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Venting session!

msuzannahmsuzannah member
in TTC After a Loss
So my sister in law just had her baby and we were 3 weeks apart. I'm trying to be happy that I have a niece but the first thing I did when I found out she had her was break down and cry. I feel like everyone around me is having babies or getting pregnant and I'm just sitting here waiting for my next bfp and hoping that it doesn't end like the last 2. Staying positive is a major challenge right now! Sometimes o just wish I knew what the future holds at least then this insane waiting game would be over! I'm not sure how to react when I see her holding her healthy happy baby. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you stay happy?
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Re: Venting session!

  • vallericvalleric member
    I've had a bunch of my cousins in law give birth recently, I avoid family get together soon in my husbands side. They don't know about my mc and I don't want to hear questions about having a baby.
    I can't stay happy even just seeing pics online so in person would be soooooo much harder!
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  • vintagevicevintagevice member
    edited September 2015
    I just went to visit my best friend in the hospital and meet her new baby. We were pregnant together and fantasized about our babies growing up together. I would have been due in a few months. While I'm super happy for my friend, I can't help but feel heartbroken for my own loss. These feelings are complicated and I couldn't bring myself to hold her baby, even though I wanted to show support and love. I completely understand how you feel.
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  • bittersweetheartbittersweetheart member
    @msuzannah  Maybe trying to force yourself to "stay happy" is asking too much.  It sounds like you're still grieving and that's a totally legitimate response to such a great loss.  

    I don't know if this will work for you, but I've found that allowing myself to be self-centered for the foreseeable future has helped me to heal/survive.  I've given myself a free pass to avoid anything that I know triggers my "sad" - Baby showers, social invitations and conversations with friends who have children or are expecting... you get the idea.  I avoid my "sad" triggers like the plague and I'm not sorry for it.  

    Not going to lie.  That approach has seriously stunted the growth of some of my relationships... but it's also helped me branch out and I'm finding myself enjoying life more.

    It also helps me to do something totally self indulgent every once in a while.  Self indulgent meaning, taking care of myself.  Not for the sake of conceiving, but for the sake of squeezing some happiness out of the life I have.

    Examples:
    - Take the time to cook something special.  Something you wouldn't usually eat.  If it's healthy, all the better.  If it's not, don't beat yourself up over it.  If you don't cook, find somewhere new and fun to eat out.
    - Get a massage.  Get a pedicure.  Get your hair done.  Go shopping.  Get a makeover at the MAC counter.  Whatever you can afford that will make you feel better about how you feel or how you look.
    - Do something crazy that you're friends who are stuck breastfeeding can't do.  Go on a bar crawl.  Get a tattoo.  Visit a foreign country!

    You get the idea.  Like I said, it may not work for you... but it might!  :)
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  • msuzannahmsuzannah member
    @bittersweetheart I went to the hospital today and held her for a little bit but I feel like I kind of was selfish. I went there to support her and then after like 5 minutes dragged my husband out because I was starting to feel upset. I think I do need to be more selfish when it comes to keeping my happiness up! I might just have to go do something crazy and post about it on Facebook just to break up the "my child is the best" posts! Thank you! Reading that made me feel a lot better!
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  • bittersweetheartbittersweetheart member
    That's not selfish.  That's survival.  <3

    If/when you do something crazy, please share with the rest of us here.  Would love to hear all about it.  :)
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  • nerdymama15nerdymama15 member
    I know the feeling of being insanely jealous at every one else's good fortune.  At the same time I have read on here in other threads that we don't always know the history of the person that is pregnant.  They could have losses too.  I try to keep that in mind, but it is still hard.   Try to do some things to make you  happy.  I know easier said than done.   Facebook drives me crazy, so does seeing pregnant bellies when out in public.    I'm about five months and some odd days from our mc.  I'm starting to learn to push the thoughts to the back of my head if I'm out in public and at least get to a bathroom or my car or somewhere alone before I cry a river.  It's a survival tactic.  Unfortunately it takes a lot of time.  Like some of the pp's said, sometimes it is easier to just avoid those baby laden functions.  Bottomline is right now you have to take care of you and not worry about anyone else. 


    First Pregnancy
    • BFP: 01/25/2015
    • EDD: 09/28/2015
    • Incomplete MC: 02/28/2015

    Second Pregnancy

    • BFP: 09/11/2015
    • EDD: 05/25/2016
    Baby Born
    04/15/2016



    PGAL
    Report Reply
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