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My baby would be 1

EveiiiEveiii member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Today my angel would of turned 1.
I lost my little angel at 7 weeks on a cruise ship. I did not know I was pregnant until I lost her. The doctors told her she died due to my medication I was taking. I live with this guilt everyday of my life that I killed my girl.

All my friends babies are turning one this year and they are throwing the most beautiful birthday party's and I don't get to plan one for my girl. The most I can do is have a cake with my husband to celebrate her.

And I hate this I hate it so much!!! I want everyone to celebrate her like how my friends are celebrating their child. But no one seems to understand I have a girl in heaven turning one that I love. No one gets the fact I want to talk about her and get gifts for her.

And I hate the fact I want to do this. Why do I want to do this. I feel like I'm defective or something. I just want today to go by fast but I hate the fact I want the day to go fast.

I just really want my baby
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Re: My baby would be 1

  • cyntoddcyntodd member
    I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I miss by baby everyday. I lost him 7 weeks ago. Even got a pregnancy email from Enfamil today saying congrats your 20 weeks pregnant......I wish I was. I can imagine every year in Jan when he was due my heart will hurt. You are not crazy.....you lost a child. Unfortunately most people don't see miscarriage as a real loss. Well I am here to tell you it is. My baby apparently died at 10w6d but on the ultrasound pictures there was a little face with ears, a nose, eyes. He had little arms and legs.....fingers and toes. Our babies were real and I refuse to not remember him. So I say all this to let you know I get what you are saying 100%. Please don't blame yourself. Your doctor can not know with certainty that the med is what made your baby pass. Even if it is there is no way you could have known. Happy birthday to your angel baby. (Hugs)
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  • adrimolinaadrimolina member
    I am so very sorry, I know how those dates feel, I have had 2 losses and one baby was due 6-16-2015 and it was an awful day for me and the baby I just lost was due 2-16-16...praying for you on this tough day *hugs*

    Me: 38 DH: 42.
    Married: 9/2008.
    4/2010 - BFP (Natural)
    12/2010 - DS born.
    8/2014-TTC#2 
    10/2014 BFP
    10/2014 Confirmed MC at 5 weeks
    5/2015 BFP
    8/2015 MMC & D&C at 13 weeks  :'(
    11/2015 BFP then CP at 6 weeks.
    3/2016 Started IVF+PGS
    4/2016 ER, only 5 eggs but 3 Frozen embryos made it to freeze. Only 1 PGS normal embryo.
    DOR
    Hypothyroidism
    MTHFR
    DH Sperm with Chromosomal Issues (high % FISH)
    AMH .65
    8/2016 FET #1 BFN
    9/2016 IVF-ER #2  1 normal embryo.
    11/2016 IVF-ER #3  0 Embryos
    2/2017 FET #2 BFP CP at 6 weeks.
    5/2017  BFP Natural. 3 Betas were ok. First US 5-31-2017. Hope it sticks and is healthy!!


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