Etiquette for second baby shower

hannah_j18 · August 2015

Hi everyone,

I'm currently pregnant with baby number 2, we do not know the gender yet, but will be finding out soon. I have been asked a few times now if I'm having a baby shower . Maybe I'm way off base here, but aren't second baby showers kind of tacky? At some point you just start to feel bad about all the events that people are expected to provide you (or your child) with gifts. I understand having a diaper shower, but do people actually throw full on baby showers a second time?

I appreciate all answers!
Thanks

ntyravgsp · August 2015

There have been quite a few discussions about this, if you use the search function you will find them.

Most of the time this is a "hot" topic and there is an intense division between those for and those against them.

At the end of the day, it is your decision on whether you want one. And yes, some people do actually throw full on showers for all of their children.

Krisdee123 · August 2015

Personally, I think it's tacky and don't go to them if invited.

SuperherosMom · August 2015

My husbands family insists on a shower for each baby. They say each baby should have their own party.

they love getting together for any type of celebration.

cerafina205 · August 2015

I'be only been to surprise baby showers. This is where someelse throws it. Usually we invite the mother to be out to lunch and surprise her with a very informal shower. Usually just close friends and I expensive gifts.

TifVB · August 2015

What about if it's your 2nd baby and your first baby is almost 8yrs old and you have been trying for 5 yrs....with fertility drugs and finally giving up and selling everything only to find out 4 months later that you are finally pregnant with your 2nd baby...which happens to be the same sex as the 1st baby. Would you still consider it tacky. I am honestly curious to your opinions.

I personally LOVE going and throwing baby showers. So if someone is asking to throw you one I wouldn't decline...I would be grateful.

Krisdee123 · August 2015

TifVB said:

What about if it's your 2nd baby and your first baby is almost 8yrs old and you have been trying for 5 yrs....with fertility drugs and finally giving up and selling everything only to find out 4 months later that you are finally pregnant with your 2nd baby...which happens to be the same sex as the 1st baby. Would you still consider it tacky. I am honestly curious to your opinions. I personally LOVE going and throwing baby showers. So if someone is asking to throw you one I wouldn't decline...I would be grateful.

Ya, I get where you're coming from. I suppose you have to look at it on a case by case situation. This would probably get some feels from me and not as much eye roll.

ashs88 · August 2015

I've known a few people who have done a "sprinkle" instead of a shower for the second, third, etc. It's basically just a small shower for very close friends and family. That way you don't have to have an all out big shower but you can still celebrate with those close to you.

aphilli8 · August 2015

If someone offers to throw one for you then fine. I think doing it yourself is over the top tacky, but it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Monilee1017 · August 2015

TifVB said:
What about if it's your 2nd baby and your first baby is almost 8yrs old and you have been trying for 5 yrs....with fertility drugs and finally giving up and selling everything only to find out 4 months later that you are finally pregnant with your 2nd baby...which happens to be the same sex as the 1st baby. Would you still consider it tacky. I am honestly curious to your opinions.

I personally LOVE going and throwing baby showers. So if someone is asking to throw you one I wouldn't decline...I would be grateful.

I was at a shower for someone like this yearlier this year. Our whole family thinks second showers are tacky, since we believe that baby showers are to welcome a mother into motherhood and it is not our responsibility to provide for all the children you chose to have. (Mind you many people in my family have 6 or more children, we would be showering people all the time if there was a party for every baby) But back to the shower we wanted to do something for her so one person invited her for lunch and everyone gave her a gift card and a baby outfit. There were no big gifts given, she didn't know about it and there were no shower games. So it was just a lunch where she walked away with 100's a dollars in gift cards. I'm not saying this is what should be done I'm just saying this is what my family did and it didn't get any side eyes. I love giving gifts to people but I hate gift grabby people.

nanamp · August 2015

Just curious, do the people who are anti second showers not buy gifts when their friends have their 2nd (or later) babies?

My community doesn't do showers at all, but I still get my friends a gift each tome they have a baby. Sometimes a baby gift and sometimes something just to pamper the mother, depending on needs....

SullyN · August 2015

Personally, I've never been invited or heard of anyone I know having a second shower knowingly. I've had friends whose coworkers threw them sprinkles before they left on maternity leave but thats about it. That being said it would depend on the situation. My cousin in law found out she's pregnant with their third baby. Her two are 10 and 8 they were done so they have given away all baby items. We plan on throwing her a shower once she combs through all of our stuff we don't need anymore.

Monilee1017 · August 2015

@nanamp I always buy something for people when they have a baby. For not as close friends I give the baby gift when I see them next. For close friends and family once baby is about a month old I bring lunch over their house with a small gift for mom and a gift for baby. I love giving gifts to people but I hate when people are gift grabby. I feel a gift is something someone chooses to give, not something they have to give.

wassuphoes · August 2015

nanamp said:
Just curious, do the people who are anti second showers not buy gifts when their friends have their 2nd (or later) babies?

My community doesn't do showers at all, but I still get my friends a gift each tome they have a baby. Sometimes a baby gift and sometimes something just to pamper the mother, depending on needs....

I personally always buy gifts for a new baby.

I don't need to be invited to a shower to give a gift though, and I spend less total then on the first baby. First baby gets an outfit, something off the registry, and a crocheted stuffed animal. Subsequent babies get a crocheted stuffed animal (because seriously babies don't care about onesies)

juju0592 · August 2015

It's not tacky at all! It's all in the way you see it. I see it as a celebration for baby, regardless of gender. I have two girls and that second shower was a lot more relaxed and I knew what I needed and what to ask for. I'm on my third and will be having another shower.

nanamp · August 2015

wassuphoes said:

nanamp said:
Just curious, do the people who are anti second showers not buy gifts when their friends have their 2nd (or later) babies?

My community doesn't do showers at all, but I still get my friends a gift each tome they have a baby. Sometimes a baby gift and sometimes something just to pamper the mother, depending on needs....
I personally always buy gifts for a new baby.

I don't need to be invited to a shower to give a gift though, and I spend less total then on the first baby. First baby gets an outfit, something off the registry, and a crocheted stuffed animal. Subsequent babies get a crocheted stuffed animal (because seriously babies don't care about onesies)

Do you crochet them yourself? I have a pattern for one, but I don't know how to start the project. Do you have any tips?

mekaswifestyle · August 2015

My husband's family says they are throwing me a shower whether I like it or not lol but really it is just personal preference

Ebiejay · August 2015

It's definitely personal preference.

Where I'm from we don't do showers at all, and they're generally looked upon as rude and gift grabby. But I like the idea, and now I'm in the States I'll have one if someone wants to throw me one. But I like the idea of them as a celebration of the baby, in which case a second would be ok in my personal opinion. I would always get second/third etc babies a gift, but as for a second shower, a sprinkle seems more appropriate... a celebration without gifts, or one where people just bring diapers or freezer meals etc.

wassuphoes · August 2015

nanamp said:

Just curious, do the people who are anti second showers not buy gifts when their friends have their 2nd (or later) babies? My community doesn't do showers at all, but I still get my friends a gift each tome they have a baby. Sometimes a baby gift and sometimes something just to pamper the mother, depending on needs....
I personally always buy gifts for a new baby. I don't need to be invited to a shower to give a gift though, and I spend less total then on the first baby. First baby gets an outfit, something off the registry, and a crocheted stuffed animal. Subsequent babies get a crocheted stuffed animal (because seriously babies don't care about onesies)
Do you crochet them yourself? I have a pattern for one, but I don't know how to start the project. Do you have any tips?

Nope. I don't have the patience to crochet (slowly learning how to sew though.) I buy off of Etsy.

This will sound dumb, but have you googled for tips or how to crochet? the whole DIY boom has made it a lot easier to find resources (though I understand sometimes you just need someone to show you in person for it to stick)

dolphinj24 · August 2015

I'm pregnant with my second and my sisters are persistent that they throw me a shower. I see nothing wrong with it.

violetigerlily · August 2015

If your gut is telling you that it feels kind of tacky, then it probably is for your social circle. I would weigh our opinions here with a grain of salt though (including mine), if ladies on The Bump are the only voices making you feel that way. We all come from different communities and cultures, so depending on your culture and how wide your social circle extends, it may or may not be tacky.

In my community and family, for instance, we look at showers as a way to celebrate the new community member more so than to celebrate entrance into motherhood. As such, we have showers for every baby. I brought up the etiquette issues that I learned about here to some family and friends/coworkers (this is my first, so it's a non-issue, but it came up in convo) and everyone thought it was strange that people wouldn't throw showers for every baby. On the other hand, they're also pretty laid back affairs here--you get some balloons, a cake, some snacks and games at someone's house at a church for $100 or less and you're set as a host. Most people bring diapers or clothes or some small registry item, so maybe it's less of a strain on people to do it more frequently.

mamakculb · August 2015

I'm pregnant with my 2nd also. My friends/church/family have said they wanna do a basket or sprinkle of essentials for baby 2 if it's also a boy, but a full on shower if I have a girl this time.

If people want to throw a shower for you, I think that's a good indication of whether or not it'll be well received. I do however think it's tacky to ever host a shower for yourself. Really it's just personal reference.

laurenmichaels · August 2015

I think it's tacky but if you want a shower.... Have one. It's all about you mama. ❤️

mg137 · August 2015

If someone insisted on throwing me another shower I'd take the party, but I wouldn't register and I would ask the host to please put on the invitation that in lieu of gifts, the baby and parents would love for guests to make a small donation to a charity that benefits children. If people really want to buy something cute for baby they still will, but you get to help others and you don't feel tacky or gift grabby.

babyprest · August 2015

2ND BABY SHOWERS ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT TACKY! I personally have been to many 2nd baby showers and loved that I had the opportunity to support my family member or friend with their new addition to the family. It's RIDICULOUS that anyone would say that it is tacky! There are many reasons a second shower is great, the new baby that is entering the world may be a different gender than the last one, or the kids may be far apart in age and the family needs new infant clothes/products etc. Regardless if any of those reasons are not present I still think the new baby deserves a shower and so does the Mother/family. Babies are expensive and I know that many people like me would love the chance to show their love and support to the Mother/friend or family member!

SummerFall03 · August 2015

I currently have a lot of people at work asking me "when" my shower is. I already have 2 kids, and I am trying to downsize my baby stuff. Although the sex of this baby differs from my previous two, I still do not plan to have a shower.

I do think it depends on the situation. If there is a large age gap, then sure! If my work decided to throw me one, I would just have it work friends, just because I'm not going to be rude and refuse something they want to do. I understand if people want to help, I just wouldn't throw your own. I think it has to be offered? Am I wrong on this one?

babyprest · August 2015

I completely disagree that it needs to be offered. I want to show my love and support and celebrate with my friends/family members that are bringing new additions to their family into the world and do not think that they need to be offered. If they want to plan the party- why not!? It's an entirely different, NEW baby who deserves the celebration and so does the mother!!!!

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