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August 2015 Moms
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Does anyone else...

neludeluneludelu member
in August 2015 Moms
I have made a similar post before. I'm just wondering has anyone else started to really dislike their husband? I go from being over the moon about him and counting the mins until he gets home to hating his guts and wanting a divorce. It crushes me to feel like this and even more so knowing that even if I did divorce him I would have to share our son with him. I am really starting to dislike him. Is this normal?
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Re: Does anyone else...

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    kettlekittenkettlekitten member
    @neludelu why do you dislike him?
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    neludeluneludelu member
    edited September 2015
    I just thought we would be a team and would share the responsibility more. I feel like I do everything and he only helps when I ask him several times. I don't mind being up all night with baby but I would love a little help around the house with cleaning and he won't do anything on his own. When I try to talk to him about it he says I'm not reasonable and gets irritated with me. Tonight I was breastfeeding and asked him to rub my feet bc the latch really hurt and I was stressed and he picked up his phone and started doing other things. He ignores me a lot.
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    drummondstdrummondst member
    How old is your baby? It sounds like your man is being quite insensitive! Don't make any big decisions for awhile though if you can help it. Your body has been through the biggest change it can possibly go through and you will be sleep deprived also. Can you enlist any family or friends to help you out and support you in the meantime? Hang in there, and I'm sorry to hear your man is being a prick!
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    neludeluneludelu member
    He is 3 wks old. I don't want to get family and friends involved bc I don't want them to know about our problems. I feel so isolated and lonely. I can't believe that this is the way it is.
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    Ambermom043Ambermom043 member
    My husband doesn't help out thaaaat much with baby, but then he works in the Fl heat all day, so I don't expect him to have to worry about the baby much when he gets home. I mean he'll change a diaper here and there, but mostly he just wants to play with her. In our home, I'm the "housekeeper" (cooking, cleaning, baby care, etc...) but that's totally fine with me, and it's what we both sort of expect from each other. He does get on my nerves sometimes, but I definitely still love him, and don't ever want a divorce! Give it time, I wouldn't make any decisions just yet. Also, I've found that my husband is more willing/likely to help if I don't pester or "nag" at him. I think men like to think that they're doing things of their own accord, and not because they were told to.. But every relationship is different, in the end you have to do what's best for you. Best of luck to you!!:)
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    drummondstdrummondst member
    I'm sorry to hear you're so isolated! Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? I think you could still get support from family and friends around the house - you wouldn't need to tell them about your problems but it might lessen the loneliness and amount of chores you have to do. Even just get them over for a cup of tea and to hold the baby.
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    victoriaaa1victoriaaa1 member
    edited September 2015
    I was just reading this in this app this might help ? But also speak with your dr!
    https://pregnant.thebump.com/new-mom-new-dad/newborn-basics/qa/parenting-as-a-team.aspx

    **scroll down to the "why you hate your husband (after baby arrives) "link***
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    gmd88gmd88 member
    Did you have "traditional" gender rolls prior to the baby being born? If so, I guess it would be more expected that your husband doesn't help with the LO as much. He may see himself as the financial provider. That may be difficult to overcome. If you had a less traditional relationship, I can see why you're surprised and upset. My father was from the "old country" and was very much the financial provider in the family and my mom and grandmother raised us. My husband however has been very involved and I actually make substantially more money in the family... we are not "traditional". I think you have to take this into account in case you need to see things through his eyes. Neither is wrong.

    Also, sleep deprivation is a terrible mind f*ck. Add hormones on to that... ha. Nightmare. Try not to do anything you'll regret later. Talk to your doc about the way you're feeling.
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    MouseMama817MouseMama817 member
    I understand how you feel. Since the baby got here it's like my husbands hearing went out the window when I speak and he's all of a sudden a very heavy sleeper. I have to almost shake him if I need help in the MOTN and when I do ask for that help, I can tell he's irritated which is annoying. Because he's the only one working since I'm on mat leave, his sleep obviously has to be prioritized but it is frustrating. Especially considering that when he comes home from work, DD is sleeping because that's what she does all day. But at night when it's just me caring for her, she's fussy as hell. He only has to parent the cute sleepy side of her which makes me resent him a little bit. 
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    raelynch87raelynch87 member
    I'm sorry you're going through that. Could you ask him about hiring someone to help with house work to help ease the tension between the pair of you? I know that having a new baby and being on maternity leave squeezes the budget but maybe for a few weeks until LO sleeps more at night.
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    ChanelLovesBChanelLovesB member
    I asked DH to get some insight on why men act a bit "crazy" with a new baby and he explained it's sort of jealousy. He admitted he felt some kind of way when I called our Ds my fav person. We've been each other's everything for 7 years so he said it was off to hear that. I started emphasizes how much I loved and needed DH and he got soooo much more helpful. Almost like a badge of honor to help me. I made it my mission to hug and kiss him more and he lit up.

    Make sure you are tapping into his love language also. I'm not saying treat him like a baby. But if he feels like the baby has taken your love and affection From him he may be less inclined to be a part. It's a lot but a few words of affirmation can go a long way.

    Maybe it'll help you remember why u liked him in the first place
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