I miss my husband

Re: I miss my husband

• Baby2HG member

  September 2015

  You will get use to it. It takes time. I think that's the sleep deprivation talking. Having a baby is a life changing even which means good bye to the old life that you had, you will not get it back BUT you are starting a new life. You just have to hang on and enjoy the ride. I was feeling the same way and this is the advice I got :
  
  I think it is very normal to feel like it's just too much sometimes...newborns are overwhelming, and I know some days I didn't think I could even function because I was so tired from being up at night!
  
  Is your hubby able to help at all with baby's nighttime needs? I know even though I am the one who has to stay up and breastfeed, it really helps for hubby to just get up and do a diaper change, then hand the baby to me. I know that this isn't always possible though...when my second was first born, hubby had an overwhelming workload and simply wasn't able to help at night. But if yours can, sometimes any little bit helps!
  
  I won't give you the typical "enjoy this time, it gets better" advice, because we all know that. I know I got frustrated with being told that over and over any time I expressed my feelings. What I will say is that you are stronger and capable of more than you think, and you can do this.
  
  Also, someone once told me that sometimes it helps to think of the "problems" as good things. Baby has yet another diaper? That is because he is eating well and his digestive system works. Baby wants to be carried again? This means he is comforted by you. Etc.
  
  Also, what Crystal said^ about co sleeping! When mine were tiny, they slept in a co sleeper level with my bed. When they woke I would slide them into bed next to me, feed them, (diaper change if needed, because mine wouldn't sleep without a perfectly clean diaper!), then slide them back. This made life so much easier. *Hugs!*
  
  This advice helped me a lot. Remember you are strong and can do this. This is the hardest part and you are doing good.
  
  

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• candicejeff2013 member

  September 2015

  Oh I know exactly what you mean. My LO is 2 weeks old and I truly "miss" my husband as well. But I've been told it gets better. We are just adjusting to this whole new life.

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• kettlekitten member

  September 2015

  Yes it is a cliche but I promise it does get better. I felt exactly the same when my first was born. I thought it was always going to be like that. But As the baby starts sleeping more at night you'll get more rest and a bit more evening time with H. Number of feeds will drop in no time which reduces the demand on you. You'll see big changes in baby over the next few weeks and months, and in yourself as well! I'm dealing with all this much better as an STM as I know from experience that these shitty bits are only temporary!

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• SassetteSmurfling member

  September 2015

  Totally normal to feel this way. Change is hard! Like others have said, it will get easier and you will adjust to your new normal. Try to make time for just you and your husband. I know that probably seems impossible right now, but for example, last night after my kids went to bed instead of going to bed as soon as DD was asleep, I stayed up an extra hour. We didn't do anything special. We are take out and watched reruns of the Big Bang Theory. It doesn't seem like much but that hour of just me and him and no kids was wonderful.

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• amk013 member

  September 2015

  I feel the same way! Especially the napping when hubby gets home part.

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• ChanelLovesB member

  September 2015

  I so feel this! I'm right with u. I love DS more than words but our duo was great. My true BFF and now I'm so tired. He went back to work. Bf is my arch nemesis right now and I just miss my husband. We will get thru this lady.

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• J&D2007 member

  September 2015

  I feel the same way. I keep telling hm I miss him. When he gets home from work, I go to nap and we get no cuddle time or talking time. Miss that a lot right now. Wish I could do away with that late nap, but I don't think I'd be able to function. I don't wake DH at night unless completely necessary so he can function at work. Hopefully things calm down a bit and we get some together time. A bottle of wine and some HGTV and some couch cuddles would do wonders for me..

  Me: 37, DH: 38: ttc 7 years, dx: unknown
  10/11: after 2 years, saw a RE, FSH 5.4
  11/11: BFP! (surprise after thyroid & normal hsg),
  12/11: missed m/c after 7 week u/s, 1/12: D&C
  6/12 IUI#1-IUI #3: clomid = BFP!, C/P
  IVF #1(10/12) FSH 5.4, AFC: 16 long Lupron, 5R/5M/4F, all 4 made it to 5dt, 1 blast/1-8 cell transferred=BFN
  IVF #2(12/12)AFC 21, MD lupron, 4R/4M/3F, 5dt of 1 blast and 2-8cell. BFN.
  IVF#3(4/13) Natural start antagon protocol, 12R,11F. one PGS normal at day 6 transfer. BFN.
  IVF#4 (11/13) C.CRM (ODW.U normal 8/13 Still no Diagnosis) EPP/antagonist. ER 13R/7M/6F. Only 1 made it to freeze. Abnormal. Looking into options of DE, Fresh vs frozen.
  10/14 new local RE to look into what's next. CD3 FSH 4.7, AMH 0.9. Met with DE agencies and exploring options for feb/march 2015.
  Surprise natural bfp (4 days before donor is signed). Beta #1 at 9dpo: 51.8, 2nd beta: 195 (25 hours doubling) @11dpo. 3rd beta (12/15): 516 (35 hrs doubling) 4th beta(12/17): 895 (58 hours doubling) 5th beta(12/19): 2120. U/S at 5w0d(12/22): one gestational sac with yolk sac. U/S #2 (6w0d)12/29. One little bean measuring 6w0d with HR 124. 3rd u/s(1/4)7w0d: baby measuring 7w2d. HR 134. 3/30: A/S at MFM went great except for low lying placenta. Verifi results are normal! Team Blue! Please send any positive thoughts our way! EDD:8/24/2015
  Baby Will born 8/18. He's perfect.

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• e1223 member

  September 2015

  Even on #3, I still feel this way! Doesn't help that I was on pelvic rest since 28 weeks and now am still in the 6 week post-partum period, so yeah, it's been a LONG TIME. But even just having some time after the big kids go to bed - now the baby is awake then and I go to bed the second the baby goes to sleep. I even feel like if I try to snuggle my husband in bed, that my baby can somehow sense it and chooses that moment to wake up I know that's not true, but it's happened several times! It does get better, but those first few months are really rough.

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• hcook321 member

  September 2015

  I feel terrible because the pregnancy was great on my husband and I. He's always been a little more lack/laid back than I. I am admittedly a perfectionist and like things very orderly. With pregnancy I was so chill and we bonded well and had a ton of fun together. Now that LO is here, I feel the need to keep up with the house and chores so that we don't get overwhelmed. He doesn't see it that way so much. He tells me to go relax and when I do, I assume it means he's picking up the chore I was doing but instead he just relaxes too. Trust me, I want us both to get our sleep/eating time in but he gets double the hours of sleep I do each night. It's so frustrating. I just want things to go back to the way they were but with the addition of our LO (as in easy and laid back).

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• dmariev17 member

  September 2015

  I feel the same way! I stay awake to greet and try to show affection but I am so tired that I'm grumpy and grumpy can be. I'm rolling with what comes and adjusting the best I can!

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• tarheelgirl8 member

  September 2015

  SassetteSmurfling said:

  Totally normal to feel this way. Change is hard! Like others have said, it will get easier and you will adjust to your new normal. Try to make time for just you and your husband. I know that probably seems impossible right now, but for example, last night after my kids went to bed instead of going to bed as soon as DD was asleep, I stayed up an extra hour. We didn't do anything special. We are take out and watched reruns of the Big Bang Theory. It doesn't seem like much but that hour of just me and him and no kids was wonderful.

  This. I make a point to stay up with DH for a little bit after DD goes to sleep, no matter how tired I am. It's really important to me that we get some time for the two of us. Usually I aim for this time to be screen-free (no tv or cell phones). We'll eat dessert together, talk, play a game of cards, or whatever. Nothing fancy just a little bit of couple time.

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• k8mama2mady member

  September 2015

  SO NORMAL! I felt the same way when my first was born. I just had my second on Aug 28 and this time it is "I miss my mommy daughter time". I feel so guilty.

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• alyciamrs member

  September 2015

  Definitely with you there. DD refuses to sleep in her crib so she she is currently sleeping in her swing in the living room. Because it's easier for night feedings and such, I've been sleeping in the couch while DH sleeps in our bed still. DH works 70 plus hours a week and has a different schedule every day. I miss cuddling up to him and sleeping in our bed with him. Plus as you mentioned a lot of our time spent together is taking care of DD or taking turns doing so. I'm sure it gets better and easier. Just a waiting game it seems.

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• cavkoonar member

  September 2015 edited September 2015

  I totally understand how you feel!! It's a big adjustment for all of us and baby blues are very normal. Don't be so hard on yourself re guilt. We will have lots of mom guilt going forward. I'm heart broken that I have to lock my pets out of my room and then feel guilty about being sad. Ugh. We will get through Our little ones will grow so fast so hang in there.

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• netters625 member

  September 2015

  I miss my Dh and get jealous of ds he gets more snuggles thenbindo from dh....but so happy my husband is such a loving father.

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• JaclynnFisher member

  September 2015

  You'll get that back. We have 4 kiddos and once they're in a routine and in bed at normal times it's just DH for the evenings again. The newborn stge is pretty much impossible to have alone time with DH

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