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September 2015 Moms
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Family...now?! VENT

LoveLee85LoveLee85 member
in September 2015 Moms
Okay. This is kind of a vent/am I the crazy one post?! I live close to both DH and our families, so I wasn't worried about having to play host or have any crazy demands on us. Welllll...we are finding out my DH aunts are coming in state from all over the U.S....the week I'm due?! It isn't because it's the week I'm due. I believe it was coincidence! BUT we are already being hassled to RSVP and commit to different dinners, parties, and hang outs?! WTH?! All these women have had kids, forever ago, and you would think try would be more understanding. I don't want to RSVP to anything! Plus, we are spreading the word my DH only gets 3 days off work(he's new to the job), so we are asking for family to keep their distance the first week....that might end up being the week they are here. By keep their distance, I mean no nonstop visitors for hours...or coming over to hog baby because it will be our precious 72 hours together!

I realize that when they get here SOON(I'm 38.5 weeks now) I could be in three different stages. 1. At home with a week old not wanting to get out! 2. In hospital trying to have a baby then be home for those precious few days with DH. 3. I could be a hair over 40 weeks pregnant, miserable, and not wanting to do a thousand things!!!!

Am I being unreasonable? I'm not saying they won't see us at all, it just won't be nonstop or for HOURS at a time. It will be on our terms. I really don't think this is too much to ask for. I'm so stressed over this crap. I would be content with one hang out(we aren't close with this extended family), but I know we will continue to be hassled.

Why don't people understand?? They have all been here. I'm a FTM, nervous and don't know what to expect. I can't stand the added pressure. Plus I know MIL will just beg my DH to come without me to all the events that week..umm no. I feel like I'm the 'bad guy' no matter how this goes down! So frustrating!
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Re: Family...now?! VENT

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  • romeror6198romeror6198 member
    I'm in the exact same boat, not sure what I'm going to do either. Don't feel bad about have your 72 hrs together with your little one. As FTM this only happens once! Do what makes you happy not everyone else.
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  • mwertalikmwertalik member
    I get worked up the same type of family situations. Here is the thing-you are more than entitled to how you feel and you do not need to justify why feel that way. I will not be hosting people the first week out of the hospital when my husband has 4 days off of work. That is our time to adjust as a new family. If my family and his family cannot understand that, then honestly that is their problem. I am a much more private person than my husband-he would have everyone and their mother stop by after the baby is born-im not cool with that. That doesn't make me a bad person, its just my personality. Don't compromise or be guilted into something you don't want to do, it is perfectly acceptable to want your space and privacy.
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  • mdk2015mdk2015 member
    I've been stressed about this as well. Husbands family wants us to call them ASAP when everything goes down. They are coming from NC. His parents, sister & her 2 kids. While I know they want to be a part of as much as they can, I know they won't expect me to entertain or host while they're here. I just feel like it's going to put pressure on me, even though they don't want to stress me out & will behave accordingly, I'm still worried about it I don't know why. Hubs wants to go to dinner while they are here(for the week) & all this stuff. He really just doenst get that I will need some recovery & I dont want to drag a newborn around town. He's going to have a rude awakening coming down the line but Im standing my ground. He can kick rocks if he doesn't like it.
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  • starryblue04starryblue04 member
    Honestly, you're kind even to agree to spend any time with them that first week! And I wouldn't RSVP to anything, you do what's convenient for you and see how you feel - they can certainly accommodate to your needs.
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  • BoobopgirlBoobopgirl member
    I pretty much feel the same way you do.  My husband's company picnic is Sept 12th.  That will be our last "thing." I've already told anyone who asks that from that day forward until about the 2nd week in Oct. AT THE EARLIEST, I will be in one of the three stages you mentioned and no one had better bug me to do any of this random crap.
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  • LoveLee85LoveLee85 member
    It's just so frustrating because I know the guilt trip that MIL will lay on us if we take the time we need for ourselves. I hate that everyone is experiencing this, too. It sucks!! I'm just going to hold my ground on this. I just have NO idea of how I wil feel when the time comes!! If its anything like my crampy, hurts worse to walk, and baby hitting a sharp nerve every two seconds like today.....will be a big no way to everything.
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  • tlc11934tlc11934 member
    I would stand your ground. Does your H agree with you too? Make sure he does up front so he can break the news to his family. If is mom guilt trips you over something like this I'd set her straight too! I have to let my MIL down all the time because my DH can't say no to her. Oh well.

    Not to sound rude, but maybe the aunts don't want to spend all the time with your new family. If this is their only week of vacay, maybe they're just planning on visiting you once and seeing other family/friends/ sightseeing on the other days. They're probably inviting you guys along so you don't feel left out but I'm sure they'd understand if/when you decline, especially as moms themselves.

    Good luck and enjoy your baby!
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  • rebeccabloomwoodrebeccabloomwood member
    I would just do what you feel comfortable doing and tell everyone you're going to be playing it by ear. I thought I would feel this way with my first and then I really welcomed the idea of visitors and small outings that were easy to maneuver. Made me feel 'normal'. Just do what you want.
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  • ehgmorseehgmorse member
    You shouldn't feel bad at all. This is your pregnancy and you only get it do it once with this child. I think a lot of people want to be able to have their privacy with whomever they choose without the pressure and stress of family and friends. I know they are all excited for us and are just as anxious to see our babies but they need to remember that this is our time and it's up to us how to choose it will be. It certainly can be frustrating and stressful and I feel a lot of people can feel like they are stuck in between a rock and a hard place on this!
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  • caityrosecaityrose member
    I wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt telling them you are not rsvping to anything but if it happens that you are up to see people, make it all one even for one dinner and be done. 
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  • LoveLee85LoveLee85 member
    tlc11934 said:

    I would stand your ground. Does your H agree with you too? Make sure he does up front so he can break the news to his family. If is mom guilt trips you over something like this I'd set her straight too! I have to let my MIL down all the time because my DH can't say no to her. Oh well.

    Not to sound rude, but maybe the aunts don't want to spend all the time with your new family. If this is their only week of vacay, maybe they're just planning on visiting you once and seeing other family/friends/ sightseeing on the other days. They're probably inviting you guys along so you don't feel left out but I'm sure they'd understand if/when you decline, especially as moms themselves.

    Good luck and enjoy your baby!

    Lol no offense taken! I just wish that was the case. They are older, retired, and want to spend lots of time with us. Thry are the ones hassling us to commit to plans all week via Facebook and text messages. Plus, MIL is joining in on the bugging us.
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  • sgleavesgleave member
    I am dealing with something similar except with my parents. They're coming from out of state, I'm due Sun and I asked them to come end of Sept to account for baby possibly being late and wanting some time alone as a family before hosting anyone. My parents decided to book their trip arriving 4 days after my due date....not even slightly what I suggested. Now that my doctor is adamant baby is going to be late, I have asked them to reschedule because I will be in 1 of the 3 situations you described, and if baby's still not here I will be 40+ weeks and still working full time, aka not really interested in entertaining. Not to mention they will likely not get to meet their first grandchild. Anyway, they refuse to reschedule and have told me to basically deal with it. So I feel your pain, and have no advice other than to say their feelings may get hurt but that's not as important as what's in the best interests of your family!
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