Should my husband go 6 hours away??

hopeful87-2 · August 2015

I would love any input because we are really struggling here!

I am 36+4 FTM. I was planning on going to a wedding 6 hours away driving this weekend. My doctor checked me Tuesday and I was 2cm dilated 90% effaced. He had me come back in today (2days later) and I was 3-4cm dilated. He told me I cannot go to the wedding because I am having contractions and making progress he did not think it was a good decision. To the same extent, there is the possibility I could stay this way. He als told me the baby's head is very very low.

My husband is the best man and I don't know what to do?!? Should he go? Should I leave it totally up to him? I would seriously resent it forever if he weren't here for the birth of our first child. I have no family in the area. To the same extent I would feel bad asking him to stay and have her not come. Any input??? I'm at a loss of what to do!

jessababyphoto · August 2015

Ummmmmmm no I don't think it would be a good idea.

aleecats · August 2015

Personally if I left it up to my SO and he chose to go and ended up missing the birth of our LO I would be resentful. I don't think I could stand not having him there but if you think you'd be okay if he wasn't then let him make the choice. If it upsets you or bothers you in anyway tell him your not comfortable with it. I understand he's the best man but that must mean that him and this man are close so I'm sure he'd understand missing it for the birth of his child.

amp61470 · August 2015

I would be really uncomfortable if my DH was going 6 hours away and I was told by the doctor not to go far because the baby could be here very soon. It's tough cause he is the best man but hopefully his friend will be understanding. Does he want to go? Or does he think he should stay home?

KYmama9286 · August 2015

Oh gosh, that's a hard one. If he wasn't the best man I would say 100% he should skip it. And your Dr is right that you could definitely stay at 4cm for weeks (I was the same with #3, really dilated and effaced early on, tons of painful consistent contractions but she still wasn't born until the day before my dd).

What does he want to do? Even with being dilated/effaced I still had a good long while once I was in labor... like woke up at 4 am to real deal contractions, didn't get to the hospital until 7am and was 7cm when I was triaged, intense labor didn't start till like 10am and she was born at 11:15ish so a decent amount of time. I had a somewhat similar labor pattern with #2 as well. I'd only be okay with him going if he was able to leave at the drop of the hat...like in the middle of the ceremony if need be and absolutely no drinking. If that's not realistic I'd say he has to pass :-/

chelseajeanene · August 2015

If you can't go, are you okay with him missing the birth of your child? I think there's no question here.

jen83mn · August 2015

I wouldn't be comfortable with it; I would be so sad if my DH missed our baby's birth! Not to mention I don't want to go through this alone. I don't even like that DH is an hour away in traffic when he's at work now, lol. And you're further dilated and effaced than I am and I'm 38 weeks!

WDDCH · August 2015

My immediate thought when I read "I will be resentful of him if he goes and baby is born without him..." is that the answer is obvious. He should not go.

Duckybears · August 2015

Depending on how you are feeling, I'd definitely go with him if he goes. Make sure you look up the local hospitals by the wedding just in case and try to get back home quickly after the ceremony. You can have a baby anywhere, but your DH can't teleport.
Also have your hospital bag with you and your birth plan!

ForeverEverAfter · August 2015

I'm probably the odd one out, I think that being the best man is a commitment he should try to honour. If you start having regular, worsening contractions, he could leave immediately to meet you at the hospital. I have no family in this province, and DH is a pilot, often overnight a 5h drive away (with no car either), then another hour drive to the hospital from the airport. I've got a babysitter and a doula available 24/7, I can do this. I'm sure DH will make it before baby comes out.

jabeauty90 · August 2015

I'd go with him, personally. There is a chance you might not have the baby early and him missing out on the wedding for nothing could make him upset. Talk with him and see what he thinks.

hopeful87-2 · August 2015

Thanks for your input ladies! I really appreciate it. We haven't made a final decision but have decided that if we/he ends up going it will only be for the wedding (not the rehearsal dinner too) and then if he goes without me he will leave the reception early to head home. He really wants to minimize his time away from our home city, I on the other hand feel like I'll be fine as long as we are together. Keeping my fingers (and legs!) crossed for now. We will atleast have one more day at home together to see if progress at all. This is certainly a learning experience in terms of letting go of control! Thank you for your input!

tlc11934 · August 2015

I would let him go and have a back up plan for who could take you to the hospital if you need to go. I was 4cm with DD2 for 4 weeks - I couldn't imagine traveling myself but wouldn't want my DH to miss out on his best friend's wedding. Worst case scenario, can he just hop on a plane and come home?

TIARA0322 · August 2015

Omg! We are in the same situation where mine is the Best Man but the wedding is in the Dominican Republic! Planning of this wedding was before we became pregnant. He was supposed to go from Aug 31-Sept 6 and I'm due Sept 13. Not dialating or anything but we canceled. He is now replaced as the Best Man and we are out of about $1200 but it's worth it to ensure he won't miss the birth of our daughter.

If I were in your situation, he'd have to mix it. If it were a max of 2-3 hours away maybe it would be doable but not 6.

Atlasmom · August 2015

This is a tough one. I don't think you have an easy decision either way you go.

Good luck!

joellenicole93 · August 2015

Id be uncomfortable with him being so far away but I'm also not going to ruin someone's wedding.
DH thinks he'll be doing guitar center drum off again like he does almost every year and it's scheduled 5 days before I'm due or 2 days after. I told him go but if I go into labor he has to leave. Guitar center is over an hour from us so he would have to come home to get me then the hospital is almost and hour.

cjstats87 · August 2015

Sorry but I'm curious...did he go?! And are you still pregnant!?!

littlemama1227 · August 2015

I don't know if I am late to the party, but I would ask your doc about how long you would likely have for DH to get back. I'm 37 weeks as of tomorrow and right now I'm still closed (could be different at my weekly on Wednesday). My husband has to travel from the East Coast to the West Coast for a job interview and will be gone from Tuesday night until Friday morning (he's taking the redeye back Thursday night). He is terrified of missing the birth! My doctor basically said that because I am closed and if I stayed that way, even if I go into labor, he would have 12 to 14 hours to get back before the birth actually happened. He said if I was more dilated, it would probably be less time if I went into labor. It definitely helped us feel better about DH's decision to still go (although he totally wants to cancel but it's an amazing opportunity and I think he should go!). Anyway, maybe that would help! Good luck, mama!

joellenicole93 · August 2015

jabeauty90 said:
I'd go with him, personally. There is a chance you might not have the baby early and him missing out on the wedding for nothing could make him upset. Talk with him and see what he thinks.

I actually like that. I was thinking that I mean some woman have the hospital they really want to be at but God forbid she goes and goes into labor I would hope there would be a closer hospital.

WDDCH · August 2015

cjstats87 said:
Sorry but I'm curious...did he go?! And are you still pregnant!?!

I think she just posted about being in labor today unless I'm confusing her with someone else.

cjstats87 · August 2015

Oh good!! I hope he made it!

str13 · August 2015

cjstats87 said:
Oh good!! I hope he made it!

That's what I was thinking! I saw the name and think it's the same one, unless like @WDDCH I'm mistaken! I really hope he's made it back.

hopeful87-2 · August 2015

Yes! He went and came back in the same day! I was admitted to the hospital at 4pm on August 29th. He left that morning, did the best man thing (speech, pictures, ceremony) and drove the 6 hours back in the same day. I was contracting but nothing super interesting was happening when he arrived back by 2am on August 30th. I was happy he made the 12 hour drive in one day because they did start me on pitocin at 9am on the 30th but baby girl still didn't make her arrival until around 8pm that day. He knew first time moms tend to labor long so we took that gamble and luckily it was true for me and I had him by my side for all the difficult parts of labor.

Thank you ladies for all your input and support!

hopeful87-2 · August 2015

... Also my labor ended up being way more complicated than planned so being close to my doctor really ended up being the most important thing and I would choose to stay close to my very experienced doctor if given the option now- I would not have said that before because my pregnancy was very normal-- but I know every person/labor/couple is different.

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