Moms of 2 or more ..... showers?

mrskimm09 · August 2015

Are you thinking of having a shower or sprinkle?

We have a almost 4 year old and have most of the big stuff from him. However, if its a girl this time,we are thinking of having a shower.

With our son, we didn't have a shower until right after he was born. It was more of a meet and greet then a shower.

kynbar5 · August 2015

There are several discussions about this and the opinions greatly vary. Basically it's a personal decision. I think there are very few occasions where a 2nd shower is acceptable but that's just my opinion and how I was raised. I wish you good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!

parenthood4 · August 2015

People here are very anti shower or sprinkle for second+ babies.

I don't think it's that big of a deal. Most people I know had at least something small for subsequent kids, and I'm happy to give a gift each time. I view it more as it's nice to celebrate each baby, though most here say it's to celebrate a woman's entrance to motherhood.

I won't be having one for my third, but we might do a little gender reveal as a way to gather family to celebrate this baby.

SouthernCharmedLife · August 2015

mrskimm09 said:
Are you thinking of having a shower or sprinkle?

We have a almost 4 year old and have most of the big stuff from him. However, if its a girl this time,we are thinking of having a shower.
With our son, we didn't have a shower until right after he was born. It was more of a meet and greet then a shower.

Lurking, but it's kind of a moot point unless someone offers to throw one for you. If showers for second + babies are commonplace in your social circle, someone might offer. If not, then you kind of have your answer.

Personally, I'm in the showers are for FTMs (or parents), because a shower is to welcome you to motherhood. I hadn't even heard of anyone doing that until The Bump.

FutureMrsCaesar · August 2015

Sooo let me see if I have this correct, you are thinking of having a shower only if it's a girl? So people can buy you girl stuff?

I see no reason for you to have a shower in this case. It's not other people's job to supply you with girly baby items.

ceds07 · August 2015

Agree with above - not a fan of second showers but you can't throw one for yourself in any circumstance. Has anyone offered to host?

2-Step · August 2015

Around here everyone I know has had a shower for every single baby. People don't even seem to know that the tradition is only for the first. I didn't want one for my second but my friends insisted on throwing me a sprinkle and it was very sweet. They made it more about celebrating the baby than gifts and included a cute poem on the invite to say something about not bringing gifts, just please join us for brunch to celebrate. Of course many people brought small gifts anyway. It was a fun get together. I personally do think it is tacky to do a full in shower for 2+ children. I would see what your peers think where you live. I know in some places it is a huge Nono. Other options are to hold a ladies brunch for close friends or a meet the baby get together after the baby is here.

wassuphoes · August 2015

I'm of the opinion that showers are for first time moms/parents.

If multiple showers are normal for your social circle, someone will probably offer.

If no one does, you can still host a meet and greet, once you are comfortable having guests around the baby. This also actually celebrates the baby, as opposed to showers which celebrate the parents (let's be real, babies don't care if clothes are hand me downs or their crib sheets color doesn't match societal expectations of their sex)

People will probably give you gifts, unsolicited anyway. I always buy something for new babies, invitation not needed.

ecwk · August 2015

I think it's tacky to have a second shower. It's irrelevant though if no one has offered to throw you one. You should not throw your own.

ACleanLife24 · August 2015

Never throw your own shower!

An american expat in the UK was complaining on a FB board about how no one in her husbands (british) family want to attend the shower she threw for herself at a restaurant where they would have been expected to pay for their meals.... I thought it was really classless and crass.of her to consider it

nani83505 · August 2015

Everyone I know has always had a baby shower for every pregnancy no matter how many. I guess in the Hispanic culture everyone enjoys a good time getting together to celebrate life. I guess to each his own. If you want one who cares what others think

FutureMrsCaesar · August 2015

2-Step said:

Around here everyone I know has had a shower for every single baby. People don't even seem to know that the tradition is only for the first. I didn't want one for my second but my friends insisted on throwing me a sprinkle and it was very sweet. They made it more about celebrating the baby than gifts and included a cute poem on the invite to say something about not bringing gifts, just please join us for brunch to celebrate. Of course many people brought small gifts anyway. It was a fun get together. I personally do think it is tacky to do a full in shower for 2+ children. I would see what your peers think where you live. I know in some places it is a huge Nono. Other options are to hold a ladies brunch for close friends or a meet the baby get together after the baby is here.

I don't really consider what you described a shower. Seems more like a sprinkle. I think sprinkles *can* be appropriate for subsequent children if done correctly and you invite close friends, not every woman you've ever met in your life. Because your close friends are going to WANT to be there for you. A friend of mine had one thrown for her a couple years ago when she was finally having a girl. It was about 12 people, desserts, coffee/tea and people brought something small that they would have gotten her anyway, book, little outfit, etc. There was no registering or big baby items.

llybeck · August 2015

I don't think anyone should throw their own shower, that is rude in my opinion. If someone offers then it is up to you if you accept or politely decline a second shower.

I honestly think it is not okay to do it only if the sex is different either. That logic is silly to me. You knew it was a 50/50 shot and if it's important to you to get girly things then you can buy those on your own without throwing a shower and looking gift grabby.

Showers are always a gift and they are to celebrate the mother and baby. It seems like your intention and want for a second shower if it's a girl is to get things and that's not what a shower is all about.

2-Step · August 2015

FutureMrsCaesar said:

2-Step said:

Around here everyone I know has had a shower for every single baby. People don't even seem to know that the tradition is only for the first. I didn't want one for my second but my friends insisted on throwing me a sprinkle and it was very sweet. They made it more about celebrating the baby than gifts and included a cute poem on the invite to say something about not bringing gifts, just please join us for brunch to celebrate. Of course many people brought small gifts anyway. It was a fun get together. I personally do think it is tacky to do a full in shower for 2+ children. I would see what your peers think where you live. I know in some places it is a huge Nono. Other options are to hold a ladies brunch for close friends or a meet the baby get together after the baby is here.

I don't really consider what you described a shower. Seems more like a sprinkle. I think sprinkles *can* be appropriate for subsequent children if done correctly and you invite close friends, not every woman you've ever met in your life. Because your close friends are going to WANT to be there for you. A friend of mine had one thrown for her a couple years ago when she was finally having a girl. It was about 12 people, desserts, coffee/tea and people brought something small that they would have gotten her anyway, book, little outfit, etc. There was no registering or big baby items.

Yes, what I had was a sprinkle because I told my friends that was all I was comfortable with, but everyone else I know has had full on showers for each child. They all thought I was nuts when I brought up that I felt it should only be for the first.

I totally agree that it mostly depends on whether someone offers to throw you one.

SouthernCharmedLife · August 2015

nani83505 said:
Everyone I know has always had a baby shower for every pregnancy no matter how many. I guess in the Hispanic culture everyone enjoys a good time getting together to celebrate life. I guess to each his own. If you want one who cares what others think

1. I have family/friend gatherings all the time, I have never needed the excuse of a pregnant belly to throw a party.

2. You really should care about the feelings/thoughts of others. Especially when you are continually asking them to drop their hard earned cash on baby gear every time you procreate.

adotgorman · August 2015

I don't agree on 2nd showers and probably wouldn't attend one if invited

ClaireBear90 · August 2015

Nope. The only time I was okay with the idea of a sprinkle (I guess it was a sprinkle? The request was for diapers) was when an acquaintance had her second baby and genuinely needed help. But she never asked for them, a friend asked on her behalf. I think two people gave me diapers after my second was born, which I certainly appreciated but never expected or asked for. The thought of hosting my own shower, even for a firstborn, is pretty horrifying.

jess9802 · August 2015

Second showers are not acceptable in my social circle and I do not like the idea of one.

We will celebrate the baby by hosting a reception following his baptism.

jy725 · August 2015

Second showers are the norm in my area/circle of friends. I feel weird having one though. I know my sister is gonna push for it.

lightrox · August 2015

nani83505 said:
Everyone I know has always had a baby shower for every pregnancy no matter how many. I guess in the Hispanic culture everyone enjoys a good time getting together to celebrate life. I guess to each his own. If you want one who cares what others think

I'm Latina too and we always have showers no matter how many children are had but we are also have coed showers and everyone including children are invited. Gifts aren't expected but family and friends get together to celebrate with parents. Different cultures view things differently so if someone wants to throw you a shower I say go for it. We never throw our own usually it's the grandparents that host the party at least that is how mine and all my family members do it.

Edited for grammar.

ClaireBear90 · August 2015

lightrox said:

Everyone I know has always had a baby shower for every pregnancy no matter how many. I guess in the Hispanic culture everyone enjoys a good time getting together to celebrate life. I guess to each his own. If you want one who cares what others think
I'm Latina too and we always have showers no matter how many children are had but we are also have coed showers and everyone including children are invited. Gifts aren't expected but family and friends get together to celebrate with parents. Different cultures view things differently so if someone wants to throw you a shower I say go for it. We never throw our own usually it's the grandparents that host the party at least that is how mine and all my family members do it. Edited for grammar.

I think maybe some of the confusion about second time showers comes from using the word "shower." When I hear "baby shower," I think of a very gift-focused occasion . . . "showering" the mother-to-be with gifts. Having a party just to celebrate the life of a new baby is a sweet tradition to have.

Babies are definitely worth celebrating!

Edited: also for grammar.

Torpedogirl · August 2015

In my small town we have showers for every baby. It is not introducing the mother to motherhood for us. It is celebrating a new baby and every baby is a special blessing. We enjoy all getting together and having a good time. I personally love baby showers and don't mind buying lots of baby things for new mommas. I don't care if it's there 1st or 10th.

kynbar5 · August 2015

I don't think there's a single thing wrong with a get together after subsequent babies. I just think a 2nd, 3rd etc. shower is very inappropriate. You're bringing another human being into the world, you need to be able to support said human. Also, depending on the time between, you should still have a lot of the bigger items. As far as throwing yourself a shower, that's a definite no no.

ddjay315 · August 2015

I've been to two showers that were for the second child. The first was a sprinkle for a different sex than the first child, so guests just brought small gifts, cute boy clothes and such, and it was a casual gathering. The second was a full shower but for a mom who was having a different sex than the first and it had been 10 years since the first (and she had suffered losses in between), it was a fun celebration. Both were organized by someone other than the mom and mainly meant to be celebrations of the mom and new baby, and weren't that gift-focused.

kynbar5 · August 2015

ddjay315 said:
I've been to two showers that were for the second child. The first was a sprinkle for a different sex than the first child, so guests just brought small gifts, cute boy clothes and such, and it was a casual gathering. The second was a full shower but for a mom who was having a different sex than the first and it had been 10 years since the first (and she had suffered losses in between), it was a fun celebration. Both were organized by someone other than the mom and mainly meant to be celebrations of the mom and new baby, and weren't that gift-focused.

In my 1st post I mentioned there being very few exceptions to how I've been raised and felt on this issue. I agree with what your saying here. I'm not so much agreeing with the op because it's just sounding very gift-grabby and in my experience that's how a lot of the subsequent baby showers tend to seem.

MyCousinVinny · August 2015

SouthernCharmedLife said:

Are you thinking of having a shower or sprinkle?

We have a almost 4 year old and have most of the big stuff from him. However, if its a girl this time,we are thinking of having a shower.
With our son, we didn't have a shower until right after he was born. It was more of a meet and greet then a shower.
Lurking, but it's kind of a moot point unless someone offers to throw one for you. If showers for second + babies are commonplace in your social circle, someone might offer. If not, then you kind of have your answer. Personally, I'm in the showers are for FTMs (or parents), because a shower is to welcome you to motherhood. I hadn't even heard of anyone doing that until The Bump.

All of this.

Doxies4life · August 2015

We are having a shower for #2. My daughter will turn 17 next year shortly after jellybean is born. I've said it before, being from New Orleans we have a party for any reason. This is DH and my first (and only) together. I was asked for my wedding guest list by MIL and BFF at about 10 weeks. So it's inevitable. Is it wrong that I'm mostly interested in the food that will be there over the gifts?

red3ye · August 2015

I hosted my own baby shower for our first. Invited damily, close friends, it was co-ed and everyone brought kids. It was a very relaxed party. My family wanted to host but had no time to deal with it. So I just set it up, mom took pictures, and brother helped with keeping track of who brought what.... I enjoyed it, even if no one else agrees with hosting your own. I plan on doing a meet and greet for our twins, we don't really know many people here as we moved from Illinois to Texas earlier this year, but I want the chance to celebrate with the friends and family we do have here. If it makes you happy, why not.

flowerpower5838 · August 2015

Doxies4life said:

We are having a shower for #2. My daughter will turn 17 next year shortly after jellybean is born. I've said it before, being from New Orleans we have a party for any reason. This is DH and my first (and only) together. I was asked for my wedding guest list by MIL and BFF at about 10 weeks. So it's inevitable. Is it wrong that I'm mostly interested in the food that will be there over the gifts?

When one of the parents is a first-timer, I believe the proper etiquette allows for another shower.

Also, this is not directed at OP just a general statement - no one here cares what you do BUT the people in your daily life do. The ladies here are just more likely to tell you their opinions freely as we don't have to worry about hurting feelings or seeing you at the next family function.

People ask questions and they get answers. Oftentimes, it is not the answer they wanted. The only responses I usually take issue with are the ones that say "who cares what other people think." I think that what the people that are closest to me think of me matters quite a bit. Etiquette isn't there to be some party pooper, it's there to guide us so we don't offend people. Two totally different matters, but it's the same reason why we don't let a huge fart rip in the office place.

Just remember that here you'll get an honest opinion. When you talk to your friends, they are going to be sweet and bubbly to your face and tell you what you want to hear and eyeroll you as soon as the convo is over.

ETA: complete words are important

lightrox · August 2015

ClaireBear90 said:

lightrox said:

nani83505 said:
Everyone I know has always had a baby shower for every pregnancy no matter how many. I guess in the Hispanic culture everyone enjoys a good time getting together to celebrate life. I guess to each his own. If you want one who cares what others think
I'm Latina too and we always have showers no matter how many children are had but we are also have coed showers and everyone including children are invited. Gifts aren't expected but family and friends get together to celebrate with parents. Different cultures view things differently so if someone wants to throw you a shower I say go for it. We never throw our own usually it's the grandparents that host the party at least that is how mine and all my family members do it.

Edited for grammar.

I think maybe some of the confusion about second time showers comes from using the word "shower." When I hear "baby shower," I think of a very gift-focused occasion . . . "showering" the mother-to-be with gifts. Having a party just to celebrate the life of a new baby is a sweet tradition to have.

Babies are definitely worth celebrating!

Edited: also for grammar.

I agree I don't think the words translates properly from Spanish to English but yes it's a party celebrating the new life coming into the family gifts are never expected but of course not everyone listens.

irenewslee · August 2015

In my work and social circles, we do not do showers after the first. When we visit after the baby is born, we generally bring some small gifts for the mom or baby. I have gone to people's second/third baby shower/sprinkles. I don't mind going and buy gifts for my friends. It all depends what your friends feel like doing for you and the "norm". If someone does it for you, great! Appreciate their efforts and love. If not, don't take it personally.

Moms of 2 or more ..... showers?

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