RP: Taking the Plunge and a little bit nervous

LakeR2014 · August 2015

Hi ladies! I'm been posting on the Knot (and posted there first) but think that we're now in the TTC part I should start heading over to the Bump. I've taken my last pill and from now on am joining those TTC!!! I'm excited, nervous, and scared as all heck. I look forward to having a little one and watching them grow but am nervous about how it'll change our life (Mine and H's) as for the most part we've been pretty selfish and enjoying our kid-free freedom. Scared that I'll be a horrible mom, that something will go wrong, or the worst thing, regret it. Please tell me this is normal.

Anyone else ever have these feelings?

Lobster071208 · August 2015

I'm in the same boat - just started TTC and am nervous, excited and terrified at the same time!

vampbride99 · August 2015

I think that's totally normal. I have had those same feelings as well. I have had the fears of what if I'm not a good mom or what if I'll regret it?. BUT, then I think about all of the wonderful things that having a baby will bring to our lives, and it outweighs any fears I have. I can't wait until the day I get a BFP

lovearoo · August 2015

I have the same worries. On one hand I enjoy our freedom and not having children running around, being noisy and messy

On the other hand there's a big part of me that wants to be pregnant again and have children... It's also scary. Very conflicting!

HookEmNelson · August 2015

Welcome to TB! Mark this under big decisions to be made in your life. Once you find your parenting groove there is time to have that freedom. Also, once you have a babe you will wonder how you lived your life without a child. My husband and I think about this a lot.

MrsRo731 · August 2015

Hi and welcome! What you're feeling is completely normal. You will definitely have ups and downs but you will love your little one so much that it won't matter. When he or she does arrive, just make sure to keep some time for you and your SO, even if it's a walk together to get ice cream while someone is home with the baby. These little 'breaks' here and there will help you regain your sanity and also be very important for your relationship. Also, I still have feelings like I'm failing as a mom occasionally. I'm guessing others do, too. I try not to feed into them because I know I'm doing my best and that is what is important! We are always our own worst critics. GL to you!

EDIT: grammar is hard

mommytimesfour · August 2015

Hi and welcome! It's completely normal to feel nervous and worried about how life will be after baby. It's a huge change and I don't think anyone is every 100% ready for it, but like PP mentioned, once your baby is here you'll wonder how you ever lived without him/her. You find a new normal and once things balance out you'll find time to still enjoy freedom after LO is born. This is a huge step, enjoy it and try not to worry too much!

J&B0602 · August 2015

Hello & Welcome! Completely normal feeling. My DH and I got married in November and decided we wanted to wait awhile before TTC. We wanted kids really bad, but wanted to get some traveling out of our system before we settled down with kids. This kind of change is the good kind anyways though $:\$ "> Just went off BC last week and started on prenatal vitamins, starting next week with TTC

LakeR2014 · August 2015

@J&B0602 It looks like you and I will be TTCing at the same time then!

Getting excited?

Thanks for all the advice and support everyone. I'm definitely on the excited side and look forward to the changes no matter how scary they may be.

lovearoo · August 2015

J&B0602 said:
Hello & Welcome! Completely normal feeling. My DH and I got married in November and decided we wanted to wait awhile before TTC. We wanted kids really bad, but wanted to get some traveling out of our system before we settled down with kids. This kind of change is the good kind anyways though $:\$ "> Just went off BC last week and started on prenatal vitamins, starting next week with TTC

Hey another one starting in September!! Me too!

hgsurvivor · August 2015

Joining the same boat too! Last week was my last pill. So September is officially the month we join the TTC group. I have all the fears and nervousness too. I assume, from reading a lot of posts, it's pretty normal. My husband and I are totally freaked out and at the same time he sounds like he doesn't want to know much during the process, just a "yes" or "no, not yet". So it's hard because he obviously can't relate to what us women go through physically and emotionally too.

LakeR2014 · August 2015

@BVBabyHopeful It's too funny you say that - I'm pretty sure my husbands the same way. He's all about the baby making process but doesn't want to know anything else until I have a positive, lol. All the womanly specifics behind it are too TMI for him. But that's ok, as it'll make it more surprising to him whenever we do get a BFP as I'd like to tell him in a cutesy/fun way.

J&B0602 · August 2015

@LakeR2014 yes we are getting excited! It definitely is a little nerve racking though, especially because you don't know how long it's going to take. My cycle is very regular, but with going off BC I assume that will most likely no longer be the case. I've started temping, and I'm hoping that's not a lost cause- I either wake up sweating or freezing, never seems to be a normal temperature for me! My DH is on board with temping and very supportive. Good luck ladies!

LakeR2014 · August 2015

@j&B0602 Thanks to you too! Good luck. I haven't started temping yet - so far just going with FF and I've been tracking with that for few months now, based on my visual evidence, it'd say it's on track for my ovulation so we're trying it with that first. If it's not working after a couple months we'll try temping.

hgsurvivor · September 2015

Now that you ladies are off BC how is it going? I felt my emotions were on a roller coaster. Definitely realized that BC was keeping things more steady. This is my first AF without BC and it felt emotionally intense. Things still feel a bit unbalance. Up and down now a week after AF, with BC I would've been back to "normal" by now. So I guess my body just has to adjust.

LakeR2014 · September 2015

@BVBabyHopeful...I'm just starting my first no BC month (finished AF on my last BC month last week), so, so far, so good. That being said I never really had any cramps or pains from during my AF when I was on BC and since I've been on it for so long, don't remember any symptoms from before. My only big symptom is a massive headache a day before I get AF...so I'm really hoping that calms down and doesn't get worse. Next week is my O week - so we'll see how it goes!

Were yon on BC a while? Before BC were you affected when AF hit?

lilylover27 · September 2015

@BVBabyHopeful I feel the same way! I just recently went of BC to TTC, and this first AF I have been extremely emotional, even my H has noticed it! I was on BC for about 10 years so I guess it is to be expected! I also can't believe how many people are TTC in September! Guess it is a popular month to start the BD!

hgsurvivor · September 2015

@LakeR2014 and @dcunningham27

First, sorry for the late reply. I just now realized I could check notifications, oops.

I was on BCP for over 10 years, so I have absolutely no clue what a regular cycle or AF is like for me. The very first after tossing BCP was just fine, similar to BCP "withdrawal periods" AF, but more emotional. It was AFTER AF that everything got crazy. First week after AF nothing different. Then suddenly I was crying in pain with cramps, and it has only been 2 weeks or so after AF so I knew it couldn't be AF. I talked to my sister who is an NP studying to become a midwife, and her answer was so obvious "you're ovulating, of course, though think about it: your body hasn't ovulated in over 10 years, if YOU feel weird and in pain, imagine how your ovaries feel?!" I laughed so much and it also opened my mind in realizing that she's right, my body has no idea what to do on its own in terms of hormones and ovulation and AF because for so many years it was regulated by BCP. So, I'm letting my body tell me what it's doing. That being said, emotionally I'm a train wreck. I thought my PMS emotional craziness was bad with BCP, but as DH says, that was only ONE day out of the whole cycle. This emotional train wreck has lasted 2 weeks or so. I go from seething with anger and snapping at everyone, to crying almost to the point of a nervous breakdown, and then the next day I'm on top of the world, smiling singing, absolutely loving life. That was definitely not me on BCP. I really hope my body regulates the hormones fast and learns how to be balanced, otherwise I'm heading straight to as many doctors as is needed to make the rollercoaster stop.

It should be noted that work has become an extremely stressful part of my life and will probably be quitting in the next couple of weeks, so it's not all hormones. But I feel that on BCP, I could have stress and it would be intense and everything, you know the way life goes, but I could balance it. Good days, bad days, the silver lining, cherish the little moments, etc.

Now off BCP, those stressful moments, that gentle ebb and flow of good days, bad days, is not gentle. It's like my mind is not capable of taking a deep breath and keeping things into perspective.

I'm about to be 30, and honestly I feel like I'm 15 again.

How is it going for you ladies?

gabpepsi · September 2015

@BVBabyHopeful I can relate to your feelings going off of BCP.. I'm on them now but went off for a month two years ago and was such an emotional roller coaster that I went back on (was nowhere near TTC at that time). Part of my decision to stay on BCP through the holidays was my mom reminding me how tumultuous my emotions were and asking if being that way while traveling and participating was a good idea.. I was so grateful for her feedback honestly because I realized I would rather go through that in the privacy of my own home. I also have a high stress work life sometimes and can only empathize with what you're juggling right now.

Best of luck! I'd love to know how you're doing in a few months:) and hoping it gets better for you!

lilylover27 · September 2015

@BVBabyHopeful

I can relate to those feelings as well! The first AF after going off BCP was ridiculous! I would be laughing one second and then a commercial would come on and I would be sobbing! I at first noticed that I felt better after AF and being off the BCP. I actually seemed to kind of balance out and was relatively happy and had much more energy then before! Also another plus was it seemed I was more up for the BD of BCP then when I was on them! Now though I think I may be experiencing what I read on some other boards as BCP withdrawal. Mostly physical attributes but some emotional! I've notice the past couple of days I have had some lightheadedness/headaches and some nausea at random points in my day and feeling more sluggish. I read this is perfectly normal after going off BCP from being on it so long but I hope it will be over soon! Of course since we are also TTC I attribute everything to maybe actually being pregnant but that is just my overthinking mind coming into play!

Glad I am not the only one that has felt the emotional roller coaster! Besides the cramping from ovulation have you had any other phsycial symptoms from coming off the BCP?

**PS changed my username as you can see but I am still the same person! Just didn't like using my name as my username

hgsurvivor · September 2015

@gabpepsi & @lilylover27

I got woken up last night at 4 am with a lovely visit from AF. I know it was only the first cycle TTC but still disappointing. AND it was horrible. Not to get too graphic but I felt like Chloe Moretz in Carrie (the 2013 movie, not the original) haha. And the cramps were HORRIBLE. On BCP, I usually had one day of emotional PMS, at most two, and then one day of bad cramps. after three days, everything was done and back to normal, la la la. Well, this entire cycle has been a different story. I already mentioned all the emotional rollercoaster from hell. But the cramps. I can't decide if the cramps from O were worse or the same as AF cramps. The chocolate and caffeine cravings were also worse than with BCP. This first cycle I was definitely not balanced, haha.

I have actually had lots of physical symptoms too, and I also kept wondering if they were from a possible, tiny, minute chance that at the first try it had actually happened. I had nausea about 3 days each week or so. Some days, nothing. Then suddenly I would be nauseous throughout the day. I also did feel lightheaded a few times, but that's not a reliable symptom for me because I have epilepsy (a whole different story that I won't get into right now) so lightheadedness, headaches and dizziness are common for me as "pre-seizure" symptoms. I did get very random burst of absolute fatigue the week before AF. I mean DH and I were having dinner, finishing up, and I was not tired, I mean yes it had been a long day, but still just happy to be home and relax and watch some TV. Before we even finished dinner, suddenly my body couldn't even hold itself upright. I usually take about 1.5 hours in bed to decompress and actually fall asleep. Well that night it came so quickly, without finishing dinner, without really changing, I got in bed, put my head on the pillow and was out in less than 5 minutes. The next day DH said he had initially worried - again because of the epilepsy - but clearly I didn't have a seizure since he was with me, so he said he kept an eye on me all night, but I was just sleeping. That's very unusual for me.

I also have done some reading and researching about what to expect when stopping BCP, but I didn't expect it to last the entire cycle and be this intense. I kept reading that because each pill gets processed and flushed out after a couple of days that the symptoms should only last a week at most. Yeah well, big fat lie there, lol.

Now it's cycle number 2. So lets see what new surprises my body has in store for me, haha. As I said before, I don't think my body even knows what's happening, so I have no clue. I'm not temping yet. I know it's the best way to track, but I promised DH that the first few cycles, we would BD in between AF and track CM (because it's unavoidable for me, especially EWCM) and then see what happens. Plus, if I get such obvious cramps mid-cycle as a symptom of O, then I guess that's a good indication to up the BDing. So I'm happy to make that compromise.

At the same time, I am happy to let my body teach me what it wants to do on its own without BCP, and allow it to figure it out.

@gabpepsi so are you still on BCP? and I agree that it's best to be in your own home and not having outside stressors aggravating the symptoms.

@lilylover27 did you stop BCP in agaust/september also or earlier than that? (I hope asking that isn't against the rules, I know some questions are against the rules here.)

Blonde1817 · September 2015

Welcome! Congrats on starting TTC! We won't TTC until December or January, but I just took my last pill earlier this week to give my body time to adjust. Yay! So far nothing different, just AF as usual... we'll see how the next few weeks goes after reading all of these warnings!

I totally relate to your concerns! DH and I love our piece and quiet, and independence, so it's going to be interesting to add kids into the mix. We recently got a puppy and it was a big adjustment, having to keep an eye on something all of the time and sacrifice relaxation and sleep! But it was well worth it, and I know having a baby will be too.

gabpepsi · September 2015

BVBabyHopeful said:

@gabpepsi so are you still on BCP? and I agree that it's best to be in your own home and not having outside stressors aggravating the symptoms.

@lilylover27 did you stop BCP in agaust/september also or earlier than that? (I hope asking that isn't against the rules, I know some questions are against the rules here.)

@BVBabyHopeful ...

First, thank you for sharing your experiences. This has been an intense journey for you! I'm sending you good vibes today since I'm sure you're exhausted from all the physical symptoms from going off of BCP.

To answer your question, I am still on BCP and have been since I first started high school (so over 10 years at this point). My OB asked about my experience before BCP and I told her that I didn't have many memories of pre BCP cycles other than the intense pain of cramping the first few months after I started getting AF. I'm so nervous to go off of BCP as I have a "high and low" personality when it comes to my emotions and hormones as it is and BCP has helped me to have regular periods and maintain a more regular emotional state. My DH and close friends have joked about how nervous they will be about my personality changing the first few months without BCP! Eek.

I will stop BCP in January after my travels are done and my participation in a close friend's wedding is done. I'm worried about being too physically weak or too emotionally high and low during an already emotional experience.

Wishing you all the best! Keep me posted this cycle -- hoping it's much better this time around!

lilylover27 · September 2015

@BVBabyHopeful

I don't mind answering!

I know there are a lot of rules on the board but sometimes it is nice to know and compare! I stopped BCP at the very end of August. We started BDing as soon as I took the last pill since I was already on prenatals prior to stopping the BCP. I've heard mixed reviews if you should wait or not, but we decided it was best for us to go right away. Got my first AF about a week after going off BCP and it was definitely worse being off the BCP. I initially went on BCP when I was younger for my AF symptoms so I kind of figured it would be bad. Now just waiting for my next AF to see if I can start going to a regular cycle again. I was also on the BCP that you only get AF 4 times a year as well, so I am not sure if that will make the process longer or not.

It is an adventure but an exciting one! I am glad to have these boards to go to, as we are not telling anyone we are TTC because we want to avoid the pressure and constant questions of how it is going! Nice to have a semi-anonymous place to talk about it!

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