What would you do?

BriannaCaitlin · August 2015

I have nine month old twins, and they were born at 32 weeks via emergency c-section because at 30 weeks I developed preeclampsia which caused pulmonary edema. I knew that getting pregnant again so soon would likely cause problems, and thought I was prepared. Let's be real... I'm not. Yesterday I had two appointments- the first with my high risk OB for an ultrasound and the second with my regular OB. At both appointments my blood pressure was elevated, and I have been on blood pressure meds since I was 12 weeks pregnant because it was elevated then which obviously means that my blood pressure should not be up. She was worried because of the headaches and heartburn I've been having along with the high blood pressure, so I am now doing a 24 hour urinalysis so they can see how things look and they did bloodwork to see if I have already developed preeclampsia. If I have, she is going to go ahead an admit me so that we can go ahead and do steroid injections and I will be on hospital bed rest until baby comes. The problem with that is who will watch my twins. We absolutely do not let them around smokers so that rules out my dad and bf's mom. My mom is not at all trustworthy and his dad and I do not get along as well as his house being filthy. Because my boyfriend can not take a leave from work because he will not get paid, we are really stuck and that will have to be a last resort. My sister is still in high school, but could watch them at night while my boyfriend is at work and he would pick them up in the mornings. But that could end up not lasting long if she is losing sleep and having to go to school the next day. She volunteered to do it, but I feel bad letting her do it knowing how hard it is with them at night. I'm honestly so scared to leave them if in fact I do have to, and it makes it even worse that we can't trust our families alone with our kids. What would you do?

ssn109 · August 2015

Any aunts, uncles, cousins, or good friends in the area? If your parents are so unreliable, maybe going outside that immediate circle is a better option.

laurabwalker · August 2015

Will they maybe let you do outpatient bed rest? Because you have special cirumstances it might be possible. You could get your own BP machine monitor it etc, go in for medications. Where would they admit you to the hospital? If it's on the antepartum unit could the twins come there during the day if you have a private room?

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

ssn109 said:
Any aunts, uncles, cousins, or good friends in the area? If your parents are so unreliable, maybe going outside that immediate circle is a better option.

^^ if this does not work, I would definitely talk with both your dad and bf's mom. Believe me, I understand not wanting your children to be around smokers and I completely understand the dangers of secondhand smoke. But perhaps one or both of them will agree to only smoke outside for a time? Could they stay at your home so your twins were not in an environment filled with smoke? And they can smoke outside and keep it to a bare minimum?

Obviously this is not an ideal situation, but it doesn't sound like there are too many options. I'm very sorry that you're going through this.

Mizuiro007 · August 2015

You might look into your insurance coverage or state programs. If family isn't an option, sometimes you can get assistance with childcare to at least cover part of the time. I have thought about it for us with having a 10 month old and how we'd manage if something happened and I was put on bed rest. We aren't in a position where family can help. The trouble is hubby works nights so that rules out daycares, but maybe in home care would be possible.

If the twins are on a good bedtime routine and sleeping through nights I don't think your sister should have too much trouble though.

BriannaCaitlin · August 2015

@BostonBaby1, neither of them have ever agreed to smoke outside of their homes or to not smoke until after they see our kids, so they literally never see them. Sad excuse for a grandparent, huh?

This sucks bad. @Mizuiro007, my boyfriend works nights too

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

BriannaCaitlin said:
@BostonBaby1, neither of them have ever agreed to smoke outside of their homes or to not smoke until after they see our kids, so they literally never see them. Sad excuse for a grandparent, huh?

This sucks bad. @Mizuiro007, my boyfriend works nights too

UGH!?!? Seriously?

Mizuiro007 · August 2015

@BriannaCaitlin Unfortunately I know about the sad excuse for granparents. My dad can be great on the rare occasions he's sober. It's been a little over a month since the last time he was. Before the last time he'd only seen DS when he was a few months old. I feel grateful he has a great grandpa who takes an active part in his life but he was there in mine the same way and made up a lot for my father then.

Is there any chance of your bf being able to switch shifts temporarily if he needs to? I know it's a lot easier said than done.

BriannaCaitlin · August 2015

@Mizuiro007, he is going to talk to his boss tonight before he leaves and see if there is anything he can do. Switch shifts or maybe some type of paid leave he just doesn't know about. My best friend just moved to Cali in March with her husband who is in the marines, and she is wanting to fly here to stay at my house with my girls, but that's quite a long time to be away from her husband and across the country at that. So we will see after he talks to his boss I guess.

RSB1982 · August 2015

I second seeing if your bf can change shifts. This is a tough situation. Would the hospital have a social worker you could talk to? Maybe they would have some ideas if you do if fact get admitted. You can't be the only patient that has had this problem. I would be hesitant to leave the twins with your sister. That's a lot of responsibility for a high school student. Who does she live with? Could that person not care for the twins?

Mizuiro007 · August 2015

@BriannaCaitlin Does he have any type of short term disability coverage? My hubby said he thought there's a way he could cover it under his own if he had to take off. He's been thinking of seeing if it's a way he can get some sort of paternity leave since he won't qualify for FMLA. If it would cover it wouldn't be full pay but it might be an option.

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

I don't know what to say in regards to your twins. But I just wanted to say I am going to put you on my prayer list that your 24 hour urine comes back ok and that it is not pre-e so that you can stay at home for now. Try not to stress over this too much because stressing increases blood pressure. I am sure when push comes to shove it will work out for you.

Eta: how far along are you?

BriannaCaitlin · August 2015

@RSB1982, she lives with my mom who also works at the same place and same shift as my boyfriend. I wouldn't leave them with my mom, but do trust my sister with them. I've told her again tonight that I just wouldn't feel right leaving them with her every night for so long with her still being in school.

@Mizuiro007, I just texted him to see about that and maybe ask questions to find out but I'm not sure.

@hplunkett2883, 24w2d. I was 30 weeks exactly the day we found out that I had developed it last time which made it a little easier.

RSB1982 · August 2015

I'll be thinking about you! Hopefully everything will be fine and you will not need to be admitted so early. Let us know now you are doing.

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