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July 2015 Moms
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DH or room mate?

jenni31jenni31 member
in July 2015 Moms
I love my DH but is annoying me at the moment. He works full time while I stay home with our DS full time. I understand he is tired from work and when he get home but he doesn't really seem to help out. He holds our DS for about half an hour while he plays on his mobile phone, bathes him on bath night but then he just goes to bed. Im up with DS crying every 2-3hrs & if it wakes DH up he just rolls over and goes back to sleep. It really seems at times that I'm just a single parent with a roommate that's snores. Its getting on my nerves. anytime I say to DH I'm tired, he just says he's tired because he's been working all day. Like what I do isn't work! Just wanted to vent & see if anyone feels the same.
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Re: DH or room mate?

  • jmucc421jmucc421 member
    This app is great for venting! Lol mine helps with the baby a little more in evenings than it sounds like yours does but we just bought a house so most nights he's home to eat (we are living with my parents until ours is ready to move in) and then he goes up there for a little bit. There's an above ground pool that we want rid of and he basically told me to take get of getting rid of it..when I told him to do it he got all huffy and said about how he works all day and doesn't have time..I was like what the heck do you think I do all day..I guess he thinks I sit around while the laundry, cleaning, and cooking fairies go about their business and the nanny takes care of the baby (insert sarcasm) but seriously..
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  • beeishbeeish member
    edited August 2015
    Ugh.. Same here ladies. My DH is snoring away while I'm up with a fussy baby at 2 am!! (:| :-L
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  • jtenkorangjtenkorang member
    Yeah this is my hubby most nights. But he has been getting up with the twins on occasion because I'm exclusively pumping so I'll have to leave the Tom. To go do that (the pump noise wakes up the babies) so he ends up helping at those times. I give him a little slack though because he is working 2 jobs with 15 hour days most of the time.
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  • shaley29shaley29 member
    My husband doesn't get up at night, but that was our agreement until I go back to work, then we will take turns. I breastfeed but she also takes a bottle. On the other hand when he gets home he doesn't do much with the baby...and half the time when I leave to do something (take a shower, etc.) She is sleeping or he ends up putting her into her swing so he can go do stuff. Now he thinks he's getting sick, so I can't even leave her with him until he feels better.. so much for that pedicure I was going to get :, (
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  • randa923randa923 member
    pandd10513 said:

    Mine acts as if he's doing me a favor when I ask him to hold her so I can go to the bathroom or if I ask him to watch her so I can go food shopping (because God forbid he actually go to shoprite). I'm actually considering switching to formula just so when she wakes up one of the 15 times during the night I can roll over and say it's your turn to take care of our baby and it's my turn to get some sleep.

    Me too on the formula! My DH is pretty good with helping with our DS though. He loves to come home from work and hold him right away. It's the housework he is not great about helping with. He will cook dinner and usually clean it up since I'm usually feeding the baby. Everything else is pretty much up to me. He'd probably do it if I asked though. I just don't ask (but fee like I shouldn't have to. He can see that the floors need swept, laundry is overflowing etc).
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  • pandd10513pandd10513 member
    @randa923 I had some of the baby's clothes in the washer when DH went to do his laundry. He washed them and dried them with his stuff but then left them all in the dryer. Guess it's my job to fold them and put them away?!?!
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  • jenni31jenni31 member
    YES! Tell me about it. My DH is the same. Why are men incapable of seeing the mess around the house. I think they are selectively blind to it.
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  • randa923randa923 member
    What?! I would have lost it!
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  • BeanBean529BeanBean529 member
    I had go double check to make sure I didn't write the original post because it is THAT similar to my situation with my DH! I would even confront him with my feelings about beung exhausted and wanting some extra help from him because I feel like he's not involved much with our DD ... his response -- "Well I work. You don't work full time. There is nothing I can do about that." (I'm still on maternity leave and studying for my licensing exam while on it as well). Or my DH will tell me during the day that if I need help with DD during the night to wake him up, but when I do (and I rarely do!) It's either to have him watch her so I can go pee or get her bottle, OR I feel like I'm about to lose my mind from exhaustion and end up in tears....his response, generally -- "Okay, this makes sense (sarcasm)! I'm the one who has to get up early for work and you can sleep all day (haha what a joke!) ... now I'm going to sleep thru my alarm and be late to work and get fired because I've been up all night with her (exaggerated much? "All night"? ..uhhh I usually wake him up when it's about 1-2 hours before his alarm is scheduled to go off --and this is only the nights when I do wake him).

    Sorry (not sorry) for the vent -- I didn't realize how much I had bottled up still after I read your post. I'm glad I'm not going thru this alone, but i also wish none of us have to deal with this. I WILL say that DH has started to come around ... I noticed that telling him how I felt when including what he has and hasn't done did NOT work in our situation -- instead, I began talking about how I felt in general (exhausted, lonely, unappreciated, etc. -- but never singled him out as the reason for these feelings, which he isn't the only reason anyway). He seemed more receptive to helping me feel better (aka helping me with DD) when he was able to be the "hero" rather than the perpetrator. I also send him articles that I have read in passing so that he can understand how I feel better than I can explain -- and since we are first time parents he has even said he doesn't know how this all goes.

    Hopefully your DH comes around -- it's a lot of work and tests relationships (I've experienced at least). Good luck and let me know how it goes!
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  • theoneandonlysmptheoneandonlysmp member
    This post makes me laugh....oh men. When then think they have done an equal amount of work to get baby here and then think they are doing an equal share just because they work while we stay home for the first couple months. I'm so glad this post is up, I don't feel like a naggy wife anymore when I say please I need five minutes as I stand at the door the minute he gets home. I don't care of he needs 5 minutes, I need it more and he will never understand. I have accepted that as much as he says he does, he doesn't and never will.
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  • ashleytiffashleytiff member
    edited August 2015
    My husband thinks our kid sleeps through the night. I'm such a light sleeper that I wake up before our son gets the chance to cry, I can hear him wiggling around and waking up.

    He likes to argue about who's more tired.
    I understand he goes to work but he also gets a full nights sleep. I maybe get a 4 or 5 hour stretch and then I'm up every 2 hours and up all day.
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  • 2babes3angels2babes3angels member
    men are clueless
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  • eclohoecloho member
    edited August 2015
    My DH has actually been VERY helpful at home, as helpful as he can be without lactating! ...but I have about had it with his need to keep up his physical activity! He works out early in the morning, wants to go for runs after work, and most of all has an obsession with mountain biking!! When I was pregnant he talked about how he knew he would have to cut back when the baby came. He biked a ton while I was pregnant & I was ok with it, often I went along & got some hiking in. But now is different! Just got off the phone with him... He's actually off work at a decent time & he had the nerve to ask me if I needed him to come home. I said "well yeah, why?" And he said, "I was going to go for a bike ride, but I guess I can go in the morning." I'm thinking wow, hate to inconvenience you!!! Funny thing is even if he went today, he'd still probably get up and go in the morning!!! I wish he would just stop & listen to himself!!!
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  • lovermyboyslovermyboys member
    @ecloho just a thought but maybe that is how he is keeping his sanity with becoming a new dad and trying to maintain his old self. Some people not just men lose themselves when they have children and it can be scary. Maybe he is holding onto what "normal" he has left. It's not an excuse or ok for him to be MIA but just a different pov. Good luck!
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  • LeahaucLeahauc member
    Omg we must have the same husband. I could have wrote this exact post. I'm so glad I'm not alone in this boat bc it drives me crazy!! DH is also in school until December so hopefully he becomes more helpful after that.
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  • jparks39jparks39 member
    THIS IS MY EXACT LIFE RIGHT NOW! Then he goes out after he gets home from work to go to the gym. & he just went out with his buddies for drinks tonight. Like am I a single mom? So frustrating. I didn't think he'd be like this at all.
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  • jenni31jenni31 member
    I have to admit my DH is pretty helpful from Friday night to Sunday afternoon, which is great and gives me a break. Hopefully in time he'll help out more on work nights too. Glad to know there are others out there and we can all vent together!
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  • wheresilenceismusicwheresilenceismusic member
    Aww ladies, I am so sorry to hear these stories.  <3

    My DH is in the army.  He works 12-hour days every day and one 24-hour shift each week.  It sucks.  I never get to see him.  When he comes home he IS exhausted.  He's been sleeping on the couch a lot (at my request) because I don't want LO's cries to wake him up at night.  I wonder if … and when … we will feel like we're married again.

    DH will have major knee surgery in two weeks (!!) and I am REALLY NERVOUS about having to take care of him and LO all by myself.  We live 14+ hours away from family and friends.  Crossing my fingers that I can juggle it all!  

    I guess, meanwhile, I feel really lucky and a little guilty that I get to stay home with baby all day.  It's real work, but I know that this is what I wanted and what I chose.  
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  • SBbabyonboardSBbabyonboard member
    I guess I feel pretty lucky. Although DH and I had agreed that I will do all night feeding, my DD sleeps through the night. So I am very lucky that way. And I very much enjoy being home with her all day and having our special feedings together.will be so sad once I have to go back to work so soaking it all in! I feel so connected while breastfeeding. And when DH gets home he always asks how I am and if I need him to take the baby, usually if I do its tO have a shower or run to store and then I let him relax or go do his workout and then he cooks Us dinner every night and does the dishes. So I definetly don't mind doing the laundry throughout the day and cleaning up. He works 6 days a week and I know how tough that is, and it is easy to forget how tiring working that much can be while at home with a crying baby, I have definetly had some tough days but lucky to have such a caring husband.
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  • eclohoecloho member
    @juizy right big difference! It's called parenting! I better never hear my DH say that!!
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  • BAYOUWIFEBAYOUWIFE member
    After 10 years together, being a SAHM with a five year old and now a 7 week old, I have been there. We have had these arguments more than I'd like to mention. Over the years we have both come to the conclusion you just can't compare each other's day. It like comparing apples to oranges. Just don't go there. We try to be a team. I do as much "house" work as I can during the day and it is a team effort after he finishes his work. If we both get evening work done together, it is quicker and we both can have down time together as a family.

    Talk to your DH when you aren't so frustrated. GL
    BFP 10/31/12, MC 11/9/12 - We had to say goodbye before we could really say hello. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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