Rejection

Abbilean · August 2015

Am I alone here? I feel like my boyfriend isn't attracted to me anymore. I'm due September 16th, so I'm pretty far along. It's the first child for both of us, and we're pretty excited. But I can't help feel like since I got bigger, we've lost our spark. We used to go on cute dates, cuddle at night and watch a show or movie, he'd surprise me with cute gifts, and made me feel special. The last two months that's totally all gone out the window. Our anniversary was August 18th. He hung out in the garage all evening, while I worked away in the house. Even cooked and ate dinner alone. Rejection truly sucks. I don't know how to fix it, and I'm starting to get extremely depressed.

jbettles · August 2015

I don't know how your relationship dynamic works, but sometimes all it needs is a little communication. My husband and I will have our 10 year anniversary in November, and this spring we both kind of felt like we were in a "rut". We talked - a lot - and it was eye opening. We were both doing things we thought the other preferred, to find out the opposite. For a small example, I get home at 4:30, him at 6. I have always literally counted down the minutes til he got home, because I was so excited to see him, but never really told him or showed that bc I was afraid it was "too clingy" - he told me he wished I were more excited when he came home. I was like, I've spent 9 years trying to seem nonchalant and "cool" when he wanted me to just show how I felt! (I know, hokey and kind of lame example, but one of the small things).

Your bf may just be completely oblivious you are feeling this way, or scared baby will be here soon and nervous things will change, so he's controlling the change now. Talk to him - in a nice, non-threatening way - about if he has noticed any change or if there's a way to reignite that spark. He may just need an outlet to talk it out

aleecats · August 2015

I was in that spot a few months ago, it felt like the only time we talked was when we were fighting. I finally had enough and wanted to do something special so I made a little "nest" if you will, I grabbed a crap ton of pillows and blankets and set them on our bed, dragged him to it so we could just cuddle and talk, at first it was hard just because we'd gotten so accustom to our "rut" but eventually we started talking and telling stories and laughing like we used to! Since then we've started taking time once or twice a week to just talk, you could try something like that! PP is right a lot of times its just a lack of communication, once you get that ball rolling again hopefully everything will level out!! Good luck and I'm sorry your feeling this way!

theglitteredpterodactyl · August 2015

I second what both pps said, communication is always key in this kind of situation. My partner and I were in a bit of a stressed out rut a few weeks ago and we took a mini half day trip away and it really helped us reconnect. When we got home we ended up talking for hours and it was just so nice to remember that we like each other.

Also, both of you are going through a huge change right now--you're carrying the burden physically, sure, but he's got a lot on his plate as well and it's been helpful for me to remember that. Being pregnant has really shifted the roles we play in our relationship. We've always joked that I'm the "fearless leader" and now I just feel uselessly pregnant and he's carrying the burden of being the only one working, preparing us for a move at 38 weeks, and having to take point for a lot of things that I used to handle. I try to acknowledge that and I think it really helps--it makes things so much smoother when he knows I'm aware of the stress he's under, and it helps him stay more attuned to how anxious I feel not being able to play my usual role.

Best of luck!

missliz53 · August 2015

Have you taken the initiative to plan date nights or do you rely on him to? I'm not trying to sound critical, but it can be so easy to fall into a rut when you rely on spontaneity because you both tend to expect your partner to initiate quality time so neither one does. Rather than just saying we need to spend more time together say I miss our romantic evenings/ dates. This Tues (or whatever day you want) I'd love it if we could cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. Anyways you get the idea. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive, sometimes the simplest dates are the best.

If you get into the habit of doing regular date nights, it will be easier to keep it up when baby gets here. Just plan things that you can do with baby in tow

jabeauty90 · August 2015

I've noticed my SO wasn't buying flowers every couple weeks like he used to. I mentioned it to him because I love having floral vases on our dining room table. He actually thought I'd want him to save that little extra money for baby things. It was sweet he was thinking about baby's needs but sometimes mommy likes little pick-me ups.

the next morning after work he brought home a beautiful bouquet of lilies, my favorite.
Sometimes a little communication is all it takes.
Good luck!

beansideirae · August 2015

my hubby admitted to me that he doesn't find my big belly attractive. that hurt, of course; but I understand that it's weird for him and of course he'd rather I look like my usual self. I would too! but this is only temporary, and it's almost over. meantime it's important for us to stay connected. I like PP's suggestions about asking him to watch a movie, go on a date, etc. we've been having a lot of TV marathon nights because I don't feel up to going out.

majormayhem210 · August 2015

I've been feeling that way too recently, but I talked to my husband about it and he's made an extra effort since I told him how I felt. So, I agree just talk to him about it and see how it goes.

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