my in law volunteers to get him at his 2am feeding, I happen to open an eye and what do I see?  LIGHTS!! LIGHTS EVERYWHERE!!! It may seem petty but he has been doing very good with this approach before their visit.  Also, I know they plan on visiting a lot more.  We are going to where they live in a few weeks from now but they want to visit again next month and the month after next, and the month after that.  I'm like Chill out!!! Basically I would love it to be just me, hubby and baby for a little bit.  And its not just his family I have an issue with it's my family too, they want to be here every waking minute as well.  


    I hope I am not that bad when my son grows up and has a family of his own -_-.  Need to remember to give him space so he can grow his family and learn on his own.  
    All of us need to remember these rants when our littles are bigs!! You make a good point. I had to tell everyone no more visitors to get myself well. I was overwhlemed and suffocated and just needed time with me, DH, and Arya. One week straight of no visitors made me stop crying and started enjoying LO so much more.
    hcook321marievaprpl11butterflySassetteSmurfling
  • My brother volunteered to help with house projects (we moved four months ago into a house that needed a lot of tlc) so we said come on down and here's a list. So he chose cutting the grass. He shows up with his gf and they sit on the couch, hold the baby, and watch tv. I prompted my brother about four times to cut the grass and then he said the grass didn't need to be cut. Umm, I didn't ask you if, I told you to do.

    Don't give me the pretext of wanting to help when all you want to do is watch a sleeping three week old. Because I need the grass to be cut and one last room to be painted, not a babysitter.
    pabeybaby
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