VENT! Dr ruined team green :(

jennaymg13 · August 2015

so I have an app that tells me when I have new clinical records from my OB. Got a notification today telling me a new record and it revealed sex of baby!!!!!! I am so heartbroken that it is not a surprise anymore and so angry they did this! Every appt we always stressed we didn't want to know. Damn them! Vent over

l4rk · August 2015

That sucks. But there's nothing you can do now, so I would move forward as quickly as possible and try not to dwell on it anymore.

UptownPearl · August 2015

That's terrible and unprofessional, but don't let it ruin your excitement! As my boss likes to say, "it's a surprise no matter when you find out." Now that you know just enjoy the perks like being able to refer to baby as he or she and not having to stress at future appointments about not finding out. I would let them know you're upset that they screwed up, but just try to move on from it.

nanamp · August 2015

That sucks! My doctor said they won't be putting it in the records in case we accidentally see it later. But I also agree, it isn't any less of a surprise if you find out earlier!

cameronreed · August 2015

Sorry... That's a bummer!

Now spill the beans... Boy or girl??

Knottie1433440300 · August 2015

If you don't want to know, don't look at the records. Techs and doctors record this sort of stuff so they can make sure things are developing properly. I'm sure it's a bummer to know but at least baby is healthy? And I'm the sex is still a surprise, whether it happens now or at birth.

katiedid0907 · August 2015

I guess I get your frustration, but they are just doing their job and it happens. You either find out now or you find out later. Plus you get cuter clothes when you know if it's a boy or girl

jrouge12 · August 2015

Sorry to hear, but you were always going to find out the gender at the end. Do something cute to celebrate as a couple and make it special now! Go on a date night and then stop at a baby clothes store and pick a going home outfit for the gender you now know, I don't know if that's exciting to you but make it special! You can't change anything about what happened, so find the positive!

jennaymg13 · August 2015

Knottie1433440300 said:
If you don't want to know, don't look at the records. Techs and doctors record this sort of stuff so they can make sure things are developing properly. I'm sure it's a bummer to know but at least baby is healthy? And I'm the sex is still a surprise, whether it happens now or at birth.

Dont insinuate I was snooping please. I have been waiting for blood work results due to high risk ratio for T18. The app alerted me to those lab results being received. Of course I was going to look. And there right at the top of the results before the information I was looking for was the gender. I never signed off on this portion of the bloodwork so why would I expect it to be there?

And of course I'm thrilled about the health. And the gender for that matter. But what is it with people and their holier than thou attitude on this page? Not allowing for a mother to feel certain ways? It's called a vent for a reason. I don't need to be told to "get over it" by others.

Krisdee123 · August 2015

Posting something on a public forum does not protect you from getting opinions you don't want to hear, whether you want them or not. Sorry you're disappointed, that sucks, but you don't need to snap at people who don't agree with you.

AlabamaWorley · August 2015

I'm sensing some misdirected anger and aggression here.

UptownPearl · August 2015

I don't think anyone told you to get over it, most responses sympathized with your frustration. You have a right to feel however you want, but we just want to point out to you that it does no good to dwell on something that's completely out of your control. We all deal with annoying doctors and in laws and rude comments, but you just have to let go of that stuff and focus on what matters. Vent and rant about anything you would like, just know we're a group that listens and then offers constructive criticism.

Smoochie789 · August 2015

... and not to forget ladies... we do have some raging hormones going on!!!!

Monilee1017 · August 2015

jennaymg13 said:

If you don't want to know, don't look at the records. Techs and doctors record this sort of stuff so they can make sure things are developing properly. I'm sure it's a bummer to know but at least baby is healthy? And I'm the sex is still a surprise, whether it happens now or at birth.
Dont insinuate I was snooping please. I have been waiting for blood work results due to high risk ratio for T18. The app alerted me to those lab results being received. Of course I was going to look. And there right at the top of the results before the information I was looking for was the gender. I never signed off on this portion of the bloodwork so why would I expect it to be there? And of course I'm thrilled about the health. And the gender for that matter. But what is it with people and their holier than thou attitude on this page? Not allowing for a mother to feel certain ways? It's called a vent for a reason. I don't need to be told to "get over it" by others.

@jennaymg13 If it was on the bloodwork wouldn't it be the labs fault and not your doctors? I know that stuff get loaded by the lab for me. If that's the case you shouldn't be mad at your OBGYN @knottie1433440300 Do the doctors have to know this? Because mine told me there is no going back if I don't find out the gender because the ultrasound office does not add the sex of the baby to the report, so if I don't tell my OBGYN the sex they won't know until delivery.

kodariah · August 2015

Be mad if you want. Having a baby is a big exciting time and if it doesn't go how you want you have every right to be upset about it! I get people saying not to be mad at a curtain person because it was a accident and I'm sure no one mean to ruin your surprize but if you want to be bummed because you were excited about finding out when you have him or her then you can be bummed. Let it be exciting though to! I love knowing what my little one is I feel more connected to him now. Its ok to be bummed but excited too and let yourself see the good side of knowing!

MamaHolland · August 2015

This is such a blessed and exciting times in our lives just enjoy it. Life doesn't always go as expected. Your doctor didn't perform some type of medical malpractice on you that caused harm to you or your baby, it was an oversight. If you build up too many perfect scenarios you are going to continue to be highly disappointed. We can have birth plans, gender reveal plans, baby shower plans but it's all in God's hands.

nlwz123 · August 2015

Knottie1433440300 said:

If you don't want to know, don't look at the records. Techs and doctors record this sort of stuff so they can make sure things are developing properly. I'm sure it's a bummer to know but at least baby is healthy? And I'm the sex is still a surprise, whether it happens now or at birth.

That is correct, however, the apps that offices use generally don't display all of the medical information that they have in their office records (not nearly as much).. Yes, OP is obviously really upset, but they COULD have filtered that result out. I get emails all the time when my chart was updated, and I wouldn't think twice about opening it because it's usually just lab results.

I understand your frustration, OP, but on the bright side your baby is healthy and that's the most important thing.

Mamabeagle · August 2015

jennaymg13 said:

Knottie1433440300 said:
If you don't want to know, don't look at the records. Techs and doctors record this sort of stuff so they can make sure things are developing properly. I'm sure it's a bummer to know but at least baby is healthy? And I'm the sex is still a surprise, whether it happens now or at birth.
Dont insinuate I was snooping please. I have been waiting for blood work results due to high risk ratio for T18. The app alerted me to those lab results being received. Of course I was going to look. And there right at the top of the results before the information I was looking for was the gender. I never signed off on this portion of the bloodwork so why would I expect it to be there?

And of course I'm thrilled about the health. And the gender for that matter. But what is it with people and their holier than thou attitude on this page? Not allowing for a mother to feel certain ways? It's called a vent for a reason. I don't need to be told to "get over it" by others.

You are assuming things here about PPs comment. I reread it and in no way could it be interpreted as saying you snooping-and why would she logically have said that since they are literally your own medical records?

No one is being holier than anything either, they are just trying to help you view this in a positive light instead of a negative one.

DaphneMoon1 · August 2015

I'm sorry your surprise was ruined. That's a bummer.

But your baby is healthy! If it were me, I'd cheer myself up by going shopping and picking something super boyish or girlish to celebrate! Or maybe get something embroidered with the name. Celebrate your healthy son/daughter and try not to dwell on what can't be undone.

shrsri · August 2015

We are team green and if someone revealed the gender to me even accidentally I would be totally pissed with them.. So I do get how you feel
You should let the lab know so that they don't make this mistake in future..
And meanwhile go get some chocolate !! Everything gets better with chocolate !

l4rk · August 2015

shrsri said:
We are team green and if someone revealed the gender to me even accidentally I would be totally pissed with them.. So I do get how you feel
You should let the lab know so that they don't make this mistake in future..
And meanwhile go get some chocolate !! Everything gets better with chocolate !

I don't think the lab made a "mistake". Lab results contain all sorts of info and your care giver is responsible to relay the important stuff (only). Taking the initiative to check your own results means you take away the doctor's opportunity to help you, whether it's interpreting what they mean, delivering bad news, or--in this case--not mentioning gender results. The lab is required to share the info they gather. You aren't required to read and interpret it yourself. Checking your own lab results online is your voluntary choice and risk.

ntyravgsp · August 2015

l4rk said:

shrsri said:
We are team green and if someone revealed the gender to me even accidentally I would be totally pissed with them.. So I do get how you feel
You should let the lab know so that they don't make this mistake in future..
And meanwhile go get some chocolate !! Everything gets better with chocolate !
I don't think the lab made a "mistake". Lab results contain all sorts of info and your care giver is responsible to relay the important stuff (only). Taking the initiative to check your own results means you take away the doctor's opportunity to help you, whether it's interpreting what they mean, delivering bad news, or--in this case--not mentioning gender results. The lab is required to share the info they gather. You aren't required to read and interpret it yourself. Checking your own lab results online is your voluntary choice and risk.

Well said. =D>

Also @jennaymg13, I don't think anyone was trying to invalidate your disappointment - just trying to help you see the silver lining of the situation.

Hrc724 · August 2015

That really stinks!!!

Hrc724 · August 2015

DaphneMoon1 said:
I'm sorry your surprise was ruined. That's a bummer.

But your baby is healthy! If it were me, I'd cheer myself up by going shopping and picking something super boyish or girlish to celebrate! Or maybe get something embroidered with the name. Celebrate your healthy son/daughter and try not to dwell on what can't be undone.

This is a bit off topic from the original post, but we are planning to find out the gender of our baby next week and your suggestion to celebrate by going out to buy something gender specific for the baby after you find out is a great idea!!! I now know what my husband and I are going to do after the US. Thank you!

shrsri · August 2015

I have a look at my lab results always and expecting mothers should be able to look at their results even if they have a doctor explain the them later..
I'm not sure how the America system works, but I wish there was a way you could hang on to the surprise but check ur lab results !!

nlwz123 · August 2015

l4rk said:

We are team green and if someone revealed the gender to me even accidentally I would be totally pissed with them.. So I do get how you feel You should let the lab know so that they don't make this mistake in future.. And meanwhile go get some chocolate !! Everything gets better with chocolate !
I don't think the lab made a "mistake". Lab results contain all sorts of info and your care giver is responsible to relay the important stuff (only). Taking the initiative to check your own results means you take away the doctor's opportunity to help you, whether it's interpreting what they mean, delivering bad news, or--in this case--not mentioning gender results. The lab is required to share the info they gather. You aren't required to read and interpret it yourself. Checking your own lab results online is your voluntary choice and risk.

That is true, but it may vary by location. I work for a hospital and the results that are disseminated are very dumbed down, for the lack of a better word. They provide the normal and abnormal ranges, and it is actually strongly encouraged in our system that people enroll in it. Office notes are not included in the record that is viewable by the patient because those could easily be misinterpreted.

After my A/S and doc appt, our system didn't provide the sex of the baby in the record that was sent to me, just the results of the urine sample that was taken that day and my blood pressure. But..like I said, it might vary depending on where you go.

Karenin · August 2015

That's frustrating- I'm not team green but when you want to wait to find out it sucks when that gets ruined. I get my labs the same way and I guess I assumed for team green people that would be blocked out. I know you are of course happy to have a healthy baby but I have friends who were team green and really wanted that moment at the birth so I get how you feel.

nlwz123 · August 2015

Hrc724 said:

I'm sorry your surprise was ruined. That's a bummer. But your baby is healthy! If it were me, I'd cheer myself up by going shopping and picking something super boyish or girlish to celebrate! Or maybe get something embroidered with the name. Celebrate your healthy son/daughter and try not to dwell on what can't be undone.
This is a bit off topic from the original post, but we are planning to find out the gender of our baby next week and your suggestion to celebrate by going out to buy something gender specific for the baby after you find out is a great idea!!! I now know what my husband and I are going to do after the US. Thank you!

I agree! We did the same thing :-) and you can always use it as a reveal for your family if you planned on telling them right away.

Kelley421 · August 2015

I'm sorry your surprise was ruined!
This is info that could be found in a medical record, so it totally sucks that you read your own records.
I think it is normal for the office to document the sex. My OB asked if we knew genders yet, and then wrote them down in my chart.

Grace213 · August 2015

I'm so sorry mama! What a way to find out!

Some people just don't think while doing their jobs... The ultrasound tech during out AS was sweet enough to make sure it was NOT posted in my online acct. due to us not finding out for about a week after the appt. Sucks that that courtesy wasn't kept for you. I understand where others are saying they have to list everything they find, but that doesn't also need to go on your online test results you can look up. It can stay on the hospitals end.

tooba22 · August 2015

Unfortunately this is what can happen when you choose to go "team green" you can't expect everybody to keep your secret it's just not reasonable to assume that your dr won't put the information on paperwork. Congratulations on a healthy baby!

emzie54 · August 2015

OP it sounds like maybe you had a test done related to T18 and in the results of that test the sex was listed. Is that right? Was it a cell free DNA test because for those you do have to opt in for sex determination, so if you didn't opt in it would be strange that it was listed in your results. If it was a different test, I'm not sure how they handle sex. Either way, I'm sorry and it stinks to not have things go the way that you hoped. My hospital system encourages patients to use the patient portal. I don't think test results are generally released to the patient portal until the doctor had reviewed and released them. Anyway, as others have said, there are some perks on the other side of the sex determination line. I hope you can enjoy some of them!

darjeeling · August 2015

I totally feel your pain! We were TG last time and "the surprise" was ruined by an u/s tech. Therefore, I know that this sucks balls. Ppl just aren't used to TG, so they don't have the skills to stay mum/be subtle about reaults. Even tho you realize on the grand scale it is not important, it is still disappointing. And it's hard for most to understand how disappointing it is to find out by accident because most ppl haven't made the effort (& it is an EFFORT) to keep it a surprise! And of course TB is very selective about sympathy, so there you go. You won't care when the LO arrives - & it is true, so many other things won't go how you planned either (haha?)! And that will be disappointing too! Ha! But then you'll have your LO and that will be awesome. I like the chocolate and baby outfit shopping idea. And I'd complain to the lab too! ((hugs))

ChrissyD1203 · August 2015

That stinks! But what are you going to do to celebrate now? I loved the idea of shopping! Or you could have a little sex reveal with your family! At least now you can enjoy some of the fun aspects of not being team green (I promise there are some)! Are you having a boy or girl?

dcbissett08 · August 2015

I actually had that lab test done with my second child. All is well and we have a very active and healthy 4 yr!! When I went for lab work We already knew the sex of the baby at the time but I believe it's more common in males. That's probably why they listed the sex of your baby on the results.
It's a bummer when you really want something to go your wSy and it doesn't work out! Trust me I get frustrated easily! At this point just try to be positive that results came back heathy and maybe to a reveal party to your friends and family!

danasphillips · August 2015

I'm sorry, that sucks. Our doctors office makes a note if you are TG and then the lab just won't even put sex on the report, so it's really not that difficult. But as the others said, go out and celebrate to cheer yourself up!

ljalmeida · August 2015

Oh I am so sorry about this. I'm team green and have been so paranoid something like this will happen. I have my 20 week ultrasound on Monday so I am going to ask that they do NOT put any information about the sex of the baby in the records. Hugs to you, I would be mad too.

euromom · August 2015

jennaymg13 said:
Dont insinuate I was snooping please. I have been waiting for blood work results due to high risk ratio for T18. The app alerted me to those lab results being received. Of course I was going to look. And there right at the top of the results before the information I was looking for was the gender. I never signed off on this portion of the bloodwork so why would I expect it to be there? And of course I'm thrilled about the health. And the gender for that matter. But what is it with people and their holier than thou attitude on this page? Not allowing for a mother to feel certain ways? It's called a vent for a reason. I don't need to be told to "get over it" by others.

Are you talking about the NIPT test?? Thats the only test I know of where they can get the gender through blood work. If so, they absolutely are NOT supposed to put the gender results on your test if you haven't asked for it. For mine, when I filled out the paperwork for the test, I had to request the gender both my husband and I had to sign. Did you have something similar?? If they put it on the test results they sent you, it means they screwed up.

Btw, don't get upset if people that have no clue try to tell you it's your fault. Many people on the board are trying to be helpful and supportive and listen to vents because we all have them and we all have issues and we're supposed to be going through this massive life change together. But there will always be those who try to bring you down. I'm not sure why. I think it makes them feel important or something. But just don't listen. :-)

VENT! Dr ruined team green :(

Re: VENT! Dr ruined team green :(

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