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October 2015 Moms
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Am I really asking too much of people?

sjembry93sjembry93 member
in October 2015 Moms
One of my only (2) requests so far about visitors and whatnot after baby E is born is that no one post about the birth or any photos on social media until my fiance and I have had a chance to. Even if they don't tag us or reference us by name, I would just like for the first announcement to come from us. I really don't think that is too much to ask for. Honestly. But my MIL says I'm being unreasonable and thinks its ridiculous that family can't even share the news because it's 'their news too" uhm last time I checked they did not make this baby or carry her for 9 months so how exactly is it their place to announce the birth?
I'm not being unreasonable am I?
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Re: Am I really asking too much of people?

  • plumpousplumpous member
    I think you are totally reasonable. 

    That said, I can see why she is excited. You can approach her in a calm way and be empathetic. Say, I am so happy you are this excited and I understand your desire to share. I would really appreciate it though if you can hold off just a little bit until I am ready. 

    You know, something nice like that that wouldn't turn into a fight.
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  • SMGoodlettSMGoodlett member
    Oh no. I agree with you 100%. Hubby and my mom are the only ones going to be at the hospital with me (and my mom might not be depending on timing with her flight and when Avery is ready to be born) no one will have access to take pictures. Those who are sent texts won't be allowed to post them. My baby, I get to decide when or if I want her on the Internet.

    Stand your ground mama bear. :)
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  • jcra7212jcra7212 member
    I have the exact same request so I don't think you're being unreasonable. My MIL is addicted to Facebook and put our baby's name on there already (and spelled it wrong) and we weren't announcing it until she's born! So we will for sure be having this chat before the big day.
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  • sjembry93sjembry93 member
    Thank you ladies!
    I'm definitely going to have my fiance try and reason with her. She has always been a "my way or the highway" type person and has a tedancy to put herself and her wants first, so I really hope this doesn't turn into a huge ordeal.
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  • VioletandRoseVioletandRose member
    You are being totally reasonable.
    My dad and stepmother are FB crazy. Much more into than I am, and fiancee doesn't even have FB. I told them up front, when we announced the pregnancy and when we have the baby, to please let me be the first person to post about it. There was a long time between telling them and posting it on social media; they kept pestering me but I wouldn't give in. Stand your ground...this is your news!
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  • JaqiDec04JaqiDec04 member
    edited August 2015
    sjembry93 said:
    Thank you ladies! I'm definitely going to have my fiance try and reason with her. She has always been a "my way or the highway" type person and has a tedancy to put herself and her wants first, so I really hope this doesn't turn into a huge ordeal.
    "If you cannot respect our rights to privacy, then you'll find out when we post on Facebook with everyone else."

    I'm guessing that will be the end of the fight.

    EDIT: I also asked that the pictures/text messages that got sent around, and all updates during labor, stayed off Facebook completely. I didn't want people discussing my cervix, and contractions and getting hints about which positions to try, via my cell phone while I was in labor, and I didn't want to hear about them either. I told everyone this, and people were great about it.

    My mom was at the hospital, as was my best friends, and my grandmother and aunt. My DH took the first picture of DD, and then handed my phone to my mom. She posted it to my account, and tagged DH, so that it showed up as from me, and I told her this was fine.

    Maybe your MIL thinks your going to wait days? Honestly, you might keep your close friends/family from saying anything for a day or two, but people will hear through the grapevine and right a "Congratulations" on your wall, and you'll be upset. So wait if you like, but I wouldn't want to wait too long if you want to be the first.
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  • babybumb1229babybumb1229 member
    I think personally my own opinion if you are a private person it's better just to say no posting at all because either way you cant really controll who and who isn't going to post or how much they post because it's their phone their social media their pictures maybe just don't invite others to see baby until you posted and then well the rest is kinda out of your hands I'm a very private person and have no social media and like it I know my family members being excited are going to share alot of pictures of my first baby and his grandparents being this is their first grandchild as well I don't mind and am actually proud they are proud to announce my baby. I think asking them not to post once they can or saying you can only post one picture will create a problem for you as in you see it like you do and others like they do ? But hope everything turns out for the best with all of it.
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  • VioletandRoseVioletandRose member
    edited August 2015
    JaqiDec04 said:


    EDIT: I also asked that the pictures/text messages that got sent around, and all updates during labor, stayed off Facebook completely. I didn't want people discussing my cervix, and contractions and getting hints about which positions to try, via my cell phone while I was in labor, and I didn't want to hear about them either. I told everyone this, and people were great about it.

    I didn't even think about this aspect...ugh. I would not put it past my stepmother to do something like this, she is a typical social media over-sharer. I'll have to say something ahead of time. Thanks for the heads up.
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  • wildbutterfli2001wildbutterfli2001 member
    JaqiDec04 said:


    sjembry93 said:

    Thank you ladies!
    I'm definitely going to have my fiance try and reason with her. She has always been a "my way or the highway" type person and has a tedancy to put herself and her wants first, so I really hope this doesn't turn into a huge ordeal.

    "If you cannot respect our rights to privacy, then you'll find out when we post on facebook

    This exactly. If she's that way then you are going to need to stand your ground or she will do things like this for the rest of your life. You don't want her over stepping your parenting...
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  • sjembry93sjembry93 member
    Once we have made the announcement and have had our chance to post the first photo I really don't mind people posting. A friend of mine recently had her baby and her cousin posted about it before she even had a chance to, and posted the first photo. And that's what I wouldn't like. We'll likely make the announcement with the photo the day of so I don't think asking them to wait is such a big deal.
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  • jenspeakejenspeake member
    Oye these people annoy me!  I had a sister post on my cousins wall "sorry for your loss" when her mom passed away and I didn't even know yet!  That's how I found out!

    If she cannot seem to respect your wishes then tell your her no cameras in the room with the baby.  Don't let anyone take photos but you and DH and then after you posted everyone can take their own pics or share yours.  I understand the feeling of wanting to shout it from the rooftops as I wanted to when my niece was born because I was so excited but I waited patiently.  
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  • sjembry93sjembry93 member
    @JaqiDec04 I also agree about the posting about the status of my labor.

    We're only telling my mom and dad and brother and my fiance's dad and sister when I actually go into labor. Everyone else will get a phone call/ text after she arrives just to cut down on the possibility of that. His mom may get a call (she lives 6 hours away and has no means of transportation because she has no job and is currently free loading off a family friend) but her getting a call depends on her willingness to cooperate and respect our wishes
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  • CCasey2015CCasey2015 member
    For the life of me I can't understand how other people think they have the rights to post about someone else's life. Thank God my family isn't like this. We all respect each other & ask before posting pictures of each other's family. The fact that you have to even have this conversation with someone is ridiculous. I feel for you Momma, but stand your ground!
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  • SMGoodlettSMGoodlett member
    This ^^^ amen!

    Unfortunately, my MIL is one who has to be reminded.
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  • SrhbgrSrhbgr member
    You could use safety as an excuse. Like how you're not suposes to post when your going on vacation. If they post Baby pictures or birth updates, then everyone knows you're away from the house for a few days.
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  • briraehbriraeh member
    I feel the same way. I would like to make the first announcement! Especially because I know people who want to be there won't be able to so I want to text that first before Facebook gets blown up!
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  • chris&haleychris&haley member
    I'm starting an iCloud photo album when my girls are born, that way I can control who sees pictures of them and no one feels like they're not "in the loop". My SIL is big on social media and I already had to ask her to delete a post when we announced our pregnancy. Hopefully they respect your wishes, as it is completely your choice regarding pictures of your child being posted online.
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  • MamaOwl15MamaOwl15 member
    It's 100% reasonable to expect that others will respect your wishes to announce YOUR news. Fortunately, I think my husband will probably post the news from his phone as soon as DD is born, so my ILs or others won't beat us to it. But regardless of your own personal social media style, it's YOUR baby and YOU get to be the first to share the news.

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  • nianicho777nianicho777 member
    Your being completely unreasonable lol jk its YOUR baby, you and your fiance should announce before ANYONE. I am making the same request and if anyone breaks it I'm going to break their necks lol. For some reason, with social media, people feel like their entitled to share whatever, even if it's NOT their news to share. And pictures especially, not everyone wants a ton of pictures of their kids on social media.
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  • christina4436christina4436 member
    Totally reasonable. So why don't u just post an announcement before they come then?
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  • erinboehmeerinboehme member
    With my last baby, I didn't even tell anyone he was born - including family - until he was about an hour old. Then I waited until I was home before I told anyone else because I didn't want hospital visitors.
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  • LouislLouisl member
    You have to stand your ground because this will set the precedent for every kid-related announcement for the rest of your lives and she's going to have to learn to respect that you're the parent, even if she doesn't "get it". I've managed to keep my pregnancy off social media and I've actually been surprised at how people who are big over-share types on Facebook have respected my wishes even though they think I'm really weird. ;)
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  • gigi1021myagigi1021mya member
    edited September 2015
    I banned anybody formal taking pictures period so I don't have to worry about this, let them be unreasonable and get upset they did as they pleased with their offspring so what we choose to do is our businesses, the few that get to even come to hospital or see my baby the first weeks should be happy or don't bother, I'm sorry but I'm 32 weeks gained 15lbs and I'm tired feet hurt and I'm not in the mood for their attitudes they don't like it then keep it moving
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  • przemosbabeprzemosbabe member
    This is why I don't like digital pictures floating around, and won't allow anyone to take any digital pictures. You're not asking for too much at all!
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  • kelsojohnsokelsojohnso member
    Oh my god. This is my situation exactly... It's come down to DH and I deciding to not even telling anyone (besides work) that I'm in the hospital. We've decided that once she is born, we've had our golden hour, and she's been cleaned that we will then call our parents and notify them.

    My mother is a Facebook wh*re. She literally dogged me for two hours at my shower about wanting a bump pic before I gave in **first and only bump pic I've taken all pregnancy** BOOM without asking... Straight to Facebook. Ugh.
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