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September 2015 Moms
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I need a comeback for my overbearing mother-in-law!

sherbear82sherbear82 member
in September 2015 Moms
On top of being the most overbearing micromanager I've ever met, my mother-in-law has been constantly calling the baby, "OUR baby" (yes, in caps) since we told her I'm pregnant. I have mostly been rolling my eyes and shrugging it off, until I was texting with my husband and wanted to refer to the baby as "our baby" and found that I actually couldn't use the term - that she had ruined it for me. While my pregnancy is coming to an end, this possessivenes over OUR child is likely just beginning. I got a text from her today which ended with something about "OUR baby, ;-)". I would like to respond in a way that lets her know (hopefully with some form of tact) that I'm tired of her using that term. Any ideas?
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Re: I need a comeback for my overbearing mother-in-law!

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  • barryfamilybarryfamily member
    Tough one. Haha! My mother in law does that too, but my relationship with her is different and i have no problem reminding her who the childs parents are. When she does that to me depending on the text i respond back with yes, insert my husbands name, and i's baby.
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  • str13str13 member
    I really like the idea of referring to DH somehow! I couldn't help but giggle when I was reading these.
    I'm sorry that she's doing that. That has to be soooo frustrating!
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  • michcoy85michcoy85 member
    My MIL does this as well! Drives me nuts. Glad to have read this post. 
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  • piscesmommy222piscesmommy222 member
    J0C0TX said:

    I've seen some women when their MIL does the "our baby" "my baby" crap that they turn it around by saying - yes your baby was so sweet, last night he ran out and got me ice-cream for my baby... or something similar.  When baby has a name it usually improves I think.  I don't know... 

    Duct tape????

    HAHAHAHA THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^ My MIL is psycho and calls my baby hers too, makes me sick. She treats me like an incubator to HER baby.
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  • rebeccabloomwoodrebeccabloomwood member
    I also can't stand this. Mother in law does this all the time when asking about DD1. How's our princess (hate that term), how's our baby, etc. It drives me up the freaking wall. I've never said anything but it is definitely a pet peeve of mine.
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  • mariafordonmariafordon member
    Sorry to say but it's probably just the beginning. My grandma still calls me her baby and sometimes refers to my grandpa as my dad... which was super confusing at first until I realized who she was talking about. I honestly don't know how my mom has remained so chill over the years with all the crazy stuff she's said.
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  • katieserrato23katieserrato23 member
    I miss my Mother in law she was wonderful.. if you had one like her you probably woudnt mind the our baby thing. :'(
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  • bnwillia3bnwillia3 member
    Chloecross87 said:

    Tell her to back the fu*k off.
    You and I may be completely different, but since you asked for opinions, this is what I would text her:
    "the only way this is your baby too is if your son fu*ked you and got you pregnant. If that isn't the case, stop calling him/her OUR BABY. You weren't there to help make the baby and you sure as fu*k haven't been carrying the baby or are you going to be delivering the baby. So, get a hobby, adopt a cat, or find someone else to make miserable."

    That gets your point across.


    BAHAHAHAHA oh wow. Well, it is certainly direct and I don't think you would have the problem of her saying "our baby" anymore! ;) Haha!!
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  • surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
    Yuck, my own mother does this but thankfully I can correct her with out feeling weird. I like the play on words referencing that her baby is in fact your husband or just somehow sarcastically saying yes your grand child and MY baby is doing well. Thanks for asking about him or her, (husbands name) and I are so anxious to meet OUR baby and your grandchild.
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  • jbettlesjbettles member
    So glad my MIL doesn't pull crap like this!!!! My mom always asks, every time she calls, "How's my baby?" BUT she is simultaneously asking about me, DD1, and baby boy. It doesn't bother me, because she refers to the three of us as her babies (I'm the youngest) and isn't possessive or anything, it's just kinda cute. She and my MIL both dote on my daughter, but make it clear she's their granddaughter and don't try to overrule me.

    However, as a teacher, I will say to nip this in the bud ASAP! Parent teacher conferences/meetings/etc have shown, on numerous occasions, that some grandmas just decide they are a parental figure and are calling the shots!! It's sad and awkward to witness, and something I am glad I'll never have to deal with as a parent!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • Eslade14Eslade14 member
    My mother in law used to call herself mama. She would say " where's mama?" It drove me up a wall! I finally said I don't think they get it because they get confused who you are talking about. She finally changed her "name" to something else.
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  • Chloecross87Chloecross87 member
    Sometimes you have to be blunt.
    That way, there is NO confusion! Lol.
    Hope you find a way to put her in check. This is YOUR time. NOT HERS.
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  • blackwood1217blackwood1217 member
    My MIL is out of control as well and calls our daughter her baby. She is just plain infuriating. She calls my husband daily for baby updates and expects to see her the second after she is born. When I had my son 4 years ago they wouldn't leave us alone at the hospital. They were there from 7am to 9pm both days and only left the room when I was breastfeeding and would stand outside the door and tell me to hurry up and ask a million times if I was done yet. She gives me so much anxiety. Sorry you are going through this but I am glad I am not alone.
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  • jabeauty90jabeauty90 member
    My mom does this crap! Tonight I told her I'd need to come get the baby swing and her reply was "oh well I guess I'll need to get one then for when I have my baby... If I have the baby. I hope I have the baby."
    Um seriously! This is my baby and I'm not going to just hand it over to you whenever you want.
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  • eah325eah325 member
    My MIL learned boundaries after a showdown with my wedding. She was trying to insist on her personal guest list being 150 people when we were planning to only have 200 total. She wasn't financially supporting the event at all. We told her no and gave her a count (along with my FIL and Step-MIL, my parents etc).

    She threw a fit and said "I know this is your wedding but it's my day, too. I worked hard to get DH to this point." I almost went through the roof--- actually no, our wedding is NOT your day. You had your day many years ago. I told her as much and she's been incredibly respectful of us, our lives and our moments ever since. You should be direct with her- you don't need to be rude but be firm. It was the best thing I did for our relationship.
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  • Cupcakequeen1000Cupcakequeen1000 member
    edited August 2015
    Ugh, I have the same issue! I have even heard my mother inlaw slip many times talking to my DS and saying come here to mommy!! Or she will try to refer to her self as a parent of my ds is one way or another and trys to parent him. It pisses my husband off too, and to the point where we moved 45 minutes away from them. I have been blunt with my mil she could care less and has no respect for my husband and I she is just obsessed with my DS, We had to cut seeing them as
    much and thats the only thing that has helped.


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  • cjstats87cjstats87 member
    Same issue here!!! We don't go to DH parents house since the kiddos were 7mo and 2.5yo who are now 2.5 and 4.5 (long story) so all of the baby stuff doesn't get used...so she called my DH and told him "well since you won't bring MY BABIES over here anymore I guess we will bring all this baby stuff over for you to use" well thanks it would have been nice to have it when DS (baby 2) was still little!! Ugh!!! Then when they brought it over she told me "well I guess you can use all of this until you let MY BABIES come to my house!" Sorry not happening. [-X
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  • CSchoFinkCSchoFink member
    My mom and sister are the ones who use "our baby" but they only use it with me and I don't mind. My dad passed away a few years ago and this is the first thing they have been truly happy about since then, so if they want to (privately) take some ownership and pride in this joyful occasion and new addition to the family, I'm totally okay with that. However, they'd never say it in front of my DH, and they're both very aware of boundaries, so that's probably also factoring in to why I don't mind.
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  • TahoeAugustTahoeAugust member
    From a completely different angle - is it at all possible to discuss your feelings with DH and make him say something to her? ? It's his mom, it will be easier for him to tell her she's being creepy!
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  • AtlasmomAtlasmom member
    Maybe it's because I don't have a MIL but I really don't see why this would be so upsetting. I have coworkers and family that do that but it doesn't bother me. At the end of the day everyone knows that I'm the mother. End of story.
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  • JessicaS0914JessicaS0914 member
    ybotello said:

    Maybe it's because I don't have a MIL but I really don't see why this would be so upsetting. I have coworkers and family that do that but it doesn't bother me. At the end of the day everyone knows that I'm the mother. End of story.

    Agreed. My mother and MIL refer to all their grandchildren as "my babies". I don't think anyone thinks they actually belong to 60 something year old women. It doesn't bother me in the least.
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  • sherbear82sherbear82 member
    I had a talk with my husband about this last night. It's a tricky situation because this is just a symptom of a larger problem. Also, she never uses "our baby" with him, just with me, which makes me raise an eyebrow. While him having a talk with her about it (though he already has, actually) is the logical solution, I feel like every week she does something that we would like to "talk" to her about. She is so controlling and bossy in every facet of life that my take-away from this relationship is that she has no faith in me to take care of myself or this child.
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  • piscesmommy222piscesmommy222 member
    ybotello said:
    Maybe it's because I don't have a MIL but I really don't see why this would be so upsetting. I have coworkers and family that do that but it doesn't bother me. At the end of the day everyone knows that I'm the mother. End of story.
    I think it is because you don't have one. Mine is EXTREMELY overbearing and treats my like an incubator (as in I do not exist, only HER baby that I am carrying exists.) It is a horrible feeling I never anticipated her acting like that.......my DH keeps having to put her into her place because she says/does horrible things. 
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  • Knottie84998431Knottie84998431 member
    I could have written this whole post. My MIL hated me until the second we said "I Do" and then it was a complete 180 and publicly she praises me to the point where it's sickening (and clearly for show), while privately she does not respect my choices, or decisions. It all comes down to the fact that she doesn't respect that my husband and I are adults. And everything happens when my husband isn't around, so it's my word against hers at every turn. She did start in on me at an extended family dinner a few months back and I was able to politely nip it in the bud for that night. I let her show her true colors by staying calm when she told me, in front of everyone, that my mother must not love me or the baby because she treats me like an adult (I'm 29) and understands I can make my own decisions when it comes to baby related things. Since then, I have been avoiding her unless my husband is around.
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  • joellenicole93joellenicole93 member
    I personally do not hold back I'm very straight forward. It's not her baby so Id just say it.
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