Advice for Labor

littlehawk2015 · August 2015

Hi ladies! My due date is October 6th and as it gets closer my husband and I have been discussing who we want in the room with us while I'm giving labor... Instead of asking me if I would want anyone else in the room besides him, he basically demanded that "no one else be in the room." However, this is my first time giving birth and I really would like my mom to be in the room with me because I know she will be calming to me when my husband can't. My mom and I have a very close relationship and tell each other everything, and my husband has felt very threatened by that at times. I feel like this is the reason why he doesn't want her in the room because he wants the experience to be shared between just him and I (which is completely understandable) however I feel like I'm the one giving birth here and should have a say in who I want there to help support and be there for me. Does this make me insensitive that I want someone else in the room with us? Should I just abide by what he says? Or should I try and explain how I feel? I just don't want him to be upset and feel like he isn't good enough to take care of me. I just know that sometimes my hubby can be impatient and a little insensitive and on that day I really don't want to feel like I'm alone because he can't relate to how I'm feeling...

silly514 · August 2015

I think you should listen to your gut and maybe try to get him to understand that some flexibility is needed here. Neither one of you know what you'll feel like once you are in the thick of it. It was a bit of an out of body experience I can't describe once I was in the serious contractions... Personally my husband would rather someone else be there so he's not my sole support but I didn't want anyone else to see me like that except him. He did fine the first time and that's what we are planning on this time but it could be totally different and I'll want my mom this time.... Who knows?!

NicoleAndDerrick · August 2015

It's just your mom. It's not like you are inviting an entourage. My mom is a mandatory in my delivery room. I feel exactly the same as you, this is my first baby so I need someone there to be my calming person. Don't get my wrong my man is amazing but I need my mama!! I would just tell him politely that you understand and respect his desire to have it be the two of you but you need your mom, plain and simple. It's ok if he doesn't understand at first. He doesn't need to. But when you're in the heat of the moment and she is there to help, I guarantee he will be grateful. I would also let him know your mom isn't there for any other reason than comfort. She's not more important than him or won't be doing anything he should or would like to be doing. She's there for extra support. I'm sure it will work out

littlehawk2015 · August 2015

Thank you so much for the advice, you are right, I just want her there for extra support! Have no idea what to expect so the thought of doing this without my mom is frightening for me! Lol

kaseyhunter85 · August 2015

FTM also and my mom being there is non-negotiable. I love my husband dearly but he is not good in times of crisis haha...he is a huge worrier and tends to freak out. Not exactly a calming presence you could say. I am guessing once you're in that situation he may come to see why you need her there and get over it real quick. He may not be sensitive but seeing you like that may soften him up and he may very well need her support too.

MandahGirly · August 2015

I am just having my husband with me but I feel like it's ultimately the moms say as to who she wants and does not want in the delivery room with her. I get the whole "but it's his baby too" but he is not the one going through all the pain of childbirth. I think if you talk to him, validate his feelings but say "this is what I want and is like you to support me" then I think you should be fine. You could also try compromising if he is still stuck to his guns. Maybe have it just be the 2 of you in the early stages of labor and then as things progress have your mom join. Or the other way around.

ElleMF728 · August 2015

I can see both sides, it was really important for me to share this moment with just my husband however, as the person giving birth I definitely think you should have the final say. A compromise might be that your mom can be in the room while you labor but that she leaves when its time to push and actually give birth so that you and your husband will share that special moment when LO comes into the world.

brandypinky22 · August 2015

I would tell him you want to keep the option open to have your mom come in if you feel like you need extra support. I would think any husband is going to support your decision when the moment comes because seeing you in pain and needing help will probably be quite overwhelming for him as well.

nbpa3027 · August 2015

Maybe you could tell him that labor is long, and he might need a break and you would really like for someone else to be there because you don't want to be alone. If your mom is able to help out turning labor, he won't be too over tired that first day with a newborn.

I can completely understand him wanting to be the only one there for when the baby is born. It is a special moment for the two of you and a chance for you to bond as a family of three. I can't really blame him for not wanting to share that moment with your mom too. Maybe a compromise would be that your mom is there for labor, but once it is time for pushing and your little one to be born, it is just you and him. Maybe when it is all actually happening he will change his mind.

Sballerina · August 2015

Mt advice is to sit down again. Ask him to explain why he prefers just the two of you. Then explain why you would like your mom there. As PPs said, explain it is because you would like her to help comfort you. This will be a painful, challenging experience. Especially for your first time, you want all the support you can get. Tell him he is very important to you and you appreciate his support in advance. (Affirming men helps them feel respected and valued, and then they tend to respond in a loving and understanding way!) If that doesn't help him understand, then you may need to get into things like a comfortable, supported mom tends to have a smoother delivery, which can easily mean a healthier baby. Or maybe show him a birth video to see just how much pain you will be in.

I personally am not that close to either my mom or my husband's mom, so it will be just us as far as delivery for sure. Earlier labor I may have a friend or two. I think if we were closer to one or both moms it would be helpful for one or both to be there to help calm me amd honestly help calm hubby! I think it can be overwhelming for many first time dads. You could always compromise to have your mom there for earlier labor then just have you and hubby for pushing/delivery.

erinboehme · August 2015

I have never had anyone other than my husband in the room with me, but I'll admit it's nice to have someone who understands what you're going through and can anticipate your needs. For me that's always just had to be a nurse and they aren't all good at that.

Want a personalized experience?

Advice for Labor

Re: Advice for Labor

Choose Another Board

Search Boards