Just read your previous post on this thread. I will correct myself - that is mental abuse and incredibly manipulative and disrespectful. You are worth more than that and I sincerely hope you value yourself enough to recognize when someone doesn't deserve to be in your life and when they aren't treating you in a way they should.
You are worth more. If I had that convo once with my h we would be signing divorce papers. Never.
Feb'16 September Siggy Challenge: Favorite thing about fall
Is it bad that I have really considered going back to an ex and leaving him. I think he wants me to kick him out, so he can tell the baby I am the reason she doesn't have her daddy 24-7. It's killing me. Maybe it's my hormones and I am over reacting, but I feel like I would be better off being a FTM single and alone. I am just so scared of doing it alone...
Is it bad that I have really considered going back to an ex and leaving him. I think he wants me to kick him out, so he can tell the baby I am the reason she doesn't have her daddy 24-7. It's killing me. Maybe it's my hormones and I am over reacting, but I feel like I would be better off being a FTM single and alone. I am just so scared of doing it alone...
Honestly my advice - seek a support group, friends family, people who know you, know your life, and know him. There is something to be said about not letting people's opinions into your relationship but when things have crossed a certain line most times others notice it too and having people to talk to about it can really help you to come to terms with how you feel about something.
Making a big decision in the moment or when you are actively upset only sets you up to make a poor decision, but if you give yourself time to process and mull things over then you can come to a decision you really mean and are able to follow through with.
I would never tell someone outright that they need to leave someone, my H and I have had severe issues due to his anger management and he has crossed the line of verbally abusive with me a couple of times, I'm sure some people think I should have left a long time ago. For me I am only with him because he acknowledges the problem without me prompting him (If you initiate saying don't you think this is this.. they will run off of it and it is not genuine) and because he has agreed to seek counseling with me to fix things, he realized what was at stake and really took it seriously.
That being said you need to figure for yourself and knowing him whether you really think he means this and this is how he is, if there is something underlying going on that needs to be addressed, and if he would be willing to accept that what he is saying is inappropriate and needs to stop.
You need to feel strongly enough about it to make a decision you can stick with and not back-track on. Leaving or threatening to leave is no good if you just go back because it teaches them you don't mean it. Also leaving to be with someone else like an ex sets you up to make another bad decision and situation, rebounding is never a good thing especially when there is a baby involved.
If you are serious about leaving you need to mean it and mean it on your own and be willing to accept all that goes with it - possibly being a single mom and the fact that he is still the father and therefore you will always be tied to him and need to find a way to deal with that.
So again I really think you need to find people who know you personally to be able to talk to - I am just some stranger online to you and do not know you or him to really know anything deep or meaningful at all about the situation, and would not ever presume to tell you what to do in regards to him. These are simply my opinions and thoughts but you need to think about you and your child first and foremost and what you can live with and what you really feel.
In terms of being bad - I had similar thoughts in the heat of things with H but upon settling down I would never leave him for an ex, I left them for a reason and if I left H ever it would be to be on my own.
Sorry for the rant - this is a topic I am very passionate about due to my own situation
Feb'16 September Siggy Challenge: Favorite thing about fall
Is it bad that I have really considered going back to an ex and leaving him. I think he wants me to kick him out, so he can tell the baby I am the reason she doesn't have her daddy 24-7. It's killing me. Maybe it's my hormones and I am over reacting, but I feel like I would be better off being a FTM single and alone. I am just so scared of doing it alone...
First of all, I am sorry you are dealing with this. At the end of the day, you should do what feels right for you and your growing baby inside, but here's my two cents.
I don't think you should jump from your current SO to your ex. Even though right now, it feels like you do, but you don't need a man. I remember you said you are a police officer. I know you are strong, independent and completely capable of taking care of yourself and your baby on your own, if that's what you need to do. I say this because half of my work is representing various police departments and police officers. I know from having met and worked with so many officers, that they are really emotionally the strongest group of people I have ever known. Be strong for yourself and your little baby. I don't recommend making any rash decisions while you are upset, but know and have the confidence that you CAN do it all by yourself and that you CAN do it well without any men in your life.
Is it bad that I have really considered going back to an ex and leaving him. I think he wants me to kick him out, so he can tell the baby I am the reason she doesn't have her daddy 24-7. It's killing me. Maybe it's my hormones and I am over reacting, but I feel like I would be better off being a FTM single and alone. I am just so scared of doing it alone...
I agree with some previous posters that going back to an ex is not what you need at all, but it also seems that you already know something isn't right or ok with what's going on with your relationship. This is all incredibly emotionally abusive and just flat out mean. I'm just a stranger on the internet but I would gather your support system and take a bit of space to try to get some perspective. i'll be thinking of you
I would definitely voice how that makes you feel to SO. I know for my dh he is already thinking sex isn't as fun anymore- not because he thinks my bump is a turn off (which he does.) but because we can't go as hard as he'd like to, I'm not as bendy as I am not pregnant, and afterwards my stomach muscle get really painful and he doesn't like knowing sex is going to hurt me. I'd just talk with them. It may be more than just the bump but they don't know how to express it appropriately.
I can only imagine how hard it would be to make the decision to have a baby on your own, but sometimes having just a mom who is supportive and loving is better than having a dad who doesn't want to be there/is not supportive/doesn't love you and treat you as you need to be treated. My mom told my biological dad that when I was first born and the best thing that could have (and did) happen was for him to step out of my life. Never did I feel unwanted or unloved because of my "part time" dad. My mother more than made up for it and she found a man who was willing to step up and be a dad to me. Mind you this wasn't until years later I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, but if he's truly treating you terribly you need to realize you and your little girl are worth and deserve so much more than that. Find a support group, you'd be amazed who in your life might be willing to help you out if they understand the situation. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
@rokxnxroll I noticed another commenter stated you're a PO - check into resources offered by your department. Ours offers employee assistance for things like this (ours is EAP) and it is free and completely anonymous. Also remember that your family in blue will protect you and help you out, sometimes more than actual family
Posting issues. EAP can be great. You may find you get free, proper counseling, and it sounds like that would be helpful for you right now. It is scary thinking of raising a kid alone, but if your so is hurting and undermining you then he's not actually making your life easier. Raising a kid in the middle of a break up is far worse. And to face reality, kids weaken rather than strengthen relationships in the early days so any problems are likely to get worse before they get better. Can you really rely on him to be there for you? Or would you be better with someone you totally trust to have your back? Like your mum perhaps? I wouldn't worry about how your kids will judge you. Kids judge people based on what they do, not what they say they do.
I'm sorry. I would be very hurt too. Like others said I would try talking to him about it and tell him that although you want honesty, his approach really hurt your feelings. Maybe start doing a few things to make him feel special or do something extra sexy. I think it sounds kind of backwards that you should be doing this stuff instead of him, but there probably is something underlying. Plus no guy can go THAT long without sex lol. If this isn't something that's common in your relationship, hopefully talking about it will help. You could also have a close friend or family member talk to him. Maybe someone who's been through it all before. Don't hide your bump though... It's beautiful. Maybe he feels weird having sex knowing there's a baby in there and because of that it just turns him off. Hang in there! Keep us updated.
Your daughter not having her daddy 24/7 would probably be better than her growing up watching her mother disrespected and emotionally abused. Watching him with you teaches her what relationships "should" look like and how she should expect to be treated in her future relationships. Teach her to know her worth by demanding to be respected and valued. You will set the standard for her, so set the bar high!
Is it bad that I have really considered going back to an ex and leaving him. I think he wants me to kick him out, so he can tell the baby I am the reason she doesn't have her daddy 24-7. It's killing me. Maybe it's my hormones and I am over reacting, but I feel like I would be better off being a FTM single and alone. I am just so scared of doing it alone...
I'm not sure what an ex has to do with any of this. I think you need to seek couples counseling. If it's not working out, leave but bouncing into another relationship isn't the answer. Remember, they're an ex for a reason.
So... I appreciate all the great advice. You guys are wonderful! He does need a dick punch lol! We are going to sign up for couples counseling and see how that goes... It was at his suggestion, however it came way by him saying I need to hear a professional tell me that he is right and I am wrong lol. But we will see how it goes. I know I am to blame for some of our issues, because I fully financially support him to allow him to do his comedy. So, I think I do have some built up resentment, when I don't feel like he contributes his part to the relationship. Thanks for all the support!!!!
Your daughter not having her daddy 24/7 would probably be better than her growing up watching her mother disrespected and emotionally abused. Watching him with you teaches her what relationships "should" look like and how she should expect to be treated in her future relationships. Teach her to know her worth by demanding to be respected and valued. You will set the standard for her, so set the bar high!
This. 100,000x this. Not just for your situation, PP, but this is so important for all parents/mothers to remember. I see so many people online and IRL that are staying in bad relationships "for the kids". You are teaching your children what a "normal" relationship looks like... And if they see getting treated like crap as normal, they won't bat an eye when it happens to them. You are teaching them how to be a husband/wife and how to respect themselves and their partner. It is so much better to go it alone than to set them up for their own unhealthy relationships in the future because of the example they were given.
Just a thought - your relationship should make you feel happy. When you trust your partner, adore them, respect them, smile whenever you think of them, and they feel the same about you - that is what it should feel like. I stayed in too many relationships for too long because I didn't realize how good it can be with a guy who totally has your back and loves you to pieces. If he acts like a dick, talks like a dick, and thinks like a dick, there is a possibility that he really just is a dick. There are good men out there. Don't miss your prince because you were busy kissing a frog. (Nb your ex is not the prince.)
We are going to sign up for couples counseling and see how that goes... It was at his suggestion, however it came way by him saying I need to hear a professional tell me that he is right and I am wrong lol.
Yeah. I know we're only getting one side of the situation, but if that's what he's expecting I think he's in for a shock.
"If he acts like a dick, talks like a dick, and thinks like a dick, there is a possibility that he really just is a dick. There are good men out there. Don't miss your prince because you were busy kissing a frog."
This is great, totally going to use this line on a couple of teenage girls that I mentor that think this guy or that guy that treats them like crap is "really good deep down".
All I can say is I am so sorry that your significant others would treat you like this! They don't know half of what you are going through and to just be out right rude and insensitive is downright uncalled for! You are ALL BEAUTIFUL PREGNANT WOMEN and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! If your significant other isn't satisfying you and telling you that you aren't "attractive" then you need to surround yourself with people who are positive and want nothing but what is best for you and your significant other can go stick it where the sun don't shine. Enough said.
-1st MC- June 2014 at 6 weeks
-2nd MC- December 2014 at 7 weeks
-Braxton Bradley has arrived! 1/4/2016 (original EDD was 2/2/2016)
Re: Harsh!!
You are worth more. If I had that convo once with my h we would be signing divorce papers. Never.
I agree with some previous posters that going back to an ex is not what you need at all, but it also seems that you already know something isn't right or ok with what's going on with your relationship. This is all incredibly emotionally abusive and just flat out mean. I'm just a stranger on the internet but I would gather your support system and take a bit of space to try to get some perspective. i'll be thinking of you
*Kate*
February 2016
Married since 8/7/10
EAP can be great. You may find you get free, proper counseling, and it sounds like that would be helpful for you right now. It is scary thinking of raising a kid alone, but if your so is hurting and undermining you then he's not actually making your life easier. Raising a kid in the middle of a break up is far worse. And to face reality, kids weaken rather than strengthen relationships in the early days so any problems are likely to get worse before they get better. Can you really rely on him to be there for you? Or would you be better with someone you totally trust to have your back? Like your mum perhaps? I wouldn't worry about how your kids will judge you. Kids judge people based on what they do, not what they say they do.
Don't hide your bump though... It's beautiful. Maybe he feels weird having sex knowing there's a baby in there and because of that it just turns him off. Hang in there! Keep us updated.
(original EDD was 2/2/2016)