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September 2015 Moms
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Breastfeeding- can I just vent here!!?

missdaccortezzmissdaccortezz member
in September 2015 Moms
Ok so I am 27, pregnant with my first baby- due in 3 weeks. I just recently had a conversation with my mother about breastfeeding. She said surely I want to have bottles on hand for when I am out in public. I am very comfortable with breastfeeding in public- with a cover, that is just my preference. But according to my mother this is inappropriate and a woman who breastfeeds in public is asking to be raped. ( W T F ) I can't even describe the hurt & anger I am feeling right now to learn my own mother is a breastfeeding shamer!!! What can I do/ say? I have no idea. She's 65 years old and stuck in her ways I guess. Can someone please give me a pep talk before I go into a crying fit. Thanks!!!
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Re: Breastfeeding- can I just vent here!!?

  • yessirioyessirio member
    Omg wow sorry to hear that... I would completely ignore what she said. She's older n have different ways to see it... don't worry honey if I'm u I wouldn't even mention it anymore!
    BTW I'm planning on bf too so good luck sweetie :)
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  • MW5280MW5280 member
    Oh, ffs!

    My sassy self would reply with "well, it's a good thing it's me breastfeeding in public, and not you. You can stand guard if you're around. Or just not watch." Or possibly "not your baby, not your body, not your problem."

    You know yourself, your limits, and where you stand on this. You wanna feed that baby in the middle of the food court, you do it!
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  • pinkstarr6pinkstarr6 member
    You are a beautiful woman able to breastfeed and give your baby the nutrients it needs. You are the mother of that little child and breastfeeding in public is your right. Ask your mother to try and support your decision because you need her support.
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  • AtlasmomAtlasmom member
    WTF is right. Since when does breastfeeding have anything to do with rape? That's just sick and ignorant.
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  • jen83mnjen83mn member
    That's absolutely ridiculous on her part, and I would tell her so, then go about doing what is right for you! I'm guessing that probably won't be the last old-fashioned comment she makes, so just try to remember that things were a lot different back in the day and some people have trouble getting with the times!
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  • chelseajeanenechelseajeanene member
    Asking to be raped?! Jesus. If you feel comfortable then just do it, that's completely absurd
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  • ElecinElecin member
    OMG RAPED?  

    Please take her crazy talk with a grain of salt and do YOU, honey!
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  • cjstats87cjstats87 member
    Well I would buy the knitted boob hat for baby and nurse around her with baby wearing it! LOL!! No really just tell her you need support and no negativity...and remind her "nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" with the bf subject! My family (mainly my mom and sister who both bf'd their kids) kept trying to pressure me to quit bc "he's getting so big!" I ended up nursing until almost 11 months with baby 2 and their comments came VERY often. I only nursed baby 1 for 5 months bc she HATED it and I despised pumping! I feel like I will ignore ALL comments now that baby 3 will be here soon and probably nurse until she weans herself (or the struggle is too much if she's anything like my oldest) bc she will most likely be my last.
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  • MufflerloveMufflerlove member
    That is beyond ridiculous. You hear a lot of negativity about breastfeeding but never that you are asking to be raped.
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  • kanga915kanga915 member
    edited August 2015
    Yikes. That's such a disturbing and ignorant point of view. There's just so much wrong with her statement I don't know where to begin.
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  • junebaby20junebaby20 member
    That would merit a "gfys" even to my own mother. Who says that???
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  • v1wwov1wwo member
    People were raised that way back than and they could be firmly seat in their way of thinking. You could talk to your mom about it and make her see your point of view. Or just ignore her comments and do what is right in your mind. It's only a few months and she does not need to know or agree with your choices.
    (Also, who knows, maybe we one day will say something "ignorant" to our kids...let's not be stubborn now and say how stupid someone is for doing/saying something.)
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  • surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
    Sounds like mom is very old school and sheltered. I am flabbergasted she would even think such a thing. Her generation was very different. I have the greatest meme but this app won't let me share things on my phone!!!! It would be perfect for this! Anyway, don't let her get you all worked up. At least it's comforting to know that most of us younger people are supportive of public breast feeding. But I definitely would give her a price of my mind that she is not allowed to talk about breastfeeding to you anymore.
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  • surprisepkg31surprisepkg31 member
    https://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/41/a9/f9/41a9f97a65284769b09a411df2d6db2f.jpg
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  • babyplutbabyplut member
    Lmao I would tell my mom you can't rape the willing and that would shut her right up!
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  • mlindonmlindon member
    I just don't understand why people can't separate the two in their heads. Yes boobs are for feeding babies and yes for sex too. Feeding your child isn't sexual. It's like not being able to separate the difference between getting a gyno exam and having sex.
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  • cuphalffullcuphalffull member
    Stay strong hun, you got this, I'm sure that I would be very hurt by that as well. My mom panicked over 'not knowing if baby was getting enough ' a hungry baby will cry I told her, and she was certainly a content baby (dd1)
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  • itsasapphireitsasapphire member
    65 really isn't that old. That comment is totally out of line and you are allowed to tell her so.

    With my first, I never encountered negativity the few times I had to NIP. I actually had a lot of sweet smiles and encouraging nods. There are people out there who fully support you/us and those are the ones we need to focus on.

    I'm so sorry she said that to you.
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  • serenityuy01serenityuy01 member
    I'm so sorry that you had to endure a reaction like that and even worse from your own mother. I am also 27 and this is my first child and my mother is older as well at almost 69 years old. In general with subjects like these I don't really discuss them with my mother because of backwards ignorant comments that have little to no merit to them so I just save myself the grief but I have also always been very independent in my choices and thoughts so hers didn't mean much to me as I got older anyway. I don't know if this is typical for your mother or not but either way I understand how shocking and upsetting that reaction was for you. I actually remember reading an article about breastfeeding in public once and while the article was great! What shocked me were the response comments. The men who posted were actually very supportive but what horrified me were how many woman were shamming breastfeeding in public much in the way your mother just did. That was years ago and it still astounds me the kind of reaction other woman have towards what is and should be the most natural thing in the world. You do NOT need to feel shame for feeding your child the way nature intended in public or private and in my opinion covered or not. It is those who are uncomfortable and upset by it that have the problem not you or any other woman. I also do not know your mother so I don't know if trying to explain it to her would help or not. I only know with my own in similar situations that she has something stuck in her mind and unless I know I can get her to see reason and logic I don't waste my breath. It's sad that people are unable to see past what they were taught and be open minded to logical fact or morality. Just know your not alone and you are doing what you feel is best for you and baby. Sorry my response is so long lol
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  • bnwillia3bnwillia3 member
    EWWWWWwwwwWWWWW OMG I so empathize with your reaction!! I feel upset and it wasn't even my mom! I am so sorry. I think that you should do your very, very best to brush off her comments because they are 100% wrong. If she brings it up again - or if you want to just set it straight that you disagree - you might just say something like "Your comments are really upsetting to me. You are free to disagree with me, but this subject is not up for discussion. I will be caring for my child as I see fit and breastfeeding will be a part of that." Since she was so bold in her comments - breastfeeding as a "reason" for rape?!?!?! - you might consider saying something even if she doesn't bring it up just to be sure that she keeps her mouth closed in the future. If that is too stressful, then hold your head high - you are doing NOTHING wrong. I'm so sorry :( 
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  • booksandcleverness81booksandcleverness81 member
    If you have the kind of relationship where you can tell her that her ideas are outdated then you should (if she won't get super upset or angry), otherwise just ignore and do what you want. My mom is the same age but actually has the opposite view due to the fact that she was raised in a super conservative family in the midwest and when she had her kids and decided to breastfeed (the horror!) she was shamed by all of her family who thought it was disgusting and improper. They all bottle fed, and probably still due because they can't get out of their stupid fat heads about the boob thing. Yes, you have boobs. She has boobs, We all have boobs. They aren't dirty, feeding your child isn't sexual, and who the bleep cares if someone sees you doing it in public (God forbid). Ug, I'm glad at least the majority of people out there of this generation have moved past this mindset. Don't give your mom too hard a time, but don't back down and let the ignorance win :/ 
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  • whitfi24whitfi24 member
    My mom is a breastfeeding shamer too. She's of the opinion that "it's not necessary" and "formula is fine and babies turn out just fine on formula." She has some twisted concept that it's disgusting, gross and basically hippie bullshit nonsense. She hasn't mentioned rape to me yet, but I bet if someone mentioned it to her, she'd agree. I've stopped talking to her about it because it just makes me sad that she's so unsupportive.
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  • kaylarenae3kaylarenae3 member
    If my MIL says anything outdated, I roll my eyes, tell her she's too old fashioned and move on.
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  • JBelanger2015JBelanger2015 member
    Yeah both my inlaws seemed to be unimpressed that we are choosing to BF.... His dad cracked jokes and his mom goes "I tried for a few days and then skipped right to homo milk wasn't worth it"

    She actually fed my husband..and his brother.... Cows milk, nothing but from less than 1 month old all the way through... I can't believe he isn't severely defective due to this lol. No offence... But that seems crazy to me!

    They definitely think I'm weird for it. And it made me sort of want to punch them. :) hahah. Husband went there after we just bought our pump and BF starter kit... And told them all about it. Can just imagine what was said... Lol.

    Learn to laugh it off Hun. You are wonderful and powerful for BF!
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  • myjohnsonboysmyjohnsonboys member
    Wow raped is very extreme but it just sounds like outdated information and if she's like my mom I'm sure lots of things have changed since she was raising kids. My mom believes you should be alone hiding in a room to breastfeed. She is worried about our two year old seeing me. Just point out to her that things are different. I'm sure it was not said to hurt you.

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  • paine0925paine0925 member
    If women from 500 years ago could hear what people think of breastfeeding today... My God, how warped is our society? What happened to us all? I know the formula companies push doctors and patients to formula feed simply for the billions they profit from... But even in general society I'm shocked at the reaction from regular everyday people out and about. Do they even realize how ridiculous and ignorant they sound when they slam BF?!? They do realize formula hasn't been around long, right? What do they think humans did before it was invented?! I'm so blown away that this is even a topic is women have to deal with. All I can say is us moms who choose to BF are rock stars, it's hard but rewarding work, it is WONDERFUL for your baby, it is what is NORMAL and NATURAL.

    And another thing, i would expect dumb comments from men, because they are morons, but other women? Especially mothers? I don't even have words for that...
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  • RachelsbabyRachelsbaby member
    Oh wow! That's strange coming from your own mom. I'm taking she never breastfeed you? Or did but not out in public. You just have to block that kind of stuff out and do what you feel is best. I hope you know your NOT going to get raped if your breastfeeding in public goodness that a bit harsh word to use unless she's using it to scare you into not doing it in public. She'll get over it. I plan on EBF so when duties calls no matter where I am I will nurse. I will not be concerned or worried about what other people have to say or think, it's there issue not mine. My mom is extremely supportive that would really upset me if she was not.
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  • RachelsbabyRachelsbaby member
    @babyplut Lmao... Omg I've said that before that is so funny.. Ahahaha (sorry I have a sick sense of humor)
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  • capricelilicapricelili member
    My husband hasn't come out and straight out said this to me,but I have a feeling based on previous comments he's made that he is going to be uncomfortable with me breastfeeding in public also. I myself don't know how comfortable I will be with it initially as I've rarely ever been exposed to it. In fact the first time I've seen it done semi-public has been in my prenatal yoga classes in the last couple of months. Our teacher has a two month old as well as one of the other yogis and both ladies make it seem so natural breastfeeding their babies as they need it even if it's in the middle of class. It is not some pervy thing or something to shame or be weird about, I think our country's issue is just the lack of exposure to it. It might just be your mom's problem that she hasnt' had the chance to be exposed to people feeding in public, perhaps she will have a change of heart with you as an example. 

    Like I said, I don't know how comfortable I'll be with it initially, but I'm willing to give it a try and being brave enough to do what I need to do for my child and hopefully help in making people more comfortable with something that is completely natural. Plus I just imagine the alternative and it sounds horrible, imagining having to hide around in closets or locked rooms every time I need to find a spot to feed my child if I want to feed without a bottle? No thank you! 
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  • mariafordonmariafordon member
    SO just asked what was wrong because I almost spit out my banana bread. Asking to be raped?!?! I don't care how old she is that's a terrible thing to say(about breast feeding or anything else for that matter) I would be really upset too. Hopefully there are other people in your life that are supportive of breast feeding?
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  • TabulaRasa25TabulaRasa25 member
    My mom's 65, she breastfed (and took grief for it, because where she was at the time, the trend was temporarily AWAY from breastfeeding).  She's told me she envies that I'm having a baby in a world that is actually more receptive to being open and talkative and public about breastfeeding than the one she was living in when she had infants. She remembers being gawked at, even while very modestly covered) to the point where she was no longer comfortable breastfeeding in public.  

    You're just going to have to deal with your mom like you would any other unsupportive person.  Which sucks.  I'm sorry she's not being supportive. 
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  • J0C0TXJ0C0TX member

    Ummm she's wrong on some many levels.  My mum was 60 when dd1 was born.  She was of the bottle feeding generation and she was delighted when I tried and persevered with breastfeeding. 

    For me, breastfeeding while out and about involved a private mother's area at the mall.  I felt more comfortable that way.  I did pop it out at the arboretum as well, but I liked to be able to truly relax and if that meant walking a few extra feet to get somewhere I felt more comfortable that was it.

    Just tell your mom this is something you want to do and if she has nothing productive/supportive to say, then please say nothing as it's only going to be an issue between the two of you.

    HUGS xxx

     

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