UPDATE - Sad news... (Not really baby related)

mrstzouganos · August 2015

My grandma was diagnosed with ovarian cancer the day after my wedding (1-19-14), she has undergone chemotherapy, radiation and had surgery this past June to remove what was left of the cancer however the cancer was so intertwined in her intestines that they weren't able to get it all. She was released from the hospital about 2 weeks ago on Hospice and given about 4-6 months to live. Two days ago we were notified by my dad that she has given up and doesn't want to fight anymore (which we accept because they can't do anything for her). She hasn't eaten in 5 days, even though we have tried everything!! I went to see her yesterday and I ended up spending the whole day with her and my grandpa, my dad and aunts and uncles and cousins were all there! When she saw me she said "I thought you would have had the baby, so I can meet him before I go" then she said "maybe your water can break so I can go" I cried like a baby for what seemed like forever! I told her only 12 more days then he will be here and you will be able to meet him once we get home from the hospital! I plan on bringing him to meet her as soon as the next day after we get home from the hospital! My biggest fear is that she will pass away before he is born or on his birthday or while I'm in the hospital recovering from a c section! I have no issues bringing him to the services no matter how young he is, it's just something I won't be able to live with if I can't attend! My husband says that we just won't go if I'm still recovering and the baby is too young, it hurts just to hear him say this!! I grew up living only 4 blocks away from her my whole life and we are really close!! I know that I sound selfish that I don't want her to go based on my schedule but I can't stop worrying that she won't be able to meet him or that his birth will be out shadowed by her passing! I just feel so lost and upset that I can't even imagine my family not being able to be excited about my LO because he will remind them of her passing!

chelseajeanene · August 2015

I'm so sorry for your situation. My grandfather passed last Sept 12th from cancer and I feel so guilty that it took me so long to get pregnant, I wanted to give him his first great grandchild more then anything. I have 2 due dates for 9/3 and 9/18 and the first anniversary of his passing is right there in the center: I will be devastated if he's born that day. I don't want his birthday to have a second of sadness attached to it, so I completely understand how you're feeling. But do not think your family won't be excited if he comes after she passes. With death comes new life and it's a very powerful feeling to witness. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are but it helps me to think that my grandfather got to meet my son before I do. I imagine him handing the baby to me that day and it does make me feel good. I hope she makes it for you and you get to see her meet your baby, but if she doesn't just know she's no longer in pain and she tried her best to stay

prayers sent your way

thefuturemrsdaniel · August 2015

I'm so sorry to hear that. I really hope she will make it to meet your LO. I do have some insight on family seeing your LO as a happy time and not sad. I found out I was pregnant with both my boys at the same time my uncle and aunt died. I was nervous to tell them but it ended up being a great thing. It was something happy to focus on. I know this 2nd time around with my aunt passing that she would be so excited for the baby. I was sad she wouldn't know the baby but knowing how happy she would be made me feel better. It's just something joyous to help bring everyone out of a dark time

mrstzouganos · August 2015

@chelseajeanene you made me cry! I don't want her to suffer or be in pain anymore! My nephew was born 10 days after my grandpa passed away in 2011 (he was 4 weeks early) and we looked at it like he sent him to take the sadness away! My nephew is just like my grandpa in every single way!! However that's my moms family and they think positive! My dads family is just so different. I know that if she goes before I will feel as if he was sent to me by her! I just don't want to not be able to attend services for her because I'm in the hospital... Selfish I know but I can't help it!! And I can't push my c section back due to health risks so my day is set in stone now.... I just hope that my dad will make sure that if it does happen that close to the birth of my baby that they will hold off on the services so I can attend.

mrstzouganos · August 2015

@thefuturemrsdaniel thank you for your insight! I really appreciate it!

LaurenNewph · August 2015

You are so not being selfish, so put that thought out of your head! People have a way of hanging on for important reasons. When my grandmother was in the hospital dying my parents and aunts didn't want me and my sister to see her (I was ten and my sister was five) all hooked up, etc. She held on until my dad brought us to see her and she passed away later that night or the next day... It's been 23 years so I'm hazy on the timeline but it was very very soon after she saw her grandbabies! Prayers for you and your whole family! Stay strong!

LaurenNewph · August 2015

Oh and @chelseajeanene your post made me cry too. My grandfather died about 4 years ago, and I often feel sad I wasn't able to give him the great grandbaby he always wanted! But I like what you said about him getting to meet my little guy before I did!

thatnursingchick · August 2015

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother

My MIL passed away seven years ago on Sept 11 when I was pregnant with DD1. We were able to tell her it was a girl and her name before she passed. Now my due date is Sept 7 and I asked DH if it would make that day easier or harder if he was born on that day. he thinks easier as it would bring a lot more light and happiness.

CEW225 · August 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's hard enough as it is, but especially with baby involved.

We weren't sure my grandpa was going to make it through the summer and, while I would be upset anyway, I was so anxious about it because of LO. We kept talking to him about her, showing him pictures, and he kept saying how he hoped he was around to see her. He's still with us and is doing better now thankfully.

I know it might be hard, but maybe try talking about your LO and see if it can keep her spirits up. It's amazing what motivations can do. My aunt had colon cancer years ago and was on her death bed at the same time of her mom's birthday and my birthday (one day apart). My dad said every time the mentioned about her birthday or my birthday, you could tell she was trying to hang on so she didn't pass on those two days. She passed at around 1230am the day after my birthday.

chelseajeanene · August 2015

mrstzouganos said:
@chelseajeanene you made me cry! I don't want her to suffer or be in pain anymore! My nephew was born 10 days after my grandpa passed away in 2011 (he was 4 weeks early) and we looked at it like he sent him to take the sadness away! My nephew is just like my grandpa in every single way!! However that's my moms family and they think positive! My dads family is just so different. I know that if she goes before I will feel as if he was sent to me by her! I just don't want to not be able to attend services for her because I'm in the hospital... Selfish I know but I can't help it!! And I can't push my c section back due to health risks so my day is set in stone now.... I just hope that my dad will make sure that if it does happen that close to the birth of my baby that they will hold off on the services so I can attend.

I'm sorry I made you cry! But that is totally the way to look at it. 5 days before I found I was pregnant, my mother took me to see a medium (which I had never done before) and without telling this woman anything her first words to me were "there's an older gentlemen/father figure presence who has stepped forward. He's presenting himself to me holding a baby." I LOST it. I even made the woman cry. There's no doubt in my mind that he gave my son to me to help our family heal. But you are in no part being selfish for wanting to be at the services if that's what we're to happen, I'm sure your family will try their best if it came down to that

chelseajeanene · August 2015

LaurenNewph said:
Oh and @chelseajeanene your post made me cry too. My grandfather died about 4 years ago, and I often feel sad I wasn't able to give him the great grandbaby he always wanted! But I like what you said about him getting to meet my little guy before I did!

I'm sorry I made you cry too!! It's definitely the only way to look at it

mrstzouganos · August 2015

UPDATE - my grandma took a turn for the worse and is going much faster than anyone of us expected.... I have a feeling that she will pass away tonight and my water will break at the same time, sending my little man to my DH and I a week ahead of schedule. I don't want the birth of my first child to be the same day as my grandmothers passing but I've come to realize that it might be her way of sending herself back to us!! I have had a hard couple of days but today was by far the hardest, and I have an amazing family that is sticking together and not letting little tiffs that might have been there affect how we spend our last moments with my grandma! I have the most amazing DH who is working from home tomorrow so that he can attend my doctor appointment and be there for me tomorrow in case I need him!! He is the most wonderful man!!! I'm worried that by morning I will have a son and will have lost my grandma all in one fell swoop.... So please pray for my family, we can use all the love and support anyone can give us right now!!!

chelseajeanene · August 2015

@mrstzouganos I'm so sorry! Just think a piece of her will be in your little man. I know how bad this hurts and the timing couldn't be much worse, but my prayers are with you! Be strong

LaurenNewph · August 2015

Lots of prayers for you and your family!

J0C0TX · August 2015

Hugs to you and your family at this difficult time

KYmama9286 · August 2015

((Hugs)) I'm sorry for all the stress- I can kind of relate as my grandpa who I was very close with passed away on my wedding day (about an hour after the ceremony- my grandma says she thinks he held on until he knew we were officially married, my family didn't tell me until the next day thankfully otherwise I would have been a crying mess at the reception). Thankfully we planned our honeymoon for a few months after the wedding to accommodate my school schedule so I was able to go to the funeral... not how we thought we'd be spending our first week as a married couple.

Ironically, today is our wedding anniversary and now that 7 years have gone by some of the bittersweet feelings have faded and I love that every year I get to celebrate my loving husband (who is so similar to my grandpa and was close with him as well) and we get to purposely remember a great man and great legacy (not that we don't always do that but we make a point to talk about grandpa hank with the kids and reminisce on the fun memories of our wedding and the great man we miss). I hope this can give you some encouragement that while sharing a birthday with the passing of a loved one is bittersweet at first it does get better with time and can actually be a wonderful tribute to their memory. Hang in there mama!

CEW225 · August 2015

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

HellsAngel22 · August 2015

I found this hard to read as I lost my nan to ovarian cancer 2yrs this October. I understand fully what your going through and it can not be easy being pregnant. Especially after your Nan mentioning she wanted to meet little man. I know it's not easy and I know it's scary right now but don't look at your son being born as a bad thing. Look at it as a blessing.
My due date is 13th sept if I go over a week which is possible with my history my little lady could be born on my Nan's birthday. At first I didn't like that idea but now I've warmed to it & if it happens it happened for a reason.
My thoughts are with you at this time & I hope you can seek comfort in knowing that when the time comes for nan to go to sleep she will be in a better place & will always be with you.

mrstzouganos · August 2015

Thank you ladies! Your warm thoughts have been a godsend! My DH and I told my Grandma our LO's name yesterday, she is the only one in my family that knows it except one aunt. She smiled and that was enough for us! We cried as we told her because we know that she won't be here to meet him, but it is a special memory that we will hold close to our hearts! I know that the next few days will be the hardest I'm just trying to hang on and stay strong!!

rachelkawesome · August 2015

*hugs*

amandacarlos1015 · August 2015

I'm so sorry you're going thru this. My husbands grandmother flew up from Puerto Rico to spend the month with us before my daughter was born and to be here for our baby shower, etc. she helped get everything ready and we had a wonderful two weeks. Well come two weeks before my due date she had a few strokes and wound up in the hospital. The last two weeks of my pregnancy we were at the hospital with her when we weren't at work and always by her side. She went into a coma and ended up passing away the day before my due date. This broke my heart as she was here to meet my daughter, and never got the chance. But, now two years later my daughter acts a lot like her great grandma, and I like to think they met when one was on her way in and the other on her way out of this world. It comforts me a bit. I hope you can find some peace in this horrible situation, I'll be thinking of you!

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UPDATE - Sad news... (Not really baby related)

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