Harsh!!

min85 · August 2015

anyone else's partner tell them they just don't think their pregnant body is attractive and have no interest in sex during the pregnancy?

wisco29 · August 2015

No, sorry that happened to you. I would definitely try to talk about it, maybe he's having extra stress or there is something else going on. (Meaning stress about money, baby, how your lives will change etc)

I wouldn't let it just go with such an extremely mean comment like that. There would be lots of talking after that...

Monkeybutt80 · August 2015

I agree with pp. I'm sure some guys don't find pregnant bodies attractive and there's nothing wrong with that. But voicing it in such a mean and harsh way makes me think there are other underlying issues apart from just the sex issue.
I hope you can sit down with him and talk it over. Good luck.

min85 · August 2015

Thanks guys, I suppose the fact that he doesn't find me attractive with my bump is hurtful when it's literally just bump I have, and feeling like sex is a no go for the rest of the pregnancy makes me feel a little alone... but I'll have to try and understand, it just makes you feel incredibly unattractive and I'll be covered up all the time from now on after that. Pregnancy making you all emotional is not the best time to hear anything hurtful!

inomniaparatus · August 2015

That's incredibly mean - were you guys fighting when he said that?

wisco29 · August 2015

I think if you take the time to talk about it you might find he's stressed, scared, and overwhelmed. Once you've done that sex might not be off the table

Some men are afraid of hurting the baby. On my old bmb there were quite a few who were just that, afraid of harming the baby, hurting the wife or just stressed about life and once they talked about it openly everything was fine

min85 · August 2015

I was asking why things in the bedroom had been non existent... I had to keep pushing a little to get an answer and that was it. At least he told the truth, I'm sure he realises it was hurtful, but it makes me feel so ugly to be honest. Stupid hormones are making me all emotional about it!

Twindling · August 2015

Are you guys married? That's a very hurtful thing to say. I would question if it's really your body or the fact that he's weirded out having sex knowing there's a baby in there now. Either way, it's a huge red flag for me and I would constantly be questioning what he's going to think of my post partum body. Don't leave this question alone.

pbtoast · August 2015

That would really hurt my feelings. I would definitely be having a long conversation with my SO about this. Like PP said, your body is also going to be different post-partum and that would bother me, too, to think about. I wouldn't blame your hormones on being upset about this- I think you have a very legitimate reason to feel insecure and upset! On the one hand, like PP said, some men don't find pregnant bodies attractive and they can't necessarily help that, but he definitely didn't need to voice it at all, and definitely not in this way. Sorry to hear about this and I hope you can have a good conversation about what's going on for both of you right now and come to a better understanding.

NoelBird · August 2015

That sucks, from your follow up it sounds like you had to drag it out of him and he was trying to be honest with you. At least he is open enough to share his feelings. I agree with PP who say to keep an open dialogue with him. My DH also isn't excited about having sex while pregnant, the baby aspect and it feels different just make the experience less enjoyable to him. It doesn't bother me, sex feels different to me as well and I have pretty much no libido. His feelings had no bearing on how we enjoy sex after the baby, once DS was born everything went back to normal even though my body wasn't the same. I expect the same will happen with this baby.

miritako · August 2015

I'm so sorry you had to hear something like that. Your pregnant body is growing your child, so it's pretty awesome... You shouldn't feel limited about it for the remaining 5 months or so... I guess you should talk more to him and tease out what ca be done, because you are putting so much effort in this endeavour, so he can put some too. He should work harder to see the beauty in your current situation! He needs to be supporting you and making you feel like a goddess, not making you feel insecure... Good luck honey, I really hope this gets better...

mcklough · August 2015

yeesh... that's bad. I know a few others have mentioned that he may be feeling other things (fear or anxiety) but coming across as...angry? I don't know if that's the right word, but it just seems really motivated in anger to say that you don't want to be with your partner sexually because their body is changing.

I also know from my own experience that if I push my husband for an answer before he is done collecting his thoughts so that he can identify feelings he will usually say something he doesn't mean. I'm hoping for your sake it's something else because that is like huge scary red flags in my opinion. Has your body been a source of contention before? Have you felt pressure to ever lose or not gain weight?

kinnonam · August 2015

@min85 I have not heard that but my boyfriend did make it a point to remind me about my "thunder thighs" when I called him out on it he said "not because your thighs are big but because your ass doesn't fit on the toilet" sorry tmi but guys are dumb lol

Miss Lilac · August 2015

You can always remind him that there are plenty of lovely mature men out there who do find beauty and appeal in a pregnant woman's body.

MrsJG3 · August 2015

@Miss Lilac YGPM

min85 · August 2015

I'm actually slim never had weight issues, my boobs have gone from double d to e but that's the only change other than my bump... It does look big on my small frame.
Part of me thinks he doesn't really realise how that makes me feel, he's a really good guy he does everything around the house etc since I had Ms so I know he's not being nasty or mean, it just feels awful! Sorry if I sound like a whinge!

Katty422 · August 2015

I would be so upset you have every right to feel upset. That is extremely hurtful towards you and your baby...

Danelle+Miguel · August 2015

I would think it is something else , like subconcious nerves. Try not to take it personal.

mcklough · August 2015

min85 said:

I'm actually slim never had weight issues, my boobs have gone from double d to e but that's the only change other than my bump... It does look big on my small frame. Part of me thinks he doesn't really realise how that makes me feel, he's a really good guy he does everything around the house etc since I had Ms so I know he's not being nasty or mean, it just feels awful! Sorry if I sound like a whinge!

The fact that you never had "weight issues" actually makes sense to me. If you've always consistently been 1 size he may just be struggling with seeing you any other way. I don't think any of us think your being a whiner. I can only speak for myself and I sure don't think you are. I also don't think it came across like you were saying that he's a terrible guy. I hope you two can talk and work through this.

trishkev07 · August 2015

Definitely don't blame your hormones on feeling upset! Of course you're upset, that was a very callous thing to say. Your body is beautiful and amazing, and you're creating an entirely new person inside of you!!!!! *hugs* I hope you two can work things out and that you can move past this but if I were him I'd be doing a whole lot of sucking up right about now.

min85 · August 2015

Thank you so much for all the replies, it's so good to hear other voices on something playing on your mind!!!
Thank you ladies!! Xxx

VitaLuna · August 2015

I think that's a really unfair thing to say (that your body isn't attractive). He can suck it up and keep that to himself.

What I will say, though, is that it really weirds some men out to have sex while you're pregnant. My H was this way with DD. It just made him really uncomfortable, so we did without for the most part.

It's not his fault if he finds it weird, but he sure as hell should be keeping comments to himself about not finding your body attractive. That's just low.

Latina211508 · August 2015

My husband tells me I'm attractive even while pregnant. I would be very hurt if he didn't. I'm sorry that your husband said that to you even if it was honesty. You're carrying his child. I think all bumps are beautiful. You're beautiful! I personally would let him know that he did hurt your feelings etc. just so he really realizes how much it does affect you. I wish you the best.

MamaFroFro · August 2015

Maybe by not attractive he means it's new and uncomfortable with the idea? I highly doubt you look much different now than you did prior to pregnancy. Maybe introduce him to some pregnancy erotica to get him more into the idea.

rokxnxroll · September 2015

Just so you don't feel alone I am having the same issue. Since we found out about the pregnancy we have had sex twice in ten weeks (found out at 4 weeks). So last weekend I said something about us not having sex, because I have been very much wanting to and he is very sexual as am I. His response was it was unattractive for me to ask. He also wants to be pleased only and for me to be pleased is too much work. He went on to tell me I didn't look pregnant, just fat... Fast forward to this week. We were in the shower together and I tried to please him and he told me not to. Them he told me, don't let this hurt your feelings but I have not ever and will not be sexually attracted to a pregant woman. He said he has never watched pregnant woman porn and doesnt find a belly attractive, just fat looking. He told me I think you are beautiful, but I will not be sexually attracted to you. I cried. He told me if he can handle my hormones for the next 5-6 months I should handle not having sex. I told him I am not sure I can handle that... And that's where we are....

So, to recap...not sure if it's the same... But you're not alone sista.

Achae · September 2015

rokxnxroll said:
Just so you don't feel alone I am having the same issue. Since we found out about the pregnancy we have had sex twice in ten weeks (found out at 4 weeks). So last weekend I said something about us not having sex, because I have been very much wanting to and he is very sexual as am I. His response was it was unattractive for me to ask. He also wants to be pleased only and for me to be pleased is too much work. He went on to tell me I didn't look pregnant, just fat... Fast forward to this week. We were in the shower together and I tried to please him and he told me not to. Them he told me, don't let this hurt your feelings but I have not ever and will not be sexually attracted to a pregant woman. He said he has never watched pregnant woman porn and doesnt find a belly attractive, just fat looking. He told me I think you are beautiful, but I will not be sexually attracted to you. I cried. He told me if he can handle my hormones for the next 5-6 months I should handle not having sex. I told him I am not sure I can handle that... And that's where we are....

So, to recap...not sure if it's the same... But you're not alone sista.

Where the f are you women finding these awful men? And procreating with them. Idgi. If my husband made any of those comments he'd be out of my life.

acuteangles · September 2015

rokxnxroll said:

Just so you don't feel alone I am having the same issue. Since we found out about the pregnancy we have had sex twice in ten weeks (found out at 4 weeks). So last weekend I said something about us not having sex, because I have been very much wanting to and he is very sexual as am I. His response was it was unattractive for me to ask. He also wants to be pleased only and for me to be pleased is too much work. He went on to tell me I didn't look pregnant, just fat... Fast forward to this week. We were in the shower together and I tried to please him and he told me not to. Them he told me, don't let this hurt your feelings but I have not ever and will not be sexually attracted to a pregant woman. He said he has never watched pregnant woman porn and doesnt find a belly attractive, just fat looking. He told me I think you are beautiful, but I will not be sexually attracted to you. I cried. He told me if he can handle my hormones for the next 5-6 months I should handle not having sex. I told him I am not sure I can handle that... And that's where we are.... So, to recap...not sure if it's the same... But you're not alone sista.

This is ridiculous and inexcusable. I feel for both you and the OP. I understand that our bodies are changing and this may be difficult for some men to appreciate in light of how we used to look, but that doesn't excuse poor behavior and inconsiderate, unkind comments. It's also ridiculous to compare "handling your hormones" to not connecting physically for several months. I doubt most of us are being that difficult to deal with anyway. What will they do when you are old and wrinkled? Or does your SO not watch elderly porn either, and is thus excusable from being attracted to you when you age?

Do not forget that creating a human being is a beautiful, rewarding, natural process and it is unacceptable to shame or insult a woman for looking and being pregnant.

cbou · September 2015

I have to chime in and agree that it is unacceptable for your partners to body shame you like that. You are growing their baby and doing all of the work. They should be thankful and not complaining about the changes in your body or how hormonal you are. My DH tells me I'm beautiful even when I complain about feeling fat and won't let me apologize for being whiny or hormonal or tired. You ladies shouldn't accept anything less than that. Your partner feeling weird about having sex while you are pregnant is one thing and likely something you can work through, but rude comments about your weight gain are not acceptable. We all have a long road to go and there will be a lot more changes. They better start getting used to it. Stand up for yourself because you are growing a life - that is amazing! What did their bodies do today?

hlmdeck · September 2015

Do these men not realize that they are 50% responsible for these changes in your body? The best comparison I can even think of would be you mutually agreeing to you shaving your man's head and then deciding you find bald dudes unattractive. Only its going to take 9 months for his hair to grow back. And really that doesn't even come close to the magnitude of this. He is the father of that child you are growing.

Twindling · September 2015

I personally don't find douchy assholes attractive and never will so I would have to just walk away from a relationship like that. Sorry you're dealing with that

ohbaby714 · September 2015

I can't believe that people put up with men like that, or that some men actually talk like that. I'd be out the door in about a minute. You ladies are growing THEIR child and they should be so proud of you and your bodies for doing such amazing things! I think a long talk is in order.

Edit: wasn't done before comment posted.

Katty422 · September 2015

acuteangles said:

rokxnxroll said:

Just so you don't feel alone I am having the same issue. Since we found out about the pregnancy we have had sex twice in ten weeks (found out at 4 weeks). So last weekend I said something about us not having sex, because I have been very much wanting to and he is very sexual as am I. His response was it was unattractive for me to ask. He also wants to be pleased only and for me to be pleased is too much work. He went on to tell me I didn't look pregnant, just fat... Fast forward to this week. We were in the shower together and I tried to please him and he told me not to. Them he told me, don't let this hurt your feelings but I have not ever and will not be sexually attracted to a pregant woman. He said he has never watched pregnant woman porn and doesnt find a belly attractive, just fat looking. He told me I think you are beautiful, but I will not be sexually attracted to you. I cried. He told me if he can handle my hormones for the next 5-6 months I should handle not having sex. I told him I am not sure I can handle that... And that's where we are....

So, to recap...not sure if it's the same... But you're not alone sista.

This is ridiculous and inexcusable. I feel for both you and the OP. I understand that our bodies are changing and this may be difficult for some men to appreciate in light of how we used to look, but that doesn't excuse poor behavior and inconsiderate, unkind comments. It's also ridiculous to compare "handling your hormones" to not connecting physically for several months. I doubt most of us are being that difficult to deal with anyway. What will they do when you are old and wrinkled? Or does your SO not watch elderly porn either, and is thus excusable from being attracted to you when you age?

Do not forget that creating a human being is a beautiful, rewarding, natural process and it is unacceptable to shame or insult a woman for looking and being pregnant.

This is so horrible I am at a loss for words. I would definitely not put up with that. Why would he ever say such horrible things to you who is having his baby. What did he think was going to happen?

hopes4baby · September 2015

I have to wonder if this is a pattern with him or an isolated issue cuz this example makes him sound narcissistic and manipulative/controlling. If this is a pattern, then you might want to evaluate the relationship. What is he going to do as you age, if you get stretch marks, get a chronic illness? Cheat? Mistreat you? If not a pattern, maybe work on communication skills?

Monkeybutt80 · September 2015

This thread is depressing.

I knew there are jerks out there, but I didn't realize men like this even existed.

Like I said before, it's fine for them to not find pregnant bodies particularly attractive. It's not something they can help, but what they can help is what comes out of their f*ing mouth.

Get yourselves vibrators. I think a batter operated machine is more supportive than these guys.

chitownparent · September 2015

min85 said:

anyone else's partner tell them they just don't think their pregnant body is attractive and have no interest in sex during the pregnancy?

min85 said:

I'm actually slim never had weight issues, my boobs have gone from double d to e but that's the only change other than my bump... It does look big on my small frame. Part of me thinks he doesn't really realise how that makes me feel, he's a really good guy he does everything around the house etc since I had Ms so I know he's not being nasty or mean, it just feels awful! Sorry if I sound like a whinge!

Just because he "does everything around the house" and he cared for you with your MS doesn't mean he has the right to make you feel unattractive during this time. Did he actually say the words, "I'm not attracted to you anymore?", or are you reading that from his behavior? Either way, that isn't normal and you don't deserve it! Do you feel comfortable talking to him and telling him how much that hurt you? If not, there might be bigger problems. You aren't indebted to him because you're living with an illness. Marriage is for sickness and health. Stay strong and I'm thinking of you!

Katty422 · September 2015

Monkeybutt80 said:
This thread is depressing.
I knew there are jerks out there, but I didn't realize men like this even existed.
Like I said before, it's fine for them to not find pregnant bodies particularly attractive. It's not something they can help, but what they can help is what comes out of their f*ing mouth.
Get yourselves vibrators. I think a batter operated machine is more supportive than these guys.

This thread is depressing... I keep going back to it bc it's unbelievable to me.

pbtoast · September 2015

Monkeybutt80 said:

This thread is depressing.
I knew there are jerks out there, but I didn't realize men like this even existed.
Like I said before, it's fine for them to not find pregnant bodies particularly attractive. It's not something they can help, but what they can help is what comes out of their f*ing mouth.
Get yourselves vibrators. I think a batter operated machine is more supportive than these guys.

Preach! My jaw is on the floor as I read through this thread.

brushesnbrunch · September 2015

Monkeybutt80 said:

This thread is depressing.
I knew there are jerks out there, but I didn't realize men like this even existed.
Like I said before, it's fine for them to not find pregnant bodies particularly attractive. It's not something they can help, but what they can help is what comes out of their f*ing mouth.
Get yourselves vibrators. I think a batter operated machine is more supportive than these guys.

It's depressing and it frankly pissed me off to no end last night. I read it to H and he was appalled. Sorry OP for having a jackass for a husband.

rokxnxroll · September 2015

So I feel like venting... Here is today's update.. The other day He left to play ball at the gym and workout, but didn't eat anything... Then he wants to go grocery shopping... So he drives us all the way to a store 10 miles opposite from the grocery store in rush hour, so he can have me buy him candied pecans. They don't have them and he drives to sprouts and I buy him 30 dollars in candied nuts. Wtf. Then we go to Wal-Mart and he has a cow because I'm taking too long and he's hungry. Why didnt u f-ing eat earlier then, u weren't hungry when we took the forever long detour... So we get home and instead of helping me with the groceries he makes himself two pb and j sandwiches. Then goes upstairs and shuts the door. So I ask him if he's ok and he tells me what I can do for him is start cooking. So I tell him I was gonna make corned beef and cabbage and he says... He wanted tacos. He wants me to cook him tacos. Wtf? I tell him if I make tacos they're gonna be just for him. And he says well when am I supposed to eat then? Like he can't eat if I don't f-ing cook....

OMG!!!! Who's the pregnant one here???? Then tonight I get home from work...so I asked him for a hug and he told me no. He said he doesn't get what he wants so he's not gonna do what I want. Cause he asked me for tacos and I didnt make them. He tells me I don't get anything I want anymore because he didn't get what he wants... Kill me... Or wake me up from this nightmare!

I think I feel better now that I have vented. Thanks for listening...

Zepplin1218 · September 2015

@rokxnxroll that sounds like a borderline mentally abusive situation if he has been doing that a lot lately. Not cool on any level and you need to protect yourself of him taking advantage.

Achae · September 2015

rokxnxroll said:
So I feel like venting... Here is today's update.. The other day He left to play ball at the gym and workout, but didn't eat anything... Then he wants to go grocery shopping... So he drives us all the way to a store 10 miles opposite from the grocery store in rush hour, so he can have me buy him candied pecans. They don't have them and he drives to sprouts and I buy him 30 dollars in candied nuts. Wtf. Then we go to Wal-Mart and he has a cow because I'm taking too long and he's hungry. Why didnt u f-ing eat earlier then, u weren't hungry when we took the forever long detour... So we get home and instead of helping me with the groceries he makes himself two pb and j sandwiches. Then goes upstairs and shuts the door. So I ask him if he's ok and he tells me what I can do for him is start cooking. So I tell him I was gonna make corned beef and cabbage and he says... He wanted tacos. He wants me to cook him tacos. Wtf? I tell him if I make tacos they're gonna be just for him. And he says well when am I supposed to eat then? Like he can't eat if I don't f-ing cook....

OMG!!!! Who's the pregnant one here???? Then tonight I get home from work...so I asked him for a hug and he told me no. He said he doesn't get what he wants so he's not gonna do what I want. Cause he asked me for tacos and I didnt make them. He tells me I don't get anything I want anymore because he didn't get what he wants... Kill me... Or wake me up from this nightmare!

I think I feel better now that I have vented. Thanks for listening...

Sorry coupled with your other post of negative body imagery from your SO.... Why are you with him and making a child? Please tell me he has some redeeming quality or it's just his time of the month.

Harsh!!

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