registry etiquette

angelahughes82 · September 2015

We have a lot of friends and relatives in the UK (we are west coast US) . It seems weird to send shower invites since they won't be able to come. So what is the etiquette around sharing the registy list without sounding presumptive that they are going to buy gifts?

Krisdee123 · September 2015

I'm only including those in my immediate area who would potentially be able to make it.

amargaret24 · September 2015

We have a lot of family and friends all over the country and Australia. I've made a really broad online registry (baby list).... If people want access to it, I'll send a link.... Otherwise, meh.....we made the baby, we don't mind paying for the things it needs too

Monilee1017 · September 2015

I would say don't send it to them. If they want to buy something for you they will ask someone who should know this information or they will ask you.

Cejiml · September 2015

We live away from all of our family. Mine is in Tennessee and his is all in Louisiana. We did my shower in TN so I just invited the close relives and friends. At the time I just felt like I didn't want family to feel like I was being gift gabby knowing they wouldn't be able to make it to the shower. Then I sent out birth announcements after she was born and a lot of his family sent gift cards and gifts etc. it worked out well. I think if it's a close relative like a MIL or sibling they should definitely get an invite tho.

Ebiejay · September 2015

My family are all UK too. I've made a registry, but I'm only sharing it to people who ask to see it. I know a lot of my family and friends will just have fun shopping for the things they think are cute, and I'll be grateful for anything!

As you know, Registries are not common in the UK, and I expect most people to find it a little presumptuous, or maybe even rude, to send them a list. I know my Step-Mom's feelings on showers and lists are that they're very gift grabby, so I doubt they'll be asking to see it!

DaphneMoon1 · September 2015

I agree with the previous posters. Only share it if asked and do not send invites to people you know aren't going to fly half way around the world to come. FWIW, if I had a friend or relative in a different country, I'd ask around for their registry to send a gift.

mypeeps27 · September 2015

Yeah, I'm also only inviting people who live close enough to come. If anybody else wants to buy a gift, I assume they'll ask for registry information. I wouldn't just hand it out though.

willashbaby · September 2015

I asked my long distance relatives if they would like a shower invite JIC or also just as a keepsake. A few said they would not be able to attend but did ask for registry information and one said that she would still like an invite. Just ask them as your are putting together the address list.

mg137 · September 2015

I don't think there's any way to send it without seeming gift grabby because the only reason to send it is to get gifts. I'm totally with @amargaret24 we made the baby so we'll pay for it. That said, I'm sure your friends and family want to send gifts and will think to on their own. Anyone who wants to know where you're registered can find out by asking someone or googling. I've done that for multiple friends who had weddings or showers I wasn't invited to because I'm out of state. I had a friend who had a very small family only wedding and she sent out the link to her wedding web site so friends could still be a part of it. The site had a link to their registry so maybe you could do something like that. I would have felt better if I had been able to search for her registry myself instead of feeling like I was supposed to get a gift, but I'm sure other people who sent gifts wouldn't have without the link.

PreggoInTheCity · September 2015

My SIL is from Northern Ireland and lives in the US now and is also expecting, but doesn't want a shower or to register because it's not common back home so it's weird for her. And that matches what PPs have said about it not being part of the UK culture. I would say only send shower invites to people who can make it, so pretty much I'm assuming that's only US people. You can always send baby announcements to the UK ones after baby is here so they can see a pic if you include one, and the ones who want to send you gifts, might send it then if they hadn't already, but it isn't as gift grabby.

alandaim · September 2015

With my DD I didn't send an invite to my DH's aunt who lives across the country because I figured it would look tacky and gift grabby because obviously she wasn't going to come. Big mistake! She got very upset and sent me some pissy messages about it. I guess know your crowd. I obviously didn't.

claireloSC · September 2015

I'm sending shower invites to my family who lives far away. They know it's more "you're invited" than "give me stuff!", so I'm not worried about it. But I wouldn't send it to a random long list of friends or something.

aammie12 · September 2015

A friend of ours did an online shower via a Facebook event, and put a link to her registry on there. The gifts could be shipped to her house or she went and picked them up from the store (like site to store ).

TinyDancer51510 · September 2015

I'm sending shower invites to a couple of friends who are out of state because I want them to feel included. Plus it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that they could surprise me and show up. I think they know me well enough to know it's not about the gifts.

My in-laws are all out of state as well and my MIL is a nurse who works weekends so I *know* she won't be able to come. But she'd be all kinds of pissy if I didn't send her an invitation either.

Maybe ask your SO if he thinks any of them would like to receive an invitation? You could always stick in a note saying "We know you likely won't be able to join us but wanted to include you in any way we can." Or something.

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