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Hospital visitors...

hawkeyecathawkeyecat member
in Pregnant after 35
I have only ever been in the hospital twice, both times were to have babies. The first time, I asked friends to not visit at the hospital and to visit when we get home. I could be wrong but I think most of my friends preferred to do it that way so it worked out. Family insisted on coming though, and it was ok. The visits were spaced out.

Then we moved and I don't have many close friends at our new location. Once baby #2 came, the only visitors we had in the hospital were family. It was ok, but I asked them to wait one day before they came. I had a C-section and was not feeling like visitors so soon after the birth. SIL calls DH and asks to come visit at the hospital the day #2 is born. He explained I wasn't feeling great and could they wait a day. She comes unhinged. I felt guilty so I said fine, call her back and say it's ok. So he calls back and she says do you hear that crying? Your nephews and nieces are crying bc they thought they were going to meet their cousin today. Sigh. So they came and it was fine. I survived. His parents came along too. And of course that was when the doctor wanted to talk about circumcision. It felt awkward and I eventually asked them to wait outside while we talked to the doctor.

To be honest, the only people I want at the hospital to visit after baby #3 are DH and DD and DS. I would be delighted to have family visit us at home though.

Is there a way to present this message to avoid a repeat of last time in a way that won't piss off the family? I have plenty of time to think about it, just wondering what has worked for others.
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Re: Hospital visitors...

  • sonpetitlapinsonpetitlapin member
    It is YOUR birth. You have every right to have or not have whom you want at the hospital.  I am in the same position. I really don't want any visitors but our children.  I want this time to recover and to bond as a family.  I will be registering anonymously, will not be telling anyone when I go in labor, and have no problems telling people I do not wish to have visitors until I am home the hospital. 
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    ~Formerly ABabyMabe4us



    Me(35) Him(35) Untied for life 4/1/2015.
    TTC Our 1st since 8/2014
    MC @ 7 weeks 5/2014
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  • browneyes_326browneyes_326 member
    SIL is quite inconsiderate!

    I can relate, with my first LO I had intended to have my parents come shortly after th birth but my son was not breathing. They wisked him away without me getting to see him. It took 3 hours to get him to breath on his own.

    My sister called our mother to let her know there were complications and we would call her when we knew more. After waiting what she felt like was long enough to hear from us she called and left and incredibly rude voicemail on my sisters cell. Accusing us of 'keeping the damn baby away from her'. I still have not forgiven her and have little patience for other people's feelings being hurt by your choice to protect that special time.
    It's your birth, it's your baby and it's your IMMEDIATE family ... Mom, dad & siblings ...

    My humble opinion is if you let them know in advance and politely it is on them if they choose to have their feelings hurt. To me they are the disrespectful party.
    Sorry if my answer sounds a little tough! I still get quite upset thinking about my DS's birth and my mother allegedly having her feelings hurt while I didn't even know if I was going to have a living baby.
    Even if there isn't a single complication that time surrounding birth is very private and special!
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  • redfallonredfallon member
    Your SIL sounds like a real peach, and I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. Ugh, the nerve of her talking about her kids crying because they couldn't come see the baby. She needs to learn that she doesn't get everything her way, and apparently she's been teaching her kids nothing about patience, either.

    I didn't want anyone at the hospital or visiting us at home for two weeks when DD was born. As PPs have said YOUR birth, YOUR baby, YOUR rules and YOUR comfort are what matters.

    I am not really sure how you would tell them in a way that they won't take as rude. If that's how they take it (when you sound like you're being a lot more accomodating than they deserve) then that's on them.

    Jamie


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  • oceanchildoceanchild member
    edited August 2015
    After my first birth was inundated by unwelcome visitors, for my 2nd and 3rd births I was admitted to the hospital as a "no press patient" (like what celebrities do). The hospital couldn't even confirm to anyone that we were admitted, much less give out our room number. We were in complete control of IF and WHEN anyone received that info. We chose to not tell anyone the baby was even born until we were back home and settled in. Best decision ever, and we will be doing it again. Our hospital stay was relaxing and quiet, and we were able to bond and establish a nursing relationship (I needed some help), unlike with the first when we were constantly disturbed and I could hardly have a moment to get lactation help.
    We also kind of fibbed to some people about our guess date, so people weren't asking if the baby was here yet constantly.
    I wouldn't (and don't) care what anyone thought/thinks about how I want my birth/bonding/privacy to be respected. If they are people that are worthy being in my life, they will respect our needs, and even if they feel a tiny bit put-off by them, they will get over it quickly. If not, that's their problem.

    March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality

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  • browneyes_326browneyes_326 member
    Well said oceanchild :)
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  • leela02leela02 member
    edited August 2015
    There are people like your SIL who can't be appeased in any reasonable manner, because they don't believe in any sort of personal privacy among family members. I would just let your family & friends know kindly when they could visit the baby. If you can't trust them to stay away, you could make arrangements with the hospital. For relatives like your SIL, I would just let them get pissed off because they are the ones who are being disrespectful & irrational.
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