I went back to work last week. Every night since, one or both of the twins just scream at night keeping us awake. I've got a stupid cold because I was getting so run down. My dh knows how much I need my sleep. So he's gotten up with them every night and let me sleep. I feel horrible that he has to get up really early for work, so he's getting no sleep. So tonight when he gets home from work, I'm sending him straight to bed. I can handle all 3 kids for a couple extra hours by myself so he can rest.
Fiancé went through all my posts on here and got mad at me for all the things I've said "venting". So glad i have privacy and somewhere to talk about things. I don't get why I can't just have my one place to talk freely. It's not like I can talk to him about it. I'll probably just lurk from now on since I'm being "watched".
Fiancé went through all my posts on here and got mad at me for all the things I've said "venting". So glad i have privacy and somewhere to talk about things. I don't get why I can't just have my one place to talk freely. It's not like I can talk to him about it. I'll probably just lurk from now on since I'm being "watched".
Yikes! That's a bit creepy. I'd be screwed if DH saw my posts...
DH lets me have my privacy. It's great because sometimes you really just need to be mad about something you know is dumb and not fight about it.
Funny thing, DH was walking out of the house while I was getting ready to feed LO and I hear him under his breathe say "It's like sun's out guns out but with boobs." I got a good laugh.
Fiancé went through all my posts on here and got mad at me for all the things I've said "venting". So glad i have privacy and somewhere to talk about things. I don't get why I can't just have my one place to talk freely. It's not like I can talk to him about it. I'll probably just lurk from now on since I'm being "watched".
Wow, that is not cool! Everything here is pretty much anonymous (I have no idea who you or your husband are and I bet 99.9% of everyone else here doesn't know either), so a place to vent about him where no one knows him seems better than to friends and family. My husband would get an earful if he started snooping on me! I hope your fiance sees this and realizes he should lay off.
I've mentioned my DH is a bit overprotective. His big thing is always using two hands for LO (he doesn't hold me to that, conveniently, just himself). So at lunch with my grandmother today, DH was holding LO.
Me: Want me to take him? DH: That's ok. I'll hold him until the food comes. Me: (snort) DH: What?! I got a salad, you got a wrap... Me: You don't see why I'd think it's funny for you to just want him until the food comes, and actually say that out loud? DH: (sits and stews until the food comes, then hands me LO)
Rave: DH is amazing with LO. All LO's development "milestones" happen when he's playing with DH, because he's so good with him. Couldn't ask for a better father for our babe.
Fiancé went through all my posts on here and got mad at me for all the things I've said "venting". So glad i have privacy and somewhere to talk about things. I don't get why I can't just have my one place to talk freely. It's not like I can talk to him about it. I'll probably just lurk from now on since I'm being "watched".
Wow, that is not cool! Everything here is pretty much anonymous (I have no idea who you or your husband are and I bet 99.9% of everyone else here doesn't know either), so a place to vent about him where no one knows him seems better than to friends and family. My husband would get an earful if he started snooping on me! I hope your fiance sees this and realizes he should lay off.
************quotefail***********
That's exactly what I said! Wouldn't you rather me just vent to random internet strangers instead of taking it out on you or talking to my family? Guess not. I'm always going to feel weird when I post now... Whether he says he's going to lay off or not.
@rrcameron21 my mother has the personality where she'd say, "then come read what I say about you, that's fine" and would keep doing it and not let my dad's reaction bother her. I can't tune out my DH like she can, but sometimes I wish I could. Wish you could in this instance, too. Sucks. Tell him we are mad at him (because I'm sure that will help!).
Not really a rant, just frustration. Now that LO is older / bigger (8 weeks today) his moods and schedule are normalizing. I've been able to follow the EASY routine some of you have been talking about. It was established during pregnancy that when DH was home I was 'off duty' - he gets the majority of cuddles, diaper changes, bottle feedings, soothing to sleep... anything that doesn't require boobs. Of course I help, but the idea is that I get a semblance of being able to relax to read or nap or clean or run to the store solo or do whatever I want. And that is generally working fine, even at night during the 1-3 nights a week he is able to help (tho that was an issue, reaching an understanding there).
My frustration is this - during the 'Activity' time, he doesn't really engage LO. I know LO usually has about 20-60 minutes of awake / active time after a feed, and then he starts to obviously be ready for a nap. DH will engage with him for maybe 10 minutes and then just kinda lay him down next to him on the couch and play Xbox, and LO just lays and looks at the ceiling until I say something or take over. He says he doesn't know what to do with him. I tell him just talk to him, make faces, hold his hands and move them around (do the YMCA), poke his cheeks and be silly, tell him about your job the past 2 days, use the activity mat (tho LO does not care one whit for it right now)... Just *interact* in some way. So he keeps LO on his lap for longer, but ends up looking at his phone most of the time and looking at LO only when he makes noises or moves around after the first few minutes. Its my feeling he is just waiting long enough to give me the impression he is doing active time. And then it feels like he's in a rush to get him to nap.
I get it, you want to play Xbox and enjoy your day off. But dude, its usually not more than 45 minutes. This is your kid and he's never going to be this little again. Assassin's Creed will be there whenever, but this day in LOs life will never happen again. [-(
Not really a rant, just frustration. Now that LO is older / bigger (8 weeks today) his moods and schedule are normalizing. I've been able to follow the EASY routine some of you have been talking about. It was established during pregnancy that when DH was home I was 'off duty' - he gets the majority of cuddles, diaper changes, bottle feedings, soothing to sleep... anything that doesn't require boobs. Of course I help, but the idea is that I get a semblance of being able to relax to read or nap or clean or run to the store solo or do whatever I want. And that is generally working fine, even at night during the 1-3 nights a week he is able to help (tho that was an issue, reaching an understanding there).
My frustration is this - during the 'Activity' time, he doesn't really engage LO. I know LO usually has about 20-60 minutes of awake / active time after a feed, and then he starts to obviously be ready for a nap. DH will engage with him for maybe 10 minutes and then just kinda lay him down next to him on the couch and play Xbox, and LO just lays and looks at the ceiling until I say something or take over. He says he doesn't know what to do with him. I tell him just talk to him, make faces, hold his hands and move them around (do the YMCA), poke his cheeks and be silly, tell him about your job the past 2 days, use the activity mat (tho LO does not care one whit for it right now)... Just *interact* in some way. So he keeps LO on his lap for longer, but ends up looking at his phone most of the time and looking at LO only when he makes noises or moves around after the first few minutes. Its my feeling he is just waiting long enough to give me the impression he is doing active time. And then it feels like he's in a rush to get him to nap.
I get it, you want to play Xbox and enjoy your day off. But dude, its usually not more than 45 minutes. This is your kid and he's never going to be this little again. Assassin's Creed will be there whenever, but this day in LOs life will never happen again. [-(
We have a similar situation, DH is taking LO full time for two weeks when I go back to work on Monday and I think he will have to get used to how active LO now is - he hasn't had full days with her since week 3 when all she did was sleep. Sometimes I spend 1.5 hours with her between a feed, change and play time and he's like "is everything ok?" As he's not used to her wanting that much activity. I'm really glad he will have a chance to see it soon and figure out how he wants to play with her, I just hope he has the stamina for it. It can feel like such longs stretches! He thinks he's gonna get stuff done on his leave.... HAHAHAHA.
DH took his sleeping medicine tonight and started spilling his guts. It's basically the only way I get him to tell me how he actually feels about things without him trying to guard my feelings. Well, during our talk tonight he said he wants to do more to help with LO but he doesn't know how or what. He wore LO today for the first time, which was great. He didn't want to take him off when it got to bath time. The only problem is DH sucks at keeping LO on his schedule. LO sticks to having an alert and active two to three hours between naps and DH just doesn't seem to know what to do when LO starts giving signals. He doesn't see them like I do, I guess. I feel bad for jumping in, but I don't want to just let LO get mad and DH get discouraged by it. How are y'all managing the significant others?
LO sucks at taking naps and by the time DH wakes up from sleeping (works third shift) I'm exhausted. I was trying to do some ironing and hold LO at the same time. I finally asked DH for help. He took him for maybe 10 minutes. I was done ironing and he hands me the baby and says, "Can you hold him so I can at least eat?" Wth, man? He acted like he's been taking care of him all day and hasn't had the chance to eat yet. DH was so helpful, until about 2 weeks ago. That's when things started getting rough because LO fights naps. Now, I feel like I'm doing this on my own. I'm getting resentful.
Rave - DH made dinner tonight so I could nap with LO - you know, because I just don't get enough of that when I'm home with her all day he did leave a giant mess in the kitchen for me to clean up afterwards, but oh well. I could've had to make dinner AND clean up the mess!
I normally post rants so time for a rave- my DH had said he was going to wake me up when he got home from work (he works overnight) around 7 so we could clean the house. I was mad at him for the lack of sleep I was going to get since I normally sleep with LO until 9. Then this morning I woke up on my own at 9:30 and found out that DH had let me sleep in after all. He had also gotten DD up, got. Her changed out of her pjs and fed her breakfast all before I got up! I was so grateful that he let me sleep and took care of DD so I didn't have to do that much when u woke up, just feed LO. He's a good man :x
I known this will never happen due to circumstances beyond his control, but just once it would be nice to do the 3am feeding and then wake up wonderingly at 9 or 10am to find out that DH came home and, while I was sleeping, took care of LO for the 6-7am feed so that I could get a measurable stretch of uninterrupted sleep. A girl can dream, right?
I put LO back down after her 530 am feeding but she apparently was crying for 30 minutes and I didn't hear it. She 99% of the time sleeps for another 2 hours! I woke up after 30 minutes to an annoyed DH feeding her and running late for work. It's my last day of maternity leave and I don't think DH is impressed!
This is isn't a rant or a rave but just need to tell someone.
SO is a chef and works 3pm- 9.30pm Saturday's then 10-2.30, 5-9.30 Sunday to Wednesday. Thursday Friday's off. He has a 3 year old (from a previous relationship, that I class as my own) that stays Friday nights.
Well I take Saturday to Tuesday night so SO can sleep the night before work. Then he'll do night shift on Wednesday nights so I can sleep then I usually take Thursday nights so he can have some what of a weekend. Then I'll tend to LO and he'll get DS on Friday nights. Well lately his being letting me do both on friday nights and because I've been up all night with both by the time I get back to sleep Saturday morning DS is usually up and ready to start the day. So I have to get up and watch both boys until SO emerges from the room around 12. Then complains that I'm being grumpy and for me to drop the attitude.
P.s other person gets to sleep in a different room when it's their turn for a full nights sleep.
I know it's might seem like a nothing rant but no one knows that's a sleeping arrangement. Yet when people ask about how LO sleeps at night his so quick to make a comment about it but really he doesn't know. PLUS the one night he does have LO he stuffs up our routines and his sleeping pattern.
Edited: I am annoying myself lately. I am cranky and need a nap. And I take it out on DH, who is not perfect but is pretty great. Keeping my vow not to complain about him on here for a week. Hold me to it, ladies!
I just woke up from a 3 hour nap. An unintentional 3 hour nap. I fell asleep while DH and I were watching TV. LO was awake at the time. DH must have gotten thru getting him to nap and then let us both sleep. I'm going to go pee, then give LO some boob action, then go to bed, leaving DH to feed LO his bottle and get him to sleep. Fantastic. Thanks DH
Doing the grocery shopping is not some magical get away that every girl dreams about doing every week! In fact, I hate it and consider it a chore! It's especially annoying when I ask you what you want and all I get is "nothing", and then you complain when I get home!
Doing the grocery shopping is not some magical get away that every girl dreams about doing every week! In fact, I hate it and consider it a chore! It's especially annoying when I ask you what you want and all I get is "nothing", and then you complain when I get home!
Sincerely,
Your seriously annoyed and exhausted Wife
my DH does the same thing i ask what he wants from the store if i get a chance to go when he gets home and his answer is also nothing. then he eats the food i bought for myself and doesnt replace it (the guy works at a grocery store)
DH seems to have lost his brain recently. Last night he decided to spray pesticides around the house, including LO's room while he was in his crib sleeping. He doesn't even see what's wrong with it. His response was "is he dying? " SERIOUSLY! IS HE DYING? LO has been coughing really hard all day, and since it was nice out I opened the house up to air it out. I could ring his neck I'm so upset by it.
Why is it DH & daughter can fall asleep so easily while I toss & turn for hours? Finally in a good slumber and am woken up to the cat puking beside my head with DH sleeping through the whole thing! Can't really rant about DH being such a deep sleeper but it makes nighttime hard for me cause he sleeps through most everything!
Friend said she's jealous because DH good-good-dadded all over the restaurant today. He took LO out for a walk when he got fussy, changed him, and fed him a bottle of breastmilk so I could eat my unreasonably messy hamburger. LO was sleeping hard when we ordered so I thought i could get away with it...I have learned my lesson.
I am so glad to be married to this guy. He doesn't help for a second at night. I get maybe one nap a week to make up for no sleep. He gets mad at me when I don't want to clean. But, he's also really amazing sometimes. I need to stop forgetting that.
Rant to go with my rave from earlier. DH hurt his back doing yard work earlier this week. He keeps using it as an excuse to get out of doing nighttime stuff. You can still prop yourself up on some pillows and give the kid his bottle after I am done breastfeeding so I get a break. I get it, your back hurts, that sucks. Anything hurting while up at 3-4am sucks. I understand. BUT - I've been having muscle spasms in my rib and back area for weeks now, and they hurt pretty bad, but we have a kid and kid needs to be fed and changed and bounced and whatever. I've had bad headaches while kid was screaming in my ear and have had to feed or change or bounce him or whatever. Like that commercial says, you can't take a sick day, so suck it up and give the kid his bottle. I've already done half your job in getting the kid up and changed and the bottle made before I started bfing, literally all you need to do is lay there at a slight recline and hold a bottle and occasionally move the kid to your chest and burp him. Get the eff over it, put on your big boy panties and power thru like I do all the days I am home by myself and feel like $h!t.
Rave: Thursday I woke up to a flat tire in my new car. DH has been driving me to and from work the past 2 days because the tire places in this area don't have convenient hours for people who work. Today he took my car in and has been there for almost 2 hours waiting for new tires while I get to stay home and cuddle with LO. Love DH!
Well Now that I'm starting to feel a bit better I've been wanting to get back in shape. Pre baby I took some class at our local Bar Method. So they are running a special right now so o was thinking about going back. I told DH and he threw a fit and said I don't need to do that I can just stay home and focus on being a mom. That I don't need to be going places by myself. I guess all of a sudden this is a problem for him and now I'm being "disrespectful" because who am I trying to look good for? I'm so upset. I just wanted an hr to myself and to make me feel better but looks like that isn't happening. I don't know when he turned into an insecure monster.
Ugh...Just walked into the living room and DH is watching No Country for Old Men with my 4 year old! Don't worry guys, he's fast forwarding the "bad" parts. Seriously!!!!
Rave: last night during my MOTN feeding, I felt something on my back and when i swiped my hand, realized it was a bug, which landed on my pillow then disappeared. Of course I freak out, waking DH. Without hesitation, mocking or whining, DH gets up, turns on the lights and does a full search of the bed for the bug. Which we never found, but I guess that's how tired I am, that I was still able to get to sleep
Me-37, DH-38
Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012
Baby Boy born June 1, 2015
He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)
A rant followed by a rave. It's a little long, but work with me...
Rant: this one is a little hard to explain. DH and I have a routine that I always do the dream feed around 11, and he always does the middle of the night feed (she usually only wakes up once a night). During the week I wake up with her since DH has already left for work. On the weekends though, i sleep in one day while he gets up with her, then we switch for the next day so he can sleep in.
The first day I got to sleep in. I actually had to get up for something so I didn't get to sleep very late, but whatever. She slept later than normal until 8:30. The second day she decided to sleep through the night so DH didn't have to get up at all. But that meant that she woke up earlier than normal at 6:30. I asked DH, since he didn't wake up in the middle of the night, if he would just change her diaper and feed her, then he could come back to bed and I would take over. Long story short, he said no. I was very upset since he didn't have to do anything overnight and he even got to sleep in a bit the day before while I barely got to sleep in. I told him I was upset as I stormed out of the room to feed LO. I was able to get LO down for a nap in her crib a couple hours later, so I came back to bed.
Rave: He knew he was being a jerk and felt really bad. He took LO when she woke up from her nap and let me sleep in. I also woke up to bacon and eggs in bed. We then talked and realized we were both being selfish, so hopefully that doesn't happen again.
So I have been up with LO since 7 am (it's now 11:30 am). She typically naps at least once and she JUST now went down - and I'm not sure she's gonna stay asleep to be honest. I've done two feedings since 7 am and DH has ignored all cues from my end that MAYBE he could take her for a few minutes because frankly I'm out of ideas and energy. Not only that, he's napping right now! I was SHOOTING daggers with my eyes at him as I fed LO, I have no idea how he didn't feel them.
I know he starts full time caring for her tomorrow (for two weeks), but weekends are supposed to be shared! Arghhhhhhhh.
Today we went to visit friends who have an 18 month old.
Guy Friend: what happened, did you guys have trouble finding parking?
Me: no... We were screaming at each other in the car. And I said I wasn't coming up here and pretending I liked him, so we had to talk it out.
Mama Friend: Oh. Yeah. We almost got divorced over baby mittens last year. It gets better.
ETA: this couple later went on to talk about how this is why they believe, not for traditionally conservative reasons, that it's better to be married when the baby arrives. Because, they said, divorce is harder than breaking up, and if they could have just broken up, they each would have been long gone by now. And this, from a strong couple who I really admire! It was a relief to hear all this coming from them.
Final wisdom from them that I really appreciated: "The transition from being a couple to being truly partners is just hard. And it's ok that it takes time to figure that out."
ETA2: I'm putting this here because I normally would have posted about my fight with DH. And I don't want to do that.
Re: DH/SO rants & raves 8/19-8/25
Funny thing, DH was walking out of the house while I was getting ready to feed LO and I hear him under his breathe say "It's like sun's out guns out but with boobs." I got a good laugh.
Me: Want me to take him?
DH: That's ok. I'll hold him until the food comes.
Me: (snort)
DH: What?! I got a salad, you got a wrap...
Me: You don't see why I'd think it's funny for you to just want him until the food comes, and actually say that out loud?
DH: (sits and stews until the food comes, then hands me LO)
Rave: DH is amazing with LO. All LO's development "milestones" happen when he's playing with DH, because he's so good with him. Couldn't ask for a better father for our babe.
************quotefail***********
That's exactly what I said! Wouldn't you rather me just vent to random internet strangers instead of taking it out on you or talking to my family? Guess not. I'm always going to feel weird when I post now... Whether he says he's going to lay off or not.
Sooooooooo stabby. Like beyond stabby.
My frustration is this - during the 'Activity' time, he doesn't really engage LO. I know LO usually has about 20-60 minutes of awake / active time after a feed, and then he starts to obviously be ready for a nap. DH will engage with him for maybe 10 minutes and then just kinda lay him down next to him on the couch and play Xbox, and LO just lays and looks at the ceiling until I say something or take over. He says he doesn't know what to do with him. I tell him just talk to him, make faces, hold his hands and move them around (do the YMCA), poke his cheeks and be silly, tell him about your job the past 2 days, use the activity mat (tho LO does not care one whit for it right now)... Just *interact* in some way. So he keeps LO on his lap for longer, but ends up looking at his phone most of the time and looking at LO only when he makes noises or moves around after the first few minutes. Its my feeling he is just waiting long enough to give me the impression he is doing active time. And then it feels like he's in a rush to get him to nap.
I get it, you want to play Xbox and enjoy your day off. But dude, its usually not more than 45 minutes. This is your kid and he's never going to be this little again. Assassin's Creed will be there whenever, but this day in LOs life will never happen again. [-(
I feel bad for jumping in, but I don't want to just let LO get mad and DH get discouraged by it. How are y'all managing the significant others?
DH was so helpful, until about 2 weeks ago. That's when things started getting rough because LO fights naps. Now, I feel like I'm doing this on my own. I'm getting resentful.
Neither a rant nor a rave, just DH related -
I known this will never happen due to circumstances beyond his control, but just once it would be nice to do the 3am feeding and then wake up wonderingly at 9 or 10am to find out that DH came home and, while I was sleeping, took care of LO for the 6-7am feed so that I could get a measurable stretch of uninterrupted sleep. A girl can dream, right?
SO is a chef and works 3pm- 9.30pm Saturday's then 10-2.30, 5-9.30 Sunday to Wednesday. Thursday Friday's off. He has a 3 year old (from a previous relationship, that I class as my own) that stays Friday nights.
Well I take Saturday to Tuesday night so SO can sleep the night before work. Then he'll do night shift on Wednesday nights so I can sleep then I usually take Thursday nights so he can have some what of a weekend. Then I'll tend to LO and he'll get DS on Friday nights. Well lately his being letting me do both on friday nights and because I've been up all night with both by the time I get back to sleep Saturday morning DS is usually up and ready to start the day. So I have to get up and watch both boys until SO emerges from the room around 12. Then complains that I'm being grumpy and for me to drop the attitude.
P.s other person gets to sleep in a different room when it's their turn for a full nights sleep.
I know it's might seem like a nothing rant but no one knows that's a sleeping arrangement. Yet when people ask about how LO sleeps at night his so quick to make a comment about it but really he doesn't know. PLUS the one night he does have LO he stuffs up our routines and his sleeping pattern.
Doing the grocery shopping is not some magical get away that every girl dreams about doing every week! In fact, I hate it and consider it a chore! It's especially annoying when I ask you what you want and all I get is "nothing", and then you complain when I get home!
Sincerely,
Your seriously annoyed and exhausted Wife
I am so glad to be married to this guy. He doesn't help for a second at night. I get maybe one nap a week to make up for no sleep. He gets mad at me when I don't want to clean. But, he's also really amazing sometimes. I need to stop forgetting that.
I'm concerned that he's saying you don't get an hour to yourself.
Without hesitation, mocking or whining, DH gets up, turns on the lights and does a full search of the bed for the bug. Which we never found, but I guess that's how tired I am, that I was still able to get to sleep
Rant: this one is a little hard to explain. DH and I have a routine that I always do the dream feed around 11, and he always does the middle of the night feed (she usually only wakes up once a night). During the week I wake up with her since DH has already left for work. On the weekends though, i sleep in one day while he gets up with her, then we switch for the next day so he can sleep in.
The first day I got to sleep in. I actually had to get up for something so I didn't get to sleep very late, but whatever. She slept later than normal until 8:30. The second day she decided to sleep through the night so DH didn't have to get up at all. But that meant that she woke up earlier than normal at 6:30. I asked DH, since he didn't wake up in the middle of the night, if he would just change her diaper and feed her, then he could come back to bed and I would take over. Long story short, he said no. I was very upset since he didn't have to do anything overnight and he even got to sleep in a bit the day before while I barely got to sleep in. I told him I was upset as I stormed out of the room to feed LO. I was able to get LO down for a nap in her crib a couple hours later, so I came back to bed.
Rave: He knew he was being a jerk and felt really bad. He took LO when she woke up from her nap and let me sleep in. I also woke up to bacon and eggs in bed. We then talked and realized we were both being selfish, so hopefully that doesn't happen again.
I know he starts full time caring for her tomorrow (for two weeks), but weekends are supposed to be shared! Arghhhhhhhh.
Guy Friend: what happened, did you guys have trouble finding parking?
Me: no... We were screaming at each other in the car. And I said I wasn't coming up here and pretending I liked him, so we had to talk it out.
Mama Friend: Oh. Yeah. We almost got divorced over baby mittens last year. It gets better.
ETA: this couple later went on to talk about how this is why they believe, not for traditionally conservative reasons, that it's better to be married when the baby arrives. Because, they said, divorce is harder than breaking up, and if they could have just broken up, they each would have been long gone by now.
And this, from a strong couple who I really admire! It was a relief to hear all this coming from them.
Final wisdom from them that I really appreciated: "The transition from being a couple to being truly partners is just hard. And it's ok that it takes time to figure that out."
ETA2: I'm putting this here because I normally would have posted about my fight with DH. And I don't want to do that.