Intro: We lost our little boy

Teenie16 · August 2015

A month ago today, 22w 2d, we found out that our little boy no longer had a heartbeat. At my 20 week ultrasound we were told that I didn't have as much amniotic fluid as I should have. And the baby was measuring 3 weeks smaller than he should. But no one seemed overly alarmed and told us to come back in 2 weeks. When we returned that is when we were told he had passed, and based on his size probably only a few days after the prior ultrasound. 3 days after hearing the worst news of my life I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my little Cooper. He had been gone for about 2 weeks by the time I got to hold him. I guess I was naive in thinking since we made it past the first trimester we were safe, I didn't realize how wrong I was. It's been a month and I still cry for him everyday. I'm sad, I'm angry, I can't stand seeing pregnant women or little babies and they are everywhere!

I know everyone on this board has their own heartbreaking story, and I am truly sorry for each and everyone of you, but I don't know how I'm supposed to be ready to try again. My BF wants to start asap... Doctor says no restrictions, don't wait... Acupuncturist says wait 2 months... I am 41 and it took us 15 months to conceive Cooper and my heart is still grieving him. I DO want children. But how do you get in the mindset of trying again?

So sorry for the long intro. And I am so sorry that any of us find ourselves on this board.

msunshine123 · August 2015

***rainbow mentioned

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Cooper. Your grief is still very fresh - be patient with yourself. Take it one moment at a time and then one day at a time.
Trying again is a very personal decision for everyone and pregnancy after a loss is very challenging. We lost my son at 39 weeks and for personal reasons did not wait a long time. We recently welcomed my son's little sister 11 months after loosing him. This board and the incredible women here have helped me so much and I hope it can help you too. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

Teenie16 · August 2015

Thank you @msunshine123 Congratulations on your little girl! I understand your reasons, whatever they may be, for trying right away. Time is not in our favor so I'm sure we will too. I have been reading some of the other posts and can see how supportive the women on this board are. I received lots of support while we were TTC on the 35+ board and I'm sure I will to. And I hope to be of support for others in the future too.

Thanks again

houstongirl77 · August 2015

So sorry @Teenie16 ...
I lost my son on June 30 at 22 weeks 4 days and it was the worst day of my life. I went into target today and I seen a pregnant lady as soon as I walked in. And then when I checked out the cashier was pregnant too. I feel so horrible and jealous of other pregnant women
So you're not alone in that. I also can't stand to be around little babies as well. I want to try again right away but my fiancé is the one who
Is hesitant. It's like I have no choice but to wait and I'm at his mercy... You will feel better over time. I don't feel as bad as I did a month ago but still a long way to go. Hugs to you dear

MamaBish · August 2015

I am so very sorry for your loss. In the beginning, I had no interest in ttc for another. I couldn't imagine going through pregnancy again. The Dr told us to wait 3 months. As time went by, I started thinking how amazing it was to hold her. To hold this cute little thing that we created. She was us. I wanted another, so here we are. Take your time and if you feel like trying again, go ahead, but don't rush it if you are unsure.

So many hugs.

mamalucy15 · August 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss I too just lost my little girl and personally I'd love to have another baby soon but DH wants to wait a few months to start ttc and I can totally understand why but I hope I do end up with a rainbow baby soon. Sending lots of Hugs to you!!

jenn.schott · August 2015

I am sorry for your loss. This board is a wonderful group of ladies that can relate and provide support when others can not. We did not start TTC again until almost 10 months after so I understand your hesitation. Sending Hugs!

tenna1sa · October 2015

Your story touches my heart. When I went for my regular checkup and discovered there was no heartbeat, we too were told it had been a while since the baby had passed. The baby measured about two weeks behind what it shouldve been. It's such a terrible feeling...how could my own baby have died inside my body, and I not even know? How many times have I laughed and enjoyed life in these last two weeks while my baby was dead? Worst of all, what was I doing when my baby's heart gave its last beat? And like you, it took us over a year to conceive. We have not even discussed trying again yet because it is still so recent, but I can't even picture myself in the mood to try for another baby. But it is so worrisome to have to think about trying again for another year and endure all the waiting that comes with that. And then if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again, I'm going to be a wreck the whole time and in fear of a repeat. I don't think I could mentally handle delivering another child who didn't make it. And knowing that it's a possibility is SO terrifying! Plus, I don't want to just "forget" and move on because it feels like I'm saying, "oh well. No big deal, we'll just try again for your replacement." I don't know for sure but I can guess you are feeling some of these things. So although most of those things are terrifying and unpredictable I do know this- I'm lucky enough to have my first born, my DD. And the whole time after she was born I wondered how on earth with this overwhelming responsibility would I ever be ready for another child...how would I know when we were "ready"? And one day, after many discussions with DH, we were ready to try for our second. So the only comfort I can offer you is, you knew when the timing was right to try for your dear little Cooper, so you will know when you are ready to try again. Listen to yourself and don't push if you're not ready. If you are asking how you know when you'll be ready to me that is a sign that you're " ready to be ready" (if that makes sense), but you still need a bit more time. One day you will just decide it's right. Yay for you for not just jumping in because your BF is ready. It is very brave to listen to your own heart and take the path that you want, even if other people want something different. When you are ready, I wish you luck and I hope you'll keep us updated. I can wait to hear good news from you in the future!

lapistos · October 2015

I loss my beautiful baby boy last Friday
My heart is broken and I'm feeling lost with myself. He was 16w5d
But calculations to hospital he was 20weeks.
We named him Justin as he has so much so of my husband every single bit of him. I'm angry to myself and feeling helpless.
Still grieving and tears are endless.
Sharing this photo to you All, memory of my son. He was fighting to live, he was healthy in my womb and alive when he left me, but because the sac was already descended to my cervix, doctors cannot do anything.
It was very traumatic. He is our first child after of 8 years of trying.
Sending all our hugs and sharing tears to every mothers who loss their beautiful angel.

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