Name Regrets

NellieHarringtonCarter · August 2015

This question is mostly directed toward STMs, but is also something for FTMs to think about, too.

What do you do when you regret or change your mind about a name when it's already past the point of no return?

For me, it's my 5 yo daughter's middle name. We love her first name, but the middle name kind of falls flat and doesn't flow well. Also, while we love and cherish the person we named her middle name after, she isn't always the nicest person (she's older, and I'm sure her mood and behavior is partially caused by advanced age), and I actually mostly feel bad not using my mom's name or something totally original for her middle name instead. Our solution at this point is NOT to bring up any of these doubts or concerns to our daughter, but instead let her know that she's more than welcome to change it when she's old enough (I know that she can at least legally change it when she gets married without the extra cost, if she chooses).

On the flip side, my sister wanted to name her son after our grandfather, who was ill and died shortly after he was born, but her husband nixed the idea, and they couldn't agree on anything other than a cute, but extremely popular and generic name that's actually recently being used more and more for girls than boys. Three months down the road, her husband says "You know, in retrospect, I think we should've named him after your grandpa, too."

Anyone else dealt with this? Anyone else terrified of this happening to them? Or meh, a name is just a name?

Mizuiro007 · August 2015

I've been terrified of this both times. I will make hubby go over different names fearing we settled to quickly and will regret it. With my son I even convinced myself for a while that I didn't like the name at all. Then he was born and as he's grown the name just fits him and I couldn't imagine him as anything else.

I think the thing is remembering why you liked and chose the name to start with. That's what I've been doing this time. I really love the name and it has a lot of meaning for both hubby and I but my dad has mocked and ridiculed it endlessly out of some petty spite that we don't like the name he's chosen. It was enough to make me doubt and worry those negative feelings would become attached to the name for me. Hubby just reminded me of all the reasons we chose the name in the beginning and why we both liked it. Now I feel more secure in our choice.

I think there's a lot of pressure that comes with feeling you have to find the exact perfect name, worrying you chose wrong or that they'll hate it. My mom has talked about wishing she'd spelled my middle name differently but I actually love the way it's spelled now. Your daughter may grow and decide she loves the name. Let her make it her own and as she gets older and owns it maybe it won't remind you so much of her namesake.

RSB1982 · August 2015

This is a really interesting topic! I'll bet this happens more than we all think it does. I'm a FTM, so no prior naming experience. I would think in your situation with your daughter, I would just wait until she gets older and if she expresses a desire to change her name, deal with it then. When/if she gets married she can always drop her middle name then - that's what I did. I know that's potentially a long time from now, but something to think about. I'm curious as to what the name is. Also, in my experience, middle names aren't really used all that often so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

MyCousinVinny · August 2015

I have major name regret with how we spelled DD1's first name. At the time, DH brought it up and thought it was a great idea and when he explained why he wanted that spelling, it made sense.

But now I cringe whenever I have to spell it out or see it. I wish we would have changed it awhile ago but she's almost 4 and can recognize her name now so I think it's too late.

Gingermom15 · August 2015

I never put much thought into whether or not we will regret our sons name. It is the only one we could see ourselves using, but we do plan to keep an open mind when he is born incase he absolutely does not look like a Henry. It's so hard to tell with a wrinkled little newborn.
Now I have one more thing to worry about. Thanks

Lol.

NellieHarringtonCarter · August 2015

If you aren't having huge doubts about the name you chose now, I wouldn't worry

. To be honest, I sort of brought it up to my husband as a suggestion during a time when emotions and sympathy were a little high. (The middle name we chose was Pearl, after my grandmother, immediately after my grandfather died. And before she was even born, I started having doubts about it, but my husband still thought it was a good idea, so I just tried to convince myself "It'll be fine. It's fine. I'll grow to love it."

My mom also brought up a good point, though, that even though "Pearl" is sort of an old-fashioned name, other old-fashioned names (like Charlotte and Hazel, etc) are gaining popularity again, and maybe in 10-15 years, Pearl will be popular again in its own right and my daughter will love it.

MyCousinVinny · August 2015

TeganAngelina said:

If you aren't having huge doubts about the name you chose now, I wouldn't worry . To be honest, I sort of brought it up to my husband as a suggestion during a time when emotions and sympathy were a little high. (The middle name we chose was Pearl, after my grandmother, immediately after my grandfather died. And before she was even born, I started having doubts about it, but my husband still thought it was a good idea, so I just tried to convince myself "It'll be fine. It's fine. I'll grow to love it."

My mom also brought up a good point, though, that even though "Pearl" is sort of an old-fashioned name, other old-fashioned names (like Charlotte and Hazel, etc) are gaining popularity again, and maybe in 10-15 years, Pearl will be popular again in its own right and my daughter will love it.

Pearl is DD2's middle name as well! It's a beautiful name.

Gingermom15 · August 2015

@TeganAngelina Pearl is a sweet middle name. I am sure your daughter wears it well

elbou · August 2015

We have named all our kids after our grandparents thus far, and DS's name was chosen back when we were discussing names for DD1. We obviously didn't use it for her, and I loved the name so much, it was our back-up boy name for DD2 as well. While I was expecting DS, we still liked the name, and so when he was born a boy, we didn't have to think about it.

However, as he got bigger...a few months old, I think...I started to not like it so much. I didn't think it suited him as well as it could have, but his birth certificate was already filled out and mailed back to us. I didn't have any better suggestions, so I didn't mention my concerns out loud. A little while later, I started to love it again. I'm not sure exactly why I fell out of love with his name or why I fell back in love with it....I guess he just grew into it.

My advice would be to wait and see. You may find yourself loving it again. And if you still don't love it, you can always change it in the future...or let her change it when she's old enough if she doesn't love it either.

NellieHarringtonCarter · August 2015

Thank you for all the comments/suggestions! I agree that waiting and seeing is the best way to go. And I do think the name "Pearl" is sweet (and I certainly hope all of you who also have used it for your children didn't take offensive at all!) I think a little of it is that my grandmother's attitude as of late as sort of tarnished the gesture (and she doesn't appreciate it. She tells my dad all the time "Why the hell did they choose the name "Pearl?") but in the long run, I think you are right, I think she (and I) will grow to love it again.

RSB1982 · August 2015

I like Pearl too! It's a classic.

satindawl83 · August 2015

I love Pearl! Now I'm rethinking our middle name choice. Camilla Pearl?!

Ooh sounds so French.

@TeganAngelina, that's kind of funny that your grandma (her middle namesake) is questioning why you gave her the name. Hehe. Senior privilege, I guess. But again, it's a beautiful middle name.

MyCousinVinny · August 2015

satindawl83 said:

I love Pearl! Now I'm rethinking our middle name choice. Camilla Pearl?! Ooh sounds so French. @TeganAngelina, that's kind of funny that your grandma (her middle namesake) is questioning why you gave her the name. Hehe. Senior privilege, I guess. But again, it's a beautiful middle name.

Camilla Pearl is gorgeous, FWIW.

DD2 is Elisabeth Pearl but was almost Josephine Pearl (DH would not get on board with Josephine).

MegStark · August 2015

One of my best friends named her daughter Cora Pearl. Both "old fashioned" names, and I love it!

ammnam14 · August 2015

No ragrets! Lol

I'm at the opposite end of this. I feel like I'm going to regret not giving my daughter my middle name. It was has been passed on from my grandmothers. I absolutely hated my middle name growing up because it wasn't "cool" enough. I keep suggesting it but hubby vetoes every time.

Our name choices are Zoe Abigail or Zoe Isabella. The only possible regret I can think of is that the name won't age well with her. My husband and I are so in love with the name though, so who knows!

Melissadmag · August 2015

I am a bit worried about if we have a son in the future. Right now we are pregnant with a girl but plan on more down the line. My DH and I have always said that if we have a son his middle name would be Danger. We've even told pretty much everyone that we are planning that. Now that we are actually at the point where it could happen though part of me still loves the idea and thinks it's awesome, and part of me is like is that the dumbest thing ever to do to our poor son lol. I have a while before it matters though, if it ever matters since my DH seems to like spitting out girls, but we shall see. I will have to think more on it if and when we ever actually get pregnant with a boy.

Jess0813 · August 2015

I regret the spelling of DS2's name. His name is Bradyn and i spelled it that way because i just wanted his name to be Brady and dh wouldnt go for it. But i intended on calling him Brady for short. He we are 16 months later and i have not once called him Brady and always have to correct people on spelling and sometimes spell it wrong myself.

littleSkittle14 · August 2015

We chose DDs name from our religious tradition (we are catholic, and chose to name her after saints that we admired.) Her name is Maria Gianna (for Mary, mother of Jesus) and Gianna for St Gianna mola.

I don't really have any regrets, and don't think I ever will since it wasn't just the sound of it that we liked, but actually role models who we think/hope she can emulate. Sort of like naming her for a family member.

We're doing the same with this baby!

kaitykins · August 2015

I was named Kaitlyn and have been called Kaity ever since, I am just not a Kaitlyn, however the nickname option is great because as people grow and change their personality does too and suddenly their nickname can take over or they can start introducing themselves as their middle name and we aren't really stuck with what we ae given. So pick a name you like or love and don't worry the child and name can grow and change together.

Jenichael1217 · August 2015

I am planning on choosing a middle name that is quite a bit different from the first name. Her first name with be gender neutral and the middle more feminine. That way, if she isn't crazy about her first name as she gets older, she could always go by her middle. My best friends did this growing up, though it sometimes caused some confusion. They once had a joint birthday party in high school and one cake had the names Lauren and Ashley, the other had Alyssa and Denise. Everybody found it pretty comical.

mac-n-cheesy · August 2015

I'm a FTM so no experience here but my first name gets botched all the time so I will name my daughter with a traditional spelling! I'm "Lyndsay" and my mom justified this by saying if I wanted to go by "Lyn" it would make more sense than if she had spelled it "Lindsey" or another similar variation.
I have an never will go by "Lyn"...it's just not me. I do get my mom's thinking but don't necessarily agree with it.
I even get people who say my name "Lin-SAY" and I'm usually just in utter shock. I mean, she spelled it somewhat unusual but didn't create a whole new name!!!

ssn109 · August 2015

I'm actually disappointed in the reaction I got from my dad when we told him the name we chose for our LO. We wanted to name our son after our frandfathers, and my grandfather went by Pete even though it wasn't his legal first or middle name. DH suggested we name our son Peter after my grandpa since it was his preferred nickname, but it happens to also be my dad's name. I was hoping he would take it as the honor it was intended, since his first grandbaby was named after his father and himself. Instead, he seemed like it was exactly what he didn't want. I think most I regret telling my dad the name, rather than the choice. I like getting to talk to little Pete and calling him by his name. Plus, he's due right around my grandfather's bday...

*edited bc autocorrect is stupid

maiatene · August 2015

This is probably the most difficult thing about having a baby... names are soooooo hard! With my son hubby and I would toss out names but could never agree, and with all the list apps and discussion threads it seemed damn near impossible... oh and btw we were team green lol. When baby finally made his debut he still didn't have a name until right before we checked out. In hindsight I'm glad we didn't have a pre-planned name bc those didn't fit him as perfectly as his given name. @ssn109 we asked my dad how would he feel if we gave the baby his name as a middle name and he wasnt too keen. He said the baby should have their own name and identity. I totally get it bc he is a Jr. so he knows firsthand what it's like to be the little. I never thought about it like that but when he said that it made total sense.

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